|
Citation |
- Permanent Link:
- https://ufdc.ufl.edu/UF00084120/00001
Material Information
- Title:
- Very funny stories told in rhyme
- Series Title:
- Red nursery series
- Creator:
- Lomax, Alfred E.
Wood, Elizabeth W ( Author )
Sheila ( Author )
Groser, Horace G ( Author )
Sunday School Union (England) ( Publisher )
Morrison and Gibb ( Printer )
- Place of Publication:
- London
- Publisher:
- Sunday School Union
- Manufacturer:
- Morrison and Gibb
- Publication Date:
- 1896?
- Language:
- English
- Physical Description:
- 128, [4] p. : ill. ; 19 cm.
Subjects
- Subjects / Keywords:
- Animals -- Juvenile poetry ( lcsh )
Wit and humor, Juvenile -- Juvenile poetry ( lcsh ) Children -- Conduct of life -- Juvenile poetry ( lcsh ) Conduct of life -- Juvenile poetry ( lcsh ) Children's poetry ( lcsh ) Children's poetry -- 1896 ( lcsh ) Publishers' advertisements -- 1896 ( rbgenr ) Hand-colored illustrations -- 1896 ( local ) Bldn -- 1896
- Genre:
- Children's poetry
Publishers' advertisements ( rbgenr ) Hand-colored illustrations ( local ) poetry ( marcgt )
- Spatial Coverage:
- England -- London
Scotland -- Edinburgh
- Target Audience:
- juvenile ( marctarget )
Notes
- General Note:
- Date of publication from inscription.
- General Note:
- Verses by Elizabeth W. Wood, "Sheila," and Horace G. Groser.
- General Note:
- Publisher's advertisements follow text.
- General Note:
- Some illustrations engraved by Holman and Ferrier.
- General Note:
- Baldwin Library copy illustrations are hand-colored: probably by young owner.
- Statement of Responsibility:
- with numerous illustrations.
Record Information
- Source Institution:
- University of Florida
- Holding Location:
- University of Florida
- Rights Management:
- This item is presumed to be in the public domain. The University of Florida George A. Smathers Libraries respect the intellectual property rights of others and do not claim any copyright interest in this item. Users of this work have responsibility for determining copyright status prior to reusing, publishing or reproducing this item for purposes other than what is allowed by fair use or other copyright exemptions. Any reuse of this item in excess of fair use or other copyright exemptions may require permission of the copyright holder. The Smathers Libraries would like to learn more about this item and invite individuals or organizations to contact The Department of Special and Area Studies Collections (special@uflib.ufl.edu) with any additional information they can provide.
- Resource Identifier:
- 027005526 ( ALEPH )
ALH9761 ( NOTIS ) 232606067 ( OCLC )
|
Downloads |
This item has the following downloads:
|
Full Text |
ot
The Baldwin Library |
University |
Rm Br
Florida
on f
ste. »
ov fet
\
Ave ey lew in tok 6 Moed te ae ge
»
VERY FUNNY STORIES
TOLD IN RHYME.
Sei
g
YY
>
~ wt PD
veil ia
They laughed, and they listened, and they all cried for more,
And he told a tale more funny than the tale he told before.
Oy eae peat “ 7 5
Mes Be La ie
LF Raylo ft if
iid
Wy
a
Ti mefiiy er
; its eae
iL
THE RED NURSERY SERIES
Nia
fe Oh:
\ : TOLD IN RHYME Sp
WITH NUMEROUS: ILLUSTRATIONS
LONDON:
THE SUNDAY SCHOOL UNION
57 & 59 LUDGATE HILL, E.c.
PRINTED BY _
MORRISON AND GIBB LIMITED, EDINBURGH
Prefatory Note
Most of the verses contained in this welts
“°S*" have hitherto appeared only in serial form;
some have never before been published. They
are chiefly from the pens of Elizabeth W. Wood,
“ Sheila,†and Horace G. Groser, author of “ Little
Folks’ Land.†The initial signatures, ““ W.,-‘<5.,"
and “G.,†correspond respectively to the names of
these writers.
CONTENTS
PAGE
A VISIT TO THE BARBER - : ee
CouNTING THE Pics . s : ea eka
THE ELEPHANT FIRE BRIGADE Z eeenley)
TTHREE-YEAR-OLD’S APPLE ae é See 2a
f THE LIONS’ BATTLE ; : 3 Tae,
Miss JONES’s CAT 2 ‘ : 23°
THE MONKEYS’ ToBoGcAN SLIDE : i : ety,
Prissy’s CURLS . : : ; A is Seed
BABy’s POLITENESS : 5 : asi q 5 RS
THE FROG AND THE WORM. : ; ues Seaas7
THE SIMPLETON FAMILY IN SEARCH OF THE NORTH POLE 38
JACK FRost om : j i 5 a Ee aAd
10 CONTENTS
AN ENTERPRISING HIPPPO’
THREE BOYS AND A DONKEY
THE ELEPHANT’S JOURNEY
THE DOLL IN THE DESERT
A LITTLE SURPRISE
A CouNTRY RAMBLE
CATCHING THE CaT : S
THE TRADER AND THE CANNIBALS
Tommy’s DREADFUL DREAM
AN ALARMING PATIENT.
THE ACROBATS .
THE Lasso TRICK
THE LION WHO WENT A-FISHING
OuR NEIGHBOUR, THE BLACK CAT
THE GIANT AND THE DWARF
A FOREIGNER
A RIDE FOR NoTHING
THE FRENCHMAN’S Pic . :
_Josy’s Cat
His First PHOTOGRAPH
- THREE STUDIOUS YOUTHS
How Mr. BUNNIE MISSED THE PARTY
PAGE
46
53
59
63
69
70
71
74
78
80
83
87
95
98
104
107
110
116
“118
Very Funny Stories
mune sui es
tS ]e-} Je
Srl
A Visit to the Barber
“t G00†morning, Mr. Barber,
And pray how do you do?
With my distinguished custom
I wish to favour you.
“Your terrified assistant
Should know it’s not polite
lL
VERY FUNNY STORIES
To scramble through the window,
As if I were a fright!
“T’m not so very ugly,
He has no need to fear;
It’s just my bristling love-locks
That make me look so queer!
“Tm told it is the fashion
To wear a close-cut crop,
And so, you see, I’ve entered
A world-famed barber’s shop.â€
The barber’s heart was melted
By such a compliment ;
He said, “ Please step this way, sir,â€
As if on business bent.
Then, chatting of the weather,
The porcupine sat down,
But soon the barber's smiling
Was turned into a frown.
And when the task was finished,
He gazed, with bitter tears,
On heaps of broken scissors
And blunted garden-shears |!
A VISIT TO THE BARBER 13
Meantime, to his neat dwelling
The porcupine did hie ;
But when his wife beheld him,
She gave a startled cry.
“Who are you, ugly stranger,
I pray you tell me that,
“She gave a startled cry.
And why should you be wearing
My husband’s best silk hat?â€
“My dearest, don’t you know me,
Your faithful porcupine ?
’Tis now the height of fashion
To wear short crops like mine.â€
VERY FUNNY STORIES
Alas! the storm that followed
That poor shorn beast did crush; _
His lady called him “door-mat,â€
And even “scrubbing-brush.â€
And now he’s cured for ever
Of being such a fop,
And never more will enter
That world-famed barber’s shop!
a
Counting the Pigs
x you Sambo, have you fed the pigs?
Hi, Sambo, do you hear?â€
“Yes, sure me fed ’em long ago;
Dey’s all right, Massa dear!â€
“You Sambo, did you count the pigs?
That, Sambo, must be done.â€
“Sure, Massa dear, me count ’em all;
Me count ’em all but one.
“Dere be one little speckly pig,
He frisked about so gay,
Me couldn’t count him, Massa dear,
No count him anyway /â€
THE ELEPHANT FIRE BRIGADE 15
The €lephant ae Brigade
@" have you not heard
4 Of that monarch before—
The rich famous Rajah
Of Ramadampore ?
Why, what can your teacher
Be thinking about,
In history lessons
To leave his name out?
Well, listen a moment,
And briefly I'll tell
The wonders that once
In his country befell.
‘Tis not of his riches
I want you to hear,
Nor yet of his armies
With banner and spear ;
But a marvel that puts
All the rest in the shade,
His wonderful ELEPHANT
FIRE BRIGADE.
‘T'was charming to see
How adroitly they worked;
No “call†was neglected,
No duty was shirked.
16
VERY FUNNY STORIES
One night the King’s palace
Burst out in a blaze;
And, trembling with terror,
The crowd stood to gaze.
But while no one tried
To extinguish the flame,
SEE
pa
Tramp, tramp, to the palace
The Fire Brigade came.
They set down their buckets,
Filled full from the pool,
Where in summer they loved
‘Their hot bodies to cool ;
THE ELEPHANT FIRE BRIGADE
y
—
aos ee oBo w=
And, using their trunks
As a syringe, they flung
Many gallons of water
The ruins among.
17
13 | VERY FUNNY STORIES.
oe Oy cil S fC ype
WEEE
| ,
SSS
When the terrible fire
Was “got under†at last,
In turn to each window
The Elephants passed.
. SEO aE oe o- -
i
Hail)
on
ds Ye
F UF
K VEG tex
/ oe
Os
\\
—— rn \
a, SS Yr
Se†(NY Ps
9
“ag
THE ELEPHANT FIRE BRIGADE 19
And putting their heads
To the balcony end,
Allowed the scared inmates
Unhurt to descend.
Nor was it the fault .
Of the clever Brigade,
That the Chamberlain old,
Sliding down half afraid, |
Forgot, in his hurry,
Behind him to look,
And received the whole weight
Of the Rajah’s Head Cook ;
20
VERY FUNNY STORIES
For the monarch next day,
In reviewing the band,
Said, “A ¢roupe so well drilled
I am proud to command!â€
So it’s certain ; oh, well,
If you think it’s “all stuff,â€
And refuse to believe,
Why, I’ve said quite enough.
a eee
aS)
THREE YEAR-OLD’S APPLE 21
Three-year-old’s Apple
‘Ss ol v
Nn
4 yi ‘
y mY) tea,
“ERY good he has been all morning,â€
: Thought Three-year-old’s mother one
day,
So she said to the dear little fellow
On the nursery hearth-rug at play,
“See, here is a rosy-cheeked apple,
But don’t eat it all alone;
Go and offer a half to some playmate
Who hasn't got one of his own.â€
' VERY FUNNY STORIES
Just half an hour later she asked him
(For mothers never forget),
“How did you like your apple?
And whom did you share it with, peby?
“Well, I went to my little pussie,
And whispered into her ear,
‘I’ve got such a pretty red apple,
So will you have half of it, dear?’â€
“I’m sure that you tried,†said his mother,
“To do just what you were told;
_ But why wish to share it with Kitty,
You queer little Three-year-old?â€
Then Three-year-old looked up bravely,
Though his dear baby face was red,
“°Cause pussies don’t ever eat apples,
And I wanted it a/Z†he said!
yt aes
oJ} Ste
SS
Che ions’ Battle
5WO lions once, the best of friends,
ey Went for a.walk together, —
But in a wood the pair fell out,
Whilst talking of the weather.
So hard they fought with tooth and claw,
So well they matched each other,
That, at the end, each noble beast
Had eaten up his brother!
MISS JONES’S CAT 23
Two tails alone were left; perhaps
To point the moral, whether
’Tis wise for e’en the dearest friends
To take a walk together !
Ss
He did not wish to wander at all.
Muss JONES'S cat was a gentle creature,
<3s: Who never seemed to know he had claws ;
You could read his goodness in every feature,
And every hair on his velvet paws.
He was shy and timid, and far from clever,
And did not wish to wander at all;
Indeed, I very much doubt if he ever
Had been to the top of the garden wall.
24 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Till one sad évening six cats came peeping
At Puss ’mid the flower-pots trying to play;
Right over the wall they came crawling, creeping,
And led Miss Jones's pussy astray.
For he showed the delight he couldn’t help feeling,
As soon as he heard of the wondrous store
Of dainty scraps, to be had for the stealing
Each night in the boarding-house next door.
. Over the wall they came crawling, creeping.
So off they went, and, all danger scorning,
They sat in the pantry, having a feast,
When suddenly, without sound or warning,
Appeared the big house-dog,—terrible beast!
To the six strange cats it little mattered
How their new friend might fare, and they
fled;
Leaving him there with wits so scattered,
That up to the third-floor landing he sped.
MISS JONES’S CAT 25
In the night there arose a dismal howling
(Twas Pussy, waking from troubled dreams !),
Which set the house-dog barking and growling,
And roused the sleepers with starts and
screams.
They left their beds with no thought of pity,
And all the house through, with bustle and shout,
They followed the steps of Miss Jones's Kitty,
Until they found him and drove him out.
He reached his own door all dusty and weary,
And wept, “Pll be good, and no more will
roam ; °
Miss Jones may be dull, and the garden dreary,
But still, after all, there’s no place like home!â€
W.
NY, |
“il |
GF} i ai
a Ge pe
(Lis
on bes
8 md . ) ull
4
+ vee
— pp
7 /, et .
eee en Pe A eV eee
FS Mobel Taylor. |
¢
= SEZ
moth ae Zz
‘‘OH, ROVER, PLEASE DON’T GO THAT WAY; YOU'LL MAKE ME SO LATE FOR DINNER!â€
92
SHIYOLS ANNONA AUAA
THE MONKEYS’ TOBOGGAN SLIDE 27
The Monkeys’ Coboggan Slide
There dwelt an eighteen-foot giraffe,
Who browsed upon the trees.
NESWAS in the wilds of Africa,
Midway betwixt the seas,
There dwelt an eignhteen-foot giraffe,
Who browsed upon the trees. .
