Citation
Butterscotia, or, A cheap trip to fairy land

Material Information

Title:
Butterscotia, or, A cheap trip to fairy land
Portion of title:
Cheap trip to fairy land
Cover title:
Butter-scotia
Creator:
Parry, Edward Abbott, 1863-1943
MacGregor, Archie ( Illustrator )
Nutt, David ( Publisher )
Naumann, W. P ( Engraver )
Ballantyne, Hanson and Co. ( printer )
Place of Publication:
London
Publisher:
David Nutt
Manufacturer:
Ballantyne, Hanson & Co.
Publication Date:
Language:
English
Physical Description:
169, [1], 12 p., [6] leaves of plates : ill., map. (fold.), music ; 21 cm.

Subjects

Subjects / Keywords:
Children -- Conduct of life -- Juvenile literature ( lcsh )
Conduct of life -- Juvenile literature ( lcsh )
Brothers and sisters -- Juvenile literature ( lcsh )
Fairyland (Imaginary place) -- Juvenile literature ( lcsh )
Storytelling -- Juvenile literature ( lcsh )
Seashore -- Juvenile literature ( lcsh )
Voyages and travels -- Juvenile literature ( lcsh )
Children's poetry ( lcsh )
Fairy tales ( lcsh )
Children's poetry -- 1896 ( lcsh )
Fantasy literature -- 1896 ( rbgenr )
Publishers' catalogues -- 1896 ( rbgenr )
Bldn -- 1896
Genre:
Children's poetry
Fantasy literature ( rbgenr )
Publishers' catalogues ( rbgenr )
novel ( marcgt )
Spatial Coverage:
England -- London
Scotland -- Edinburgh
Target Audience:
juvenile ( marctarget )

Notes

General Note:
Illustrations engraved by W.P. Naumann.
General Note:
Publisher's catalogue follows text.
Statement of Responsibility:
by Edward Abbott Parry ; illustrated by Archie MacGregor.

Record Information

Source Institution:
University of Florida
Holding Location:
University of Florida
Rights Management:
This item is presumed to be in the public domain. The University of Florida George A. Smathers Libraries respect the intellectual property rights of others and do not claim any copyright interest in this item. Users of this work have responsibility for determining copyright status prior to reusing, publishing or reproducing this item for purposes other than what is allowed by fair use or other copyright exemptions. Any reuse of this item in excess of fair use or other copyright exemptions may require permission of the copyright holder. The Smathers Libraries would like to learn more about this item and invite individuals or organizations to contact The Department of Special and Area Studies Collections (special@uflib.ufl.edu) with any additional information they can provide.
Resource Identifier:
026295962 ( ALEPH )
ALH6213 ( NOTIS )
06691512 ( OCLC )

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Full Text















niversi
of
Florida

The Baldwin Library

RmB









BUTTER-SCOTIA
OR

A CHEAP TRIP TO
FAIRYLAND



a

Pye
1g eal

Te

Na

OT TG is
inf

nu v7



THE SWAN-BORNE .BOAT






Printed by BALLANTYNE, Hanson & Co,
At the Ballantyne Press



TO MOTHER THE MINDFUL
THIS VOLUME IS AFFEC-
TIONATELY DEDICATED
BY PATER THE PRIM



[All rights reserved |



CONTENTS

CHAP.

I, CHILDREN FOUR
II. TOWARDS FAIRYLAND
Il, HOUPLA THE HERALD
Iv, THE PRINCESSES’ JOURNEY
Vv. THE RED CROSS KNIGHT
VI. BRASSIFACE THE SON OF BULGER
VI, THE WITCH’S HOT-POT .
VII. AT THE COURT OF KING PUCK
IX. THE DRAGON
X. THE SUGARBOROUGH ELECTION .
XI, THE TRIAL OF TOMAKIN

XII, HOME AGAIN

PAGE

99

. Tig

. 128



LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS:

Page
The Swan Borne Boat . ‘ ; . Frontispiece
Title Page
Map of Butter-Scotia . : : . to follow page viii
The Discontented Pig . : : 2 ot 7
The Cause of Happiness in Others. : : : 9
Krab Exhibits his Show-card . : : : 212
The Banks of Treacle River . : . ; . 17
The Bar Sheep. : am : . 26
Cassiopeia. . : : : : . 30
Houpla, the Herald . : : . 36
Fashion Plate from the Dahlia News” . : . 42
Sir Olga’s Arms . ; : ; : . 46
Birch Rod preceding the Princesses . : . . 57
The Great Seal blesses the Princesses : : - 59
Mother Slipper Slopper’s Cottage. . . . 62
The Mysterious Magpie Minstrel. . . to face 65
Big Baby Baffy . : : : fog 7S
McKrab the Caddie : : . : : . 81.
Baffy to Play! . : : : . . to face 82
The Witch's Incantation . i . : fy 88
Mother Chattox . “= : : 92
The Ballad of Our Cat. : . : ices 96 and 97
Further Consideration . : : : 104,
The Blue Toad. j : : ‘ : . 112
The Raven Schoolmistress : : ; ; . 116
The Dragon is Physichked : . : : . 121
The Fight with the Dragon. : : . to face 126
The Triumph of the Niblich . . 7 : . 127
The Cabinet Council . . . : . 131
Obadiah Ostrich, Esq. . . : : . . 137
Mrs. Ostrich’s Song ; . ; . . 138
Mr. Ferret at Work. . . : : . 148
The Raven Cross-examined d : : . 155
The Sisters Primrose. ; . ; : . 165
Herr Krab the Ringmaster. 3 : : . 162

The illustrations are from process blocks
prepared by W. P. Naumann



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BUTTER-SCOTIA

CHAPTER I
CHILDREN FOUR

Though Olga is a learned child and fond of French and
Latin,

She condescends to dressing up if the gowns are silk and
satin ;

But while she reads and writes so well, and knows how to
recite,

I should not mind if she could not read, if all she did was

right.

Oh Molly’s hair is yellow still, it’s frizzled once a week,

And when her wig is peppered up she is too proud to speak;

Her eyes are blue, she has but two, her squeal is rather
loud,

You would take her for a pretty child if you met her in-.a

crowd.



Butter-Scotia

When Kate is really good and kind, she isa charming child,

But with the Katawampus she would make a beaver wild,

She sulks a bit at bread and milk ; but oh! she is so sweet,

When you give her buns or birthday cake or anything nice
to eat.

Oh, Tomakin’s a nobleman, he is his mother’s joy ;
In all the world, there never was such a splendid little boy,
He plays with mother half the day, and tries to help her
— too; :
Without our little Tomakin whatever should we do?
PatTER’s Book of Rhymes.

O you remember a story about three little girls
anda laddie boy ? It was called “ Katawam-
pus,” and was all about Olga, Molly, Kate, and
Tomakin. Ah! that was a story. But this

one shall be a better story, if you like it better, not otherwise.

It begins in this way.

Once upon a time Pater and Mother had taken Olga, Molly,
Kate, and Tomakin to the seaside, to a place called Fleetwood.
Olga was quite grown-up now and ten years old. She could
say, “If you please,” in French, though she still sometimes
forgot it in English ; and as for Latin, she could tell you
in that language how “the Queen gave presents to the
good girls,” and how the “renowned orators praised the bad
King.” Indeed, if she had gone to live with the Romans, she
would have been quite at home among them, as long as they
kept to the first three declensions, and only used a few easy
verbs. Molly was eight years old, and as big a romp as
ever. Kate, too, was a year older, and was now seven,

4



Children Four

and had left the Kindergarten and gone into the “upper”
school. So you see she, also, was quite a grown-up young
woman. .

As for Tomakin, he was several inches taller, and talked
more plainly every day. Pater said it was time he turned
out to the Kindergarten, but Mother would not hear of it.
Indeed, what Mother and the servants would have done all
the morning without Tomakin to play with, Pater could never
make out, though it made Mother quite angry if any one
said that he was kept at home for her sake. He was growing
up to be a regular “ pickle,” working off his spare energy and
intelligence by inquiring into the ways of water-taps, and
studying the destructive properties of fire, and his pockets
were already far too small for the collection of odds and
ends he wanted to keep in them.

I daresay you have never heard of Fleetwood. The people
who live there say it is the finest place in the world. And,
indeed, if you had lived there all your life, you might well
believe it. There is an asphalt parade to whip tops on, with
a row of houses behind it facing the sea. There are sands
to dig in, a sea to bathe in, big timber groins to jump over
and to keep the sea from washing the sand away, lots of
boats to sail in, and then, on a wet day, you can watch the
big ships coming up the channel to the dock, or see the
fishing fleet go out.

Well, the children had been there for a week or two, and
were living in a house on the parade close to the shore.
One fine hot summer’s afternoon they were all four playing
on the sands and talking about their grievances. Like
many children who have a real good time, and pretty much
all their own way, they fancied they were rather badly treated.

5



Butter-Scotia

e

Each little girl had dug for herself a ‘sand mansion, while
Tomakin amused himself by jumping first into one house and ,
then into another, and, when he was thrust out, going off to
dabble in pools, from which he had to be brought back
forcibly. The tide was still a long way off their houses, but
the children were getting tired of digging, and were now
all lying about on the sand watching the approach of the
waves.

“There’s nothing to do here,” said Olga, as she turned a
pudding out of her pail to make an ornamental gate-post for
her sand-house.

“There are no mountains like those in Ireland,” said
Molly. .

“ And no blackberries,” sighed Kate.

“ And Pater won’t take us fishing as he promised,” con-
tinued Olga.

“Tf it would only rain we might go indoors and have
‘dressing up,’” suggested Kate.

“Tell us a story, do!” said Molly.

“T don’t know any stories,” replied Olga, gloomily.

“Try the ‘Discontented Pig,’” said a voice from behind
the groin.

‘“Tt’s Pater,” shouted Molly at the top of her voice. . “ Let’s
~make him tell us a story.” But it was not Pater at all, for,
as the children started up, a little figure jumped over the
timber groin into their midst, and they saw that it was
their old friend Krab, the cave-man. Yes, there he was
in his old blue and yellow suit and long-pointed shoes,
with his feather and cap, and kind smiling face, just as
they had met him a year ago on the mountain-side in
Treland.

6



Children Four z

“ Try the ‘ Discontented Pig,’” -he repeated, as he squeezed
himself into Kate’s sand-house and sat down beside her.

“T don’t know it,” said Olga.

“Well, then, I'll tell it you,” said Krab.

All the children settled down close beside him, and he
began.



ee
Once upon a time there was a little pink and white pig
who lived in a field, and the kind farmer to whom he belonged
fed him on turnips. But he grunted and grumbled and said.
he was not happy. So the farmer bought him some barley-
meal, and mixed it with skim milk. But he only turned up
his nose at this, and went on grunting and grumbling and
saying he was not happy. Then the farmer, who was a
7



Butter-Scotia

tender-hearted man, built. him a new sty with a slate roof
and brick sides, and put a big new trough in it, and filled the
trough with potato-peelings and cream. But the little pig
only grunted and grumbled and said he was not happy. This
filled the kind farmer with despair. Still, he said to himself:
“Tt is my duty to make this poor little pig happy.” So he
had him brought into his own kitchen and set him on the
hearthrug, and gave him warm buttermilk out of a silver
spoon. But the little pig only grunted and grumbled and
said he was not happy. This might have been going
on yet had not the kind farmer met his friend the wise
butcher on the road, and said to him: “ Friend butcher,
I desire to consult you about a great sorrow. I have a
little pig at home, who grunts and grumbles and says he
is not happy.” :

' “ Give him turnips,” said the wise butcher.

“ That I have done already.”

“ Give him barley-meal and milk.”

“ That I have done.”

“Build him a new sty then, and give him potato-peelings
and cream.”

“That, too, I have done.”

“ Then bring him into your own kitchen, and give him warm
buttermilk in a silver spoon.”

_-“T have done that also,” replied the farmer, “ yet he grunts
and grumbles and says he is not happy.”

“Then send him to me,” said the wise butcher, “and I will
do my best for him.”

So the kind farmer sent the little pig to his friend the
butcher, with a string tied to the little pig’s leg and a
boy to guide him on his way, and as he went along the

8



Children Four

road the little pig grunted and grumbled and said he was
not happy. .

A few days afterwards the farmer met his friend the
butcher and said to him, “How is my little pink and
white pig? Does he still grunt and grumble and say he is
not happy?”

“He has not grunted or grumbled for three days,” replied
the butcher, shaking his head.

a he Gause ree pe npeuss
ers



“ Ah!” cried the farmer joyfully, “then he must be happy
indeed.”

“T do not know if he is happy, but without doubt he is
sausages and has been sausages for these three days,” replied
the butcher.

“ And is alittle pig happy when he is sausages?” njaeea
the kind farmer.

“T do not know,” said the butcher, “if he is happy himself,

‘but he is certainly the cause of happiness in others, and that,
you know, is far better.”

“Tt is, it is!” sighed the farmer, gratefully shaking his
friend’s hand. ‘ How can I thank you enough?”

9



Butter-Scotia

“Say nothing about it,” replied the wise butcher; “I
have only done my duty to our little pink and white friend.”

Then the kind farmer returned home, wondering at the
butcher’s wisdom and glad to think that his little pig no
longer grunted and grumbled and said he was not happy.

“ Poor little pig!” said Molly and Kate as Krab finished.

“Tt sounds to me like a tale with a moral to it,” said Olga
thoughtfully.

“Tt has two morals,” said Krab, “but you must find them
out for yourself; And now what do you think. I have come
to tell you ?”

The children shook their heads and could not guess.

“Well,” said Krab, “to-morrow at midnight there is
a cheap trip to Butter-Scotia, in Fairyland, and I thought if
Mother and Pater would let you go I would take you.”

“ How lovely!” said all the children, clapping their hands ;
and Tomakin joined in the shouting and jumping though he
did not really know what it was about.

“You see,” continued Krab, “children are not allowed to
travel in Butter-Scotia, and there would be a terrible ‘row if
the King found out you were only children. So you will
have to dress up.”

“Hip! hip, hurrah!” outed Molly. “Dressing up!
I'll be a Princess!”

“ And Ill be a Princess oo shouted Kate, throwing her
cap in the air.

“ And I'll be a Red Cross Knight, and have adventures,”
shouted Olga, her eyes sparkling at the thought. “What
about Tomakin, though ?”

“JT arn’t going to dress up. I hate dressing up,” said

Tomakin. And indeed well he might hate it, for after Olga
Io ;



Children Four

and Molly and Kate had finished, there was very little for him

to dress up in, and the little girls generally put him off with

one scarf, or tried to persuade him to be a doggie and

go on all-fours and bark. -So Tomakin had a poor opinion

of acting and dressing up, though his sisters delighted in it.
Krab took out his note-book and put down :

2 Princesses.
1 Red Cross Knight.

“We must see about Tomakin later on,” he said.

‘ He'll have to come if we go, you know,” said Olga.

“ All right,” said Krab, ‘I'll see to it.”

“T arn’t going to dress up,” said Tomakin, “and I won’t
be a doggie.”

“You shan’t be a doggie; certainly not,” said Krab,
patting his head. “ By-the-bye, I must go and see Pater at
once; where shall I find him?”

rs On the garden seat, reading the Law Ties,” said Olga.

“What is that ?” said Krab.

‘'T don’t know,” said Olga. ‘It’s a paper Pater has every
week, There are no pictures in it.”

“There should be pictures,” said Krab, shaking his head
gravely as he walked away up the sands to talk to Pater.
“There certainly should be pictures. Plenty of them.”

Pater was sitting in the little garden in front of the house
reading a paper. Mother was knitting a sock by his side.
Krab opened the gate and walked up the steps round the
circular flower-bed and got right opposite Mother and Pater
before they saw him.

‘““Eh!” cried Pater, dropping his paper with a start, “no

II



Butter-Scotia

niggers wanted here. Out you go. Outside the gate with
you at once.”

“Nonsense,” said Krab, “who’s a nigger? That comes
of reading papers without any pictures in them. I’m Krab.
Krab’s cheap trips to Fairyland. You have
heard of them, I suppose? Look here,
Madam!” and turning to Mother he shot
out a long roll of paper covered
with advertisements that read like
this :—





12



PROFESSOR KRAB’S PERSONALLY CONDUCTED
TOURS TO FAIRYLAND

On August roth, at Midnight, Krab’s Barge will leave
FLEETWOOD,

Weather and other circumstances permitting,
for a week’s trip to

Butter-Scotia in Fairyland,

WHERE

The Royal and Industrial Exhibition of
Children of All Natures,

BETTER KNOWN AS
“THE SCREAMERIES,”’
Is now being held.
GOOD CHILDREN ONLY MAY FOIN THIS TOUR,

Hatr Returns, 2/3.

Professor Krab purposes shortly taking a

SMACK

FOR NAUGHTY CHILDREN ONLY,
This will sail to
CORNER ISLAND AND SLAPLAND,
At either of which places Naughty Children
may be left till called for.

For further particulars and Fares see small bells,

2

13



Butter-Scotia

“T suppose your children will join the first trip,” said Krab
to Mother, who was reading the advertisements.

“What’s all this nonsense about,” said Pater crossly;
“where is Butter-Scotia ?”

Krab laughed. ‘ Any Board School child could tell you
that. It’s all in the geography book.”

“Ts it on the map?” asked Mother doubtfully.

“Tt’s not exactly on the map, perhaps,” said Krab thought-
fully, “but you can see it on a good big globe, if you have
_ one, and this is the way to do it. You place the globe in the

sun and stand some distance off like this” (Krab here stood
on one leg, put his head on one side, and screwed up his little
squinney eyes until you would have thought he could not see
at all). “Then you get two kiddies to twirl the globe round
and round as fast as ever they can, and soon you see a bright
yellow patch, on the right-hand top corner of the globe. That
is Butter-Scotia. It is near the North Pole and not far from
the Equator, in longitude 1001 and any amount of latitude.”

Mother could not help laughing at this description, and even
Pater smiled a bit.

“T thought every one had heard of the Butter-Scotchmen,”
continued Krab, putting his hands behind his back as though
he were saying a lesson, “of whom Herodotus, the historian,
says that ‘they were in early times a dull sticky yellow race,
often sold into slavery dressed in silver paper and bound

‘together in packets of one dozen, or cut up by savage children
and bartered at school for postage-stamps.’ Those days are
over, of course. Now the Butter-Scotch are a powerful and
well-behaved race of goblins.”

“T’ve certainly heard of Butter-Scotch,” said Pater
musingly, ‘but I never heard of Butter-Scotia.”

14



Children Four

“You've forgotten your geography, that is all. It’s all in
the book. Don’t you remember Butter-Scotia, chief town
Sugar-borough on the River Treacle. Butter-Scotia is
bounded on the north by the Gulf of Funland, on the west by
Cocoa Nut Iceland, on the south by the Caramel Mountains,
and on the east by the A B Sea or Sea of Troubles. Chief
imports—none. Chief exports—crackers and goodies.” Krab
rattled it off so quickly that he was quite out of breath at the
end.

“T certainly remember some of those names,” said Mother.

“Some of them, perhaps,” said Pater, nodding his head.

“Well, the question is, are your kiddies joining the trip ?”
asked Krab. “I cannot wait much longer.”

“What do you say, Mother?” asked Pater.

“Oh, it’s for you to decide.”

“Well, I think the Slapland tour would do them most
good,” said Pater.

“It’s more expensive, you know,” said Krab.

“Then let them go to Butter-Scotia,” replied Pater
hurriedly. :

“Let us decide that they may go if they are very good
all day,” said Mother, which was the way in which she
usually said “Yes,” when the children came to ask for a
treat.

The children now came rushing up from the sands. “ May
we go, Mother ?” they all shouted.

“ Ask Pater.”

“You may go,” said Pater, “if you are very good all day
and can tell me how much four times two and threepence is.”

Molly and Kate looked ee as at Olga, who shouted out,
“Nine shillings !”

15



Butter-Scotia

“Right you are,” said Pater, and he tossed Krab the
money. ,

“Hurrah!” shouted all the children. ‘ Three cheers for
Krab!”