He was a truly gentle beast,
This handsome, tall giraffe,
Although he had a lordly stalk,
That made the monkeys laugh.
28 VERY FUNNY STORIES
But now and then he was aroused
To wrath, as you shall hear ;
His temper grew a little hot,—
The monkeys called it gueer /
One day he wandered from his home -
Beside the sandy creek,
4,
My UWB
PMN VM by ee).
: Ney
He waved his paws, away he went.
A grove of green acacia trees
With eagerness to seek.
At length he found the lovely spot,
And straight began to clear
The leafy boughs, with such a tongue
As made the monkeys jeer.
THE MONKEYS’ TOBOGGAN SLIDE 29
In silence long the feast went on ;
Our friend used all his powers,
Endeavouring to rectify
A fast of several hours.
So centred was his mind on work,
That* he was loth to check,
& yy
And soon a string of creatures gay,
With joy disported there.
The innocent giraffe scarce felt
A weight upon his neck.
And when he heard a chuckling sound,
He still attacked his food,
And muttered, with his mouth too full,
“Those monkeys are so rude!â€
VERY FUNNY STORIES
Meanwhile, an enterprising beast,
A monkey, small but bold,
Had crawled along a spreading branch,
Then, loosening his hold,
Had dropped upon the diner’s head,
And, with a gay.“ Good-bye,â€
Turned from his friends, with cager wish
A daring scheme to try.
He waved his paws, away he went,
And had a splendid ride,
Thus making of the poor giraffe
A grand toboggan slide.
And, hoping to dislodge them all,
His legs in turn he shook.
THE MONKEYS’ TOBOGGAN SLIDE 31
This made the other monkeys sigh
His happiness to share,
And soon a string of creatures gay
With joy disported there.
Still more and more drew nigh to watch,
Then stayed to join the fun,
— Switt sliding down, then climbing up
As fast as they could run.
The great giraffe at length found out
What liberties they took,
And, hoping to dislodge them all,
His legs in turn he shook.
This met with such success.
32
‘VERY FUNNY STORIES
But ‘twas in vain; they would not cease
This fascinating game,
And all his mild appeals and threats
Produced no fear, nor shame.
A.Rusden.
He waved his hinder hoofs aloft,
Which caused distress indeed.
‘Tl say no more,†the sufferer cried,
“Sufficient I have said ;
And now [ll speak by deeds!†With this,
He stood upon his head.
THE MONKEYS’ TOBOGGAN SLIDE — 33
This met with such success, that he,
Encouraged to proceed,
Next waved his hinder hoofs aloft,
Which caused distress indeed!
Then over all his prostrate foes
He lightly tripped and pranced,
Oh, how those monkeys rued the day!
An Irish jig, a tarantelle,
And two Scotch reels he danced.
Oh! how those monkeys rued the day
That ever they had tried
To pass the time by getting up
A grand toboggan slide!
3
34 VERY FUNNY STORIES
And that giraffe of Africa,
Who dwelt betwixt the seas,
Did ever after feed in peace
Upon acacia trees!
ee
Frissy’s Curls
Js)EAR Auntie told us a tale one night
d= Of a sweet little girl who always did
right ; ;
She had golden curls and her eyes were blue,
And the thing she was bid she would gladly do;
Now you all may be sure, when Auntie said this,
She looked at us both—and especially Pris,
But Pris (who’s a naughty and mischievous girl)
Said, ‘Z should be good, if my hair would curl!â€
So when Prissy and I were going to bed,
I looked at her smooth straight locks, and said,
“Tf you'd only let me, I’d make you good—
With a comb and some papers I easily could.â€
PRISSY’S CURLS
And Prissy was willing, so then and there
I brushed, and I combed, and I curled her hair;
But oh! if you’d seen her when it was done,
You'd have laughed, though sfe didn’t think it
fun!
36 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Yet my time and trouble were simply a loss,
For all next day she was naughty and cross.
‘‘Curls aren’t so pleasant†(she said) “as they seem,
For they hurt your head and they make you dream;
“And mine aren’t pretty at all, as I know,
For everyone looks and laughs at me so!
And I wonder how she of the golden curls
Could be such a pattern to other girls!â€
Baby's Politeness
3S Baby’s busy little feet
43 Were constant patter keeping,
They chanced upon poor puss to step
While she lay calmly sleeping.
Then suddenly the laughing face
Was changed to one of pity,
While anxiously the piping voice
Cried, ‘Please excoose me, Kitty!â€
THE FROG AND THE WORM 37
The Frog and the Worm
Ce oe 2 >
: Sine
%, = -
Nn, Tana. 77 4 an S
: Cee MMM Fin
SSSR. UNC Tatras
m fees
{.
A LESSON IN GOOD MANNERS,
38
VERY FUNNY STORIES
The Simpleton Family
IN SEARCH OF THE NORTH POLE
poesace>)
EROR years the Simpletons had sighed
On some adventure forth to ride,
And, learning that much work remained
For travellers where the Ice-King reigned,
They met one evening, and agreed
To borrow some high-mettled steed
(Thinking alternately to ride him,
And let the others run beside him).
Across the prairie then they went,
But soon their plan they did repent;
To go by water they consent.
THE SIMPLETON FAMILY 39
Says Mrs. S., ‘This stream, my dear,
May tax your strength; but I will steer.â€
ae)
(er
Sea
They reach the rapids—mid the rocks
Encountering some. few trifling shocks.
40 “VERY FUNNY STORIES
On land once more, they hoist a sail,
And all blow hard when breezes fail.
or
Srtlorts {E48 aoe WS
A team of Arctic dogs, though faster,
Are awkward when they face their master.
THE SIMPLETON FAMILY 4l
The ladies now are overjoyed
All further jolting to avoid.
“We surely must have reached our goal,â€
Says Mrs. S.; “I will unroll
My parasol to mark—rHE PoLE
â€
42 VERY FUNNY STORIES
se J
‘“Now take your pistol, love, and fire
A grand salute—'tis my desire;
The regulations this require.â€
Far off the bullet took effect :
A polar bear, who stood erect
One moment, tumbled down the next.
THE SIMPLETON FAMILY 43
In tones of motherly distress,
‘Where shall these orphans find redress?â€
: ITT A, earner
A startling fact, and far from nice,
Concludes the quarrel in a trices
The “land†they tread is floating ice!
44 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Says Mrs. S., “I feel quite ill,
And as the climate grows more chill
I fear we're drifting northward still!â€
G.
= ).-}-J=2
Sl le :
Jack Frost
PACK FROST, the Wizard, was gruff and grim,
2} He saw how the little ones frowned on him.
“Do they think,†he cried, “that the flowers are
dead,
Just because they are sent to bed?â€
So, in the night, while the north wind blew,
Upon their window a sketch he drew.
Lovely it was in the morning sun:
~Who can say just how it was done?
“Ah!†said Daisy, and “Oh!†said Don,
‘‘ Here are the flowers with their night-clothes on!â€
3
S
SSRRESSS SS
2
NS
SSO SH
3S =
BENE
SOSA
VOSS HES BRL
4
SS IS
$5
REQ SIO
ORAS
S605
SRS
Qe,
7 7,
D4
Seen
Sb
YAHLOUT HILLIT GAMOIM LVHL
THAT WICKED LITTLE BROTHER!
46 VERY FUNNY STORIES
An Enterprising Hippo’.
He went to make researches.
Gir Humpy Hippopotamus,
= A beast most enterprising,
Looked down with scorn on quiet folks,
Their peaceful ways despising.
“Why can’t you be like me,†he said,
“Progressive, bold, and clever?
My spirit rises, light as air,
My watchword is ‘Endeavour!’â€
The tawny lion blushed with shame
The wild goat fell a-weeping,
The humbled leopard slunk away,
Within the shadows creeping.
AN ENTERPRISING HIPPO’ 47
Then Humpy Hippopotamus
With curling lip departed,
And on a new and dangerous trip
Courageously he started.
Straight upwards in a big. balloon,
Which rose by leaps and lurches,
'’Mid moons and comets, suns and stars,
He went to make researches,
His pride had short existence.
The gaping beasts turned out to see,
And wondering cries were uttered,
As, to admiring friends below,
His handkerchief he fluttered.
48 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Alas! for Hippopotamus,—
His pride had short existence!
The force of gravity is strong,
The car made slight resistance ;
And with a harsh and fearful sound,
Like breaking twigs of willow,
Sir Humpy fell—to rest his head
Upon no silken pillow!
et
He lighted on a house of glass,
He lighted on a house of glass,
And instantly went through it,
Upsetting pots, and breaking plants,
Almost before he knew it.
AN ENTERPRISING HIPPO? 49
Wounded amidst the wreck he lay
With groans he tried to stifle;
For though his spirits weve so light,
His weight was not a trifle!
And very quickly it appeared
His trials were not over,
For Humpy found a bed of flowers
Is not “a bed of cloverâ€!
The injured owner, in a rage,
Cried out, “I'll bring an action!â€
“Twas not my fault!†the sufferer said,—
“It was the earth’s attraction.â€
Alas! excuses were in vain, ME
And, very shortly after,
A wounded “prisoner at the barâ€
Was tried, ’mid jeers and laughter.
Hard-hearted Beaver brought a charge
Of “Rash Precipitation,
And Cowardly Attempt to Blame
The Force of Gravitation.â€
Vainly poor Humpy tried to look
Serene and independent ;—
Vain was the weeping eloquence
Of counsel for defendant!
4
rt
atin
Apa \
Hee in
Wn ing
THE PRISONER AT THE BAR.
oS
SHIMOLS ANNONA AUAA
AN ENTERPRISING HIPPO’
The beasts, once scorned, as jurymen
To their great task had risen,
And, with one voice, the verdict gave
That sent him. to a prison.
And bitterly they wished the law
Could keep him there for ever,—
Sir Humpy Hippopotamus,
Whose motto was “ Endeavour!â€
No more that noble name he hears -
_ Pronounced by friend or neighbour,
For now he’s ‘‘ Number ninety-six,â€
With eighteen months’ hard labour.
W.
‘©COME ALONG, CHILDREN; DINNER IS READY.â€
z$
SHIMOLS ANNOA AMAA |
THREE BOYS AND A DONKEY 53
Chree Boys and a Donkey
Feepinie Px So
He munched the dainty shoots.
DONKEY, fat, and young, and gay,
9 That knew not whip or rein,
Fed day by day on tender grass,
Beside the banks of Seine;
A happy beast, who roved at will,
His trials all before him still.
One day, as in a hollow green
He munched the dainty shoots,
54 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Two ae in aa nae and one in squeaking boots.
There came two boys in wooden shoes,
And one in squeaking boots,—
All scrambling up a neighbouring mound,
Whence they could view the country round.
And first, the wee Napoléon
In triumph gained the height ;
Then after him the tall Philippe
At length appeared in sight ;
And just behind did softly steal
A third, which was the stout Basile.
THREE BOYS AND A DONKEY 5s
SS 2s ES
AA A S = ee Pass
Upon the donkey's back they climbed.
They quickly spied the donkey out ;
Philippe, delighted, cried:
“Come on, come on, here waits our steed,
And we must take a ride!â€
Down to the hollow then he stepped,
And after him the others crept.
And soon upon the donkey’s back
They climbed without mishap,—
Philippe before, Basile behind, .
Betwixt them little Nap;
And all the time the donkey stood,
And showed no temper—bad or good. |
56
VERY FUNNY STORIES
But when they sought to ride away,
And did their wishes state,
Their steed would pay no heed to them
But paused to meditate.
Until, of patience all bereft,
They beat the donkey right and left.
Their steed would pay no heed.
Then, with a wild and sudden start,
The suffering beast went on,
And flew so fast, that hats, and wits,
And breath alike were gone;
With quickening speed it fled amain
For miles across the level plain,
THREE BOYS AND A DONKEY 57
=
2 REN
SANA ry
are Iie on Eo?
my ew, 15s A GP
ioeeians wt ow FN
eu Ma ¥ % ji N Si
\, a Vie aN La Lo a el
oN OT gw AVE
For miles across the level plain. -
At length it reached the journey’s end,—
A pond all slime and weeds,
And, plunging wildly, threw the vole
Among the water reeds ;
Then, with a bray that enn Bee!
It left them in the mud to lie.
Three sadder mortals did arise
From that unpleasant bed ;
Three wiser boys went limping home,
It scarcely need be said.
“We have done wrong, I know and feel,
And I repent!†said stout Basile.
58
VERY FUNNY STORIES
co - :
el gE
Plunging wildly, threw the boys
Among the water reeds.
“ Remorseful feelings,†said Philippe,
‘Tis true I do not lack;
But what I mostly feel is this,
That on a donkey’s back
We'll ride no more, whate’er may hap.â€
“T quite agree,†said little Nap.
W.
F SS
THE ELEPHANT’S JOURNEY 59
Che Elephant’s Journey
He ran at the top of his speed.
NE morn, while the grass was still dewy,
NY An elephant started from home ;
To the Lakes for some ten days of boating,
It was his intention to roam.
To the station, though burdened with luggage,
He ran at the top of his speed;
For he thought, “Should the train go without me,
’Twould be a misfortune indeed!â€
60 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Arrived in good time on the platform,
To step in the carriage he tried,
But the door was a little too narrow,
And he was a good deal too wide!
“Tt would be so easy,†he murmured,
“To enter the northern express,
If the doors were but made a size larger,
And elephants just a size less!†~
THE ELEPHANT’S JOURNEY 61
The porters tried pushing and pulling,
"Mid jeers from unkind passers-by,
But they stopped very soon, sad and weary,
And one of them said, with a sigh—
“There’s only one means I can think of,
For getting you in at the door,
And that is by simple division,—
Just cutting you up into four /
“The process perhaps might be painful ;
Besides, you would then have to buy
A ticket for each of the quarters,â€â€”
“Absurd!†cried the elephant, “why?â€
‘“‘T know not,†the porter made answer,
“For that is no business of mine;
But you'll see in the guide to our railway,
’Tis bye-law one hundred-and-nine.†_
But the elephant—feeling unwilling
His small store of savings to spend
In paying four fares for one journey—
Remarked to the porter, ‘Good friend!
‘Your plan, though so clever, is useless,
So put that idea aside ;
If you'll hoist me with proper machinery,
High up on the roof I will ride!â€
62 VERY FUNNY STORIES
They hoisted ‘him quickly and gently;
The train rushed away with a roar.
“This is pleasant!†the elephant murmured ;
‘““Why haven’t I tried it before?
“Though it 2s a tight squeeze in the tunnels,
I’m whole, and ive paid but one fare;
_And then, after all, it is certain :
There’s nothing like sun and fresh air!â€
Nae G.
ic Se ee
(POE sig eC 2
Ja yt ——, KE
on ONL
cee
es
THE DOLL IN THE DESERT 63
The Doll in the Desert
€ANE summer eve, a lion bold
sk Sat down to rest and dine,
Ere yet the darksome shades of night
Replaced the sun, which, round and bright,
Still did its best to shine.
He dined off dishes, chosen all
His curious taste to suit;
' Don’t ask me what those dishes were—
His menu-card would scarcely bear
Inspection too minute.
Suffice it that he dined and drank,
And then, arising, said:
“My energies ] must exert
To find some dainty for dessert,
Before I go to bed.â€
So, to a wild and rocky vale
He cautiously did pass,
But there was nothing to enchant,
Except a single cactus plant,
- And several blades of grass.
64
VERY FUNNY STORIES
Yet stay! What wondrous sight is this?
Behold a pretty maid,
With big blue eyes and golden locks,
Who leans against the frowning rocks,
Nor seems at all afraid!
O dainty sweetmeat for dessert,
"Tis happiness too much !
What wondrous sight is this ?
A greedy grin plays round his jaws,
A quiver seems to thrill his claws,
As if they longed to clutch.
“Her eyes are open—yet†(he says)
“Her slumbers must be deep;
And oh! what fun to see her fright,
To make her pretty cheeks turn white,
When she awakes from sleep!â€
THE DOLL IN THE DESERT 65
Then, drawing back a pace or two,
With eyes still fixed on hers,
He springs, with movements strong and fleet,
Beside his victim’s very feet—
Yet not a limb she stirs!
‘“She must indeed be ignorant,â€
He grumbles, with a sneer;
* He springs |
“For if she loved the things called books,
She now might know me by my looks,
And show some proper fear.
“Some practical zoology
[ll teach you, yes, I will!’
Lm fond of eating little girls†—
A breeze of evening lifts her curls,
But every limb is still,
5
66 VERY FUNNY STORIES
(lly Ga
CM
fl.
ay !
‘She might show some proper fear.â€
And while the lion stands to gaze,
_ There fades from off his face
The greedy grin it bore erewhile,
And very soon a doubtful smile
Appears, to take its place.
Uncanny must that creature be,
THE DOLL IN THE DESERT 67
There’s something in her fixed regard
That thrills him through and through ;
Though living in the Torrid Zone,
It seems to chill him to the bone—
He knows not what to do.’ ~
The hair uprises on his head,
With terror gleam his eyes;
He turns. . . and flies,
Uncanny must that creature be,
Who calmly looks on such as he!
And so aloud he cries:
“Tt ill befits my dignity
For luxuries to long,
And, in the evening, to partake
Of dainties, is a great mistake,
For those who would be strong !
68 VERY FUNNY STORIES
“J almost think I'll go away,
Though she’s so plump and fair;
Perhaps it makes her rather shy .
To have a lion standing by—
Besides, it’s rude to stare.â€
He gently turns, and slinks away,
With drooping tail and mane, _
Then faster flies, with all his strength,
And takes no rest, until at length
He reaches home again.
Long, long he thinks, and wonders how
Such calmness she preserved;
But does not guess, for all his pains,
That china dolls, who have no brains,
Can scarcely be unnerved!
eS] [e
A LITTLE SURPRISE 69
| A
om :
ast night brother Freddy was sitting up late,
@a>
Writing away at a terrible rate;
Books all around him, crammed full of knowledge,
Which boys - must learn who are going to
college,
And long strings of figures that dance in your
head,
And keep: you awake after getting to bed.
Well, right up till midnight he patiently worked—
Not one of those difficult lessons he shirked—
And feeling quite sure that no meddler would
find them,
He piled up the books with the candle behind
them,
And, spotless and neat, twenty pages of paper
Lay finished and dry when he blew out the
taper.
Then, groping his way to the library door,
Not making a sound on the carpeted floor,
70 VERY FUNNY STORIES
He locked it, and quietly crept up the stairs—
Not noticing Kitty slipped zz unawares.
And here is depicted the little surprise -
That greeted next morning his horror-struck eyes.
G.
ae) fee
A Country Ramble
ww GOOSE and a donkey went walking
a together,
And talked in an affable way of the weather,
“How stormy last week!†“How unsettled
to-day !â€
“Would it rain or be fine?†“ Well, one hardly
could say.â€
Such compliments, then, were exchanged by the
pair, nee
As few would have thought of, while taking the air ;
CATCHING THE CAT 71
The donkey brought out his most elegant bow,
While the goose would have blushed, if she had
“but known how.
And then they went on to lament and complain
‘That the way people spoke of. them gave them
much pain; .
And the dame, as she wiped her bright eye with
her wing,
Sighed that ‘donkey and goose mean about the
same thing.â€
Thus, pleased with each other, they rambled along,
And the donkey obliged his dear friend with a
song ;
And each of them sighed as they murmured adieu,
“IT never met azyone equal to you.â€
oS.
Se
Catching the Cat
Now: Mr. Green had swarms of mice,
And Mr. Brown had none;
So Mr. Brown, who kept two cats,
Agreed to lend him one.
«A beauty, sir, and black as ink ;
She’ll quickly clear your house,
And in a week you'll boast to me
You've not a single mouse!â€
72
VERY FUNNY STORIES
All very well; but when he sent
To fetch Miss Puss away,
Miss Puss declared that where she was
She much preferred to stay.
-She much preferred to stay.
In vain did Joe persuade, entreat,
And do his best to coax;
That wary little pussy cat
Was sure ’twas all a hoax.
CATCHING THE CAT “973
“An invitation? Very nice.
Oh yes, I understand ;
But then I don’t much like the thing
You're holding in your hand.
“There may be mice at Mr. Green’s,
There may be rats as well;
But then, suppose—I say, sappose—
You want my skin to sell!â€
At this, Joe made a sudden grab,
And chased her up and down,
Which all the more decided her
To stay with Mr. Brown.
“Ha, ha!†cried Puss, safe up a tree,
“No wish have I to roam;
For kittens, cats, and children, too,
The safest place is Home!â€
Sf fae
yA VERY FUNNY STORIES
ae Crader and the Cannibals
ae JONES, on business bound,
’ Finds himself wrecked on hostile ground.
His ship has sunk, his comrades gone,
He reached the shore, alas! alone.
Long time he stands beside the Pe
A melancholy castaway.
Absorbed in grief, he does not hear
The islanders who gather near.
They creep behind him, and at last -
Pounce on their prey and hold him fast.
THE TRADER AND THE CANNIBALS 75
SL
ae Sill ,
ey, n> WEE
To feed a savage tribe he goes;
The cook peculiar pleasure shows.
ATI, SAM
Ae ew
aap Mt
A happy thought—“ One moment, please!
Some samples of my trade are these.â€
&
476 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Ws ORS
alt iii (eo RSs WY SN
h My WNywwte 4
eto f
ay
“As earrings you. may like to use them.’
The savage grins—he won't refuse them.
‘Depart in peace,†he blandly says.
Jones not a moment longer stays.
?
THE TRADER AND THE CANNIBALS 77
a»
LG
gy aa Sie Ant ae
) Fae Sie H
LE
WaT &
ont oe
Thus left, the dusky potentate
Began to dance, with joy elate.
The quiet ticking pleased his ear:
Such pretty sounds he loved to hear.
_ But suddenly he gave a jump
Of fear—his heart went thump, thump, thump—
For, all at once and both alike,
The shrill-voiced clocks began to strike!
Then horror overcame the chief,
He trembled like an aspen leaf.
“Tl am bewitched!†he cried, and ran;
‘Why did I spare that trader man?â€
G..
78 VERY FUNNY STORIES.
Commy's Dreadful Dream
one was sleeping like a top,
When, to his great amazement,
An angry duck, with knife and fork, -
Came tapping at the casement.
“ Be off, be off, you savage bird,
_ Or else I'll call my mother!â€
The duck replied in hollow tones,
‘Why did you eat our brother?
TOMMY’S DREADFUL DREAM 79
“Revenge is sweet, and you must die,
No time is this for reasoning ;
The oven’s ready to a turn,
The cook has made the seasoning.
“Theyre busy now with Harry Ford,
He’s to be cooked for dinner;
And then we'll roast young Jacky Smith,
Who feels a wee bit thinner.â€
-
“Oh, let me live,†cried Tom, aghast,
“At least till I am fatter.â€
“As long as you're not old and tough,â€
Said they, “it does not matter!â€
“T’ll never eat roast duck again,â€
The culprit sighed, repenting ;
The cook he seized and trussed him well,
Without the least relenting.
80 VERY FUNNY STORIES
He laid him neatly in a pan
With tiny dabs of dripping ;
The little ducks looked on, and. then
For joy they fell to skipping.
The oven door was opened wide,
When Tommy, loudly screaming, —
Gave a great jump, and found, hurrah!
He had been only dreaming! |
PETG
JAN Ant-eater once had a beautiful present,
A new umbrella with ribs complete.
“Such a gift,†he said, “makes a downpour
pleasant, — €
A rainy day will be quite a treat!†—
AN ALARMING PATIENT 8i
So, after this, you will hardly wonder
That out he went in the very next rain,
Which was also accompanied Py lightning and
thunder,
And wild winds blowing a diene
Alas! poor beast, with his turned umbrella,
He wished himself home again, safe and warm ;
The whole of his sorrows I cannot tell. ‘Ah!
Why,†cried he, “did I face the storm?â€
That night, as he gazed at a bowl of gruel,
While mustard and water washed. round his
toes,
He exclaimed, “My pangs are indeed most
cruel ! ; &
l'll have a doctor to cure my woes.â€
6
82. VERY FUNNY STORIES
And so, at-an early hour next morning,
Doctor Gibbon, the monkey, came.
**Good sir,†said he, “let this be a warning ;
- Such heedless actions are much to blame!
“Still, you have merely a touch of fever,
No occasion to make a stir;
But, lest I should happen to prove a deceiver,
Permit me to look at your tongue, dear sir!â€â€”
Out popped the tongue of the sick Ant-eater,
And off the monkey flew in a fright!
No startled bird was ever fleeter _
Than Doctor Gibbon in taking flight.
THE ACROBATS 83
“No wonder it is that the beast is ailing!â€
He gasped, as soon as he dared to pause;
“No wonder at all that his health is failing,
While serpents wander around his jaws!â€
: Ww
a
a
The Acrobats
i qs tiresome dwelling on this plain,
re) With nothing to be seen
But stupid sand and stupid trees,
All yellow and all green ;
‘And here and there a babbling spring
That isn’t even clean!â€
84 _ VERY. FUNNY STORIES
While thus a sulky lion once
Lamented his dull lot,
A cheerful hippopotamus
‘Exclaimed, “Nay, grumble not!
For, since the weather is so clear,
The sun so bright and hot,
“Tye planned, this very afternoon,
That we shall have a treat,
In watching two skilled acrobats
Perform a daring feat ;
So please attend my party, sir,
For many friends you'll meet!â€
That afternoon, the eager beasts
Sat by a water-hole,
On either side of which arose
A gaily-tinted pole,
THE ACROBATS 85
A tight-rope was between them fixed—
Two storks surveyed the whole.
At length one stork politely asked,
“Have you a barrow, pray?â€
‘°Tis here,†the genial host replied,
“There need be no delay ;
It is the monkey’s very own,
He stole it yesterday!â€
86
VERY FUNNY STORIES
Behold them, then, upon the rope,
‘Tis neither strong nor wide!
One stork the barrow has to wheel,
The other stork must ride.
But ah! ’tis vain, they cannot hope
To reach the other side!
That slender rope is far too weak,
It breaks for all their care,
And shrieks and cries in every key
Are floating through the air,
As every beast lifts up its voice
In accents of despair.
But lo! what awful sight is this?
The beasts all change their tone,—
The thieving storks are flying off,
The monkey gives a groan,
No more will he that barrow see
Which was “Ads very own.â€
Sw
Bas re =e
aS oo
THE LASSO TRICK 87
Che Sasso Crick
With simple lasso neatly thrown,
WO schoolboys, Jean and bold Pierre,
Who ran and romped without a care,
’Mid wondering words, and curious looks,
Displayed a sudden taste for books!
Fond parents beamed, and schoolmates jeered,
But calm, unheeding, they appeared ;
And, leaving comrades rough and rude,
They read their books in solitude.
Enchanting tales they read with zest,
And learned how cowboys of the West,
88 VERY FUNNY STORIES
é
Fatin ; Sin SOB MR Wren
MeN OG eo =
Se Sy, {ce
—- = ee re ~~
Se
| iy
Around its neck the stranger laid that wily noose,
THE LASSO TRICK 89
With simple lasso, neatly thrown,
Make many a roving beast their own.