Krab had counted the money and put it in his pocket, and
was now dancing round the little circular bed in the garden,
throwing his head from side to side, singing the following
song :—

Oh! the land of Butter-Scotia where the Butter-Scotch
reside! :
Its rugged coast of buttered toast and sugar mountain
peaks!
Where the smiling Finnan haddock dances o’er the swirling
tide,
And the kipper, silly nipper, never thinks before he
speaks.

Yes, it’s there that I would be,

Oh! Butter-Scotiah !
A half return is two and three,

Oh! Butter-Scotiah !
How I’m longing to embrace,
All that silver-papered race,
Kiss each sticky yellow face,

Oh! Butter-Scotiah !

Oh! the land of Butter-Scotia where the Butter-Scotch
reside !
A blessed smell of caramel pervades that sacred spot ;
And lazy goblins sit and watch the River Treacle glide,
Sucking candy when it’s handy and their fingers when it’s
not.

16



Children Four

Ih
z

I f wy

| if
ty ie ewe
MES i BY =

“Bhi,



. Yes, it’s there that I would be,
‘Oh! Butter-Scotiah !
A half return is two and three,
Oh! Butter-Scotiah !
How I’m longing to embrace,
All that silver-papered race,
Kiss each sticky yellow face,
Oh! Butter-Scotiah !
17 B



‘Butter-Scotia

-When he got to the end of his chorus he clapped his hands
and shouted “Chorus again!” Mother threw down her
knitting, Pater chucked the Law Times into the next garden,
and all the children dropped their spades and pails. Then
they danced round in the following order—Krab first, then
Mother, then Pater, then Olga, Molly and Kate, and lastly
little Tomakin, all singing the chorus and shouting out “Oh!
Butter-Scotiah!” as loud as they could.

A solicitor who: lived two doors off was passing up the
parade going home to dinner. He stopped to look at this
extraordinary sight. “ Now really,” he said half aloud, “ that
is the very strangest family that ever came to stay at Fleet-
wood. Just look at them.”

18



CHAPTER II

TOWARDS FAIRYLAND

In Fairyland we sport with butterflies,
Or dance with merry mermaids hand in hand,
And all is wonderment to willing eyes,

In Fairyland.

Would that like children we could still command,
Force of pure fancy for a wild surprise,
Across the borders of that magic land;

To leave this tired world where laughter dies,
Upon the brink of other worlds to stand,
Rousing the dragon’s roar and eagle’s cries,
In Fairyland. |
PATER’s Book of Rhymes.

T was a calm evening. The little ferry steamer had
made its last journey for the night, and having tucked
itself up in a big tarpaulin and moored itself in the
river, had gone to sleep tired out with a good day’s

work. The tide, all pearly grey in the summer twilight,
whirled and eddied along past the quays, and away up the
river towards the old silk warehouses, where you go boating
picnics and get Wardley’s toffee, at the little cottage by the
river beach. Olga and Tomakin liked the black toffees best,
but Molly and Kate liked the white ones, and so did Mother.

19



Butter-Scotia

Cousin Susan liked both kinds: best; she was terrible fond
of sweeties was Cousin Susan. As for Pater, he always
smoked a pipe on the beach and threw stones in the water
and paid for the toffees, but he would not eat them.

The moon was rising at the back of the great railway
sheds, throwing such deep black shadows that you could not
see the big Belfast steamer lying under the quay. But you
could hear the cranes clanking and rattling as they got the
luggage on board. There was no one upon the parade as
Olga, Molly, Kate and Tomakin came out of their house, the
two eldest girls carrying the mail-cart down the steps, and
Tomakin and Kate lugging and pushing Pater’s Gladstone
bag, which was so full that it would not lock.

“Have you got all the ‘dressing-up’ things ?” asked Olga,
and she began to call over the list. ‘Cousin Susan’s skirt,
Mother’s dressing jacket, two blue speckled dust-sheets, the
old lace curtains for trains, Pater’s Norfolk jacket, and the
knickerbockers.”

“Tve got the jacket,” said Kate, “but Mother would not
let us have the knickerbockers.”

“How stupid!” cried Olga impatiently. ‘“ How can I be
a Red Cross Knight without knickerbockers ?” She stamped
her foot angrily and looked quite sad.

“Never mind,” said Molly, “you can have one of the

‘ paper cocked hats and Tomakin’s sword and the drum.”
_ “The sticks are in the bag,” said Kate, “but the drum
wouldn’t goin. Tomakin has to carry the drum.”

“T shan’t,” said Tomakin decidedly. “I arn’t going to
dress up at all.”

“A drum isn’t dressing up, you know, dear,” explained
Kate persuasively.

20



Towards Fairyland

“Don’t care!” said Tomakin, who was biting his hand-
kerchief.

' “Oh, I'll get the drum,” said Molly, and she went back
indoors to fetch it.

Tomakin looked as though he was going to interfere, and
muttered something about “nobody playing on his drum.”
Then a bright thought struck him: “If Molly has my drum,
may I push the mail-cart?” He was always making
bargains of that kind. The three little girls agreed to this ;
and Molly arriving with the drum, the Gladstone bag was
hoisted on to the back seat of the mail-cart, end up. Then
Tomakin got hold of the shafts and they moved down the
parade to the little pier near the ferry slip where the boats
started from.

When they got to the end of the parade they found Krab
strolling about and waiting for them. He had on a peaked
blue yachting cap with a little yellow flag embroidered in
front, a thick fluffy blue pea-jacket decorated with big gold
buttons ornamented with anchors, and blue serge trousers
very wide and flappy at the bottom. He was walking up
' and down on the pier whistling, with his hands in his
pockets, and a long brass telescope under one arm. Every
now and then he took the telescope from under his arm and
gazed up the river as though he were looking for something.
The church clock struck eleven.

“Hold on, children,” he called out as they came up. ‘Got
all the things for dressing up ?”

“Everything we could,” said Olga; ‘Mother wouldn’t let
us have the knickerbockers though.”

“Never mind,” said Krab. ‘‘ We will see what we can do
later on. Do you want to take the mail-cart ?”

21



‘Butter-Scotia

“Well, nurse said that if there was much walking to do in
Fairyland, I must take it for Tomakin. I can walk ten miles,
you know,” said Olga. .

“So can I,” added Molly.

“ And I walked six miles when I was five years old,” said
Kate,

“T can walk to the docks,” said Tomakin, not to be
outdone. The others laughed, for the docks were close by.

“Well, never mind the mail-cart,” said Krab. “I'll find

him something to ride when we get there;”

and holding
Tomakin by one hand and taking the Gladstone bag in
his other, he walked along the pier to where the tide was
gently lapping over it, and jumping and splashing through
the boards.

‘‘ Here she comes!” he cried, and looking across the river
to the other shore, the children saw a strange and beautiful
sight.

Twelve milk-white swans, harnessed together with red and
green ribbons in three rows, four abreast, were swimming
buoyantly across the river, drawing a magnificent golden
barge gaily lighted with electric light and Chinese lanterns.
As it came nearer to them they could see that the swans on
the right-hand side had huge green lanterns hung round their
necks, and those on the left-hand side red lanterns, while the
harness ribbons, green and red, were divided right and left in
the same way. The barge was built somewhat like a Noah’s
Ark, but it had a flat roof with a light iron railing round it, on
which you could move about quite safely. In front of the
barge, as though on the box-seat of a coach, sat a goblin in
a three-cornered hat, a large driving coat with big mother-of-
pearl buttons, top-boots, gaiters, and a white periwig carefully

22



Towards Fairyland

powdered, holding’ a whip and reins in one hand, with the
other on the brake which was worked by a big wheel at his
right-hand side. Below-the top deck you could see, through
the’ spacious windows of the well-lighted cabin, a table
sparkling with glass and silver, and round the sides of. the
cabin little berths fitted with white pillows and cream silk
counterpanes with little yellow tassels.

As this marvellous ship approached the pier, you could hear
the silvery voices of the twelve swans singing a lullaby to
the music of a tinkling barrel organ which one of the goblin
sailors was grinding lazily in the stern of the vessel. The
rest of the crew of goblins were dancing hand-in-hand round
the mainmast, which was decorated with flowers like a may-
pole and seemed to have no sails belonging to it. They too
were singing every now and then, or dancing to the music of
the swans. % oa ee Ess

The swans’ song was wafted seul across the water and
you could catch the words :.

Sweet, my darlings, do not ery,
Listen to,our.lullaby, :
, Lulla, ‘lulla,. lullaby. 2
Singing as we glide along,
Baby Bunting’s bye-bye song,
Lulla, lulla, lullaby.
Every note shall make you dream
Of macaroons and lemon cream,
Big Bath buns and birthday cake,
Feasts for fairies, till you wake.
Sweet, my darlings, do not cry,
Listen to our lullabye,
_Lulla, lula, lullaby.

23



Butter-Scotia

Then the swans ceased and you could hear the little goblin
sailors singing as they danced around:

The swans that sail our boat,

They cannot sing a note,
Their song sublime
Is out of time

And husky in the throat.

But we can sing Yo ho! Yo ho!

The sailors’ songs we know, Yo ho!
Four crotchets on the sandy bars,
Eight quavers in the silent stars,

Two minims soft and low,

Shall find us music for our song,
While the battle rages loud and long,

And the stormy winds do blow,

My boys!

And the stormy winds do blow.

The goblins laughed aloud as they finished their song;
but it did not seem to annoy the swans at all, who moved
slowly towards the pier singing another verse of their
lullaby:

Sweet, my darlings, do not cry,
Listen to our lullaby,

Lulla, lulla, lullaby.
Sleep, my dears, and while you sleep
Dance with mermaids o’er the deep,
Sport with fairies ’mid the flowers,
Till the early morning hours
Chase the pretty dreams away,
To rouse you for another day.
Sweet, my darlings, do not cry,
Listen to our lullaby,

Lulla, lulla, lullaby.

24,



Towards Fairyland

The music became slower and softer until, as the first
swan came alongside the pier, it ceased altogether and the
driver wound up his brake as hard as he could, bringing
the barge to a standstill close to where the children were
standing.

“What a lovely boat!” cried Molly and Kate together.

“May I drive when we go on board?” asked Tomakin,
jumping with delight.

“T thought,” said Olga, who had a notion that the chief
object of knowledge was to show it off when you got a real
good opportunity, “I thought that swans any sang when
they were going to die.” :

- “Yes,” said Krab; “and these swans are going to die, but
not if they can help it.. However, they have to sing, when
they are approaching a pier, by the Harbour Master’s Rules,
article 468: ‘All vessels propelled by means of ducks, geese,
swans, or other birds, to approach any pier or jetty to slow
music, such music not to exceed eight knots an hour.’ That
is why they sing a lullaby, you see. Comic songs wouldn’t
do at all: they are too fast. You have to obey the rules or
you get into trouble.”

The children now Aaaleredst up on to the deck, where they
stood with Krab-by the side of the goblin coachman, Tomakin
helping him to hold the reins as they floated gently out to
sea. Away they went past the steep breast, leaving the gas
buoy on their right, and then close to the bell buoy, which
tolled out farewell! farewell! as they sailed by, and at
length round the lighthouse into the Lune Deeps and out
to sea.

A little while afterwards they heard a sheep bleating in the
darkness, and soon passed close to a little boat in which a

25



Butter-Scotia

black ewe sat holding a lighted bedroom candle and crying
out regularly every fifteen seconds, ‘ Baa,! Baa!” at the top
of her voice. It sounded very mournful out there upon the
silent sea.



“What is the sheep doing?” asked Kate, for she had
been out here with Pater and had never seen the sheep
before. use

“Tt is the light sheep,” said Krab gravely, ‘fand that is. the

26



Towards Fairyland

Harbour Baa; four Baas to the minute. Now we know we
are safely out to sea.”

He had scarcely finished speaking when the Belfast boat
came thundering up behind them at a splendid rate, and they
' heard the look-out chant to the man at the wheel: “ Krab’s
barge on the port bow!” and the Captain called out: “ Port
your helm!” and the man at the wheel answered back : “‘ Port
itis. Ay! ay! sir.”

“Keep her away a bit!” cried Krab to the coachman as the
steamer came up. “ Luff! luff! Pull the starboard rein and
give the port swans their heads, you duffer!”

The coachman grumbled something about the near swan
always jibbing at steamers, but did as. he was told, and a
moment afterwards the huge steamer passed them in safety.
The Captain on the bridge, who knew the children very well,
shouted out to wish them a good voyage, and many. of the
passengers who were not yet in bed did the same. The
wash of the steamer rocked them gently up and down and
Krab proposed they should go in for some supper, so they
went downstairs.

They found sponge-cakes and cocoa set out°on the little
table in the middle of the cabin, and they all made an excel-
“lent meal.

“What time shall we reach Fairyland?” asked Olga.

“ About 12 o’clock by our time, but we are a thousand
years 364 days 11 hours and 59 minutes behind Fairyland
time, so it will be about a minute before that if we are
punctual. We should be leaving the sea now,” continued
Krab. “Steward, ask the coachman when we leave the
sea.”

The steward, who was a good-looking, dapper little goblin,

27



Butter-Scotia

darted up the gangway on to the deck, and popped back
again in a moment.

“Just under the Pole Star now, sir,” he said to Krab,
touching his hat as he spoke. ‘The coachman is sending
the look-out along the bowsprit to give the swans their dog-
biscuits and to know if they are ready.”

At that moment there was a great bustle on deck. The
coachman and the crew were heard calling out, “ Make all
taut! Ship your skulls out of the light! Haul in the stern
braces! Take a reef in the rudder! Heave ho! Yo ho!
Blow out the starboard lamps and let go the Deke: ! Steady
with her helm! Steady she is!”

Krab now took Tomakin on to his lap, and told the als
to hang tight to the seats. The lights in the cabin were
turned out, but the moon made it as clear as day. Through
the skylights and the fore-cabin windows the children could
see what was going on. The coachman gathered his reins
together and flourished his whip in the air; the barge sped -
through the water at a rushing pace, leaving a broad track of
white-crested waves behind her. At first the swans seemed
to be swimming, but one by one they unfurled their wings
and fluttered along the water, and at length all of them were
flying helter-skelter along the sea, just touching the tops of
the waves with their feet. Then standing up in his seat,
unwinding tbe brake to its full extent, and flinging the
reins loose on the backs of the flying swans, the coachman
shouted out, “ Yoicks! yoicks! Lift her! Tally-ho!” And
with one accord all the crew, from their different posts on

’ board the barge, echoed the cry, “ Lift her! lift her!” and
the children in the cabin below took up the shout and cried,
“Lift her! lift her!” clapping their hands in wild excite-

28



Towards Fairyland

ment. Then with a mighty effort the swans raised the huge
barge bodily off the sea, and they soared away in rapid flight
with their strange burden behind them, high over the light-
houses and ships, across Snaefell and the Donegal Mountains,
far away from sea and earth, until they reached the clouds, and
passed away through these to the stars and planets beyond.

“Would you like to step on deck and look at the stars?”
asked Krab, when they had got used to the movement of the
barge in the air.

The children were delighted and hurried up the ladder,
followed by Krab.

They stood together hand-in-hand on the edge of the
deck, wondering at the beauty of these new worlds as they
passed the different stars one after the other. When they
came near to a group of stars they could often see their
owners standing on the side of them to watch the barge as
it flew by. Castor and Pollux were among these, two great
honest lads, their arms laid lovingly over each other’s shoul-
ders.. The coachman threw up his long whip to greet Castor,
who shouted out, “Good luck to you!” and eyed the team
of swans with the air of one who knew something about it,
for he was a good whip himself in his day. Close by, too,
was the beautiful Cassiopeia, seated on a bright star, lazily
brushing her long dark hair, which flowed plenteously over
her shoulders. She was gazing at her lovely face reflected
in the silver moon, wondering, perhaps, if there was any
truth in that silly story, that the Nereids were more beautiful
than she was. - Tomakin kissed his hand to the pretty lady.
She was like the “white Aunty,” as he used to call the little
statue of the Venus de Milo on Mother’s drawing-room
mantelpiece. Cassiopeia looked down upon him and smiled

29 —



Butter-Scotia

graciously, and Tomakin thought he would like to stop and
' play with her, and kissed his hand to her again; at which
her four men-at-arms, who live in the stars just below, woke

haifa > be .

+ N ‘sual Sel iy

SW i
WOW Ey, yf

S

“es



1 tipi

up and shook themselves, and frowned angrily at Tomakin,
who wondered why.
They were now passing the Great Bear, and he growled at
them quite grumpily and shook his tail.
“There is the Little Bear, too,” said Olga, who knew some-
thing about stars.
30



Towards Fairyland

‘Where is the Middle-sized Bear ?” asked Tomakin.

“Oh, he is away down by the South Pole,” said Krab;
“they have never lived together since Silverlocks upset the
household so. ‘It led to Katawampus and quarrels. A sad
story !” and Krab shook his head mournfully.

“How is the Earth going on?” shouted the Great Bear as
they came near him.

“Well, much as usual,” replied Krab; “having an all-
round good time. A bit flat at the poles, perhaps.”

“Tt always was,” said the Great Bear.

“ Any fun going on up here?” asked Krab.

“ Not much,” replied the Bear. ‘Two or three fellows
have a shooting-party to-night. I think it’s the Bull and the
Lion ; but I never join them now; those shooting stars are
too gay for me. I’m getting a bit old, and some one must
stay about here to point out the Pole Star, though there arn't
so many people after him as there used to be.”

“Come, come,” said Krab kindly, “ you mustn’t talk about
growing old. There’s life in the old Bear yet.”

The aged Bear shook his head and smiled. “It was my
billionth birthday yesterday,” he said, and sighed deeply.

“ Many happy returns of the day!” shouted all the children.

The Great Bear smiled and thanked them. ‘ Good-night,
my dears,” he continued. “Beas good as youcan. Good-
night, Krab, old man. Look me up on the down journey
next week. Keep clear of Fishes and the Dragon; they
have got Katawampus; and don’t try a short cut along the
Milky Way; they say it’s. full of curds just now, and the
swans won’t be able to fly in it. I guess it’s the thunder
we've had lately. Good-night!”

’ “ Good-night !” shouted all on deck.
31



Butter-Scotia

“Why can’t the swans fly-in the Milky Way if the curds
are there ?” asked Kate.

“ Because they are in the way,” replied Krab gravely.

“The Bear knows what he is talking about,” muttered the
coachman, “swans can’t fly in curds and whey; at least
these swans can’t;” and he fell asleep with his head on
the brake, while the barge sped on into the night, among
hundreds of other stars and planets.

“Now, children,” said Krab, pointing to the coachman, “it
is time we all followed his example.”

They went down into the cabin, and in a few minutes
were undressed, and quietly sucking a Katawampus choco-
late, tucked up in the snug little berths, under the
yellow silk counterpanes. Krab kissed them all round and
went on deck; and as they were falling asleep they could
hear the swans singing the Lullaby again, and the beat of
their wings as they rushed steadily through the wind.

“They must be coming to another pier,’ said Kate,
drowsily.

“Then it will soon be time to get up,” said Molly, turning
round and diving into her soft pillow.

After this they all fell asleep immediately, and dieemed
about Mother and Pater.

32



CHAPTER III

HOUPLA, THE HERALD

Oh the trumpet and the kettledrum and castanets are
there, Ans

Poor Pater he is fast asleep and snoring in his chair,

So we'll tickle up the tissue of his tender tympanum,

With the tootle of the trumpet and the rattle of the drum.

When we get outside the study door he'll wake up in a
fright,

And chase us all around the house to every one’s delight,

Shouting, ‘“ Coming! coming! come! tarantara!. taran-
tarum !” :

And take away the trumpet and confiscate the drum.

‘We are not afraid of Pater though, and every kiddy longs

To be chivied up the staircase by Pater and the tongs,

So we’ll tickle up the tissue of his tender tympanum,

With the tootle of the trumpet and the rattle of the drum.
PATER’s Book of Rhymes.