Cried little Jean, “And why not we?â€
“Why not?†exclaimed Pierre, with glee.
“We'll make a lasso firm and strong,
To catch the first that comes along!â€
The deed was done, and quickly they
Behind a fence in hiding lay ;
ip
Nearer and nearer still he came.
And very soon they did espy
An unsuspecting passer-by.
He saw them not, he was alone,
So swiftly was the lasso thrown ;
Said Jean, ‘“‘ We've caught a man, I hope! â€â€”
Alas! the man had caught the rope |
VERY FUNNY STORIES
Close by, a dog, on dinner bent,
Was gnawing bones with sweet content,
And round its neck the stranger laid
That wily noose Pierre had made!
They quailed before that fierce Bow-wow.
The boys, in happy innocence,
Pulled in their victim to the fence,
And wondered why, though stout and tall,
He made resistance faint and small.
Nearer and nearer still he came;
Cried Jean, ‘This zs a glorious game!â€
When lo! a sudden awful sound
Made both the boys turn quickly round,
THE LASSO TRICK gI
Pierre the bold grew pale with fear,
And Jean looked ill at ease and queer ;
For where were pride and courage now ?—
They quailed before that fierce “ Bow-wow /â€
Pierre rushed off with might and main, -
Jean strove to hold the rope in vain;
It caused its captors to repent!
And ere that dog’s whole strength was spent,
It caused its captors to repent!
With grimy hands, and garments torn,
They meekly bore their schoolmates’ scorn ;
And- vowed, with many tears, that they
No more that charming game would play!
92 VERY FUNNY STORIES
The Lion who went a~F ishing
AN LION once a-fishing went
Se (An ardent sportsman he!),
“Some good fat fish,†he
smiling said,
‘“My evening meal shall be.â€
“I’m getting tired of cattle flesh,
Giraffes are growing rare;
“To stimulate my appetite,
I need a change of fare.â€
He reached the river, launched his boat—
His punt, | should have said— -
And, trusting to no slender line,
He used a rope instead.
SNOT
ae
tes
THE LION WHO WENT A-FISHING — 93
A crocodile espied the
bait. &.
And deftly seized th
cord ; 5
He tugged—the fisher-
man capsized,
And splash! fell over-
board.
Down through the gloomy water-depths
The-king of beasts was drawn,
94 VERY FUNNY STORIES
As unresistingly as once
fle dragged ‘some dappled fawn.
His breath gave out, his strength was gone,
And in‘a little while
The lion lay a lifeless. corpse
Before the crocodile.
Now, neath the wave, encased in glass,
To grace an Exhibition,
That sportsman sits; and visitors
Pay sixpence for admission.
OUR NEIGHBOUR, THE BLACK CAT 95
Our Neighbour, the Black Cat
KWH .
3
To watch the mreereee bright ead round,
p| SIT and think of bygone days,
When six cats played together,
Enjoying life in many ways,
All through the summer weather.
Over the garden walls we ranged,
Or through the area railings
(But now, alas! the world seems changed,
For even cats have failings! ).
To watch the moon, so bright and round,
One night we all assembled,
When suddenly there rose a sound,
At which the bravest trembled.
96 VERY FUNNY STORIES
It was. the barking of a cur,
Aroused from his first slumber!
We hardly dared to breathe or stir,
Till one among our number—
The great black cat that lives next door—
Said, “I, for one, won’t bear it ;
ib gaia g
alle QQ
iu I oe
Pi af
f | wy
a | : ue
tify ENS
lay ee x
’
YS
eo
Next time we met him on the wall.
No dog e’er troubled us before,
*Tis cruel, I declare it!
‘But (listen, friends, to what I say),
Without one mew of warning, -
Pll drive the savage beast away,
First thing to-morrow morning!â€
OUR NEIGHBOUR, THE BLACK CAT 07
And so, when daylight came at length,
We hastened (grievous error!)
To see how Tommy’s claws and strength
Had driven out our terror.
t
|
Alas! our hopes soon found an end;
There lay the foe, just dozing,
. And at his side was our false friend,
With blandest smile reposing.
Next time we met him on the wall,
With howls the wretch was greeted ;
We stormed and wept, but each and all
With calm disdain he treated.
He listened like a senseless log
(The Tom we once thought clever),
And when he said he Joved that ee
We cast him off for ever !
W.
a
98 ' VERY FUNNY STORIES:
The Giant and the Dwarf
WBHEN the Lord of Kilmankrauser dined
In his high baronial hall,
Behind his chair stood Hans the Short,
And likewise Hans the Tall.
They were, as you may see yourself,
An ill-assorted pair ;
For one was much too foe and thin,
The other much too square.
|
Full Text |
ot
The Baldwin Library |
University |
Rm Br
Florida
on f
ste. »
ov fet
\
Ave ey lew in tok 6 Moed te ae ge
»
VERY FUNNY STORIES
TOLD IN RHYME.
Sei
g
YY
>
~ wt PD
veil ia
They laughed, and they listened, and they all cried for more,
And he told a tale more funny than the tale he told before.
Oy eae peat “ 7 5
Mes Be La ie
LF Raylo ft if
iid
Wy
a
Ti mefiiy er
; its eae
iL
THE RED NURSERY SERIES
Nia
fe Oh:
\ : TOLD IN RHYME Sp
WITH NUMEROUS: ILLUSTRATIONS
LONDON:
THE SUNDAY SCHOOL UNION
57 & 59 LUDGATE HILL, E.c.
PRINTED BY _
MORRISON AND GIBB LIMITED, EDINBURGH
Prefatory Note
Most of the verses contained in this welts
“°S*" have hitherto appeared only in serial form;
some have never before been published. They
are chiefly from the pens of Elizabeth W. Wood,
“ Sheila,†and Horace G. Groser, author of “ Little
Folks’ Land.†The initial signatures, ““ W.,-‘<5.,"
and “G.,†correspond respectively to the names of
these writers.
CONTENTS
PAGE
A VISIT TO THE BARBER - : ee
CouNTING THE Pics . s : ea eka
THE ELEPHANT FIRE BRIGADE Z eeenley)
TTHREE-YEAR-OLD’S APPLE ae é See 2a
f THE LIONS’ BATTLE ; : 3 Tae,
Miss JONES’s CAT 2 ‘ : 23°
THE MONKEYS’ ToBoGcAN SLIDE : i : ety,
Prissy’s CURLS . : : ; A is Seed
BABy’s POLITENESS : 5 : asi q 5 RS
THE FROG AND THE WORM. : ; ues Seaas7
THE SIMPLETON FAMILY IN SEARCH OF THE NORTH POLE 38
JACK FRost om : j i 5 a Ee aAd
10 CONTENTS
AN ENTERPRISING HIPPPO’
THREE BOYS AND A DONKEY
THE ELEPHANT’S JOURNEY
THE DOLL IN THE DESERT
A LITTLE SURPRISE
A CouNTRY RAMBLE
CATCHING THE CaT : S
THE TRADER AND THE CANNIBALS
Tommy’s DREADFUL DREAM
AN ALARMING PATIENT.
THE ACROBATS .
THE Lasso TRICK
THE LION WHO WENT A-FISHING
OuR NEIGHBOUR, THE BLACK CAT
THE GIANT AND THE DWARF
A FOREIGNER
A RIDE FOR NoTHING
THE FRENCHMAN’S Pic . :
_Josy’s Cat
His First PHOTOGRAPH
- THREE STUDIOUS YOUTHS
How Mr. BUNNIE MISSED THE PARTY
PAGE
46
53
59
63
69
70
71
74
78
80
83
87
95
98
104
107
110
116
“118
Very Funny Stories
mune sui es
tS ]e-} Je
Srl
A Visit to the Barber
“t G00†morning, Mr. Barber,
And pray how do you do?
With my distinguished custom
I wish to favour you.
“Your terrified assistant
Should know it’s not polite
lL
VERY FUNNY STORIES
To scramble through the window,
As if I were a fright!
“T’m not so very ugly,
He has no need to fear;
It’s just my bristling love-locks
That make me look so queer!
“Tm told it is the fashion
To wear a close-cut crop,
And so, you see, I’ve entered
A world-famed barber’s shop.â€
The barber’s heart was melted
By such a compliment ;
He said, “ Please step this way, sir,â€
As if on business bent.
Then, chatting of the weather,
The porcupine sat down,
But soon the barber's smiling
Was turned into a frown.
And when the task was finished,
He gazed, with bitter tears,
On heaps of broken scissors
And blunted garden-shears |!
A VISIT TO THE BARBER 13
Meantime, to his neat dwelling
The porcupine did hie ;
But when his wife beheld him,
She gave a startled cry.
“Who are you, ugly stranger,
I pray you tell me that,
“She gave a startled cry.
And why should you be wearing
My husband’s best silk hat?â€
“My dearest, don’t you know me,
Your faithful porcupine ?
’Tis now the height of fashion
To wear short crops like mine.â€
VERY FUNNY STORIES
Alas! the storm that followed
That poor shorn beast did crush; _
His lady called him “door-mat,â€
And even “scrubbing-brush.â€
And now he’s cured for ever
Of being such a fop,
And never more will enter
That world-famed barber’s shop!
a
Counting the Pigs
x you Sambo, have you fed the pigs?
Hi, Sambo, do you hear?â€
“Yes, sure me fed ’em long ago;
Dey’s all right, Massa dear!â€
“You Sambo, did you count the pigs?
That, Sambo, must be done.â€
“Sure, Massa dear, me count ’em all;
Me count ’em all but one.
“Dere be one little speckly pig,
He frisked about so gay,
Me couldn’t count him, Massa dear,
No count him anyway /â€
THE ELEPHANT FIRE BRIGADE 15
The €lephant ae Brigade
@" have you not heard
4 Of that monarch before—
The rich famous Rajah
Of Ramadampore ?
Why, what can your teacher
Be thinking about,
In history lessons
To leave his name out?
Well, listen a moment,
And briefly I'll tell
The wonders that once
In his country befell.
‘Tis not of his riches
I want you to hear,
Nor yet of his armies
With banner and spear ;
But a marvel that puts
All the rest in the shade,
His wonderful ELEPHANT
FIRE BRIGADE.
‘T'was charming to see
How adroitly they worked;
No “call†was neglected,
No duty was shirked.
16
VERY FUNNY STORIES
One night the King’s palace
Burst out in a blaze;
And, trembling with terror,
The crowd stood to gaze.
But while no one tried
To extinguish the flame,
SEE
pa
Tramp, tramp, to the palace
The Fire Brigade came.
They set down their buckets,
Filled full from the pool,
Where in summer they loved
‘Their hot bodies to cool ;
THE ELEPHANT FIRE BRIGADE
y
—
aos ee oBo w=
And, using their trunks
As a syringe, they flung
Many gallons of water
The ruins among.
17
13 | VERY FUNNY STORIES.
oe Oy cil S fC ype
WEEE
| ,
SSS
When the terrible fire
Was “got under†at last,
In turn to each window
The Elephants passed.
. SEO aE oe o- -
i
Hail)
on
ds Ye
F UF
K VEG tex
/ oe
Os
\\
—— rn \
a, SS Yr
Se†(NY Ps
9
“ag
THE ELEPHANT FIRE BRIGADE 19
And putting their heads
To the balcony end,
Allowed the scared inmates
Unhurt to descend.
Nor was it the fault .
Of the clever Brigade,
That the Chamberlain old,
Sliding down half afraid, |
Forgot, in his hurry,
Behind him to look,
And received the whole weight
Of the Rajah’s Head Cook ;
20
VERY FUNNY STORIES
For the monarch next day,
In reviewing the band,
Said, “A ¢roupe so well drilled
I am proud to command!â€
So it’s certain ; oh, well,
If you think it’s “all stuff,â€
And refuse to believe,
Why, I’ve said quite enough.
a eee
aS)
THREE YEAR-OLD’S APPLE 21
Three-year-old’s Apple
‘Ss ol v
Nn
4 yi ‘
y mY) tea,
“ERY good he has been all morning,â€
: Thought Three-year-old’s mother one
day,
So she said to the dear little fellow
On the nursery hearth-rug at play,
“See, here is a rosy-cheeked apple,
But don’t eat it all alone;
Go and offer a half to some playmate
Who hasn't got one of his own.â€
' VERY FUNNY STORIES
Just half an hour later she asked him
(For mothers never forget),
“How did you like your apple?
And whom did you share it with, peby?
“Well, I went to my little pussie,
And whispered into her ear,
‘I’ve got such a pretty red apple,
So will you have half of it, dear?’â€
“I’m sure that you tried,†said his mother,
“To do just what you were told;
_ But why wish to share it with Kitty,
You queer little Three-year-old?â€
Then Three-year-old looked up bravely,
Though his dear baby face was red,
“°Cause pussies don’t ever eat apples,
And I wanted it a/Z†he said!
yt aes
oJ} Ste
SS
Che ions’ Battle
5WO lions once, the best of friends,
ey Went for a.walk together, —
But in a wood the pair fell out,
Whilst talking of the weather.
So hard they fought with tooth and claw,
So well they matched each other,
That, at the end, each noble beast
Had eaten up his brother!
MISS JONES’S CAT 23
Two tails alone were left; perhaps
To point the moral, whether
’Tis wise for e’en the dearest friends
To take a walk together !
Ss
He did not wish to wander at all.
Muss JONES'S cat was a gentle creature,
<3s: Who never seemed to know he had claws ;
You could read his goodness in every feature,
And every hair on his velvet paws.
He was shy and timid, and far from clever,
And did not wish to wander at all;
Indeed, I very much doubt if he ever
Had been to the top of the garden wall.
24 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Till one sad évening six cats came peeping
At Puss ’mid the flower-pots trying to play;
Right over the wall they came crawling, creeping,
And led Miss Jones's pussy astray.