HE next morning, when the children awoke, the
sun was high in ‘the heavens. The barge had
stopped, and as soon as they were ready dressed,
the children went on deck, dnd found that she
was lying at moorings, close to the shores of what seemed to
be the end of a long inland lake. Krab was sitting on
deck, quietly feeding the swans, who had been unhar-
nessed, and were now floating gracefully in the calm

33 c



Butter-Scotia

water all around the barge, looking none the worse for
the night’s journey. The coachman was still fast asleep in
the bows of the barge, snoring loudly. The goblin sailors
were bathing off the stern of the barge, taking headers into
the water, diving and splashing about among the swans, and
enjoying themselves hugely.

The children looked round them. It was a glorious sight.

_ The shores of the lake were fringed with tall green reeds,
waving in the breeze; beyond were luxuriant fields, golden
with daffodils and jonquils ; and away across the fields were
woods and forests, out of which rose strange broken crags
and the high peaks of blue mountains, some bare of trees,
others clothed almost to their tops with bright green larches
and purple fir-trees. Far away at the other end of the lake
were little islands covered with willows and poplar-trees,
and close to where they were moored was a handsome pier,
built of ivory and gold and decorated with precious stones.
All this was exactly mirrored in the blue lake on which the
barge was floating. ,

“ And is this Fairyland?” asked Olga, as she gazed round
in wonderment and ecstasy at all she saw.

“This is part of Fairyland,” said Krab; “it is called
Butter-Scotia.”

“Who does it belong to?” asked Molly.

“ Well,” said Krab, “all Fairyland belongs to Oberon
and Titania, but this kingdom was given to Puck when he
grew too old to work any more. He had been very useful
to the king, you remember, in the matter of the changeling

‘boy; but Titania never liked him. ‘So, as he was growing
a bit past work, Oberon made him King of Butter-Scotia,
and he has reigned here 4565 years or thereabouts.”

34



Houpla, the Herald

“ Does he still go wandering about at nights, turning into
all sorts of things and teasing the old women ?” asked Olga
laughing. “ There’s a lot about Puck in our poetry book.”

“ Hush, hush,” said Krab, “they never mention those old
stories here, and they should not be in poetry books either.
He is quite another sort of person now, anda very wise king.”

“Ts he called Puck the First ?” asked Olga.

“Yes,” said Krab’; “you will see his name on all the pro-
clamations. There, for instance,” he pointed to a board on
the quay, on which was printed :

TOFFEE BAY LANDING STAGE.
TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED. BEWARE OF THE DOG.
By Order PUCK I. REX.

“That means king, you know,” said Olga to Molly and
Kate, “ genitive Regis.”

At this moment there was heard in the distance the sound
ofahorn. Tarantara! tarantara! It came nearer and nearer,
and seemed to be approaching the quay.

“What is that noise?” asked Olga.

“Tarantara, nominative plural of tarantarum. I know
some Latin, myself,” said Krab, laughing at Olga and
winking at Molly and Kate, as he spoke.

Olga was doubtful about. it, but said nothing.

“Who is it though ?” asked Molly.

“T expect it is Houpla, the Herald, with the passports,”
replied Krab, looking at his watch. “ Late as usual.”

“What are passports for?” asked Molly.

“You must have them,” said Krab, “to travel over the
island, otherwise you will be prosecuted as trespassers.”

35



Butter-Scotia

At this moment there came out of the wood a strange
figure; a little man with a light moustache, flaxen hair, and
a pink complexion, about four feet high, dressed entirely in

No Why















newspapers. He wore a cocked hat with a newspaper tassel

on it, a long coat reaching to his ankles, made out of a whole

copy of the 7zmes, and frills of newspapers round his arms.

In one hand he carried a red carpet-bag marked in black letters
36



Houpla, the Herald

“On His Majesty’s Service,’ in the other a long trumpet
with a white banneret hanging from it on which the letter
“FT” was beautifully worked in red silk. Arriving on the
‘quay he put down his trumpet and bag, and sat down by
the side of them, gazing at the barge with his mouth wide
open.

“What a funny herald,” said Olga, and the children
laughed.

“Hush!” said Krab quickly ; “you must not make fun of
him. He is the King’s Family Herald.”

“Why do they call him the Family Herald?” asked
Kate. nas = i

“Well, for one thing,” replied Krab, “he has been in the.
family a long time, but the real reason was that the Court
goblins were always cramming him and making him an April
Fool.”

The children looked at him and laughed again. Krab
shook his head and continued :

“ Hardly a week passed but he got taken in by some one,
so the King issued a proclamation: ‘Whereas our own
particular Herald is taken in weekly by all the Court goblins,
let him be known henceforth to all men as the Family
Herald.’ Some people said it was the Great Seal’s idea.
Holloa! he’s gone to sleep.”

The children looked up and saw that Houpla had put
his head on the carpet bag and gone off as fast as a
church.

“We must wake him up and get the passports,” said
Krab; “it is time you got away.”

So saying he took a biscuit and aimed it at the Herald, |
but it missed him. All the goblin sailors, seeing what was

37°



Butter-Scotia

up, rushed downstairs and brought a big biscuit-box out of
the cabin, and they and the children pelted away at the
sleeping Herald until at length a long shot from Tomakin
caught him crack on the nose, and he woke up, shook
himself, and sat smiling at the barge again with his mouth
. open.

“T hit him,” cried Tomakin delighted.

“ A very good shot too,” said Krab, and he gave Tomakin
a chocolate cream out of a box marked “ Katawampus
Chocolates.”

“ Now then, old man,” shouted Krab from the barge, “‘any
passports in the bag?”

“ Any princesses on board?” asked the Herald.

“Two,” replied Krab, pointing to Molly and Kate.

“Those are children,” replied the Herald, shaking his head
wisely. ‘I know a child from a princess any day. Children
cannot land unless they are packed in crates and entered for
the Grand Exhibition.”

“Well, just wait a bit then,” said Krab, winking at Molly
and Kate; ‘I’ve got two princesses down in the cabin.”

“Who are they?” asked the Herald.

“The Princess Molly of Grumpiland and Countess
Katherine of Arrogance.”

“Those are right,” said the Herald, looking at a parch-
ment roll which he took out of the bag. “I'll just read the
proclamation and you can fetch them out.” Houpla now
stood up on the end of the quay and blew a loud blast on his
trumpet, which echoed and re-echoed “ Tarantara! Taran-
tara!” in the hills across the lake. Then he read out from
the parchment : .

“Oyez! Oyez! Know all men by these presents

38

”





Houpla, the Herald

“Where are the presents, man ?” cried Krab.

“They ought to have been in the bag. There was a canary
for the Princess and a pug dog for the Countess, but they

‘will get them at the palace. I am sorry I forgot them, very

sorry.” He looked so sad that Molly and Kate felt more
sorry for him than for themselves. Houpla continued the
proclamation : —

“Know all men by these presents, that their Royal and
Imperial Highnesses the Princess Molly of Grumpiland and
Countess Katherine of Arrogance, daughters of that most
Puissant Monarch our well-beloved cousin Pater the Prim,
are hereby invited to attend our Royal Palace at our Castle
of Indolence at our city of Sugarborough in this our own
kingdom of Butter-Scotia.”

To which Krab, standing on tip-toe on the deck of the
barge, replied through a speaking trumpet:

“To his Most Royal and Imperial Highness King Puck I.,
Viceroy of Fairyland and Monarch of this kingdom of
Butter-Scotia, greeting. On behalf of these most noble
ladies I desire humbly to accept the royal invitation.”

“All right,” said the Family Herald. ‘Fetch them out.
Carriages at ten, you know, and it’s half-past nine already.”

“ And supper, what time is that?” asked Krab.

‘“There is no supper,” said the Herald.

The children looked disappointed.

“Never mind,” said Krab. ‘Let us get ready as quickly
as we can. There may be high tea, you know, if there is no
supper.”

They all went down into the cabin, which the goblins had
arranged as a dressing-room with large mirrors from the roof
to the floor all round, so that you could see yourself reflected

39



Butter-Scotia

a dozen times at once. On, the cabin table was a big
pincushion full of safety pins and a roll of tape.

“Nothing like safety pins and tape for dressing up,” said
Krab.

The goblin steward fetched out the Gladstone bag; it
seemed even more full than when they had started. What
was their surprise to find when it was opened, that, instead of
being filled with the things they had packed in it, there were .
beautiful robes of red, yellow, and green silks and satins,
handsome lace and ribands, magnificent large hats with huge
ostrich feathers, and leather cases full of the most lovely
jewellery.

“This is something like dressing up!” said Molly and
Kate as they tried on one thing after another and swept
round the cabin with their trains after them, gazing at them-
selves in the mirrors:

“JT wish I had decided to be a princess,” sighed Olga, as
she tried on a huge hat and tied the ribands under her
chin. “You can’t dress up much as a Red. Cross Knight,
can you ?””

“Well, my dear,” said Krab, “you chose that because of ;
the adventures, you know. You.cannot change now.”

“Yes,” said Olga, “you will have to sit awfully still
in all those clothes or they will get crumpled and spoiled.”

This remark seemed for a moment to damp their joy, but.
they soon forgot all about it in the pleasure of putting on the
new things.

Tomakin was quite heedless of the others. He was
sitting under the cabin table arranging the different pieces
of jewellery in the wrong boxes and trying to make them
shut by hammering them on the floor as hard as he could.

40



Houpla, the Herald

Now all the little girls who read this book—and perhaps
their mothers too—will want to know what the two prin-
cesses wore, and I fear I‘should not have been able to tell
you about it correctly had not Olga brought home with her
a copy of the Dahlia News, which you know is now the chief
paper in Fairyland.

When they were all dressed up, a little goblin came in
with a note-book in one hand and a pencil in the other and
took notes of all the children had put on. It took several
pages. -

“What is he doing it for?” asked Molly.

“He is a reporter from the Dahlia News,” said Krab,
introducing him.

“We call it the Daily News, at home,” said Olga.

“The Daly News only comes out in the morning, this
paper comes out morning and evening, so you see it’s
dailier.”

“There ought to be a dailiest news as well,” cried Kate,
who had just begun to learn grammar.

‘“There was one,” said the reporter. ‘I knew the goblin
who was the editor. He brought out a new edition every
minute, but always the same stuff in it, so the Butter-Scotch-
men gave up buying it. Jt ruined the editor and he lost all
his money. Now he goes about selling copies of our paper
in the street.” ‘

“Poor fellow!” said Olga.

“Not a bit of it,” replied the reporter. ‘When he was an
editor he used to have to wear a black frock-coat and a top-
hat, and now he has not any shoes and stockings and can
_turn head over heels in the mud whenever he likes.”

“How lovely!” said Molly and Kate.

41



Butter-Scotia

“Rather,” said the reporter. “Now I must be off, and
write up my article. I'll send you a copy.”
The reporter goblin was as good as his word and sent

/->2NUGARBORGUEH [S)AhLIA NEWS
oy) ee .
sy on



Krab a copy of the Sugarborough Dahlia News, with a long
article in it which Krab afterwards gave to Olga. It began
. like this: ,

42



Houpla, the Herald

- © ARRIVAL OF THE PRINCESSES AT BUTTER-SCOTIA.

“Jt will be a matter of congratulation to the people of Sugar-
borough to learn of the arrival of those gifted and beautiful ladies,
H.R.H. the Princess Molly of Grumpiland, and H.R.H. the
Countess of Arrogance, upon the hospitable shores of Butter-Scotia.
Upon leaving the steamer we observed that the Princess Molly
appeared in a white silk skirt with a band of pea-green plush round
the edge, a wide waistband of scarlet satin with a yoke to match,
and large balloon sleeves of sky-blue cashmere with green velvet
cuffs big enough to cover the arms to the wrists. On these were
sewn big pearl buttons and jet trimming. This gown was lined with
white satin, but worn with a dark blue silk petticoat kept up by
safety pins, and a white straw hat trimmed with large heliotrope and
shot silk bows and bunches of spiky thistles. Thistles are just now
greatly in fashion, but should not be worn on the sands or on
Hampstead Heath for fear of donkeys. She wore a necklace and
five bracelets, the family diamonds of Grumpiland. Her Royal
Highness looked very well, but her hair wanted brushing.

‘* She was accompanied by her sister, the Countess of Arrogance,
who wore a similar costume, somewhat more varied in colouring.

- Her ornaments were few and simple; three topaz necklaces and
four diamond rings, but no bracelets, and we understand that unfor-
tunate family differences have arisen between their Royal High-
nesses about the division of the Grumpiland jewels. Both the
Royal ladies looked very well as they landed upon the quay, but
were noticed to giggle frequently and tread upon each other’s trains
whenever they could. This, we understand, is quite usual in Court
circles.”

When they went on deck and the Family Herald saw
the two little girls dressed up like that he was quite
satisfied. ;

“Those are something like princesses,” he cried, and blew
a long blast on the trumpet. At the same moment out of the
wood there came six white mice drawing a pumpkin, on top.

43



Butter-Scotia

of which sat a water-rat with a straw in his claw and behind
it ran six lizards. on

‘Why, there is Cinderella’s coach,” cried Kate, as it
trundled on to the quay and drew up opposite the barge.

“T believe it is for us,” said Molly, with a little shriek of
‘delight.

At this moment Houpla played the first two bars of “Three
Blind Mice”; and though the children could never tell me
how it was done, there before their very eyes the mice
became splendid white steeds pawing the ground, the rat
turned into a handsome coachman in an orange and gold
livery, the lizards became footmen, and the pumpkin itself
a large glass coach in a gilded framework swinging comfort-
ably on wide leather springs, and lined inside with cream
satin.

“ Now this zs Fairyland!” cried all the children at once;
and indeed it was.

Molly and’ Kate lost no time in crossing the plank from
the barge to the quay, on to the red carpet laid by the
-footmen to the carriage doors. The Family Herald greeted
_ them with smiles. The footmen bowed them to the carriage
door, and closed it gently after they had tucked their trains
inside. Houpla now played a few notes of “ Off to Phila-
-delphia,” and then got up outside the coach and sat on the
roof with his carpet-bag beside him, rather spoiling the effect
of the cavalcade, which passed slowly off the quay into the
wood again, and made its way towards the Castle of Indo-
lence.

“ And now,” said Krab, turning to Olga as the last footman
. passed out of sight, ‘‘I must look after you. Let mesee, you
. wanted to be a Red Cross Knight, didn’t you ?”

44



Houpla, the Herald

“Like Kenneth in the ‘Talisman,’ said Olga, her eyes
sparkling with delight.. ‘Only I promised Mother to take’
care of Tomakin, and he won’t dress up at all. Do bea page-
boy, ora squire, or a doggie or something ?” said Olga plead-
ingly to her little brother.

- Tomakin shook his head at each suggestion. “Tarn’t going
to dress up at all,” he said.

“Would you like to ride on a donkey ?”’ asked Krab.

“All by my own self?” asked Tomakin.

“Yes.”

“No one holding me on, you know.”

“No one near you.”

“Yes,” he cried, beaming all over. ‘And may I have a
stick to beat him with, if I don’t use it ?”

“Tf you promise not to use it,” said Krab.

Tomakin nodded and the bargain was made.

“You see,” continued Krab to Olga, “you can call him
your Squire.”

“What, on a donkey ?”

“Yes, like Sancho Panza, Don Quixote’s Squire.”

“Was Don Quixote a knight, then ?” asked Olga, who did
not know quite everything.

“He was the noblest knight of them all,” replied Krab
gravely.

“Very well, then,” said Olga; “he shall ride a donkey
and be my Squire. I shall call him Sancho.”

, Olga and Krab went down into the cabin again, and the
steward goblin dragged out the Gladstone bag once more. It
was heavier and more full than before, and they pulled out of
it coats of linked mail, brass collars, barred helmets of steel,
silver gauntlets, gilded spurs, a magnificent hauberk or gold

45



~Butter-Scotia

shirt made of small pieces of chain, and a pair of electro-
plated shoes. “ There,’ said Krab, as he helped Olga
fasten on these strange garments one by one, “now you are
a regular Red Cross Knight.”

Ea
5» SAEs







(im me / Yi
RN (ON
yy eth eal”

“JT must have a surcoat with a red cross on it, you
know.”
“Right,” said Krab, “here it is;” and he put it over her
armour.
“And a shield,” said Olga.
“Of course! I nearly forgot that ;” and going to the bag
46 :



Houpla, the | Herald

he pulled out a large triangular silver shield, which he hung
round her neck. On it was emblazoned a red bantam
chicken dancing a barn dance. As he gave it her he said:
“Remember, your title in Fairyland will be Sir Olga the
Fitful, Knight of the Festive Fowl.”

“Now,” he continued, girding on a long broad-edged
double falchion and a stout .poniard, “ you must not fight
with these. They are only Birmingham ones, and have
not been sharpened. If you have any battles use your
lance. I don’t think Mother would like you to use the
swords.”

“ But I have a penknife at home,” pleaded Olga.

“ Never mind,” said Krab; “the swords look nice enough,
and the lance will do lots of knocking down. If you come
across the Golf Giant you might win the Silver Niblick from
him. That will knock down anything.”

They now rejoined Tomakin on deck, who danced round
Olga in delight. She looked quite terrible and magnificent
as she clanked up and down on the deck, but she had to
move slowly, for she was very uncomfortable. On the quay
stood a black-and-white piebald palfrey with flowing mane
and tail; near by was a grey donkey. Both were saddled
and bridled.

“Dapple and Neddy,” said Krab, as they crossed the
plank to the shore. “Before you do anything important
always ask Neddy’s advice. Whisper in his left ear. He
knows most things.”

Krab gave Tomakin the promised stick, and helped both
the children to mount. Sir Olga raised her shield in front
of her and held her lance high in the air. As she had not
another hand for the reins they dropped on to Dapple’s

47



Butter-Scotia

neck. She could not remember having read how the
knights used to hold their reins. Perhaps they had none.
Tomakin whisked his stick in the air, and, much to Sir
Olga’s disgust, cried ‘Gee up!” at the top of his voice. Krab
wished them plenty of adventures and a jolly time, and
turned back to the barge, while Dapple and Neddy trotted
quietly off, and were soon lost to sight in the green gloom of
the wood.

48



CHAPTER IV
THE PRINCESSES’ JOURNEY

You may talk of the wild excitement
Of toboganning down a slide,
Or the dreamy demure delightment
Of a twopenny elephant ride,
You may tell me the latest fashion,
Isa bicycle made for two;
But you must confess
For a real Princess
Not one of these things will do.

For she must be drawn in splendour
By six steeds whiter than snow,
With footmen fine to attend her
In a coach from the Lord Mayor’s Show.
She may long for a rattling mail-cart,
Especially one with a spring ;
But you must confess
For a real Princess
It would not be quite the thing.
Pater’s Book of Rhymes.

HE coach in which Molly and Kate were riding rolled.
slowlyalong a wide road through pleasant cornfields.
and pasture lands. The sun was shining brightly.
Every now and then groups of Butter-Scotchmen.

came to the roadside to watch them pass. They were yellow
49 . D



Butter-Scotia

dusky fellows, and wore straw hats and kilts of silver paper.
They did not seem to be at work, but were playing rounders,
cricket. and other games, which they stopped for a moment
when the coach came up, and waved their hats to Molly
and Kate, shouting “ Hurrah!”

Molly was looking out of the window at one of these
groups when the coach came to a corner in the road and
stopped. “Why, I declare,” she cried to Kate, “there’s Puss
in Boots and another cat.”

Kate put her head out of the window oad saw Puss in Boots,
a handsome tabby cat with long fur and spreading whiskers,
wearing his well-known big leather top-boots, a gorgeous
laced coat and a wide soft felt hat with a long drooping
feather in it. He was standing arm-in-arm with a dusky
grey cat of meek appearance. When he saw the ladies he
took off his hat and made a low bow.

“Can we ride to the town with you?” asked Puss in Boots
of the coachman.

“ Ask him,” replied the coachman, jerking his thumb over
his shoulder, towards Houpla who was asleep on the roof.

Puss in Boots nudged the meek cat with his elbow and
said, “ You go, old fellow!”

The meek cat leaped up on the roof. Presently the
children heard a scuffle and the meek cat leaped on to the
ground again followed by Houpla, whose face was bleeding,
and who proceeded to chase him round the coach. After two
or three rounds the meek cat seemed tired and turned round
and cried out “ Pax!”