For he showed the delight he couldn’t help feeling,
As soon as he heard of the wondrous store
Of dainty scraps, to be had for the stealing
Each night in the boarding-house next door.
. Over the wall they came crawling, creeping.
So off they went, and, all danger scorning,
They sat in the pantry, having a feast,
When suddenly, without sound or warning,
Appeared the big house-dog,—terrible beast!
To the six strange cats it little mattered
How their new friend might fare, and they
fled;
Leaving him there with wits so scattered,
That up to the third-floor landing he sped.
MISS JONES’S CAT 25
In the night there arose a dismal howling
(Twas Pussy, waking from troubled dreams !),
Which set the house-dog barking and growling,
And roused the sleepers with starts and
screams.
They left their beds with no thought of pity,
And all the house through, with bustle and shout,
They followed the steps of Miss Jones's Kitty,
Until they found him and drove him out.
He reached his own door all dusty and weary,
And wept, “Pll be good, and no more will
roam ; °
Miss Jones may be dull, and the garden dreary,
But still, after all, there’s no place like home!â€
W.
NY, |
“il |
GF} i ai
a Ge pe
(Lis
on bes
8 md . ) ull
4
+ vee
— pp
7 /, et .
eee en Pe A eV eee
FS Mobel Taylor. |
¢
= SEZ
moth ae Zz
‘‘OH, ROVER, PLEASE DON’T GO THAT WAY; YOU'LL MAKE ME SO LATE FOR DINNER!â€
92
SHIYOLS ANNONA AUAA
THE MONKEYS’ TOBOGGAN SLIDE 27
The Monkeys’ Coboggan Slide
There dwelt an eighteen-foot giraffe,
Who browsed upon the trees.
NESWAS in the wilds of Africa,
Midway betwixt the seas,
There dwelt an eignhteen-foot giraffe,
Who browsed upon the trees. .
He was a truly gentle beast,
This handsome, tall giraffe,
Although he had a lordly stalk,
That made the monkeys laugh.
28 VERY FUNNY STORIES
But now and then he was aroused
To wrath, as you shall hear ;
His temper grew a little hot,—
The monkeys called it gueer /
One day he wandered from his home -
Beside the sandy creek,
4,
My UWB
PMN VM by ee).
: Ney
He waved his paws, away he went.
A grove of green acacia trees
With eagerness to seek.
At length he found the lovely spot,
And straight began to clear
The leafy boughs, with such a tongue
As made the monkeys jeer.
THE MONKEYS’ TOBOGGAN SLIDE 29
In silence long the feast went on ;
Our friend used all his powers,
Endeavouring to rectify
A fast of several hours.
So centred was his mind on work,
That* he was loth to check,
& yy
And soon a string of creatures gay,
With joy disported there.
The innocent giraffe scarce felt
A weight upon his neck.
And when he heard a chuckling sound,
He still attacked his food,
And muttered, with his mouth too full,
“Those monkeys are so rude!â€
VERY FUNNY STORIES
Meanwhile, an enterprising beast,
A monkey, small but bold,
Had crawled along a spreading branch,
Then, loosening his hold,
Had dropped upon the diner’s head,
And, with a gay.“ Good-bye,â€
Turned from his friends, with cager wish
A daring scheme to try.
He waved his paws, away he went,
And had a splendid ride,
Thus making of the poor giraffe
A grand toboggan slide.
And, hoping to dislodge them all,
His legs in turn he shook.
THE MONKEYS’ TOBOGGAN SLIDE 31
This made the other monkeys sigh
His happiness to share,
And soon a string of creatures gay
With joy disported there.
Still more and more drew nigh to watch,
Then stayed to join the fun,
— Switt sliding down, then climbing up
As fast as they could run.
The great giraffe at length found out
What liberties they took,
And, hoping to dislodge them all,
His legs in turn he shook.
This met with such success.
32
‘VERY FUNNY STORIES
But ‘twas in vain; they would not cease
This fascinating game,
And all his mild appeals and threats
Produced no fear, nor shame.
A.Rusden.
He waved his hinder hoofs aloft,
Which caused distress indeed.
‘Tl say no more,†the sufferer cried,
“Sufficient I have said ;
And now [ll speak by deeds!†With this,
He stood upon his head.
THE MONKEYS’ TOBOGGAN SLIDE — 33
This met with such success, that he,
Encouraged to proceed,
Next waved his hinder hoofs aloft,
Which caused distress indeed!
Then over all his prostrate foes
He lightly tripped and pranced,
Oh, how those monkeys rued the day!
An Irish jig, a tarantelle,
And two Scotch reels he danced.
Oh! how those monkeys rued the day
That ever they had tried
To pass the time by getting up
A grand toboggan slide!
3
34 VERY FUNNY STORIES
And that giraffe of Africa,
Who dwelt betwixt the seas,
Did ever after feed in peace
Upon acacia trees!
ee
Frissy’s Curls
Js)EAR Auntie told us a tale one night
d= Of a sweet little girl who always did
right ; ;
She had golden curls and her eyes were blue,
And the thing she was bid she would gladly do;
Now you all may be sure, when Auntie said this,
She looked at us both—and especially Pris,
But Pris (who’s a naughty and mischievous girl)
Said, ‘Z should be good, if my hair would curl!â€
So when Prissy and I were going to bed,
I looked at her smooth straight locks, and said,
“Tf you'd only let me, I’d make you good—
With a comb and some papers I easily could.â€
PRISSY’S CURLS
And Prissy was willing, so then and there
I brushed, and I combed, and I curled her hair;
But oh! if you’d seen her when it was done,
You'd have laughed, though sfe didn’t think it
fun!
36 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Yet my time and trouble were simply a loss,
For all next day she was naughty and cross.
‘‘Curls aren’t so pleasant†(she said) “as they seem,
For they hurt your head and they make you dream;
“And mine aren’t pretty at all, as I know,
For everyone looks and laughs at me so!
And I wonder how she of the golden curls
Could be such a pattern to other girls!â€
Baby's Politeness
3S Baby’s busy little feet
43 Were constant patter keeping,
They chanced upon poor puss to step
While she lay calmly sleeping.
Then suddenly the laughing face
Was changed to one of pity,
While anxiously the piping voice
Cried, ‘Please excoose me, Kitty!â€
THE FROG AND THE WORM 37
The Frog and the Worm
Ce oe 2 >
: Sine
%, = -
Nn, Tana. 77 4 an S
: Cee MMM Fin
SSSR. UNC Tatras
m fees
{.
A LESSON IN GOOD MANNERS,
38
VERY FUNNY STORIES
The Simpleton Family
IN SEARCH OF THE NORTH POLE
poesace>)
EROR years the Simpletons had sighed
On some adventure forth to ride,
And, learning that much work remained
For travellers where the Ice-King reigned,
They met one evening, and agreed
To borrow some high-mettled steed
(Thinking alternately to ride him,
And let the others run beside him).
Across the prairie then they went,
But soon their plan they did repent;
To go by water they consent.
THE SIMPLETON FAMILY 39
Says Mrs. S., ‘This stream, my dear,
May tax your strength; but I will steer.â€
ae)
(er
Sea
They reach the rapids—mid the rocks
Encountering some. few trifling shocks.
40 “VERY FUNNY STORIES
On land once more, they hoist a sail,
And all blow hard when breezes fail.
or
Srtlorts {E48 aoe WS
A team of Arctic dogs, though faster,
Are awkward when they face their master.
THE SIMPLETON FAMILY 4l
The ladies now are overjoyed
All further jolting to avoid.
“We surely must have reached our goal,â€
Says Mrs. S.; “I will unroll
My parasol to mark—rHE PoLE
â€
42 VERY FUNNY STORIES
se J
‘“Now take your pistol, love, and fire
A grand salute—'tis my desire;
The regulations this require.â€
Far off the bullet took effect :
A polar bear, who stood erect
One moment, tumbled down the next.
THE SIMPLETON FAMILY 43
In tones of motherly distress,
‘Where shall these orphans find redress?â€
: ITT A, earner
A startling fact, and far from nice,
Concludes the quarrel in a trices
The “land†they tread is floating ice!
44 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Says Mrs. S., “I feel quite ill,
And as the climate grows more chill
I fear we're drifting northward still!â€
G.
= ).-}-J=2
Sl le :
Jack Frost
PACK FROST, the Wizard, was gruff and grim,
2} He saw how the little ones frowned on him.
“Do they think,†he cried, “that the flowers are
dead,
Just because they are sent to bed?â€
So, in the night, while the north wind blew,
Upon their window a sketch he drew.
Lovely it was in the morning sun:
~Who can say just how it was done?
“Ah!†said Daisy, and “Oh!†said Don,
‘‘ Here are the flowers with their night-clothes on!â€
3
S
SSRRESSS SS
2
NS
SSO SH
3S =
BENE
SOSA
VOSS HES BRL
4
SS IS
$5
REQ SIO
ORAS
S605
SRS
Qe,
7 7,
D4
Seen
Sb
YAHLOUT HILLIT GAMOIM LVHL
THAT WICKED LITTLE BROTHER!
46 VERY FUNNY STORIES
An Enterprising Hippo’.
He went to make researches.
Gir Humpy Hippopotamus,
= A beast most enterprising,
Looked down with scorn on quiet folks,
Their peaceful ways despising.
“Why can’t you be like me,†he said,
“Progressive, bold, and clever?
My spirit rises, light as air,
My watchword is ‘Endeavour!’â€
The tawny lion blushed with shame
The wild goat fell a-weeping,
The humbled leopard slunk away,
Within the shadows creeping.
AN ENTERPRISING HIPPO’ 47
Then Humpy Hippopotamus
With curling lip departed,
And on a new and dangerous trip
Courageously he started.
Straight upwards in a big. balloon,
Which rose by leaps and lurches,
'’Mid moons and comets, suns and stars,
He went to make researches,
His pride had short existence.
The gaping beasts turned out to see,
And wondering cries were uttered,
As, to admiring friends below,
His handkerchief he fluttered.
48 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Alas! for Hippopotamus,—
His pride had short existence!
The force of gravity is strong,
The car made slight resistance ;
And with a harsh and fearful sound,
Like breaking twigs of willow,
Sir Humpy fell—to rest his head
Upon no silken pillow!
et
He lighted on a house of glass,
He lighted on a house of glass,
And instantly went through it,
Upsetting pots, and breaking plants,
Almost before he knew it.
AN ENTERPRISING HIPPO? 49
Wounded amidst the wreck he lay
With groans he tried to stifle;
For though his spirits weve so light,
His weight was not a trifle!
And very quickly it appeared
His trials were not over,
For Humpy found a bed of flowers
Is not “a bed of cloverâ€!
The injured owner, in a rage,
Cried out, “I'll bring an action!â€
“Twas not my fault!†the sufferer said,—
“It was the earth’s attraction.â€
Alas! excuses were in vain, ME
And, very shortly after,
A wounded “prisoner at the barâ€
Was tried, ’mid jeers and laughter.
Hard-hearted Beaver brought a charge
Of “Rash Precipitation,
And Cowardly Attempt to Blame
The Force of Gravitation.â€
Vainly poor Humpy tried to look
Serene and independent ;—
Vain was the weeping eloquence
Of counsel for defendant!
4
rt
atin
Apa \
Hee in
Wn ing
THE PRISONER AT THE BAR.
oS
SHIMOLS ANNONA AUAA
AN ENTERPRISING HIPPO’
The beasts, once scorned, as jurymen
To their great task had risen,
And, with one voice, the verdict gave
That sent him. to a prison.
And bitterly they wished the law
Could keep him there for ever,—
Sir Humpy Hippopotamus,
Whose motto was “ Endeavour!â€
No more that noble name he hears -
_ Pronounced by friend or neighbour,
For now he’s ‘‘ Number ninety-six,â€
With eighteen months’ hard labour.
W.
‘©COME ALONG, CHILDREN; DINNER IS READY.â€
z$
SHIMOLS ANNOA AMAA |
THREE BOYS AND A DONKEY 53
Chree Boys and a Donkey
Feepinie Px So
He munched the dainty shoots.
DONKEY, fat, and young, and gay,
9 That knew not whip or rein,
Fed day by day on tender grass,
Beside the banks of Seine;
A happy beast, who roved at will,
His trials all before him still.
One day, as in a hollow green
He munched the dainty shoots,
54 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Two ae in aa nae and one in squeaking boots.
There came two boys in wooden shoes,
And one in squeaking boots,—
All scrambling up a neighbouring mound,
Whence they could view the country round.
And first, the wee Napoléon
In triumph gained the height ;
Then after him the tall Philippe
At length appeared in sight ;
And just behind did softly steal
A third, which was the stout Basile.
THREE BOYS AND A DONKEY 5s
SS 2s ES
AA A S = ee Pass
Upon the donkey's back they climbed.
They quickly spied the donkey out ;
Philippe, delighted, cried:
“Come on, come on, here waits our steed,
And we must take a ride!â€
Down to the hollow then he stepped,
And after him the others crept.
And soon upon the donkey’s back
They climbed without mishap,—
Philippe before, Basile behind, .
Betwixt them little Nap;
And all the time the donkey stood,
And showed no temper—bad or good. |
56
VERY FUNNY STORIES
But when they sought to ride away,
And did their wishes state,
Their steed would pay no heed to them
But paused to meditate.
Until, of patience all bereft,
They beat the donkey right and left.
Their steed would pay no heed.