The Herald came up panting and looked glad to leave
off. “You shouldn’t have scratched my face,” he said
angrily.

50



The Princesses’ Journey

“No,” said Puss in Boots, “that wasn’t right.”

“You told me to wake him up,” muttered the meek cat
sulkily.

“The question is,” said Puss in Boots, “can we ride with

you to town ?”

“The answer is No!” said the Herald promptly.

“We are going to ‘the Screameries’ by the King’s invita-
tion, you know.”

“You mean the Royal and Industrial Exhibition — of
Children of all Natures,” interrupted Houpla.

“They call it ‘the Screameries’ in town,” said Puss in
Boots ; “and,” he continued, “we are invited to the Royal
Banquet.”

“In that case,” said Houpla thoughtfully, “we might ask
the ladies.”

The Herald approached the door of the carriage, which
was opened by one of the footmen, and making a low bow
nearly to the ground, said to Molly and Kate, “ Most noble
Princesses, here are two wayfarers, the Right Honourable
Puss in Boots, confidential adviser to the Most. Noble the
Marquis of Carabas, and his friend Stanley, the Whittington
Cat, a well-known traveller, both journeying to the Castle of
Indolence at the King’s invitation to see the Great Exhibition.
They desire to know if. they may ride in your. Highnesses’
carriage ?”

“Certainly,” said Molly and Kate, who had been leaning
out of the window listening to the conversation; and without
more ado the two cats leaped through the window and settled
down opposite the children. Houpla got on the roof again
and the coach continued the journey.

The Whittington Cat, almost as soon as he was settled in

51



Butter-Scotia

the carriage, fell asleep and purred quietly, but Puss in Boots
seemed inclined to talk. :

“Staying with the King ?” he asked Molly.

“Yes, I believe so,” she replied.

“Then we shall meet,” he said, “at the Grand Banquet.
to-night. A pity Birch Rod is not here, then we could be
introduced and arrange to dance together at the Ball after-
wards.”

“Who is Birch Rod?” asked Kate timidly.

“He is Court Chamberlain. Walks backwards before the
King and introduces people at the dances. Gets £10,000 a
year for that, you know, and his coals and gas. A nice place,
is it not?”

“Why is he called Birch Rod?” asked Molly.

“He always carries one about with him,” replied Puss in
Boots; “but,” he added quickly, seeing the children look
anxious, “it is only for show. He is not allowed to use it, of
course. Seen the Exhibition yet ?”

“We only arrived to-day,” said Molly.. “What is the
Exhibition ?”

‘“‘Y'm told,” said Puss in Boots, “that it is the best thing
the King has ever done. Of course I’ve seen lots of children
shows. But this is the biggest collection of children ever
got together. That’s why it’s called ‘the Screameries.’
Then there are Manners matches, Temper contests, and all
sorts of athletic sports, and a new race called a Silence race.
They say that is splendid.”

‘‘What is a Silence race?” inquired Kate.

“Well, they have it in the grounds, and they put six
children in a ring. You.all stand round and some one calls
out ‘Go.’ Every one standing round may make faces at the

52



The Princesses’ Journey

children and talk to them to tease them—you must not touch
them, of course—and the child that goes longest without
speaking, wins. They have the American Champion there,
a little girl of eight. Her record is three minutes, thirty-five
seconds. Fancy a child being silent for all that time!
Stupendous, isn’t it?”

At this moment the coach stopped again. Puss in Boots
popped his head out of window. ‘Why, I declare we
are at the gate already. I must get down. Now then,
Stanley,” he said, punching the Whittington Cat in the ribs,
“wake up! I always call him Stanley, you know, because
he really did discover Africa.”

The grey cat woke up, and both of them jumped out of the
window and disappeared. The Family Herald had got down
again and was standing at the door of the carriage, which
had stopped at an old gateway between two huge round
towers. Through the gateway you could see the old gables
of houses on each side of a wide street, and away beyond was
a winding road leading up to a high terraced hill, on the
summit of which was an immense glass mansion with a
hundred lofty towers to it. This was the Castle of Indolence,
and they were now at the gates of the city of Sugar-
borough. :

“The Lord Mayor!” shouted the Family Herald, and he
played a few bars of the “Roast Beef of Old England” on
his trumpet. An old goblin with a beard and a bald head, in
a brown robe lined with red and trimmed with fur, and a
gold chain round his neck, approached the carriage. Another.
goblin in a full-bottomed wig and a black gown followed him,
and there were several others in similar dress to the first, but
without gold chains. They all came towards Molly and Kate,

53



Butter-Scotia

who had left- the carriage, and one by one kneeled before
them and kissed their hands. :

“The Recorder will read an address,” said the Mayor, as
though he had learned the words by heart.. The goblin in
the wig came forward and read a long address, to which
nobody listened and which the children did not understand.
He then handed.a gold box to Molly, and the Family Herald
blew a blast on his trumpet.

“Key inside!” the Mayor said to Molly as he shook hands
with her and also with Kate.

“Key of what?” asked Molly.

“ Key of the City,” explained the Mayor; “only for show,
you know, the gates are never locked. It’s made of choco-
late.”

“Oh, is it?” replied Molly, who began to be more inter-
ested.

They got back into the carriage, which moved through
the gateway, down the wide street, and then up the hill
towards the Castle.

The Family Herald had got inside with them. He showed
them how to open the box. There was a large chocolate key
inside. He broke it into three pieces. ‘Dear me! dear
me!” he said, when he had done it, “and there are only two
of you. I beg your pardon.”

‘Perhaps you would like a piece ?” said Kate politely.

“Not at all, not for worlds,” said the Herald, at the same
time taking the biggest piece and putting it into his mouth.

The children laughed and took the other two pieces, for
fear the Herald should eat those too.

“JT shall keep the gold box,” said Molly.

“No, I shall,” said Kate.

54



The Princesses Journey

“T take that,” said Houpla, putting it under his arm.
“The Mayor wants it back for next time, you see. I wish
he would keep better chocolate. I must complain to the
Great Seal about it.” ,

“Who is the Great Seal?” asked Molly. ‘ He seems to
be a very important person.”

“So he is,” said Houpla, “nothing can be done without
the consent of the Great Seal, He is the King’s confidential
adviser. When an Act of Parliament is passed, or a procla-
mation sent out, the King signs it, and then it is taken to the
Great. Seal, who places his left fin upon it, and says, ‘I
deliver this as my act and deed.’ Then it becomes law.
You often see it in history books, ‘Given under our hand
and seal.’ That is what it means.”

“T always thought it meant a seal made of wax, sealing-wax,
you know,” said Molly.

“ Never heard of such a thing,” replied Houpla. “On the
contrary, the Great Seal is a very good fellow. He gets into
a bit of a sealing-wax now and then when his whitings are
not fresh, but as a rule he is quiet enough.”

They had now arrived at the main entrance of the glass
Castle, and a splendid sight greeted their eyes. Hundreds
of soldiers in gay uniforms lined the terraces and slopes on
which the Castle was built. Flags and streamers waved in
the wind. Sparkling fountains seemed to leap up to the
skies at every corner. A carpet of gold stretched from the
door of the carriage to the entrance-hall of the Castle. A
magnificent brass band of 100 performers was playing “I
love little Pussy,” under a handsome bandstand in the
gardens, round which were many well-dressed animals,
listening to the music or strolling about talking to each other-

“55



Butter-Scotia

Puss in Boots was among them, looking more “noble than
ever. He was walking arm-in-arm with a Lion, and each
animal saluted the children with a gracious bow and a smile,
while the children kissed their hands to them in return.

When the footmen had opened the door of the coach, a
little goblin, dressed in a tight-fitting suit of black satin with
knee-breeches, a dress-coat, handsome frilled shirt, and shoes
with silver buckles, trotted down the carpet towards the
‘carriage, holding a birch rod in his right hand.

The Herald stood at the carriage door and blew a blast
on his trumpet. The band stopped. .

“Her Royal Highness Princess Molly of Grumpiland!”
he shouted, as Molly stepped out of the carriage. The
crowd cheered loudly.

“Her Royal Highness the Countess Katherine of Arro-
gance!” shouted the Herald again, as Kate appeared. There
was more cheering.

Birch Rod, the little goblin in black, now approached, and
with a low bow to each of them, said, ‘His Majesty desires
you to be presented.” Then he moved upstairs backwards,
skipping and whistling and hopping and dancing as he went,
but never looking behind him, and every now and again he
dusted the gold carpet in front of him with the birch rod, as
he passed along before the two Princesses.

Molly and Kate could hardly help laughing at the strange
little figure, but they tried to remember they were Princesses,
and catching hold of their dresses behind, as they had seen
Mother do on a muddy day, followed the little man upstairs
through the big hall, down several long corridors thronged
with Butter-Scotchmen and other Court goblins, until they
arrived at the State Drawing-Room itself. This was a-

56



The Princesses Journey

splendid room, ten times as big as their large schoolroom,




sl Bo .
at ules a / fier
aS \ LAN NTA EL Uy VERE,
ok

=
eS Viera
(é oy : Ss SULLA VL Ss.
cx |
















and was decorated with crystal mirrors in golden frames
57



Butter-Scotia.

reaching from the ceiling to the floor, so that it seemed
bigger than it really was. At one end of it, on a high throne
of silver and ivory sparkling with rubies, sat a little old man
with a white beard. He wore a heavy gold lace robe
trimmed with ermine and embroidered with the royal crest—
a small pansy which the fairies call Love-in-Idleness. His
little shrunken legs were covered with yellow silk stockings,
he wore purple shoes buckled with diamonds, and his
feet rested on a cushion of orange velvet. A large golden
crown adorned his head, and he held in his hand a
handsome sceptre. This was Puck I., King of Butter-
Scotia. His dried-up wizen little face looked somewhat
weary, but he seemed to brighten up as the children
entered the room. On his right-hand side sat a huge fat
Seal, fanning himself with one fin and smoking a cigarette.
The steps of the throne were crowded with goblin
courtiers.

Birch Rod stopped dancing, and turned round and bowed
to the King. Then he stepped to one side, waving his rod
towards the children.

‘Houpla now came forward and announced the Princesses ~
by name.

“Ah!” said the King, extending his hand to the children,
who each kissed it; ‘daughters of our well-beloved Cousin,
Pater the Prim. How fares our Cousin ?”

“ Quite well, thank you,” said Molly, who wished Olga was -
here to do the talking.

“ And. his well-beloved consort, Mother the Mindful, how
fares she?”

“ Quite well, thank you; and how are you, Sir?” added
Molly, wishing to be very polite.

58



The Princesses Journey

““What think you, Uncle Seal?” asked the King, turning
to the Seal. ‘“ How are we?”

e,
4 S.

4





















“Much the same—much the same,” replied the Seal

gravely.
59



Butter-Scotia

“Give them your blessing, then,” said the King, “and let
them go and rest after their journey. The blue bedroom,
remember, Number 464, Fifth Floor,” and he gave them a
ticket with the number on.

The two children kneeled down, and the Seal rose slowly.
With great dignity he placed a damp fin on each of their
heads, saying as he did so, with sobs in his voice, “ Bless
you, my children!”

Then the two children left the royal presence, curtseying
and walking backwards, and knocking down several goblins
as they retired. .

When they got outside Molly gave a shout of delight.
“‘Tsn’t it grand, Kate, being real Princesses ?”

“They won’t believe it at school, when we tell them about
it,” said Kate; “they will think it was all make-up;” and
they climbed up the big staircase of the Castle to look for
Number 464.

60



CHAPTER V
THE RED CROSS KNIGHT

A bold knight comes a-riding,
a-riding.
Across the shield,
That he did wield,
Emblazoned red on an azure field,
A bantam chick was striding,
was striding.

A bold knight comes a-riding,
a-riding.
He recks no rede,
In search of bleed,
Or dreadful daring doughty deed
To giants woe betiding,
betiding.

A bold knight comes a-riding,
aeriding.
And should he meet,
Some rascal cheat,
He'll trample him down beneath his feet,
And give the scamp a hiding,
a hiding.
PaTER’S Book of Rhymes.

HEN they left the shore, Sir Olga and his
Squire rode through the wood for a long
time, Tomakin having some difficulty in
keeping his promise to Krab, not to hit

61



Butter-Scotia

Neddy with his stick. At length they came to an open stream,
by the side of which stood a small whitewashed cottage, with
a thatched roof. It had a little garden round it, full of paper
flowers. When you got nearer to it, you could see that the

Bp
Cy
De



cottage was not whitewashed after all, but built entirely of
cake sugared over, and here and there patches of the sugar
had broken off, and you could see the currants and raisins in
the cake. The thatch was made of cheese straws, and the
fence round the garden was formed of sticks of sugar-candy ©

62



The Red Cross Knight

driven into the ground. There was a little path of pear-drops
leading up to the door, and over the door was a notice:

Mrs. SLIPPER SLOPPER.
CAKE COTTAGE,
Tea and Shrimps. Hot Water for Picnic Parties.
Hot Pots Made Here.

Before Olga could say anything, Tomakin had slipped off
- Neddy’s back, and was sitting on the pear-drop path, cramming

his pockets and his mouth with them at the same time.

Olga reined in Dapple, and in doing so dropped her shield.
She doubted, if she got off to get it, whether she could mount
again ; so she shouted in a tone of command: “Sancho, my
faithful Squire, replace thy master’s shield.”

“T arn’t Sancho,” said. Tomakin, with his mouth full of

pear-drops, “and I arn’t going to play with you at all.”

“Oh, do! there’s a'good boy.”

“Shan’t,” replied Tomakin decisively, breaking off a bit of
the cottage as he spoke.

“TY shall tell Mother, then, when we get home,” said the
Red Cross Knight.

“Don’t care,” replied Tomakin, for he felt that Mother was
_ a long way off, and he did not intend to go home tili the
cottage was finished, which would be a day or two yet, he
thought.

“Hoity! Toity! what naughty words are these?” said a
shrill voice, and the next moment a little old woman, with a
face the colour of a russet apple, came bustling out of the
cottage door, and picked up Tomakin off the path and gave
him a kiss. She was a pleasant, cheery little woman, in a
clean white cap and apron, and she broke half a candy stick

63



Butter-Scotia

off the fence and gave it to Tomakin, saying at the same time
to Olga: ‘“ How did the Katawampus begin?”

“He won't play at being Sancho,” said Olga, in a voice full
of tears, “and I promised Mother to look after him.”

“Where are you going to?” said the old woman, picking
up the shield.

“Tama Red Cross Knight, you see,” said Olga, “ going
in search of giants, and Tomakin promised Krab to be
Sancho.”

“T didn’t,” shouted Tomakin from the garden.

“You did, you naughty boy, if he let you have ayy
you know you did,” shouted Olga angrily.

_ “Never mind, darling,” said the old lady, soothingly, to
Olga; and then, turning to Tomakin, she continued: “ Will
you stay and have tea with Mother Slipper Slopper, then,
like a good boy, while sister goes and plays at giants.”

“ Are there any more sweeties inside ?” inquired Tomakin,
who was getting tired of pear-drops and candy.

“Ti’s all sweeties, my dear, or cake; there’s nothing else
about here.”

“ All right, then,” said Tomakin.

“J don’t think Mother could mind,” thought Olga, “she
seems such a kind old lady.” Then she added aloud: “ Well,
don’t let him sit on the grass. And he mustn’t have real
ea,” she whispered to Mrs. Slipper Slopper, “just ‘make
believe’ in the milk, you know. And not more than one
shrimp; you must undo it for him yourself, or he will eat
the shell. Will you keep Neddy, too?” she asked.

‘No, not Neddy, I can’t do with him; he’ll follow Dapple
all right. Tl take care of the boy as long as you like; I’m
very fond of children. If you really want to meet a giant,

64.



ie
is
iG

"hte = SAG

ae

















THE MYSTERIOUS MAGPIE MINSTREL



The Red Cross Knight

there is the golf ogre up the road. Brassiface the son of
Bulger, the son of Baffy the Spoon, they call him. The
second turning to the right takes you to his castle.”

Olga was delighted to get rid of Tomakin. She found a
little leather purse hanging to her saddle-bow. It was full of
gold pieces, and she took three out, which she threw to the
old lady, saying as she did so: “ Farewell! my good woman,
I leave my trusty Squire in safe hands.”

The old lady curtseyed two or three times, and Sir Olga
trotted away up the hill, followed by Neddy, who was shaking
his head mournfully. For if Olga had remembered Krab’s
advice, and whispered in Neddy’s left ear, he would have
told her that Mrs. Slipper Slopper was really a horrid witch,
and that her hot-pots were always made of fresh child.

The road up the hill skirted the side of a forest. When
Olga had turned the corner at the top of the hill, she came
suddenly upon a strange sight. A man, with a mask over
the upper half of his face, a hat over his eyes, and a great-
coat with the collar up, sat at the roadside playing a
harmonium. He looked a little like Krab, Olga thought.
There were two handles to the harmonium, which stood on
wheels, and on the front of it, facing the road, hung a paper,
on which was printed :

“THE MYSTERIOUS MAGPIE MINSTREL
FROM LONDON.
A GREAT SUCCESS.”

The Minstrel only seemed to know two chords, and he

struck these one after the other again and again. By his

side was a big mastiff. The dog got up and shook himself
65 E



Butter-Scotia

when he saw Sir Olga, and came to where Dapple was
standing. Attached to his collar was a money-box which he
rattled violently. Olga got out a gold piece, and put it in
the dog’s money-box, and the mastiff went back to his
master. The Minstrel took the gold piece, bit it to see if it
was good, and put it in his pocket. Then he rose and bowed
to Olga, and shouted out, as though there was quite a large
audience, “By request, ‘The Lion and the Merchant.’” Then
he commenced to play the two chords again, chanting in a
thin mournful voice the following song:

THE LION AND THE MERCHANT.

I knew a scraggy merchant man,
Very skinny and lean was he;

And he traded, I think,

In Indian Ink,
And the juice of the wild gum-tree.

There is one big lake of Indian Ink
Called Koolishvat, as I’ve heard say,
And it drives them mad
In Allahabad,
To know it is near Bombay.

The gum-trees cluster near this lake,
By the north south western shore,
You may take it from me
There are fifty-three,
And neither less nor more.

And in this sticky forest wild,
Both bears and lions roam;
They quarrel and play
The livelong day,
As children do at home.
66



The Red Cross Knight

The merchant went to Koolishvat
For gum and Indian Ink;

With a well-filled flask,

A nine-gallon cask,
And a pail that was painted pink.

As he stood by the edge of the dark black lake,
He heard a gruesome growl;

The scrunch of a paw,

The snap of a jaw,
And the hiss of an angry scowl.

*Twas the King of the Forest, a lion immense,
The merchant flung himself down

On his bended knees,

Saying, “If you please,
Will you dine with me in town?”

“T’m skinny and lean, not half a meal,
But if you will come with me,

I know a hotel

Where they do you well,
And the lions are fed at three.

“Yes, every day when the clock strikes three
‘Comes a barrow of fresh red meat;

Both bullock and horse,

As a matter of course,
As much as a lion can eat.

‘For Sunday supper at half-past eight,
You have youngsters pickled in brine,
With haricot beans
And curly greens
And a glass of red port-wine.”

67



Butter-Scotia

‘“ Enough, enough !” the lion cried,
And he licked his chops and smiled,
“ A tiger might eat
Your bones and meat,
But I’m terrible fond of child.”

So the lion arrived with the merchant man
At the close of a summer day,

In a four-wheeled chaise

With a pair of greys,
In the suburbs of Bombay ;

Where they bought the lion a new top-hat
And a pair of brown kid boots,

A collar and tie,

And a glass for his eye,
And the tweediest of suits.

They sailed from there in the ‘“ Saucy Sall,’”
The lion looked quite the swell,

And he was adored

By all on board,
Because he behaved so well.

He sat on the bowsprit and sang them songs,,
Or played on the soft bassoon ;

His manners were nice,

For he ate ground rice
With a fork, instead of a spoon.