Then, with a wild and sudden start,
The suffering beast went on,
And flew so fast, that hats, and wits,
And breath alike were gone;
With quickening speed it fled amain
For miles across the level plain,
THREE BOYS AND A DONKEY 57
=
2 REN
SANA ry
are Iie on Eo?
my ew, 15s A GP
ioeeians wt ow FN
eu Ma ¥ % ji N Si
\, a Vie aN La Lo a el
oN OT gw AVE
For miles across the level plain. -
At length it reached the journey’s end,—
A pond all slime and weeds,
And, plunging wildly, threw the vole
Among the water reeds ;
Then, with a bray that enn Bee!
It left them in the mud to lie.
Three sadder mortals did arise
From that unpleasant bed ;
Three wiser boys went limping home,
It scarcely need be said.
“We have done wrong, I know and feel,
And I repent!†said stout Basile.
58
VERY FUNNY STORIES
co - :
el gE
Plunging wildly, threw the boys
Among the water reeds.
“ Remorseful feelings,†said Philippe,
‘Tis true I do not lack;
But what I mostly feel is this,
That on a donkey’s back
We'll ride no more, whate’er may hap.â€
“T quite agree,†said little Nap.
W.
F SS
THE ELEPHANT’S JOURNEY 59
Che Elephant’s Journey
He ran at the top of his speed.
NE morn, while the grass was still dewy,
NY An elephant started from home ;
To the Lakes for some ten days of boating,
It was his intention to roam.
To the station, though burdened with luggage,
He ran at the top of his speed;
For he thought, “Should the train go without me,
’Twould be a misfortune indeed!â€
60 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Arrived in good time on the platform,
To step in the carriage he tried,
But the door was a little too narrow,
And he was a good deal too wide!
“Tt would be so easy,†he murmured,
“To enter the northern express,
If the doors were but made a size larger,
And elephants just a size less!†~
THE ELEPHANT’S JOURNEY 61
The porters tried pushing and pulling,
"Mid jeers from unkind passers-by,
But they stopped very soon, sad and weary,
And one of them said, with a sigh—
“There’s only one means I can think of,
For getting you in at the door,
And that is by simple division,—
Just cutting you up into four /
“The process perhaps might be painful ;
Besides, you would then have to buy
A ticket for each of the quarters,â€â€”
“Absurd!†cried the elephant, “why?â€
‘“‘T know not,†the porter made answer,
“For that is no business of mine;
But you'll see in the guide to our railway,
’Tis bye-law one hundred-and-nine.†_
But the elephant—feeling unwilling
His small store of savings to spend
In paying four fares for one journey—
Remarked to the porter, ‘Good friend!
‘Your plan, though so clever, is useless,
So put that idea aside ;
If you'll hoist me with proper machinery,
High up on the roof I will ride!â€
62 VERY FUNNY STORIES
They hoisted ‘him quickly and gently;
The train rushed away with a roar.
“This is pleasant!†the elephant murmured ;
‘““Why haven’t I tried it before?
“Though it 2s a tight squeeze in the tunnels,
I’m whole, and ive paid but one fare;
_And then, after all, it is certain :
There’s nothing like sun and fresh air!â€
Nae G.
ic Se ee
(POE sig eC 2
Ja yt ——, KE
on ONL
cee
es
THE DOLL IN THE DESERT 63
The Doll in the Desert
€ANE summer eve, a lion bold
sk Sat down to rest and dine,
Ere yet the darksome shades of night
Replaced the sun, which, round and bright,
Still did its best to shine.
He dined off dishes, chosen all
His curious taste to suit;
' Don’t ask me what those dishes were—
His menu-card would scarcely bear
Inspection too minute.
Suffice it that he dined and drank,
And then, arising, said:
“My energies ] must exert
To find some dainty for dessert,
Before I go to bed.â€
So, to a wild and rocky vale
He cautiously did pass,
But there was nothing to enchant,
Except a single cactus plant,
- And several blades of grass.
64
VERY FUNNY STORIES
Yet stay! What wondrous sight is this?
Behold a pretty maid,
With big blue eyes and golden locks,
Who leans against the frowning rocks,
Nor seems at all afraid!
O dainty sweetmeat for dessert,
"Tis happiness too much !
What wondrous sight is this ?
A greedy grin plays round his jaws,
A quiver seems to thrill his claws,
As if they longed to clutch.
“Her eyes are open—yet†(he says)
“Her slumbers must be deep;
And oh! what fun to see her fright,
To make her pretty cheeks turn white,
When she awakes from sleep!â€
THE DOLL IN THE DESERT 65
Then, drawing back a pace or two,
With eyes still fixed on hers,
He springs, with movements strong and fleet,
Beside his victim’s very feet—
Yet not a limb she stirs!
‘“She must indeed be ignorant,â€
He grumbles, with a sneer;
* He springs |
“For if she loved the things called books,
She now might know me by my looks,
And show some proper fear.
“Some practical zoology
[ll teach you, yes, I will!’
Lm fond of eating little girls†—
A breeze of evening lifts her curls,
But every limb is still,
5
66 VERY FUNNY STORIES
(lly Ga
CM
fl.
ay !
‘She might show some proper fear.â€
And while the lion stands to gaze,
_ There fades from off his face
The greedy grin it bore erewhile,
And very soon a doubtful smile
Appears, to take its place.
Uncanny must that creature be,
THE DOLL IN THE DESERT 67
There’s something in her fixed regard
That thrills him through and through ;
Though living in the Torrid Zone,
It seems to chill him to the bone—
He knows not what to do.’ ~
The hair uprises on his head,
With terror gleam his eyes;
He turns. . . and flies,
Uncanny must that creature be,
Who calmly looks on such as he!
And so aloud he cries:
“Tt ill befits my dignity
For luxuries to long,
And, in the evening, to partake
Of dainties, is a great mistake,
For those who would be strong !
68 VERY FUNNY STORIES
“J almost think I'll go away,
Though she’s so plump and fair;
Perhaps it makes her rather shy .
To have a lion standing by—
Besides, it’s rude to stare.â€
He gently turns, and slinks away,
With drooping tail and mane, _
Then faster flies, with all his strength,
And takes no rest, until at length
He reaches home again.
Long, long he thinks, and wonders how
Such calmness she preserved;
But does not guess, for all his pains,
That china dolls, who have no brains,
Can scarcely be unnerved!
eS] [e
A LITTLE SURPRISE 69
| A
om :
ast night brother Freddy was sitting up late,
@a>
Writing away at a terrible rate;
Books all around him, crammed full of knowledge,
Which boys - must learn who are going to
college,
And long strings of figures that dance in your
head,
And keep: you awake after getting to bed.
Well, right up till midnight he patiently worked—
Not one of those difficult lessons he shirked—
And feeling quite sure that no meddler would
find them,
He piled up the books with the candle behind
them,
And, spotless and neat, twenty pages of paper
Lay finished and dry when he blew out the
taper.
Then, groping his way to the library door,
Not making a sound on the carpeted floor,
70 VERY FUNNY STORIES
He locked it, and quietly crept up the stairs—
Not noticing Kitty slipped zz unawares.
And here is depicted the little surprise -
That greeted next morning his horror-struck eyes.
G.
ae) fee
A Country Ramble
ww GOOSE and a donkey went walking
a together,
And talked in an affable way of the weather,
“How stormy last week!†“How unsettled
to-day !â€
“Would it rain or be fine?†“ Well, one hardly
could say.â€
Such compliments, then, were exchanged by the
pair, nee
As few would have thought of, while taking the air ;
CATCHING THE CAT 71
The donkey brought out his most elegant bow,
While the goose would have blushed, if she had
“but known how.
And then they went on to lament and complain
‘That the way people spoke of. them gave them
much pain; .
And the dame, as she wiped her bright eye with
her wing,
Sighed that ‘donkey and goose mean about the
same thing.â€
Thus, pleased with each other, they rambled along,
And the donkey obliged his dear friend with a
song ;
And each of them sighed as they murmured adieu,
“IT never met azyone equal to you.â€
oS.
Se
Catching the Cat
Now: Mr. Green had swarms of mice,
And Mr. Brown had none;
So Mr. Brown, who kept two cats,
Agreed to lend him one.
«A beauty, sir, and black as ink ;
She’ll quickly clear your house,
And in a week you'll boast to me
You've not a single mouse!â€
72
VERY FUNNY STORIES
All very well; but when he sent
To fetch Miss Puss away,
Miss Puss declared that where she was
She much preferred to stay.
-She much preferred to stay.
In vain did Joe persuade, entreat,
And do his best to coax;
That wary little pussy cat
Was sure ’twas all a hoax.
CATCHING THE CAT “973
“An invitation? Very nice.
Oh yes, I understand ;
But then I don’t much like the thing
You're holding in your hand.
“There may be mice at Mr. Green’s,
There may be rats as well;
But then, suppose—I say, sappose—
You want my skin to sell!â€
At this, Joe made a sudden grab,
And chased her up and down,
Which all the more decided her
To stay with Mr. Brown.
“Ha, ha!†cried Puss, safe up a tree,
“No wish have I to roam;
For kittens, cats, and children, too,
The safest place is Home!â€
Sf fae
yA VERY FUNNY STORIES
ae Crader and the Cannibals
ae JONES, on business bound,
’ Finds himself wrecked on hostile ground.
His ship has sunk, his comrades gone,
He reached the shore, alas! alone.
Long time he stands beside the Pe
A melancholy castaway.
Absorbed in grief, he does not hear
The islanders who gather near.
They creep behind him, and at last -
Pounce on their prey and hold him fast.
THE TRADER AND THE CANNIBALS 75
SL
ae Sill ,
ey, n> WEE
To feed a savage tribe he goes;
The cook peculiar pleasure shows.
ATI, SAM
Ae ew
aap Mt
A happy thought—“ One moment, please!
Some samples of my trade are these.â€
&
476 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Ws ORS
alt iii (eo RSs WY SN
h My WNywwte 4
eto f
ay
“As earrings you. may like to use them.’
The savage grins—he won't refuse them.
‘Depart in peace,†he blandly says.
Jones not a moment longer stays.
?
THE TRADER AND THE CANNIBALS 77
a»
LG
gy aa Sie Ant ae
) Fae Sie H
LE
WaT &
ont oe
Thus left, the dusky potentate
Began to dance, with joy elate.
The quiet ticking pleased his ear:
Such pretty sounds he loved to hear.
_ But suddenly he gave a jump
Of fear—his heart went thump, thump, thump—
For, all at once and both alike,
The shrill-voiced clocks began to strike!
Then horror overcame the chief,
He trembled like an aspen leaf.
“Tl am bewitched!†he cried, and ran;
‘Why did I spare that trader man?â€
G..
78 VERY FUNNY STORIES.
Commy's Dreadful Dream
one was sleeping like a top,
When, to his great amazement,
An angry duck, with knife and fork, -
Came tapping at the casement.
“ Be off, be off, you savage bird,
_ Or else I'll call my mother!â€
The duck replied in hollow tones,
‘Why did you eat our brother?
TOMMY’S DREADFUL DREAM 79
“Revenge is sweet, and you must die,
No time is this for reasoning ;
The oven’s ready to a turn,
The cook has made the seasoning.
“Theyre busy now with Harry Ford,
He’s to be cooked for dinner;
And then we'll roast young Jacky Smith,
Who feels a wee bit thinner.â€
-
“Oh, let me live,†cried Tom, aghast,
“At least till I am fatter.â€
“As long as you're not old and tough,â€
Said they, “it does not matter!â€
“T’ll never eat roast duck again,â€
The culprit sighed, repenting ;
The cook he seized and trussed him well,
Without the least relenting.
80 VERY FUNNY STORIES
He laid him neatly in a pan
With tiny dabs of dripping ;
The little ducks looked on, and. then
For joy they fell to skipping.
The oven door was opened wide,
When Tommy, loudly screaming, —
Gave a great jump, and found, hurrah!
He had been only dreaming! |
PETG
JAN Ant-eater once had a beautiful present,
A new umbrella with ribs complete.
“Such a gift,†he said, “makes a downpour
pleasant, — €
A rainy day will be quite a treat!†—
AN ALARMING PATIENT 8i
So, after this, you will hardly wonder
That out he went in the very next rain,
Which was also accompanied Py lightning and
thunder,
And wild winds blowing a diene
Alas! poor beast, with his turned umbrella,
He wished himself home again, safe and warm ;
The whole of his sorrows I cannot tell. ‘Ah!
Why,†cried he, “did I face the storm?â€
That night, as he gazed at a bowl of gruel,
While mustard and water washed. round his
toes,
He exclaimed, “My pangs are indeed most
cruel ! ; &
l'll have a doctor to cure my woes.â€
6
82. VERY FUNNY STORIES
And so, at-an early hour next morning,
Doctor Gibbon, the monkey, came.
**Good sir,†said he, “let this be a warning ;
- Such heedless actions are much to blame!
“Still, you have merely a touch of fever,
No occasion to make a stir;
But, lest I should happen to prove a deceiver,
Permit me to look at your tongue, dear sir!â€â€”
Out popped the tongue of the sick Ant-eater,
And off the monkey flew in a fright!
No startled bird was ever fleeter _
Than Doctor Gibbon in taking flight.
THE ACROBATS 83
“No wonder it is that the beast is ailing!â€
He gasped, as soon as he dared to pause;
“No wonder at all that his health is failing,
While serpents wander around his jaws!â€
: Ww
a
a
The Acrobats
i qs tiresome dwelling on this plain,
re) With nothing to be seen
But stupid sand and stupid trees,
All yellow and all green ;
‘And here and there a babbling spring
That isn’t even clean!â€
84 _ VERY. FUNNY STORIES
While thus a sulky lion once
Lamented his dull lot,
A cheerful hippopotamus
‘Exclaimed, “Nay, grumble not!
For, since the weather is so clear,
The sun so bright and hot,
“Tye planned, this very afternoon,
That we shall have a treat,
In watching two skilled acrobats
Perform a daring feat ;
So please attend my party, sir,
For many friends you'll meet!â€
That afternoon, the eager beasts
Sat by a water-hole,
On either side of which arose
A gaily-tinted pole,
THE ACROBATS 85
A tight-rope was between them fixed—
Two storks surveyed the whole.
At length one stork politely asked,
“Have you a barrow, pray?â€
‘°Tis here,†the genial host replied,
“There need be no delay ;
It is the monkey’s very own,
He stole it yesterday!â€
86
VERY FUNNY STORIES
Behold them, then, upon the rope,
‘Tis neither strong nor wide!
One stork the barrow has to wheel,
The other stork must ride.
But ah! ’tis vain, they cannot hope
To reach the other side!
That slender rope is far too weak,
It breaks for all their care,
And shrieks and cries in every key
Are floating through the air,
As every beast lifts up its voice
In accents of despair.
But lo! what awful sight is this?
The beasts all change their tone,—
The thieving storks are flying off,
The monkey gives a groan,
No more will he that barrow see
Which was “Ads very own.â€
Sw
Bas re =e
aS oo
THE LASSO TRICK 87
Che Sasso Crick
With simple lasso neatly thrown,
WO schoolboys, Jean and bold Pierre,
Who ran and romped without a care,
’Mid wondering words, and curious looks,
Displayed a sudden taste for books!
Fond parents beamed, and schoolmates jeered,
But calm, unheeding, they appeared ;
And, leaving comrades rough and rude,
They read their books in solitude.
Enchanting tales they read with zest,
And learned how cowboys of the West,
88 VERY FUNNY STORIES
é
Fatin ; Sin SOB MR Wren
MeN OG eo =
Se Sy, {ce
—- = ee re ~~
Se
| iy
Around its neck the stranger laid that wily noose,
THE LASSO TRICK 89
With simple lasso, neatly thrown,
Make many a roving beast their own.
Cried little Jean, “And why not we?â€
“Why not?†exclaimed Pierre, with glee.
“We'll make a lasso firm and strong,
To catch the first that comes along!â€
The deed was done, and quickly they
Behind a fence in hiding lay ;
ip
Nearer and nearer still he came.
And very soon they did espy
An unsuspecting passer-by.
He saw them not, he was alone,
So swiftly was the lasso thrown ;
Said Jean, ‘“‘ We've caught a man, I hope! â€â€”
Alas! the man had caught the rope |
VERY FUNNY STORIES
Close by, a dog, on dinner bent,
Was gnawing bones with sweet content,
And round its neck the stranger laid
That wily noose Pierre had made!
They quailed before that fierce Bow-wow.
The boys, in happy innocence,
Pulled in their victim to the fence,
And wondered why, though stout and tall,
He made resistance faint and small.
Nearer and nearer still he came;
Cried Jean, ‘This zs a glorious game!â€
When lo! a sudden awful sound
Made both the boys turn quickly round,
THE LASSO TRICK gI
Pierre the bold grew pale with fear,
And Jean looked ill at ease and queer ;
For where were pride and courage now ?—
They quailed before that fierce “ Bow-wow /â€
Pierre rushed off with might and main, -
Jean strove to hold the rope in vain;
It caused its captors to repent!
And ere that dog’s whole strength was spent,
It caused its captors to repent!
With grimy hands, and garments torn,
They meekly bore their schoolmates’ scorn ;
And- vowed, with many tears, that they
No more that charming game would play!
92 VERY FUNNY STORIES
The Lion who went a~F ishing
AN LION once a-fishing went
Se (An ardent sportsman he!),
“Some good fat fish,†he
smiling said,
‘“My evening meal shall be.â€
“I’m getting tired of cattle flesh,
Giraffes are growing rare;
“To stimulate my appetite,
I need a change of fare.â€
He reached the river, launched his boat—
His punt, | should have said— -
And, trusting to no slender line,
He used a rope instead.
SNOT
ae
tes
THE LION WHO WENT A-FISHING — 93
A crocodile espied the
bait. &.
And deftly seized th
cord ; 5
He tugged—the fisher-
man capsized,
And splash! fell over-
board.
Down through the gloomy water-depths
The-king of beasts was drawn,
94 VERY FUNNY STORIES
As unresistingly as once
fle dragged ‘some dappled fawn.
His breath gave out, his strength was gone,
And in‘a little while
The lion lay a lifeless. corpse
Before the crocodile.
Now, neath the wave, encased in glass,
To grace an Exhibition,
That sportsman sits; and visitors
Pay sixpence for admission.
OUR NEIGHBOUR, THE BLACK CAT 95
Our Neighbour, the Black Cat
KWH .
3
To watch the mreereee bright ead round,
p| SIT and think of bygone days,
When six cats played together,
Enjoying life in many ways,
All through the summer weather.
Over the garden walls we ranged,
Or through the area railings
(But now, alas! the world seems changed,
For even cats have failings! ).
To watch the moon, so bright and round,
One night we all assembled,
When suddenly there rose a sound,
At which the bravest trembled.
96 VERY FUNNY STORIES
It was. the barking of a cur,
Aroused from his first slumber!
We hardly dared to breathe or stir,
Till one among our number—
The great black cat that lives next door—
Said, “I, for one, won’t bear it ;
ib gaia g
alle QQ
iu I oe
Pi af
f | wy
a | : ue
tify ENS
lay ee x
’
YS
eo
Next time we met him on the wall.
No dog e’er troubled us before,
*Tis cruel, I declare it!
‘But (listen, friends, to what I say),
Without one mew of warning, -
Pll drive the savage beast away,
First thing to-morrow morning!â€
OUR NEIGHBOUR, THE BLACK CAT 07
And so, when daylight came at length,
We hastened (grievous error!)
To see how Tommy’s claws and strength
Had driven out our terror.
t
|
Alas! our hopes soon found an end;
There lay the foe, just dozing,
. And at his side was our false friend,
With blandest smile reposing.
Next time we met him on the wall,
With howls the wretch was greeted ;
We stormed and wept, but each and all
With calm disdain he treated.
He listened like a senseless log
(The Tom we once thought clever),
And when he said he Joved that ee
We cast him off for ever !
W.
a
98 ' VERY FUNNY STORIES:
The Giant and the Dwarf
WBHEN the Lord of Kilmankrauser dined
In his high baronial hall,
Behind his chair stood Hans the Short,
And likewise Hans the Tall.
They were, as you may see yourself,
An ill-assorted pair ;
For one was much too foe and thin,
The other much too square.
THE GIANT AND THE DWARF 99
Their master laughed at each in turn;
But envy’s poisoned dart
Did rankle in the dwarf’s broad breast,
And pierced his very heart.
To walk beside his giant mate
Drove him completely wild,
The former took such strange delight .
In acting like a child.
For, as they went along, he’d think —
Of every knavish trick, |
And clear his short companion’s head
With frequent easy kick.
100
‘VERY. FUNNY '.STORIES...-
The which was so annoying, that
_ The dwarf devised a plan
To make himself the equal of
_ This aggravating man.
And Hans the Tall discovered that
A pair of wooden pegs
Will sometimes answer just as well
- As lengthy human legs. =
In point of fact, he soon perceived,
When passing through the gate,
That now he stood an inch or two
Below his stilted mate.
THE GIANT AND THE DWARF IOI
This made Sir Lanky gnash his teeth,
And frown a with’ring frown,
The while he thought of every way
To bring the upstart down.
Full many a day he watched in vain,
Till fortune willed that he ~
Should find his comrade fast asleep
Beneath a spreading tree.
Then, quick, a saw! And soft, to work!
Thus chuckled Hans the Tall,
“My pigmy friend, you must be taught
That pride will have its fall!†-
102
VERY FUNNY STORIES
But not so fast! For Hans the. Short
Awoke and gave a yell,
And, like a whirlwind, quick as thought
Upon his rival fell.
Determined in his valiant mind
To stop this once for all,
And squash the haughty arrogance
Of stuck-up ‘Hans the Tall.
He ano) d him with such goodwill,
The giant roared with pain,
And sighed and vowed he nevermore
Would play such pranks again.
THE GIANT AND THE DWARF 103
For oh, there dwelt a chicken’s heart
Within that lanky frame;
And very soon the plucky dwarf
Was master of the game,
And from that hour of combat dire
Things were not as they’d been;
And as regards this worthy pair
A change came o’er the scene.
‘For Hans the Tall seemed shorter grown,
And Hans the Short more tall, :
Until between them there appeared
No difference at all.
S.
104 VERY FUNNY STORIES
A foreigner
Gy NE day, as we were walking
*- Round the village, idly talking
Of the safest ways to hide a mutton-bone,
We beheld a wondrous creature,
Whose absurdities of feature
Turned big Nero and the rest of us to stone.
But we found, with earnest gazing
At the vision so amazing,
That this stranger was a dog who did iis hair
In the atest Paris fashion ;
And it roused the deepest. passion
In the breast of every gaping watcher there!
A FOREIGNER =» 105
There are some who like concealing
Each unpleasant thought and feeling—
Speaking out is what the British dog prefers!
So I cried, “You ave a noodle!â€
But he answered, “ No, a foodle,
And I xever talk to common little curs.â€
Then he turned his back so proudly,
That we barked and scolded loudly—
For we longed to slay the monster as he stood.
“Come along,†said scornful Nero,
With the gesture of a hero,
“He shall have a lésson which will do him Bea S
106 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Oh! the glorious fun that followed!
His superfluous locks we swallowed,
And old Nero found his tresses quite a treat ;
So we gave that poodle warning,
And no more for many a morning
Will he venture to parade the village street!
W.
A RIDE FOR NOTHING 107
A Ride for Nothing
ene grocer’s boy and the doctor's page
a. Were just about the self-same age;
Round every corner of every street
Those bosom friends were sure to meet.
One day a cart was passing by,
Said Jim, a boy but seldom shy,
“T never walk when I can ride,
Let’s have two pennyworth outside.â€
108 VERY FUNNY STORIES
Well answered Buttons, “I don’t mind.â€
So the young rogues got up behind,
And grinned to think how far they’d go
Before the driver came to know.
They’d only met four times that day,
And: therefore they had much to say ;
And such a tale Jim told his friend,
It made his hair stand up on end.
A thrilling story of a band
Of robbers bold’ in some far land ;
A RIDE FOR NOTHING | 109
Of rescuing a princess fair
With yards and yards of golden hair.
Such deeds as this made Buttons eyes .
Grow round and rounder with surprise ; ~
And when the hero fought with four,
And killed them all, he shrieked “ Yoorvoar/â€
The driver turned; and, wet and dripping,
Two boys were shortly homeward slipping,
Feeling for once so very small,
That neither spoke one word at all.
ANNI =]
My \ \ ~
110 - VERY FUNNY STORIES
The Frenchman's Fig
S
wwe
YQ
x
py,
My,
aw.
ve \
Ai\
Me
SS
;
y\s
intB
o>
we
1
]
a
Nig
=
AS
SS
WG
eee NDMOUIER BABETTE was old and
grey,
But Grandmother Babette possessed a way
Of ruling them all, from the great Marie,
To the milkman’s daughter, the small Julie!
‘Pierre, I tell thee; thou lazy Pierre,â€
Grandmother Babette shrieked in his ear,
“Thou art the one that we best can spare;
Take thou the pig to St. Martin’s fair!â€
THE FRENCHMAN’S PIG . TIT,
Pierre, with a nod of his towzled head,
Fetched the pig from the white-washed shed;
And off they started—a handsome pair—
To-trudge ten miles to St. Martin’s fair.
——“ Hola, we'll take the train, why not?
The road is dusty, the day is hot;
| Oe
SPAR — ee |
mer IIR | [ cuemuns DE TO
Sena anh aecueneN
[iLeh SA 7) 7S =
! WARY SEE
4
| S| ee
ee THERON
Cape A
weer ene
>
EZ
i
“| (
i a
And our six legs twill greatly spare:
‘Tis a bit of a step to St. Martin’s fair.
“Deed and it is ;—a rare long way!
—Third return, ma’am, 8°27 vous plait:
My fat friend here will go under the seat.
Ah, he’s a fine bit of sausage meat !â€
112 “VERY FUNNY STORIES.
The train was in; the valiant Pierre
Dashed through the gateway, shouting, ‘“ Here,
Stop, if you please, till we’re on board,â€
And all but choked his pig with the cord.
The whistle sounded; and he made haste |
To seize the pig by its ample waist, ©
And, while it squeaked and squeaked again, |
Tried to bundle it into the train.
The stationmaster, in dire alarm,
Caught Pierre quickly by the arm:
“My good man, this will never do;
That pig can’t travel along with you!â€
THE F
RENCHMAN’S PIG
This made our rustic blankly stare:
‘“‘Deary me, sir,
I'll take good care
He doesn’t get biting the lady’s feet :
Quiet he'll lie beneath the seat.â€
““Nonsense, man, that isn’t the way;
Pigs must go in the pen—and pay!â€
oy }. ,
Ais
Pierre stood thinking what he should do,
For, alack! he’d spent his very last sou.
Soon a thought
_Why not tether
“Good old Jum
A minute later,
8
i... ping, mie \ ys
=i
Hy ) t We
flashed into his mind,
the pig behind?
per, he'll have to run!â€
the deed was done.
113
114 ‘VERY FUNNY STORIES
And then our Pierre, quite satisfied, ©
Took, with a grin, his seat inside,
Thinking, the gaby! that surely never
The world could have known a young chap so
clever ;
Still, he was not easy quite,
Not so convinced he had done right,
And when the long train would rock and shake,
He grew quite alarmed for Jumper’s sake.
As on they rushed at a rattling pace, —
Graver and graver grew his face:
« Suppose the pig should die on the way,
What will old Grandma Babette say?â€
“THE FRENCHMAN’S PIG 115
Scarcely arrived. Pierre tumbled out,
And found behind the train—a snout !