The merchant was bound for Manchester,
So they towed the “ Saucy Sall,”
Through Eastham Lock
To Pomona Dock,
On the Manchester Ship Canal.
68 ,



The Red Cross Knight

And when they stepped on to England’s shore,
They were met by our own Lord Mayor,

Who read an address,

Which I must confess,
Was neither here nor there.

And then they hired a four-wheeled cab
To drive them to Belle Vue,

Where, the merchant said,

They would find a bed,
And supper laid for two.

The lion leaned back and fell fast asleep.
Which the merchant was glad to see;
He was soon undressed,
And taking his rest
In a cage, under lock and key.

They put him into a lovely cage
From a lion’s point of view ;

He could roll and roar

On his drawing-room floor,
And they gave him a bedroom too.

And there he lived for many a year,
In that.famous wild beast show :
He was rather wild
When he saw a child,
But he was not inclined to go.

Though when he thought of his former life,
In the forest of Koolishvat,

He could not dispute,

The merchant was cute,
While he was a foolish flat.

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Butter-Scotia

When it was over, Olga clapped her mailed glove against
the shield, Dapple neighed aloud, and Neddy brayed approval.
The Minstrel got up and took his mask off. It was no other
than Krab himself.

““What’s become of Sancho ?” he said. ~

“Well, he wouldn’t play properly, so I left him with Mrs.
Slipper Slopper to have tea,” said Olga.

“What!” cried Krab angrily; “who is a foolish flat
now? Mrs. Slipper Slopper is a witch!”

“Oh, not really!” cried Olga, bursting into tears,.
which poured down her breastplate, and left long streaks
of rust behind them. “Poor little Tomakin! What will
Mother say. I'll go directly and fight her, and fetch him
back.”

“That’s no good,” said Krab. “There’s nothing for it
now but to get the Silver Niblick. A Niblick will get you
out of any difficulty, when you know how to use it. Can
you play golf?”

-“T can play a little,” said Olga sobbing.

“Well, cheer up, then. If you can beat the golf ogre you
will be the champion, and he will have to give up the Silver
Niblick. One blow with the Silver Niblick will kill anything
or anybody.” .

“But she may have eaten poor little Tomakin before:
then,” sobbed Olga.

“Not a bit of it, if you hurry up. Slipper Slopper always
sends word to Mother Chattox when she gets a fresh boy in,
and they have him for supper in a hot-pot. There will be
- the potatoes and the onions to get, and supper is at nine,
usually ; so they won’t put him on before half-past five, or
six. It’s just two now, so, you see, if the ogre is in, we

70



The Red Cross Knight

shall have lots of time; if he is not, you walk over and take
the Niblick, and there is an end of it.”

“Oh, dear! Oh, dear!” cried Olga, who felt very sorry
for what she had done; “but I don’t paly golf really well,
and I’m sure I can’t play in armour.”

“No,” said Krab, “of course you can't. Now, don’t cry.
You see if you had only asked Neddy, it would have been
all right. But we shall win the Niblick, never fear. Brassi-
face does not play very well. He has never driven a ball
more than a mile and a half, though he says he has.”

So saying, Krab helped Olga to dismount, got her armour
off, and dried her tears. Then he opened the lid at the top
of the harmonium, dived in among the notes, and fetched out
first a scarlet plush coat with gold buttons, then a pair of
black and white check knickerbockers, then a pair of yellow
and green plaid stockings, then some doeskin gaiters, a cap
to match the stockings, and a bundle of golf clubs in a red
leather bag, marked in black letters, “ Sir O. of the F. F.”

Olga got into the clothes as quickly as she could, and
really looked quite pretty in them. Krab bundled the
armour into the harmonium anyhow, shut the lid with a
bang, and then helped Olga to mount Dapple again, swing-
ing the clubs on to Neddy’s back. He whispered something
into the donkey’s left ear, and Neddy nodded gravely.

“He says the giant is sure to be in,” said Krab; “so you
will have to play. The giant will ask you which Caddie you
will have, and you will say ‘the McKrab!’ Remember,
‘McKrab.’

“McKrab!” repeated Olga.

“That’s it. Now, off you go, straight on, and the second
to the right. Neddy knows the way. You will see the

71



Butter-Scotia

Castle in a hundred yards or so. It’s a sand castle on the
top of a.bunker. You can’t miss it.” Then Krab took the
handles of the harmonium, and wheeled it off into the
wood, while Olga, followed by the faithful Neddy, trotted up
the road to look for the Golf ogre.

72



CHAPTER VI

BRASSIFACE THE SON OF BULGER, THE SON
OF BAFFY THE SPOON

She took her Pater’s driving club,
And swung it round, and round, and round,
Then whacked its little head upon
The hard and unrelenting ground.
And Pater said,
When he saw that head,
‘“ For ever I'll rue that day,
When cricket was off
And she took to golf,
Like a regular, real, St. Andrew’s toff
Our Olga tried to play.”

She smote a ball from off the lawn,
Mortal eye ne’er saw it again ;
It passed to the land of the Great Unknown
Through a drawing-room window pane.
And Mother said,
With a shake of her head,
‘“‘ For ever J’ll rue that day,
When cricket was off,
And she took to golf,
Like a regular, real, St. Andrew’s toff
Our Olga tried to play.”
73



Butter-Scotia

They sent her to her little cot,
And put the golf clubs all away,
At half-past three, without her tea,
To finish off that mournful day.
And Olga said,
As she went to bed,
‘For ever I’ll rue that day,
When cricket was off
And I took to. golf,
Like a regular, real, St. Andrew’s toft
And tried that game to play.”
PaTER’s Book of Rhymes.

OW the beginnings of the great game of golf
were these. On the steppes of Russia—I think
it was on the top steppe but one—lived an ogre
named Baffy. Baffy the Spoon, they called him,

because, when he played croquet on the great plain
of Europe, he did not hit his ball fairly through the hoops
but “spooned” it through, which is cheating. ‘Now at last
nobody would play at croquet with Baffy any more, which
served him quite right, and there he sat all alone upon the
top steppe but one, with his head in his hand, crying and
grumbling, because, like. the discontented pig, ‘‘he was not
happy.” ;

At that time there came to him our good friend Krab, who
happened to be travelling in Russia, and asked him what he
was crying about.

And that great big baby Baffy—he was ten feet high—
sobbed, and howled, and said croquet was a stupid game, and
he would not play any more.

“Then,” said Krab, “if you will stop your noise and be
good, I will teach you a new game altogether.”

74



Brassiface the Son of Bulger

Baffy sniffed and looked a bit happier, and said “ What is
it called?”
“Tt is called Golf,” said Krab. ‘But if you learn Golf,

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you must know that you, and your son, and your grandson,

will have to go on playing it for ever and ever, and you will

play it worse and worse, until at last one of you will be
75



Butter-Scotia

beaten by a little child, and then he may go and bury
himself.”

“Ha! ha!” laughed Baffy, “all that I will risk. Show
us your new game and tell us all about it.”

Then straightway Krab produced two sets of golf clubs,
and half a dozen balls—little white gutta-percha balls, the
size of huge marbles—and then and there, upon the steppes
of Russia, they made the first Golf Links the world ever
saw.

Now as there may still be a few children south of the
Tweed who go to a school where they do not teach Golf, I
will tell you as near as I can what Krab told Baffy the
Spoon. :

First of all he showed him the clubs, which were sticks
with various shaped heads to them, some like skate blades
and others like wooden sea-urchins, but all so formed that you
must be a very clever person to hit the ball with them. And
Baffy tried to hit a ball with some of them, but all he did was
to hit his own big. toe and break a club or two; at which
Krab laughed aloud and Baffy looked foolish. Then Krab
stood on a large boulder rock, and Baffy sat on the ground.
beneath him, with his hands clasped round his knees, gazing
up at Krab, who put one hand behind him and waved the
other in the air, while he began to explain to Baffy all about
the game of Golf, just as if he was giving a lecture.

“Golf,” said Krab, “is played at the seaside where there
are plenty of sandhills and stretches of smooth grass between
them. The first thing to do is to find a little boy—without
shoes and stockings on, if possible—to carry your bag of golf
clubs.”

“Why a little boy?” interrupted Baffy.

76



Brassiface the Son of Bulger

“Because sometimes you hit the ball into a furze bush and
lose it. Then you lose your temper too. Then the little boy
goes and looks for them, and if he can’t find them, you can
pitch into the little boy and punch his head. If it were a big
boy, with shoes and stockings on, he might punch yours back
again, and that wouldn’t do.”

“Certainly not,” said Baffy, “go on.”

“The little boy is called a Caddie. The clubs I have
shown to you, and you have tried to use them (Baffy
shuddered). The balls cost one shilling each.”

‘““My word,” said Baffy, “what a price!”

“When you have played half an hour with one of them, it
may be worth twopence-halfpenny—that is if you are a very
good player and do not knock chunks out of it.”

Baffy groaned. His pocket-money was only a shilling a
week.

‘““Two players play together,” continued Krab. “ They go
in search of a lawn with a little hole in it. Whoever finds
the hole and knocks his ball into it in the fewest strokes,
wins. There are eighteen holes altogether. When you
have finished these, whoever has won the most of them has
won the match. Then you go home and tell your friends
what bad luck you have had, and what wonderful strokes you
would have made if it had not been for the wind. If your
friends do not play Golf, they do not listen to you at all, for
they think you are quite mad; but if they play too, they do
not believe you, for they have told just those stories them-
selves, and nobody ever believed them.”

So saying, Krab leaped off the boulder, and he and Baffy
played the first European Championship Game at Golf, a full
account of which is to be found in the second volume of the

77



Butter-Scotia

Book of Krab; and Krab won. And though Baffy played
very badly, still he made up his mind to learn to play better,
and from that day until the day of his death, a thousand
and one years later, he played two or three games of Golf
every day, and improved a little.

Now Bafty the Spoon married the beautiful Mashie,
daughter of Gutti of Perchaland, and they had a little son
called Bulger, who grew up and played Golf better than his
father. He was called Bulger the Bragger, because he made
such wonderful shots when nobody was there to see, and
came home and bragged about them.

And he travelled in Arabia, and Africa, and Spain, where
they say he won the Silver Niblick. There it is certain he
met with Lofta the Proud, daughter: of Ion the Invincible,
with whom he fell deeply in love; and they were married
and had a little giant son with one eye. And when he was
born he looked so impudent, and rolled his one eye so
roguishly, that they called him Brassiface.

Lofta taught him to play Golf when he was only two years
old, but he soon beat his mother, and then he learned to
play better than his father, and beat him.

So old Bulger gave him the Silver Niblick and he went
away, and after many travels settled in Butter-Scotia, where
he had Links of his own. There he played all comers and
beat them, and took their scalps, and was known to the
world as Brassiface the son of Bulger, the son of Baffy
the Spoon.

But to return to Olga and our story. When she came to
the side of the wood, she saw the giant’s castle much as
Krab had described it. It was a sand castle such as children
build on the shore. It had no roof, and the rooms were

78



Brassiface the Son of Bulger

hollowed out of a large stretch of sand. It had a wall round
it, made of sand piled up.and decorated with huge sand
puddings, and there were several gaps for doorways.

Brassiface himself was lying in the centre of the sand
castle fast asleep. He was a hideous-looking ogre, about
ten feet high, and had only one eye in the centre of his
forehead. It was this indeed which made him such a
good player, for having only one eye, he was able to keep it
on his ball, and by so doing he often managed to hit it.
He was dressed in grey knickerbockers, an old stained
dirty red flannel coat, and a peaked cap. By his side was a.
large bag containing his golf clubs. These were some six
feet in length, and several golf balls about the size of cricket
balls were lying in one of the rooms in the sand castle.

As Olga came up to the castle she saw she was close to
the sea-shore. A sandy bay stretched along beneath a series
of lofty sandhills, and between them you could see wide
plains of green close-cut grass. These were the ogre’s Golf
Links.

They stopped at the gate of the giant’s castle, and Neddy
brayed aloud three times in succession. Brassiface woke up
with a start and rubbed his one eye.

“What's up, kiddy ?” he shouted, gazing at Olga.

“T am no kiddy, sirrah?” replied Olga, drawing herself
up to her full height, “but Sir Olga the Fitful, Knight
of the Festive Fowl, here to challenge you to play for the
Silver Niblick.”

The Ogre threw himself back on the sand castle shouting
with laughter, and rolled out of his dining-room into his
drawing-room, destroying the party wall as he did so.

“You play for the Silver Niblick, you!” he cried, while

79



Butter-Scotia

tears of laughter ran out of his single eye. “Can you play .
golf, my dearie ?”

“T play at home sometimes,” said Olga bravely, “and

I’m going to try, anyhow.”
_ “Well said,” replied the Ogre, who seemed a kindly fellow
after all. ‘Why shouldn’t you try? Though, seeing the
links are twenty miles round, I shouldn’t think a little chap
like you would have much chance. Have you got a Caddie,
though ?”

“ No, I haven't,” replied Olga.

“Who will you have?” asked the Ogre politely.

“T don’t see any about,” said Olga.

“There are not any, so you have your choice, and that
is why I asked you.” ,

“Well then,” said Olga, remembering what Krab had said,
“JT will have the McKrab.”

The Ogre turned pale and whistled loud and long. ‘By
Jove,” he muttered, “the kiddy knows something about the
game. The McKrab knows these links better than I do.
They say he taught my grandfather Baffy how to play.
Well!” he continued aloud, “ you must have him I suppose, |
and I must have Neddy. He’s a stupid Caddie is Neddy,
but he is better than none.” So saying, he threw his bag
round Neddy’s neck and standing up called out in a voice of
thunder, “McKrab! McKrab! You're wanted.”

Before the echo had ceased, there was heard over the
sandhills by the shore the sound of bagpipes, and in a’
moment or two the McKrab appeared, bagpipes under his
arm, skreeling away “Auld Lang Syne” and dancing over
the sand as he came. He wore a full Highland costume,
sporran and kilt of the Stuart plaid, and looked as fierce as

80



Brassiface the Son of Bulger

if he had come to fight for the Pretender; but Olga knew it
was dear old Krab himself, and felt sure, now, that somehow

she would win.
As soon as the McKrab arrived, they started off for the

ants ee
ODAMPSNE
“si eng



first tee, as the place is called from which they were to drive
the ball. Olga dismounted from Dapple, and gave the
McKrab her bag of clubs to carry. He put the bagpipes
among the clubs and slung the bag over his shoulder.
“Now,” said Brassiface, taking a huge club out of the bag
which Neddy was dragging after him, “the first drive is
81 F



Butter-Scotia

across the bay to the lighthouse. It’s about two miles across,
is it not?”

“Twa mile or mair,” said the McKrab.

The Ogre took one of his large golf balls and placed it on
the tee. Olga could not help thinking it would be very lucky
if he got it as far as the sea. He placed his feet down very
carefully and waggled the club backwards and forwards,
while he fixed his one eye sternly on the ball. The club
went slowly back, high round his head until it nearly touched
his left heel, and he would, I believe, have driven the ball to
the lighthouse, had not Neddy suddenly lifted up his head and
brayed out “ Heeaw! haw! Hee haw! ah! Heeh!”
of his voice, completely putting the Ogre off his shot. Down

at the top

came the club with a terrific smash on the ground, half
missing the ball, which soared into the air and fell about a
hundred yards out to sea, splodge into the water. The Ogre
used such naughty words over this, that I know Mr. Nutt
would not print them, even if I knew how to spell them.
Poor Neddy looked, or pretended to look, ashamed of himself,
and McKrab said warningly to him: “Hoots awa, mon!
silence on the tee! silence on the tee! shocking!”

“T knew how it would be, taking out that duffer Neddy,”
complained the Ogre. ‘‘ Well, it can’t be helped, it’s your.
turn now, little one; peg away.”

Sir Olga thus addressed, took the club that McKrab
handed to her, whispering as she did so, “I can’t do it, you
know.”

“ Give it gyp!” replied McKrab, and Olga, not knowing a
bit what he meant, resolved to do so. The ball was put on
the tee by Krab and she hit it as hard as she was able.
Away it soared, over the first sandhill, straight towards the

82





Arde Ma quequr | G

BAFFY TO PLAY!



Brassiface the Son of Bulger

lighthouse; but it was not hit hard enough, and it would
have fallen into the sea about a mile from the shore, had not
a gull swooped down and caught it. Olga and McKrab
watched him eagerly as he sailed across the waves, until he
came to the lighthouse, when he poised himself in mid-air
over the green and dropped the ball.

“Wonderful!” cried the Ogre, “but what luck you have.
That will be on the green.”

“Dead,” cried McKrab with delight.

“ As mutton,” muttered the Ogre sulkily. |

Olga tried to look as though it was the sort of thing that
generally happened when she played golf.

The Ogre now drove another ball, as he was entitled to do.
This time he sent it right across the bay past the lighthouse
and then grumbled out “Too far! too far! Yards too far!”
Away they all went round the beach after their balls. The
Ogre striding in front, Olga cantering near to him on Dapple,
McKrab and Neddy, with the clubs, bringing up the rear.
When they reached the green, Olga’s ball was close to the
flag which stands in the hole, but Brassiface spent some time
looking for his, and at last found it on the beach beyond the
green. It took him three shots to get on to the green, and
he was playing six more when he made his first putt at the
hole. This was a magnificent straight shot that seemed to
Olga certain to go in, but what was her surprise to see that,
just as it got. up, a little goblin jumped out of the hole and
thrust it aside with all his might.

“No luck,” sighed the Ogre, “none.” He evidently had
not seen the little goblin.

It was now Olga’s turn to putt, and she was laughing so
much at the Ogre’s disappointment that she made a very

83



Butter-Scotia

crooked shot. However, the same little goblin stretched his
arm out of the hole, and just managed to guide her ball in.
As it fell in, the Ogre called out, “ Hole in two! well played,
little chap ; but you must admit that you had some luck with
that seagull.”

“Well, it was a bit fortunate, perhaps,” said Olga.

“Better luck for me at the next hole, I hope,” said
Brassiface. “It’s a short one, only a mile and a half long.”

This time Olga had no seagull to help her, but there
seemed to be goblins all along the course, and they threw
the ball from one to the other until it lighted in the hole.

“ Another record!” shouted the astonished Ogre. “The
second hole in one! Stupendous! It’s worth being beaten
by play. like this. Well, you are a good’un for a little ’un.”

It was evident the Ogre had not seen the goblins. Olga did
not quite like taking advantage of him in this way, especially
as he was so good-natured about it; but she must get the
Silver Niblick, and she consoled herself by thinking that she
had nothing to do with arranging it, though she had an idea
it was all Krab’s work.

Hole after hole Olga won in record scores. Onte when
the giant got ahead and Olga made a bad shot, the Ogre lost
his ball. They all hunted for it except that lazy Neddy, who
was browsing upon thistles by the side of a road. When
they had been five minutes looking for it, McKrab claimed
the hole for Sir Olga, according to the rules of the game, and
the Ogre had to give it up. As they moved off to the next
hole, it was discovered that all the time Neddy had been
standing on. the Ogre’s ball. Olga wanted him to go on
playing the hole, but Brassiface would not. He contented
himself by calling Neddy the “Son of a Sea Cook” and a lot

84



Brassiface the Son of Bulger

of other names; all of which seemed to soothe Brassiface,
and not to annoy Neddy in the least. Several more holes
were won, until at the tenth, Olga having won Io up and
. there being only 8 to play, was declared the Champion of
Fairyland, and entitled to hold the Silver Niblick until some
one challenged and beat her.

They went back to Brassiface’s castle, where Olga was
presented with the Silver Niblick. Then, mounting Dapple
and shaking hands with the Ogre, who wished the “little
un,” as he called her, “ good luck,” she rode away to rescue
poor little Tomakin. Krab marched in front with the bag-
pipes, playing “See the Conquering Hero Comes,” and the
trusty Neddy trotted close behind her.



CHAPTER VII

THE WITCH’S HOT POT

Hot Pot! Hot Pot!
In a brown and lordly dish,
Hot Pot! Hot Pot!
Could my hunger have its wish,
Every day at half-past one,
Steaming hot, not underdone,
I would have you, were I able,
Placed upon my luncheon table,
Ready I to sit and eat
Sliced potatoes, mutton meat,
Onions, one by one.
Parer’s Book of Rhymes.

E must now return to Tomakin, who had
been left with Mother Slipper Slopper at
Cake Cottage. There she lived alone with
her black cat, Smut, and was, to all
appearances, as kind and harmless an old lady as you
could meet in a summer day’s journey. But, in truth,
she was a horrid witch, and had kept Tomakin for
the purpose of having a feast, though, at the same time,
it is only fair to her to tell you that she was not one of
those witches who are unkind to little children before it
is time to cook and eat them. As she said, if you make
a child cry, it spoils the flavour altogether, the tears get
86



Full Text












niversi
of
Florida

The Baldwin Library

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BUTTER-SCOTIA
OR

A CHEAP TRIP TO
FAIRYLAND
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THE SWAN-BORNE .BOAT
Printed by BALLANTYNE, Hanson & Co,
At the Ballantyne Press
TO MOTHER THE MINDFUL
THIS VOLUME IS AFFEC-
TIONATELY DEDICATED
BY PATER THE PRIM
[All rights reserved |
CONTENTS

CHAP.

I, CHILDREN FOUR
II. TOWARDS FAIRYLAND
Il, HOUPLA THE HERALD
Iv, THE PRINCESSES’ JOURNEY
Vv. THE RED CROSS KNIGHT
VI. BRASSIFACE THE SON OF BULGER
VI, THE WITCH’S HOT-POT .
VII. AT THE COURT OF KING PUCK
IX. THE DRAGON
X. THE SUGARBOROUGH ELECTION .
XI, THE TRIAL OF TOMAKIN

XII, HOME AGAIN

PAGE

99

. Tig

. 128
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS:

Page
The Swan Borne Boat . ‘ ; . Frontispiece
Title Page
Map of Butter-Scotia . : : . to follow page viii
The Discontented Pig . : : 2 ot 7
The Cause of Happiness in Others. : : : 9
Krab Exhibits his Show-card . : : : 212
The Banks of Treacle River . : . ; . 17
The Bar Sheep. : am : . 26
Cassiopeia. . : : : : . 30
Houpla, the Herald . : : . 36
Fashion Plate from the Dahlia News” . : . 42
Sir Olga’s Arms . ; : ; : . 46
Birch Rod preceding the Princesses . : . . 57
The Great Seal blesses the Princesses : : - 59
Mother Slipper Slopper’s Cottage. . . . 62
The Mysterious Magpie Minstrel. . . to face 65
Big Baby Baffy . : : : fog 7S
McKrab the Caddie : : . : : . 81.
Baffy to Play! . : : : . . to face 82
The Witch's Incantation . i . : fy 88
Mother Chattox . “= : : 92
The Ballad of Our Cat. : . : ices 96 and 97
Further Consideration . : : : 104,
The Blue Toad. j : : ‘ : . 112
The Raven Schoolmistress : : ; ; . 116
The Dragon is Physichked : . : : . 121
The Fight with the Dragon. : : . to face 126
The Triumph of the Niblich . . 7 : . 127
The Cabinet Council . . . : . 131
Obadiah Ostrich, Esq. . . : : . . 137
Mrs. Ostrich’s Song ; . ; . . 138
Mr. Ferret at Work. . . : : . 148
The Raven Cross-examined d : : . 155
The Sisters Primrose. ; . ; : . 165
Herr Krab the Ringmaster. 3 : : . 162

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BUTTER-SCOTIA

CHAPTER I
CHILDREN FOUR

Though Olga is a learned child and fond of French and
Latin,

She condescends to dressing up if the gowns are silk and
satin ;

But while she reads and writes so well, and knows how to
recite,

I should not mind if she could not read, if all she did was

right.

Oh Molly’s hair is yellow still, it’s frizzled once a week,

And when her wig is peppered up she is too proud to speak;

Her eyes are blue, she has but two, her squeal is rather
loud,

You would take her for a pretty child if you met her in-.a

crowd.
Butter-Scotia

When Kate is really good and kind, she isa charming child,

But with the Katawampus she would make a beaver wild,

She sulks a bit at bread and milk ; but oh! she is so sweet,

When you give her buns or birthday cake or anything nice
to eat.

Oh, Tomakin’s a nobleman, he is his mother’s joy ;
In all the world, there never was such a splendid little boy,
He plays with mother half the day, and tries to help her
— too; :
Without our little Tomakin whatever should we do?
PatTER’s Book of Rhymes.

O you remember a story about three little girls
anda laddie boy ? It was called “ Katawam-
pus,” and was all about Olga, Molly, Kate, and
Tomakin. Ah! that was a story. But this

one shall be a better story, if you like it better, not otherwise.

It begins in this way.

Once upon a time Pater and Mother had taken Olga, Molly,
Kate, and Tomakin to the seaside, to a place called Fleetwood.
Olga was quite grown-up now and ten years old. She could
say, “If you please,” in French, though she still sometimes
forgot it in English ; and as for Latin, she could tell you
in that language how “the Queen gave presents to the
good girls,” and how the “renowned orators praised the bad
King.” Indeed, if she had gone to live with the Romans, she
would have been quite at home among them, as long as they
kept to the first three declensions, and only used a few easy
verbs. Molly was eight years old, and as big a romp as
ever. Kate, too, was a year older, and was now seven,

4
Children Four

and had left the Kindergarten and gone into the “upper”
school. So you see she, also, was quite a grown-up young
woman. .

As for Tomakin, he was several inches taller, and talked
more plainly every day. Pater said it was time he turned
out to the Kindergarten, but Mother would not hear of it.
Indeed, what Mother and the servants would have done all
the morning without Tomakin to play with, Pater could never
make out, though it made Mother quite angry if any one
said that he was kept at home for her sake. He was growing
up to be a regular “ pickle,” working off his spare energy and
intelligence by inquiring into the ways of water-taps, and
studying the destructive properties of fire, and his pockets
were already far too small for the collection of odds and
ends he wanted to keep in them.

I daresay you have never heard of Fleetwood. The people
who live there say it is the finest place in the world. And,
indeed, if you had lived there all your life, you might well
believe it. There is an asphalt parade to whip tops on, with
a row of houses behind it facing the sea. There are sands
to dig in, a sea to bathe in, big timber groins to jump over
and to keep the sea from washing the sand away, lots of
boats to sail in, and then, on a wet day, you can watch the
big ships coming up the channel to the dock, or see the
fishing fleet go out.

Well, the children had been there for a week or two, and
were living in a house on the parade close to the shore.
One fine hot summer’s afternoon they were all four playing
on the sands and talking about their grievances. Like
many children who have a real good time, and pretty much
all their own way, they fancied they were rather badly treated.

5
Butter-Scotia

e

Each little girl had dug for herself a ‘sand mansion, while
Tomakin amused himself by jumping first into one house and ,
then into another, and, when he was thrust out, going off to
dabble in pools, from which he had to be brought back
forcibly. The tide was still a long way off their houses, but
the children were getting tired of digging, and were now
all lying about on the sand watching the approach of the
waves.

“There’s nothing to do here,” said Olga, as she turned a
pudding out of her pail to make an ornamental gate-post for
her sand-house.

“There are no mountains like those in Ireland,” said
Molly. .

“ And no blackberries,” sighed Kate.

“ And Pater won’t take us fishing as he promised,” con-
tinued Olga.

“Tf it would only rain we might go indoors and have
‘dressing up,’” suggested Kate.

“Tell us a story, do!” said Molly.

“T don’t know any stories,” replied Olga, gloomily.

“Try the ‘Discontented Pig,’” said a voice from behind
the groin.

‘“Tt’s Pater,” shouted Molly at the top of her voice. . “ Let’s
~make him tell us a story.” But it was not Pater at all, for,
as the children started up, a little figure jumped over the
timber groin into their midst, and they saw that it was
their old friend Krab, the cave-man. Yes, there he was
in his old blue and yellow suit and long-pointed shoes,
with his feather and cap, and kind smiling face, just as
they had met him a year ago on the mountain-side in
Treland.

6
Children Four z

“ Try the ‘ Discontented Pig,’” -he repeated, as he squeezed
himself into Kate’s sand-house and sat down beside her.

“T don’t know it,” said Olga.

“Well, then, I'll tell it you,” said Krab.

All the children settled down close beside him, and he
began.



ee
Once upon a time there was a little pink and white pig
who lived in a field, and the kind farmer to whom he belonged
fed him on turnips. But he grunted and grumbled and said.
he was not happy. So the farmer bought him some barley-
meal, and mixed it with skim milk. But he only turned up
his nose at this, and went on grunting and grumbling and
saying he was not happy. Then the farmer, who was a
7
Butter-Scotia

tender-hearted man, built. him a new sty with a slate roof
and brick sides, and put a big new trough in it, and filled the
trough with potato-peelings and cream. But the little pig
only grunted and grumbled and said he was not happy. This
filled the kind farmer with despair. Still, he said to himself:
“Tt is my duty to make this poor little pig happy.” So he
had him brought into his own kitchen and set him on the
hearthrug, and gave him warm buttermilk out of a silver
spoon. But the little pig only grunted and grumbled and
said he was not happy. This might have been going
on yet had not the kind farmer met his friend the wise
butcher on the road, and said to him: “ Friend butcher,
I desire to consult you about a great sorrow. I have a
little pig at home, who grunts and grumbles and says he
is not happy.” :

' “ Give him turnips,” said the wise butcher.

“ That I have done already.”

“ Give him barley-meal and milk.”

“ That I have done.”

“Build him a new sty then, and give him potato-peelings
and cream.”

“That, too, I have done.”

“ Then bring him into your own kitchen, and give him warm
buttermilk in a silver spoon.”

_-“T have done that also,” replied the farmer, “ yet he grunts
and grumbles and says he is not happy.”

“Then send him to me,” said the wise butcher, “and I will
do my best for him.”

So the kind farmer sent the little pig to his friend the
butcher, with a string tied to the little pig’s leg and a
boy to guide him on his way, and as he went along the

8
Children Four

road the little pig grunted and grumbled and said he was
not happy. .

A few days afterwards the farmer met his friend the
butcher and said to him, “How is my little pink and
white pig? Does he still grunt and grumble and say he is
not happy?”

“He has not grunted or grumbled for three days,” replied
the butcher, shaking his head.

a he Gause ree pe npeuss
ers



“ Ah!” cried the farmer joyfully, “then he must be happy
indeed.”

“T do not know if he is happy, but without doubt he is
sausages and has been sausages for these three days,” replied
the butcher.

“ And is alittle pig happy when he is sausages?” njaeea
the kind farmer.

“T do not know,” said the butcher, “if he is happy himself,

‘but he is certainly the cause of happiness in others, and that,
you know, is far better.”

“Tt is, it is!” sighed the farmer, gratefully shaking his
friend’s hand. ‘ How can I thank you enough?”

9
Butter-Scotia

“Say nothing about it,” replied the wise butcher; “I
have only done my duty to our little pink and white friend.”

Then the kind farmer returned home, wondering at the
butcher’s wisdom and glad to think that his little pig no
longer grunted and grumbled and said he was not happy.

“ Poor little pig!” said Molly and Kate as Krab finished.

“Tt sounds to me like a tale with a moral to it,” said Olga
thoughtfully.

“Tt has two morals,” said Krab, “but you must find them
out for yourself; And now what do you think. I have come
to tell you ?”

The children shook their heads and could not guess.

“Well,” said Krab, “to-morrow at midnight there is
a cheap trip to Butter-Scotia, in Fairyland, and I thought if
Mother and Pater would let you go I would take you.”

“ How lovely!” said all the children, clapping their hands ;
and Tomakin joined in the shouting and jumping though he
did not really know what it was about.

“You see,” continued Krab, “children are not allowed to
travel in Butter-Scotia, and there would be a terrible ‘row if
the King found out you were only children. So you will
have to dress up.”

“Hip! hip, hurrah!” outed Molly. “Dressing up!
I'll be a Princess!”

“ And Ill be a Princess oo shouted Kate, throwing her
cap in the air.

“ And I'll be a Red Cross Knight, and have adventures,”
shouted Olga, her eyes sparkling at the thought. “What
about Tomakin, though ?”

“JT arn’t going to dress up. I hate dressing up,” said

Tomakin. And indeed well he might hate it, for after Olga
Io ;
Children Four

and Molly and Kate had finished, there was very little for him

to dress up in, and the little girls generally put him off with

one scarf, or tried to persuade him to be a doggie and

go on all-fours and bark. -So Tomakin had a poor opinion

of acting and dressing up, though his sisters delighted in it.
Krab took out his note-book and put down :

2 Princesses.
1 Red Cross Knight.

“We must see about Tomakin later on,” he said.

‘ He'll have to come if we go, you know,” said Olga.

“ All right,” said Krab, ‘I'll see to it.”

“T arn’t going to dress up,” said Tomakin, “and I won’t
be a doggie.”

“You shan’t be a doggie; certainly not,” said Krab,
patting his head. “ By-the-bye, I must go and see Pater at
once; where shall I find him?”

rs On the garden seat, reading the Law Ties,” said Olga.

“What is that ?” said Krab.

‘'T don’t know,” said Olga. ‘It’s a paper Pater has every
week, There are no pictures in it.”

“There should be pictures,” said Krab, shaking his head
gravely as he walked away up the sands to talk to Pater.
“There certainly should be pictures. Plenty of them.”

Pater was sitting in the little garden in front of the house
reading a paper. Mother was knitting a sock by his side.
Krab opened the gate and walked up the steps round the
circular flower-bed and got right opposite Mother and Pater
before they saw him.

‘““Eh!” cried Pater, dropping his paper with a start, “no

II
Butter-Scotia

niggers wanted here. Out you go. Outside the gate with
you at once.”

“Nonsense,” said Krab, “who’s a nigger? That comes
of reading papers without any pictures in them. I’m Krab.
Krab’s cheap trips to Fairyland. You have
heard of them, I suppose? Look here,
Madam!” and turning to Mother he shot
out a long roll of paper covered
with advertisements that read like
this :—





12
PROFESSOR KRAB’S PERSONALLY CONDUCTED
TOURS TO FAIRYLAND

On August roth, at Midnight, Krab’s Barge will leave
FLEETWOOD,

Weather and other circumstances permitting,
for a week’s trip to

Butter-Scotia in Fairyland,

WHERE

The Royal and Industrial Exhibition of
Children of All Natures,

BETTER KNOWN AS
“THE SCREAMERIES,”’
Is now being held.
GOOD CHILDREN ONLY MAY FOIN THIS TOUR,

Hatr Returns, 2/3.

Professor Krab purposes shortly taking a

SMACK

FOR NAUGHTY CHILDREN ONLY,
This will sail to
CORNER ISLAND AND SLAPLAND,
At either of which places Naughty Children
may be left till called for.

For further particulars and Fares see small bells,

2

13
Butter-Scotia

“T suppose your children will join the first trip,” said Krab
to Mother, who was reading the advertisements.

“What’s all this nonsense about,” said Pater crossly;
“where is Butter-Scotia ?”

Krab laughed. ‘ Any Board School child could tell you
that. It’s all in the geography book.”

“Ts it on the map?” asked Mother doubtfully.

“Tt’s not exactly on the map, perhaps,” said Krab thought-
fully, “but you can see it on a good big globe, if you have
_ one, and this is the way to do it. You place the globe in the

sun and stand some distance off like this” (Krab here stood
on one leg, put his head on one side, and screwed up his little
squinney eyes until you would have thought he could not see
at all). “Then you get two kiddies to twirl the globe round
and round as fast as ever they can, and soon you see a bright
yellow patch, on the right-hand top corner of the globe. That
is Butter-Scotia. It is near the North Pole and not far from
the Equator, in longitude 1001 and any amount of latitude.”

Mother could not help laughing at this description, and even
Pater smiled a bit.

“T thought every one had heard of the Butter-Scotchmen,”
continued Krab, putting his hands behind his back as though
he were saying a lesson, “of whom Herodotus, the historian,
says that ‘they were in early times a dull sticky yellow race,
often sold into slavery dressed in silver paper and bound

‘together in packets of one dozen, or cut up by savage children
and bartered at school for postage-stamps.’ Those days are
over, of course. Now the Butter-Scotch are a powerful and
well-behaved race of goblins.”

“T’ve certainly heard of Butter-Scotch,” said Pater
musingly, ‘but I never heard of Butter-Scotia.”

14
Children Four

“You've forgotten your geography, that is all. It’s all in
the book. Don’t you remember Butter-Scotia, chief town
Sugar-borough on the River Treacle. Butter-Scotia is
bounded on the north by the Gulf of Funland, on the west by
Cocoa Nut Iceland, on the south by the Caramel Mountains,
and on the east by the A B Sea or Sea of Troubles. Chief
imports—none. Chief exports—crackers and goodies.” Krab
rattled it off so quickly that he was quite out of breath at the
end.

“T certainly remember some of those names,” said Mother.

“Some of them, perhaps,” said Pater, nodding his head.

“Well, the question is, are your kiddies joining the trip ?”
asked Krab. “I cannot wait much longer.”

“What do you say, Mother?” asked Pater.

“Oh, it’s for you to decide.”

“Well, I think the Slapland tour would do them most
good,” said Pater.

“It’s more expensive, you know,” said Krab.

“Then let them go to Butter-Scotia,” replied Pater
hurriedly. :

“Let us decide that they may go if they are very good
all day,” said Mother, which was the way in which she
usually said “Yes,” when the children came to ask for a
treat.

The children now came rushing up from the sands. “ May
we go, Mother ?” they all shouted.

“ Ask Pater.”

“You may go,” said Pater, “if you are very good all day
and can tell me how much four times two and threepence is.”

Molly and Kate looked ee as at Olga, who shouted out,
“Nine shillings !”

15
Butter-Scotia

“Right you are,” said Pater, and he tossed Krab the
money. ,

“Hurrah!” shouted all the children. ‘ Three cheers for
Krab!”

Krab had counted the money and put it in his pocket, and
was now dancing round the little circular bed in the garden,
throwing his head from side to side, singing the following
song :—

Oh! the land of Butter-Scotia where the Butter-Scotch
reside! :
Its rugged coast of buttered toast and sugar mountain
peaks!
Where the smiling Finnan haddock dances o’er the swirling
tide,
And the kipper, silly nipper, never thinks before he
speaks.

Yes, it’s there that I would be,

Oh! Butter-Scotiah !
A half return is two and three,

Oh! Butter-Scotiah !
How I’m longing to embrace,
All that silver-papered race,
Kiss each sticky yellow face,

Oh! Butter-Scotiah !

Oh! the land of Butter-Scotia where the Butter-Scotch
reside !
A blessed smell of caramel pervades that sacred spot ;
And lazy goblins sit and watch the River Treacle glide,
Sucking candy when it’s handy and their fingers when it’s
not.

16
Children Four

Ih
z

I f wy

| if
ty ie ewe
MES i BY =

“Bhi,



. Yes, it’s there that I would be,
‘Oh! Butter-Scotiah !
A half return is two and three,
Oh! Butter-Scotiah !
How I’m longing to embrace,
All that silver-papered race,
Kiss each sticky yellow face,
Oh! Butter-Scotiah !
17 B
‘Butter-Scotia

-When he got to the end of his chorus he clapped his hands
and shouted “Chorus again!” Mother threw down her
knitting, Pater chucked the Law Times into the next garden,
and all the children dropped their spades and pails. Then
they danced round in the following order—Krab first, then
Mother, then Pater, then Olga, Molly and Kate, and lastly
little Tomakin, all singing the chorus and shouting out “Oh!
Butter-Scotiah!” as loud as they could.

A solicitor who: lived two doors off was passing up the
parade going home to dinner. He stopped to look at this
extraordinary sight. “ Now really,” he said half aloud, “ that
is the very strangest family that ever came to stay at Fleet-
wood. Just look at them.”

18
CHAPTER II

TOWARDS FAIRYLAND

In Fairyland we sport with butterflies,
Or dance with merry mermaids hand in hand,
And all is wonderment to willing eyes,

In Fairyland.