Poor old Jumper was, so to say,
Strewn in fragments along the way!
Oh, young man of the scanty brains,
Take up with care the “sole remains ;â€
q
i)
we Lali
vB
UH
Where the rest of that pig may be,
Go ask the railway company !
*Sadder and, we will hope, more wise,
Pierre crept home with downcast eyes :
Never will that smart youth again
Fasten a pig behind a train!
116
VERY FUNNY STORIES
Josy's Cat
AH E pictures queer that Josy drew
Were full of spirit and far from few ;
Her ships seemed always sailing fast,
~ Her houses all seemed built to last.
She drew the sideboard, chairs, and table;
She drew the pony in the stable,
The swallow nests beneath the eaves,
The rabbits eating lettuce leaves.
She drew the puppy on the mat,
She drew her grandpa’s Sunday hat ;
And sometimes, for a variation,
She drew—on her imagination.
One day the curly head was bent
Above her slate, on work intent ;
Full oft she bit her lip in doubt,
And often were the lines rubbed out.
At last she put the final touch,
Held up her slate, admired it much ;
Then eagerly she ran to find
Her mother, friend and critic kind.
JOSY’S CAT 117
Long did her gentle mother stare!
The sketch was strange beyond compare.
“Why, what on earth, my dear, is that?â€
Said Josy, “ Dog pursuing cat.â€
“But why a six-legged cat?†‘Oh, well,
I wanted Pussy, truth to tell, j
To get safe out of such a fix,
So gave him four legs, Pussy six.â€
G.
S|} [=
118 . VERY FUNNY STORIES
his First Photograph |
oe TOMPKINS thought that he
#). Would take up Home Photographee.
“My neighbour's donkey, now, would be
A subject just the sort for me.â€
But to himself the donkey said,
“Such liberties are most ill-bred!â€
And Tompkins found himself instead
Alighting slowly on his head. |
THREE STUDIOUS YOUTHS 11g
Chree Studious Youths
euRee studious youths of Bangalore,
Who many a year content had been
O’er dusty science books to pore,
Conceived a wish for change of scene.
“Let us go forth,†they said, “ and look
On Nature as shé really is;
Study the tadpoles in the brook,
And search out many mysteries.†-
A lion barred the way! They reel—
They scream, they fly, with faces pale,
Exclaiming, “No, we never deal
With Nature oz so large a scale.â€
! “G.
120 VERY FUNNY STORIES
KORE _ bea
E
@ ZEEE
am
How 2 BUNNIE Missed The PARTY.
7
‘‘We must give a grand party.â€
| “ RS. BENJAMIN BUNNIE, of Bunniecomb
a Lea,
Was a lady of spirit; folk said that when she
Had made up her mind, the thing had to be
done ;
There was no one who cared about old Papa
Bun..
“We must give a grand party when Mopsy is
wed.
My dear, ’tis quite useless to waggle your head ;
MR. BUNNIE’S PARTY 121
If you don't know your duty, it’s well I know
mine :
And you'll order six bottles of gooseberry wine.â€
‘“‘T was turning it quietly round in my mind.â€
“Must I wear my top-hat, love, the new one
that rubs ?
And the collar you gave me? ’Twas kind, but
it scrubs!
My party shoes pinch, and my coat is too tight.â€
—“Of course, sir! I can’t have you looking a
fright |â€
ae VERY FUNNY STORIES
At this Bun dejectedly drooped his long ears,
Saying,‘ Settle the matter between you, my
dears. ©
A party is hard to arrange, as youll find,
So I'll just turn it quietly round in my mind.â€
Well, the thoughts Bunnie had were so clever
and deep, |
Small wonder they very soon sent him to sleep;
And Mopsy discovered him near the back
door,
Giving vent to them all in a very loud nee!
The guests, when invited to Bunniecomb Lea,
Said, “ Really they didn’t quite know, but they'd
see 5
They perhaps might accept, but they rather
- thought not†; ae
All the same they inquired—‘“ Will the supper —
be hot?â€
MR. BUNNIE’S PARTY | 123
And old Jimmy Jackdaw remarked to his wife,
That parties were nonsense at their time of life ;
But still he supposed, for the dear children’s
sake,
An effort to go they must certainly make.
Parties were nonsense at their time of life.
Mrs. Daw slightly coughed, and observed, in
| that case
“She would order a costume of real Spanish
lace ;
124 VERY FUNNY STORIES
‘For her kind hubby knew it was never her
habit | :
To be put in the shade, least of all by a
rabbit.
Mrs. Bunnie was splendid, with plumes in her hair.
The day came at length, and the guests too, by
dozens ;
Pa Bunnie was sent to beg plates from some
cousins ; |
‘Hurry back,†cried his wife, ‘‘just as fast as you
can!â€
But he did not return; and the party began.
MR. BUNNIE’S PARTY 125
Mrs. Bunnie was splendid, with plumes in her
hair,
And a train of such length, it made all the folk
stare;
While the young-lady linnets with envy turned
pale
At the sight of Miss Mopsy’s long elegant
veil.
The music struck up; it was something to see
The way they all capered on Bunniecomb
Lea;
How the cuckoo persisted in dancing alone,
And the owls set to partners who were not
their own.
- The dormice were yawning the very first set,
While poor Mr. Hedgehog no partners could
get
The ladies would never have proved so unkind,
Had the thoughtless young man left his prickles
behind.
6 VERY FUNNY STORIES
The band sat and fiddled as hard as could
be;
‘Tumty—tum—tumty, and tumty—tum—/ee /â€
WES
The band sat and fiddled as hard as could be.
There was blind Mr. Raven and lame Mr.
Crow, ;
And both of them knew how to handle a bow.
But listen; the party was just at its height,
When in burst old Bun in a terrible plight,
MR. BUNNIE’S PARTY 127
Wis
D
In burst old Bun in a terrible plight.
As battered a rascal as ever was seen;
His wife shrieked, ‘“‘Oh, Benjamin, where have
you been?â€
“My darling,†said Bunnie, in quivering tones,
“T sat down a minute to rest my old bones;
The dogs came and found me, and vowed I was
game ; .
And though I denied, I was chased all the same!â€
128 VERY FUNNY STORIES
“Go at once, sir, and dress;†this was all his
wife said.
The truant ran off ;—but he jumped into bed;
And, happy at last, he extinguished the light,
Lay down on the pillow, and murmured—
“ Goop-NIGHT |â€
THE :
Rep -N URSERY SERIES.
ne
Twentieth Thousand.
ALL THE PRETTIEST NURSERY RHYMES. Pro-
fusely Illustrated with clever and amusing Sketches by J. R. SINCLAIR.
Illuminated boards, price Is.
“The most complete collection of nursery rhymes that I have ever seen.â€â€”Lady’s
Pictorial.
‘We have taken a fancy to this quaint little boo! —Saturday Review.
“ 4 capital collection of familiar friends, and other rhymes that promise to become popular
in the infant world.â€â€”Christian. :
“We took up this charming rhyme book and did not return it to its place till we had been
from cover to cover. The rhymes are daintily attired both in page and cover, and we can
only say we do not know the child who would not be made happy by possessing the book.†—
Schoolmaster.
Twentieth Thousand,
ONE HUNDRED NEW ANIMAL STORIES. By
Atrrep E. Lomax, Author of ‘The Story of Sir Samuel Baker,†ete:
etc. Illustrated by various. Artists. Illuminated boards, price Is.
“The tales are well chosen and well told.â€â€” Aforning Post.
‘Deserves a prominent place. It is freely illustrated, and will delight youngsters.†—
Independent.
“« & wonderiul record of animal sagacity.â€â€”Pudlic Opinion.
‘¢ Brimful of interest to young people from the first page to the last.’"—Record.
“The book may certainly be commended to parents and those having the charge of
children as providing an unfailing course of ‘entertaining anecdotes.â€â€”Christian Globe.
“Nothing could be written more calculated to interest our young folk.â€â€”Christian
Million: 5
“Will inculcate kindness to dumb animals, and encourage intelligent interest in their
habits.â€â€”School Board Chronicle. 3
THE LITTLE RUNAWAYS. By M. H. M. Capes, Author of
‘Two Little Brothers,†etc. Illustrated by JOHN GULICcH, and others.
Illuminated boards, price Is.
VERY FUNNY STORIES, told in Rhyme. With many
amusing and grotesque Pictures by various Artists. Illuminated boards,
price Is.
Other Volumes in Preparation.
London; THE SUNDAY SCHOOL UNION, 57 and 59 Ludgate Hill, E.¢,
*
THE
Cuitp’s Own MaGazine.
MONTHLY, ONE HALFPENNY.
pales
=
mh
ff
Be
“h
°
SS
SS
3
MOE
eae =
VON
NX
eae fi
SPECIMEN ILLUSTRATION (REDUCED) FROM THE CURRENT VOLUME.
London; ‘THE SUNDAY SCHOOL UNION, 57 and 59 Ludgate Hill, E.¢.
AND OF ALL BOOKSELLERS AND NEWSAGENTS,
$ XN
“The veteran but ‘ever green’ Child's Own Magazine.â€â€”Daity TELEGRAPH.
For over: Sixty Years the Children’s Favourite.
JHE CHILD'S OWN MAGAZINE.
MONTHLY, ONE HALFPENNY.
Profusely Illustrated by Clever Artists.
A delightful SERIAL STORY rons through each
Yearly Volume.
There are, besides, a variety of interesting Tales and
Articles, mostly Illustrated. _
Tales of the Nursery. Tales of Adventure.
Tales of Home Pets. , Tales of Fairyland.
Tales from History. Tales of Brave Deeds.
Tales of Far-off Lands. i Tales of the Sea.
Simple Poems of all kinds, Grave and Gay.
The Spectator recently said: ‘We were struck, in looking through the volume, with the
good quality of some of the verse, an article which ought to be made as good for children as
for grown-ups. ‘ There are other praiseworthy things in the magazine, the illustrations, for
instance, but the verse is the most notable.â€
Amusing PICTURE PUZZLES specially prepared for this Magazine. :
NEW PRIZE COMPETITIONS,
For Boys and Girls under x3 years of age. Numerous and Beautiful Prizes. ~
Portraits of Prize-Winners.
A High-Class Coloured Frontispiece is always issued with the January number.
WHAT THE PRESS SAYS:
The Daily Chronicle says: ‘‘It is pleasant to find that a periodical for children which
was so early in the field, and which is therefore entitled to some of the honours due to the
pioneer, is still alive and apparently flourishing. It certainly deserves to flourish. Both the
letterpress and the illustrations are excellent, and the interest of many of the young sub-
scribers will be intensified by the Prize Competitions, which are so arranged as to bea real
test of the intelligence of the youthful competitors.â€
The Westminster Gazette says: ‘Though it counts sixty years of existence, it is still
fresh and young, and for the very little ones, an admirable book.â€
The Glasgow Herald says: ‘ Always a welcome addition to the nursery library.â€
The Literary World says: ‘Full of reading and pictures such as little folks love.â€
The Tines says: ‘The Child's Own Magazine is clever and compact.â€
MONTHLY, ONE HALFPENNY.
Published by
THE SUNDAY SCHOOL UNION, 57 and 59 Ludgate Hill, E.C.;
AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS.
LITTLE FOLKS’ LAND.
oA BOOK OF VERSE FOR CHILDREN.
- By Horace G. Groser,
Author of “ Atlantis, and other Poems.â€
With Title-page and Frontispiece specially designed by
CHARLES ROBINSON, and printed ‘in red and black.
Demy 12mo, cloth boards, gilt top, price 1Sa
“Mr. Groser’s simplicity, sympathy, ’and humour make him admirable as a writer of
childish verses.†Speaker. ~ :
“‘A charming little book of graceful verse. . . . Altozether, it is agem for the nursery
library.â€â€”Saturday Review.
“Mr. Groser’s subjects are all of the simplest, but he touches them with a delicate grace.â€
—Journal of Education, : :
cua that children will love—breathing quaintness, feeling, and whimsical simplicity.â€
— Sun.
‘“One of the most delightful of recent books for young readers. It merits a place with
es in Wonderland’ and ‘ Water Babies’ in the libraries of the little folks."—Dundee
Advertiser. i
THE
ROYAL MAIL PICTURE BOOK.
Beautifully Printed in Colours in the highest class
of Chromo-Lithography.
/ Price 1s.
AMONG THE NUMEROUS PICTURES ARE
THe MAIL Firty Years’Aao. THE PILLAR Box. New PARCEL Post
MaiL— FresH Horses. THE CuHrisTMAs ‘PARCEL Post. OcEAN
STEAMERS CARRYING THE MAILs. ATTACK ON THE OVERLAND MAIL
An Up-Country MAIL IN- THE COLONIES.
What the late POSTMASTER-GENERAL said about the ROYAL MAIL PICTURE BOOK:
‘Mr. ARNoLD Mor .ey considers the Pictures very attractive, and that the publication will
be of considerable interest.â€
THIRD EDITION...
“GENTLE JESUS.â€
A LIFE OF CHRIST FOR LITTLE FOLKS.
Written by HELEN E. Jackson.
With Illustrations by W. S. Sracry.
Small 4to, cloth boards, price 3s. 6d.
“Tt is no small achievement for the author to have succeeded where so many have failed—
to have succeeded in telling the life of Christ in a way sure to be enthralling for the little
ones "—Fanzily Churchman. r
‘A more admirable work for the young it would be hard to conceive.â€â€”Cioil Service
Gazette.
“Gracefully written and charmingly produced.â€â€”Army and Nawy Gazette.
London: THE SUNDAY SCHOOL UNION, 57 and 59 Ludgate Hill, E.C.
|
|