Would that like children we could still command,
Force of pure fancy for a wild surprise,
Across the borders of that magic land;

To leave this tired world where laughter dies,
Upon the brink of other worlds to stand,
Rousing the dragon’s roar and eagle’s cries,
In Fairyland. |
PATER’s Book of Rhymes.

T was a calm evening. The little ferry steamer had
made its last journey for the night, and having tucked
itself up in a big tarpaulin and moored itself in the
river, had gone to sleep tired out with a good day’s

work. The tide, all pearly grey in the summer twilight,
whirled and eddied along past the quays, and away up the
river towards the old silk warehouses, where you go boating
picnics and get Wardley’s toffee, at the little cottage by the
river beach. Olga and Tomakin liked the black toffees best,
but Molly and Kate liked the white ones, and so did Mother.

19
Butter-Scotia

Cousin Susan liked both kinds: best; she was terrible fond
of sweeties was Cousin Susan. As for Pater, he always
smoked a pipe on the beach and threw stones in the water
and paid for the toffees, but he would not eat them.

The moon was rising at the back of the great railway
sheds, throwing such deep black shadows that you could not
see the big Belfast steamer lying under the quay. But you
could hear the cranes clanking and rattling as they got the
luggage on board. There was no one upon the parade as
Olga, Molly, Kate and Tomakin came out of their house, the
two eldest girls carrying the mail-cart down the steps, and
Tomakin and Kate lugging and pushing Pater’s Gladstone
bag, which was so full that it would not lock.

“Have you got all the ‘dressing-up’ things ?” asked Olga,
and she began to call over the list. ‘Cousin Susan’s skirt,
Mother’s dressing jacket, two blue speckled dust-sheets, the
old lace curtains for trains, Pater’s Norfolk jacket, and the
knickerbockers.”

“Tve got the jacket,” said Kate, “but Mother would not
let us have the knickerbockers.”

“How stupid!” cried Olga impatiently. ‘“ How can I be
a Red Cross Knight without knickerbockers ?” She stamped
her foot angrily and looked quite sad.

“Never mind,” said Molly, “you can have one of the

‘ paper cocked hats and Tomakin’s sword and the drum.”
_ “The sticks are in the bag,” said Kate, “but the drum
wouldn’t goin. Tomakin has to carry the drum.”

“T shan’t,” said Tomakin decidedly. “I arn’t going to
dress up at all.”

“A drum isn’t dressing up, you know, dear,” explained
Kate persuasively.

20
Towards Fairyland

“Don’t care!” said Tomakin, who was biting his hand-
kerchief.

' “Oh, I'll get the drum,” said Molly, and she went back
indoors to fetch it.

Tomakin looked as though he was going to interfere, and
muttered something about “nobody playing on his drum.”
Then a bright thought struck him: “If Molly has my drum,
may I push the mail-cart?” He was always making
bargains of that kind. The three little girls agreed to this ;
and Molly arriving with the drum, the Gladstone bag was
hoisted on to the back seat of the mail-cart, end up. Then
Tomakin got hold of the shafts and they moved down the
parade to the little pier near the ferry slip where the boats
started from.

When they got to the end of the parade they found Krab
strolling about and waiting for them. He had on a peaked
blue yachting cap with a little yellow flag embroidered in
front, a thick fluffy blue pea-jacket decorated with big gold
buttons ornamented with anchors, and blue serge trousers
very wide and flappy at the bottom. He was walking up
' and down on the pier whistling, with his hands in his
pockets, and a long brass telescope under one arm. Every
now and then he took the telescope from under his arm and
gazed up the river as though he were looking for something.
The church clock struck eleven.

“Hold on, children,” he called out as they came up. ‘Got
all the things for dressing up ?”

“Everything we could,” said Olga; ‘Mother wouldn’t let
us have the knickerbockers though.”

“Never mind,” said Krab. ‘‘ We will see what we can do
later on. Do you want to take the mail-cart ?”

21
‘Butter-Scotia

“Well, nurse said that if there was much walking to do in
Fairyland, I must take it for Tomakin. I can walk ten miles,
you know,” said Olga. .

“So can I,” added Molly.

“ And I walked six miles when I was five years old,” said
Kate,

“T can walk to the docks,” said Tomakin, not to be
outdone. The others laughed, for the docks were close by.

“Well, never mind the mail-cart,” said Krab. “I'll find

him something to ride when we get there;”

and holding
Tomakin by one hand and taking the Gladstone bag in
his other, he walked along the pier to where the tide was
gently lapping over it, and jumping and splashing through
the boards.

‘‘ Here she comes!” he cried, and looking across the river
to the other shore, the children saw a strange and beautiful
sight.

Twelve milk-white swans, harnessed together with red and
green ribbons in three rows, four abreast, were swimming
buoyantly across the river, drawing a magnificent golden
barge gaily lighted with electric light and Chinese lanterns.
As it came nearer to them they could see that the swans on
the right-hand side had huge green lanterns hung round their
necks, and those on the left-hand side red lanterns, while the
harness ribbons, green and red, were divided right and left in
the same way. The barge was built somewhat like a Noah’s
Ark, but it had a flat roof with a light iron railing round it, on
which you could move about quite safely. In front of the
barge, as though on the box-seat of a coach, sat a goblin in
a three-cornered hat, a large driving coat with big mother-of-
pearl buttons, top-boots, gaiters, and a white periwig carefully

22
Towards Fairyland

powdered, holding’ a whip and reins in one hand, with the
other on the brake which was worked by a big wheel at his
right-hand side. Below-the top deck you could see, through
the’ spacious windows of the well-lighted cabin, a table
sparkling with glass and silver, and round the sides of. the
cabin little berths fitted with white pillows and cream silk
counterpanes with little yellow tassels.

As this marvellous ship approached the pier, you could hear
the silvery voices of the twelve swans singing a lullaby to
the music of a tinkling barrel organ which one of the goblin
sailors was grinding lazily in the stern of the vessel. The
rest of the crew of goblins were dancing hand-in-hand round
the mainmast, which was decorated with flowers like a may-
pole and seemed to have no sails belonging to it. They too
were singing every now and then, or dancing to the music of
the swans. % oa ee Ess

The swans’ song was wafted seul across the water and
you could catch the words :.

Sweet, my darlings, do not ery,
Listen to,our.lullaby, :
, Lulla, ‘lulla,. lullaby. 2
Singing as we glide along,
Baby Bunting’s bye-bye song,
Lulla, lulla, lullaby.
Every note shall make you dream
Of macaroons and lemon cream,
Big Bath buns and birthday cake,
Feasts for fairies, till you wake.
Sweet, my darlings, do not cry,
Listen to our lullabye,
_Lulla, lula, lullaby.

23
Butter-Scotia

Then the swans ceased and you could hear the little goblin
sailors singing as they danced around:

The swans that sail our boat,

They cannot sing a note,
Their song sublime
Is out of time

And husky in the throat.

But we can sing Yo ho! Yo ho!

The sailors’ songs we know, Yo ho!
Four crotchets on the sandy bars,
Eight quavers in the silent stars,

Two minims soft and low,

Shall find us music for our song,
While the battle rages loud and long,

And the stormy winds do blow,

My boys!

And the stormy winds do blow.

The goblins laughed aloud as they finished their song;
but it did not seem to annoy the swans at all, who moved
slowly towards the pier singing another verse of their
lullaby:

Sweet, my darlings, do not cry,
Listen to our lullaby,

Lulla, lulla, lullaby.
Sleep, my dears, and while you sleep
Dance with mermaids o’er the deep,
Sport with fairies ’mid the flowers,
Till the early morning hours
Chase the pretty dreams away,
To rouse you for another day.
Sweet, my darlings, do not cry,
Listen to our lullaby,

Lulla, lulla, lullaby.

24,
Towards Fairyland

The music became slower and softer until, as the first
swan came alongside the pier, it ceased altogether and the
driver wound up his brake as hard as he could, bringing
the barge to a standstill close to where the children were
standing.

“What a lovely boat!” cried Molly and Kate together.

“May I drive when we go on board?” asked Tomakin,
jumping with delight.

“T thought,” said Olga, who had a notion that the chief
object of knowledge was to show it off when you got a real
good opportunity, “I thought that swans any sang when
they were going to die.” :

- “Yes,” said Krab; “and these swans are going to die, but
not if they can help it.. However, they have to sing, when
they are approaching a pier, by the Harbour Master’s Rules,
article 468: ‘All vessels propelled by means of ducks, geese,
swans, or other birds, to approach any pier or jetty to slow
music, such music not to exceed eight knots an hour.’ That
is why they sing a lullaby, you see. Comic songs wouldn’t
do at all: they are too fast. You have to obey the rules or
you get into trouble.”

The children now Aaaleredst up on to the deck, where they
stood with Krab-by the side of the goblin coachman, Tomakin
helping him to hold the reins as they floated gently out to
sea. Away they went past the steep breast, leaving the gas
buoy on their right, and then close to the bell buoy, which
tolled out farewell! farewell! as they sailed by, and at
length round the lighthouse into the Lune Deeps and out
to sea.

A little while afterwards they heard a sheep bleating in the
darkness, and soon passed close to a little boat in which a

25
Butter-Scotia

black ewe sat holding a lighted bedroom candle and crying
out regularly every fifteen seconds, ‘ Baa,! Baa!” at the top
of her voice. It sounded very mournful out there upon the
silent sea.



“What is the sheep doing?” asked Kate, for she had
been out here with Pater and had never seen the sheep
before. use

“Tt is the light sheep,” said Krab gravely, ‘fand that is. the

26
Towards Fairyland

Harbour Baa; four Baas to the minute. Now we know we
are safely out to sea.”

He had scarcely finished speaking when the Belfast boat
came thundering up behind them at a splendid rate, and they
' heard the look-out chant to the man at the wheel: “ Krab’s
barge on the port bow!” and the Captain called out: “ Port
your helm!” and the man at the wheel answered back : “‘ Port
itis. Ay! ay! sir.”

“Keep her away a bit!” cried Krab to the coachman as the
steamer came up. “ Luff! luff! Pull the starboard rein and
give the port swans their heads, you duffer!”

The coachman grumbled something about the near swan
always jibbing at steamers, but did as. he was told, and a
moment afterwards the huge steamer passed them in safety.
The Captain on the bridge, who knew the children very well,
shouted out to wish them a good voyage, and many. of the
passengers who were not yet in bed did the same. The
wash of the steamer rocked them gently up and down and
Krab proposed they should go in for some supper, so they
went downstairs.

They found sponge-cakes and cocoa set out°on the little
table in the middle of the cabin, and they all made an excel-
“lent meal.

“What time shall we reach Fairyland?” asked Olga.

“ About 12 o’clock by our time, but we are a thousand
years 364 days 11 hours and 59 minutes behind Fairyland
time, so it will be about a minute before that if we are
punctual. We should be leaving the sea now,” continued
Krab. “Steward, ask the coachman when we leave the
sea.”

The steward, who was a good-looking, dapper little goblin,

27
Butter-Scotia

darted up the gangway on to the deck, and popped back
again in a moment.

“Just under the Pole Star now, sir,” he said to Krab,
touching his hat as he spoke. ‘The coachman is sending
the look-out along the bowsprit to give the swans their dog-
biscuits and to know if they are ready.”

At that moment there was a great bustle on deck. The
coachman and the crew were heard calling out, “ Make all
taut! Ship your skulls out of the light! Haul in the stern
braces! Take a reef in the rudder! Heave ho! Yo ho!
Blow out the starboard lamps and let go the Deke: ! Steady
with her helm! Steady she is!”

Krab now took Tomakin on to his lap, and told the als
to hang tight to the seats. The lights in the cabin were
turned out, but the moon made it as clear as day. Through
the skylights and the fore-cabin windows the children could
see what was going on. The coachman gathered his reins
together and flourished his whip in the air; the barge sped -
through the water at a rushing pace, leaving a broad track of
white-crested waves behind her. At first the swans seemed
to be swimming, but one by one they unfurled their wings
and fluttered along the water, and at length all of them were
flying helter-skelter along the sea, just touching the tops of
the waves with their feet. Then standing up in his seat,
unwinding tbe brake to its full extent, and flinging the
reins loose on the backs of the flying swans, the coachman
shouted out, “ Yoicks! yoicks! Lift her! Tally-ho!” And
with one accord all the crew, from their different posts on

’ board the barge, echoed the cry, “ Lift her! lift her!” and
the children in the cabin below took up the shout and cried,
“Lift her! lift her!” clapping their hands in wild excite-

28
Towards Fairyland

ment. Then with a mighty effort the swans raised the huge
barge bodily off the sea, and they soared away in rapid flight
with their strange burden behind them, high over the light-
houses and ships, across Snaefell and the Donegal Mountains,
far away from sea and earth, until they reached the clouds, and
passed away through these to the stars and planets beyond.

“Would you like to step on deck and look at the stars?”
asked Krab, when they had got used to the movement of the
barge in the air.

The children were delighted and hurried up the ladder,
followed by Krab.

They stood together hand-in-hand on the edge of the
deck, wondering at the beauty of these new worlds as they
passed the different stars one after the other. When they
came near to a group of stars they could often see their
owners standing on the side of them to watch the barge as
it flew by. Castor and Pollux were among these, two great
honest lads, their arms laid lovingly over each other’s shoul-
ders.. The coachman threw up his long whip to greet Castor,
who shouted out, “Good luck to you!” and eyed the team
of swans with the air of one who knew something about it,
for he was a good whip himself in his day. Close by, too,
was the beautiful Cassiopeia, seated on a bright star, lazily
brushing her long dark hair, which flowed plenteously over
her shoulders. She was gazing at her lovely face reflected
in the silver moon, wondering, perhaps, if there was any
truth in that silly story, that the Nereids were more beautiful
than she was. - Tomakin kissed his hand to the pretty lady.
She was like the “white Aunty,” as he used to call the little
statue of the Venus de Milo on Mother’s drawing-room
mantelpiece. Cassiopeia looked down upon him and smiled

29 —
Butter-Scotia

graciously, and Tomakin thought he would like to stop and
' play with her, and kissed his hand to her again; at which
her four men-at-arms, who live in the stars just below, woke

haifa > be .

+ N ‘sual Sel iy

SW i
WOW Ey, yf

S

“es



1 tipi

up and shook themselves, and frowned angrily at Tomakin,
who wondered why.
They were now passing the Great Bear, and he growled at
them quite grumpily and shook his tail.
“There is the Little Bear, too,” said Olga, who knew some-
thing about stars.
30
Towards Fairyland

‘Where is the Middle-sized Bear ?” asked Tomakin.

“Oh, he is away down by the South Pole,” said Krab;
“they have never lived together since Silverlocks upset the
household so. ‘It led to Katawampus and quarrels. A sad
story !” and Krab shook his head mournfully.

“How is the Earth going on?” shouted the Great Bear as
they came near him.

“Well, much as usual,” replied Krab; “having an all-
round good time. A bit flat at the poles, perhaps.”

“Tt always was,” said the Great Bear.

“ Any fun going on up here?” asked Krab.

“ Not much,” replied the Bear. ‘Two or three fellows
have a shooting-party to-night. I think it’s the Bull and the
Lion ; but I never join them now; those shooting stars are
too gay for me. I’m getting a bit old, and some one must
stay about here to point out the Pole Star, though there arn't
so many people after him as there used to be.”

“Come, come,” said Krab kindly, “ you mustn’t talk about
growing old. There’s life in the old Bear yet.”

The aged Bear shook his head and smiled. “It was my
billionth birthday yesterday,” he said, and sighed deeply.

“ Many happy returns of the day!” shouted all the children.

The Great Bear smiled and thanked them. ‘ Good-night,
my dears,” he continued. “Beas good as youcan. Good-
night, Krab, old man. Look me up on the down journey
next week. Keep clear of Fishes and the Dragon; they
have got Katawampus; and don’t try a short cut along the
Milky Way; they say it’s. full of curds just now, and the
swans won’t be able to fly in it. I guess it’s the thunder
we've had lately. Good-night!”

’ “ Good-night !” shouted all on deck.
31
Butter-Scotia

“Why can’t the swans fly-in the Milky Way if the curds
are there ?” asked Kate.

“ Because they are in the way,” replied Krab gravely.

“The Bear knows what he is talking about,” muttered the
coachman, “swans can’t fly in curds and whey; at least
these swans can’t;” and he fell asleep with his head on
the brake, while the barge sped on into the night, among
hundreds of other stars and planets.

“Now, children,” said Krab, pointing to the coachman, “it
is time we all followed his example.”

They went down into the cabin, and in a few minutes
were undressed, and quietly sucking a Katawampus choco-
late, tucked up in the snug little berths, under the
yellow silk counterpanes. Krab kissed them all round and
went on deck; and as they were falling asleep they could
hear the swans singing the Lullaby again, and the beat of
their wings as they rushed steadily through the wind.

“They must be coming to another pier,’ said Kate,
drowsily.

“Then it will soon be time to get up,” said Molly, turning
round and diving into her soft pillow.

After this they all fell asleep immediately, and dieemed
about Mother and Pater.

32
CHAPTER III

HOUPLA, THE HERALD

Oh the trumpet and the kettledrum and castanets are
there, Ans

Poor Pater he is fast asleep and snoring in his chair,

So we'll tickle up the tissue of his tender tympanum,

With the tootle of the trumpet and the rattle of the drum.

When we get outside the study door he'll wake up in a
fright,

And chase us all around the house to every one’s delight,

Shouting, ‘“ Coming! coming! come! tarantara!. taran-
tarum !” :

And take away the trumpet and confiscate the drum.

‘We are not afraid of Pater though, and every kiddy longs

To be chivied up the staircase by Pater and the tongs,

So we’ll tickle up the tissue of his tender tympanum,

With the tootle of the trumpet and the rattle of the drum.
PATER’s Book of Rhymes.

HE next morning, when the children awoke, the
sun was high in ‘the heavens. The barge had
stopped, and as soon as they were ready dressed,
the children went on deck, dnd found that she
was lying at moorings, close to the shores of what seemed to
be the end of a long inland lake. Krab was sitting on
deck, quietly feeding the swans, who had been unhar-
nessed, and were now floating gracefully in the calm

33 c
Butter-Scotia

water all around the barge, looking none the worse for
the night’s journey. The coachman was still fast asleep in
the bows of the barge, snoring loudly. The goblin sailors
were bathing off the stern of the barge, taking headers into
the water, diving and splashing about among the swans, and
enjoying themselves hugely.

The children looked round them. It was a glorious sight.

_ The shores of the lake were fringed with tall green reeds,
waving in the breeze; beyond were luxuriant fields, golden
with daffodils and jonquils ; and away across the fields were
woods and forests, out of which rose strange broken crags
and the high peaks of blue mountains, some bare of trees,
others clothed almost to their tops with bright green larches
and purple fir-trees. Far away at the other end of the lake
were little islands covered with willows and poplar-trees,
and close to where they were moored was a handsome pier,
built of ivory and gold and decorated with precious stones.
All this was exactly mirrored in the blue lake on which the
barge was floating. ,

“ And is this Fairyland?” asked Olga, as she gazed round
in wonderment and ecstasy at all she saw.

“This is part of Fairyland,” said Krab; “it is called
Butter-Scotia.”

“Who does it belong to?” asked Molly.

“ Well,” said Krab, “all Fairyland belongs to Oberon
and Titania, but this kingdom was given to Puck when he
grew too old to work any more. He had been very useful
to the king, you remember, in the matter of the changeling

‘boy; but Titania never liked him. ‘So, as he was growing
a bit past work, Oberon made him King of Butter-Scotia,
and he has reigned here 4565 years or thereabouts.”

34
Houpla, the Herald

“ Does he still go wandering about at nights, turning into
all sorts of things and teasing the old women ?” asked Olga
laughing. “ There’s a lot about Puck in our poetry book.”

“ Hush, hush,” said Krab, “they never mention those old
stories here, and they should not be in poetry books either.
He is quite another sort of person now, anda very wise king.”

“Ts he called Puck the First ?” asked Olga.

“Yes,” said Krab’; “you will see his name on all the pro-
clamations. There, for instance,” he pointed to a board on
the quay, on which was printed :

TOFFEE BAY LANDING STAGE.
TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED. BEWARE OF THE DOG.
By Order PUCK I. REX.

“That means king, you know,” said Olga to Molly and
Kate, “ genitive Regis.”

At this moment there was heard in the distance the sound
ofahorn. Tarantara! tarantara! It came nearer and nearer,
and seemed to be approaching the quay.

“What is that noise?” asked Olga.

“Tarantara, nominative plural of tarantarum. I know
some Latin, myself,” said Krab, laughing at Olga and
winking at Molly and Kate, as he spoke.

Olga was doubtful about. it, but said nothing.

“Who is it though ?” asked Molly.

“T expect it is Houpla, the Herald, with the passports,”
replied Krab, looking at his watch. “ Late as usual.”

“What are passports for?” asked Molly.

“You must have them,” said Krab, “to travel over the
island, otherwise you will be prosecuted as trespassers.”

35
Butter-Scotia

At this moment there came out of the wood a strange
figure; a little man with a light moustache, flaxen hair, and
a pink complexion, about four feet high, dressed entirely in

No Why















newspapers. He wore a cocked hat with a newspaper tassel

on it, a long coat reaching to his ankles, made out of a whole

copy of the 7zmes, and frills of newspapers round his arms.

In one hand he carried a red carpet-bag marked in black letters
36
Houpla, the Herald

“On His Majesty’s Service,’ in the other a long trumpet
with a white banneret hanging from it on which the letter
“FT” was beautifully worked in red silk. Arriving on the
‘quay he put down his trumpet and bag, and sat down by
the side of them, gazing at the barge with his mouth wide
open.

“What a funny herald,” said Olga, and the children
laughed.

“Hush!” said Krab quickly ; “you must not make fun of
him. He is the King’s Family Herald.”

“Why do they call him the Family Herald?” asked
Kate. nas = i

“Well, for one thing,” replied Krab, “he has been in the.
family a long time, but the real reason was that the Court
goblins were always cramming him and making him an April
Fool.”

The children looked at him and laughed again. Krab
shook his head and continued :

“ Hardly a week passed but he got taken in by some one,
so the King issued a proclamation: ‘Whereas our own
particular Herald is taken in weekly by all the Court goblins,
let him be known henceforth to all men as the Family
Herald.’ Some people said it was the Great Seal’s idea.
Holloa! he’s gone to sleep.”

The children looked up and saw that Houpla had put
his head on the carpet bag and gone off as fast as a
church.

“We must wake him up and get the passports,” said
Krab; “it is time you got away.”

So saying he took a biscuit and aimed it at the Herald, |
but it missed him. All the goblin sailors, seeing what was

37°
Butter-Scotia

up, rushed downstairs and brought a big biscuit-box out of
the cabin, and they and the children pelted away at the
sleeping Herald until at length a long shot from Tomakin
caught him crack on the nose, and he woke up, shook
himself, and sat smiling at the barge again with his mouth
. open.

“T hit him,” cried Tomakin delighted.

“ A very good shot too,” said Krab, and he gave Tomakin
a chocolate cream out of a box marked “ Katawampus
Chocolates.”

“ Now then, old man,” shouted Krab from the barge, “‘any
passports in the bag?”

“ Any princesses on board?” asked the Herald.

“Two,” replied Krab, pointing to Molly and Kate.

“Those are children,” replied the Herald, shaking his head
wisely. ‘I know a child from a princess any day. Children
cannot land unless they are packed in crates and entered for
the Grand Exhibition.”

“Well, just wait a bit then,” said Krab, winking at Molly
and Kate; ‘I’ve got two princesses down in the cabin.”

“Who are they?” asked the Herald.

“The Princess Molly of Grumpiland and Countess
Katherine of Arrogance.”

“Those are right,” said the Herald, looking at a parch-
ment roll which he took out of the bag. “I'll just read the
proclamation and you can fetch them out.” Houpla now
stood up on the end of the quay and blew a loud blast on his
trumpet, which echoed and re-echoed “ Tarantara! Taran-
tara!” in the hills across the lake. Then he read out from
the parchment : .

“Oyez! Oyez! Know all men by these presents

38

”


Houpla, the Herald

“Where are the presents, man ?” cried Krab.

“They ought to have been in the bag. There was a canary
for the Princess and a pug dog for the Countess, but they

‘will get them at the palace. I am sorry I forgot them, very

sorry.” He looked so sad that Molly and Kate felt more
sorry for him than for themselves. Houpla continued the
proclamation : —

“Know all men by these presents, that their Royal and
Imperial Highnesses the Princess Molly of Grumpiland and
Countess Katherine of Arrogance, daughters of that most
Puissant Monarch our well-beloved cousin Pater the Prim,
are hereby invited to attend our Royal Palace at our Castle
of Indolence at our city of Sugarborough in this our own
kingdom of Butter-Scotia.”

To which Krab, standing on tip-toe on the deck of the
barge, replied through a speaking trumpet:

“To his Most Royal and Imperial Highness King Puck I.,
Viceroy of Fairyland and Monarch of this kingdom of
Butter-Scotia, greeting. On behalf of these most noble
ladies I desire humbly to accept the royal invitation.”

“All right,” said the Family Herald. ‘Fetch them out.
Carriages at ten, you know, and it’s half-past nine already.”

“ And supper, what time is that?” asked Krab.

‘“There is no supper,” said the Herald.

The children looked disappointed.

“Never mind,” said Krab. ‘Let us get ready as quickly
as we can. There may be high tea, you know, if there is no
supper.”

They all went down into the cabin, which the goblins had
arranged as a dressing-room with large mirrors from the roof
to the floor all round, so that you could see yourself reflected

39
Butter-Scotia

a dozen times at once. On, the cabin table was a big
pincushion full of safety pins and a roll of tape.

“Nothing like safety pins and tape for dressing up,” said
Krab.

The goblin steward fetched out the Gladstone bag; it
seemed even more full than when they had started. What
was their surprise to find when it was opened, that, instead of
being filled with the things they had packed in it, there were .
beautiful robes of red, yellow, and green silks and satins,
handsome lace and ribands, magnificent large hats with huge
ostrich feathers, and leather cases full of the most lovely
jewellery.

“This is something like dressing up!” said Molly and
Kate as they tried on one thing after another and swept
round the cabin with their trains after them, gazing at them-
selves in the mirrors:

“JT wish I had decided to be a princess,” sighed Olga, as
she tried on a huge hat and tied the ribands under her
chin. “You can’t dress up much as a Red. Cross Knight,
can you ?””

“Well, my dear,” said Krab, “you chose that because of ;
the adventures, you know. You.cannot change now.”

“Yes,” said Olga, “you will have to sit awfully still
in all those clothes or they will get crumpled and spoiled.”

This remark seemed for a moment to damp their joy, but.
they soon forgot all about it in the pleasure of putting on the
new things.

Tomakin was quite heedless of the others. He was
sitting under the cabin table arranging the different pieces
of jewellery in the wrong boxes and trying to make them
shut by hammering them on the floor as hard as he could.

40
Houpla, the Herald

Now all the little girls who read this book—and perhaps
their mothers too—will want to know what the two prin-
cesses wore, and I fear I‘should not have been able to tell
you about it correctly had not Olga brought home with her
a copy of the Dahlia News, which you know is now the chief
paper in Fairyland.

When they were all dressed up, a little goblin came in
with a note-book in one hand and a pencil in the other and
took notes of all the children had put on. It took several
pages. -

“What is he doing it for?” asked Molly.

“He is a reporter from the Dahlia News,” said Krab,
introducing him.

“We call it the Daily News, at home,” said Olga.

“The Daly News only comes out in the morning, this
paper comes out morning and evening, so you see it’s
dailier.”

“There ought to be a dailiest news as well,” cried Kate,
who had just begun to learn grammar.

‘“There was one,” said the reporter. ‘I knew the goblin
who was the editor. He brought out a new edition every
minute, but always the same stuff in it, so the Butter-Scotch-
men gave up buying it. Jt ruined the editor and he lost all
his money. Now he goes about selling copies of our paper
in the street.” ‘

“Poor fellow!” said Olga.

“Not a bit of it,” replied the reporter. ‘When he was an
editor he used to have to wear a black frock-coat and a top-
hat, and now he has not any shoes and stockings and can
_turn head over heels in the mud whenever he likes.”

“How lovely!” said Molly and Kate.

41
Butter-Scotia

“Rather,” said the reporter. “Now I must be off, and
write up my article. I'll send you a copy.”
The reporter goblin was as good as his word and sent

/->2NUGARBORGUEH [S)AhLIA NEWS
oy) ee .
sy on



Krab a copy of the Sugarborough Dahlia News, with a long
article in it which Krab afterwards gave to Olga. It began
. like this: ,

42
Houpla, the Herald

- © ARRIVAL OF THE PRINCESSES AT BUTTER-SCOTIA.

“Jt will be a matter of congratulation to the people of Sugar-
borough to learn of the arrival of those gifted and beautiful ladies,
H.R.H. the Princess Molly of Grumpiland, and H.R.H. the
Countess of Arrogance, upon the hospitable shores of Butter-Scotia.
Upon leaving the steamer we observed that the Princess Molly
appeared in a white silk skirt with a band of pea-green plush round
the edge, a wide waistband of scarlet satin with a yoke to match,
and large balloon sleeves of sky-blue cashmere with green velvet
cuffs big enough to cover the arms to the wrists. On these were
sewn big pearl buttons and jet trimming. This gown was lined with
white satin, but worn with a dark blue silk petticoat kept up by
safety pins, and a white straw hat trimmed with large heliotrope and
shot silk bows and bunches of spiky thistles. Thistles are just now
greatly in fashion, but should not be worn on the sands or on
Hampstead Heath for fear of donkeys. She wore a necklace and
five bracelets, the family diamonds of Grumpiland. Her Royal
Highness looked very well, but her hair wanted brushing.

‘* She was accompanied by her sister, the Countess of Arrogance,
who wore a similar costume, somewhat more varied in colouring.

- Her ornaments were few and simple; three topaz necklaces and
four diamond rings, but no bracelets, and we understand that unfor-
tunate family differences have arisen between their Royal High-
nesses about the division of the Grumpiland jewels. Both the
Royal ladies looked very well as they landed upon the quay, but
were noticed to giggle frequently and tread upon each other’s trains
whenever they could. This, we understand, is quite usual in Court
circles.”

When they went on deck and the Family Herald saw
the two little girls dressed up like that he was quite
satisfied. ;

“Those are something like princesses,” he cried, and blew
a long blast on the trumpet. At the same moment out of the
wood there came six white mice drawing a pumpkin, on top.

43
Butter-Scotia

of which sat a water-rat with a straw in his claw and behind
it ran six lizards. on

‘Why, there is Cinderella’s coach,” cried Kate, as it
trundled on to the quay and drew up opposite the barge.

“T believe it is for us,” said Molly, with a little shriek of
‘delight.

At this moment Houpla played the first two bars of “Three
Blind Mice”; and though the children could never tell me
how it was done, there before their very eyes the mice
became splendid white steeds pawing the ground, the rat
turned into a handsome coachman in an orange and gold
livery, the lizards became footmen, and the pumpkin itself
a large glass coach in a gilded framework swinging comfort-
ably on wide leather springs, and lined inside with cream
satin.

“ Now this zs Fairyland!” cried all the children at once;
and indeed it was.

Molly and’ Kate lost no time in crossing the plank from
the barge to the quay, on to the red carpet laid by the
-footmen to the carriage doors. The Family Herald greeted
_ them with smiles. The footmen bowed them to the carriage
door, and closed it gently after they had tucked their trains
inside. Houpla now played a few notes of “ Off to Phila-
-delphia,” and then got up outside the coach and sat on the
roof with his carpet-bag beside him, rather spoiling the effect
of the cavalcade, which passed slowly off the quay into the
wood again, and made its way towards the Castle of Indo-
lence.

“ And now,” said Krab, turning to Olga as the last footman
. passed out of sight, ‘‘I must look after you. Let mesee, you
. wanted to be a Red Cross Knight, didn’t you ?”

44
Houpla, the Herald

“Like Kenneth in the ‘Talisman,’ said Olga, her eyes
sparkling with delight.. ‘Only I promised Mother to take’
care of Tomakin, and he won’t dress up at all. Do bea page-
boy, ora squire, or a doggie or something ?” said Olga plead-
ingly to her little brother.

- Tomakin shook his head at each suggestion. “Tarn’t going
to dress up at all,” he said.

“Would you like to ride on a donkey ?”’ asked Krab.

“All by my own self?” asked Tomakin.

“Yes.”

“No one holding me on, you know.”

“No one near you.”

“Yes,” he cried, beaming all over. ‘And may I have a
stick to beat him with, if I don’t use it ?”

“Tf you promise not to use it,” said Krab.

Tomakin nodded and the bargain was made.

“You see,” continued Krab to Olga, “you can call him
your Squire.”

“What, on a donkey ?”

“Yes, like Sancho Panza, Don Quixote’s Squire.”

“Was Don Quixote a knight, then ?” asked Olga, who did
not know quite everything.

“He was the noblest knight of them all,” replied Krab
gravely.

“Very well, then,” said Olga; “he shall ride a donkey
and be my Squire. I shall call him Sancho.”

, Olga and Krab went down into the cabin again, and the
steward goblin dragged out the Gladstone bag once more. It
was heavier and more full than before, and they pulled out of
it coats of linked mail, brass collars, barred helmets of steel,
silver gauntlets, gilded spurs, a magnificent hauberk or gold

45
~Butter-Scotia

shirt made of small pieces of chain, and a pair of electro-
plated shoes. “ There,’ said Krab, as he helped Olga
fasten on these strange garments one by one, “now you are
a regular Red Cross Knight.”

Ea
5» SAEs







(im me / Yi
RN (ON
yy eth eal”

“JT must have a surcoat with a red cross on it, you
know.”
“Right,” said Krab, “here it is;” and he put it over her
armour.
“And a shield,” said Olga.
“Of course! I nearly forgot that ;” and going to the bag
46 :
Houpla, the | Herald

he pulled out a large triangular silver shield, which he hung
round her neck. On it was emblazoned a red bantam
chicken dancing a barn dance. As he gave it her he said:
“Remember, your title in Fairyland will be Sir Olga the
Fitful, Knight of the Festive Fowl.”

“Now,” he continued, girding on a long broad-edged
double falchion and a stout .poniard, “ you must not fight
with these. They are only Birmingham ones, and have
not been sharpened. If you have any battles use your
lance. I don’t think Mother would like you to use the
swords.”

“ But I have a penknife at home,” pleaded Olga.

“ Never mind,” said Krab; “the swords look nice enough,
and the lance will do lots of knocking down. If you come
across the Golf Giant you might win the Silver Niblick from
him. That will knock down anything.”

They now rejoined Tomakin on deck, who danced round
Olga in delight. She looked quite terrible and magnificent
as she clanked up and down on the deck, but she had to
move slowly, for she was very uncomfortable. On the quay
stood a black-and-white piebald palfrey with flowing mane
and tail; near by was a grey donkey. Both were saddled
and bridled.

“Dapple and Neddy,” said Krab, as they crossed the
plank to the shore. “Before you do anything important
always ask Neddy’s advice. Whisper in his left ear. He
knows most things.”

Krab gave Tomakin the promised stick, and helped both
the children to mount. Sir Olga raised her shield in front
of her and held her lance high in the air. As she had not
another hand for the reins they dropped on to Dapple’s

47
Butter-Scotia

neck. She could not remember having read how the
knights used to hold their reins. Perhaps they had none.
Tomakin whisked his stick in the air, and, much to Sir
Olga’s disgust, cried ‘Gee up!” at the top of his voice. Krab
wished them plenty of adventures and a jolly time, and
turned back to the barge, while Dapple and Neddy trotted
quietly off, and were soon lost to sight in the green gloom of
the wood.

48
CHAPTER IV
THE PRINCESSES’ JOURNEY

You may talk of the wild excitement
Of toboganning down a slide,
Or the dreamy demure delightment
Of a twopenny elephant ride,
You may tell me the latest fashion,
Isa bicycle made for two;
But you must confess
For a real Princess
Not one of these things will do.

For she must be drawn in splendour
By six steeds whiter than snow,
With footmen fine to attend her
In a coach from the Lord Mayor’s Show.
She may long for a rattling mail-cart,
Especially one with a spring ;
But you must confess
For a real Princess
It would not be quite the thing.
Pater’s Book of Rhymes.

HE coach in which Molly and Kate were riding rolled.
slowlyalong a wide road through pleasant cornfields.
and pasture lands. The sun was shining brightly.
Every now and then groups of Butter-Scotchmen.

came to the roadside to watch them pass. They were yellow
49 . D
Butter-Scotia

dusky fellows, and wore straw hats and kilts of silver paper.
They did not seem to be at work, but were playing rounders,
cricket. and other games, which they stopped for a moment
when the coach came up, and waved their hats to Molly
and Kate, shouting “ Hurrah!”

Molly was looking out of the window at one of these
groups when the coach came to a corner in the road and
stopped. “Why, I declare,” she cried to Kate, “there’s Puss
in Boots and another cat.”

Kate put her head out of the window oad saw Puss in Boots,
a handsome tabby cat with long fur and spreading whiskers,
wearing his well-known big leather top-boots, a gorgeous
laced coat and a wide soft felt hat with a long drooping
feather in it. He was standing arm-in-arm with a dusky
grey cat of meek appearance. When he saw the ladies he
took off his hat and made a low bow.

“Can we ride to the town with you?” asked Puss in Boots
of the coachman.

“ Ask him,” replied the coachman, jerking his thumb over
his shoulder, towards Houpla who was asleep on the roof.

Puss in Boots nudged the meek cat with his elbow and
said, “ You go, old fellow!”

The meek cat leaped up on the roof. Presently the
children heard a scuffle and the meek cat leaped on to the
ground again followed by Houpla, whose face was bleeding,
and who proceeded to chase him round the coach. After two
or three rounds the meek cat seemed tired and turned round
and cried out “ Pax!”

The Herald came up panting and looked glad to leave
off. “You shouldn’t have scratched my face,” he said
angrily.

50
The Princesses’ Journey

“No,” said Puss in Boots, “that wasn’t right.”

“You told me to wake him up,” muttered the meek cat
sulkily.

“The question is,” said Puss in Boots, “can we ride with

you to town ?”

“The answer is No!” said the Herald promptly.

“We are going to ‘the Screameries’ by the King’s invita-
tion, you know.”

“You mean the Royal and Industrial Exhibition — of
Children of all Natures,” interrupted Houpla.

“They call it ‘the Screameries’ in town,” said Puss in
Boots ; “and,” he continued, “we are invited to the Royal
Banquet.”

“In that case,” said Houpla thoughtfully, “we might ask
the ladies.”

The Herald approached the door of the carriage, which
was opened by one of the footmen, and making a low bow
nearly to the ground, said to Molly and Kate, “ Most noble
Princesses, here are two wayfarers, the Right Honourable
Puss in Boots, confidential adviser to the Most. Noble the
Marquis of Carabas, and his friend Stanley, the Whittington
Cat, a well-known traveller, both journeying to the Castle of
Indolence at the King’s invitation to see the Great Exhibition.
They desire to know if. they may ride in your. Highnesses’
carriage ?”

“Certainly,” said Molly and Kate, who had been leaning
out of the window listening to the conversation; and without
more ado the two cats leaped through the window and settled
down opposite the children. Houpla got on the roof again
and the coach continued the journey.

The Whittington Cat, almost as soon as he was settled in

51
Butter-Scotia

the carriage, fell asleep and purred quietly, but Puss in Boots
seemed inclined to talk. :

“Staying with the King ?” he asked Molly.

“Yes, I believe so,” she replied.

“Then we shall meet,” he said, “at the Grand Banquet.
to-night. A pity Birch Rod is not here, then we could be
introduced and arrange to dance together at the Ball after-
wards.”

“Who is Birch Rod?” asked Kate timidly.

“He is Court Chamberlain. Walks backwards before the
King and introduces people at the dances. Gets £10,000 a
year for that, you know, and his coals and gas. A nice place,
is it not?”

“Why is he called Birch Rod?” asked Molly.

“He always carries one about with him,” replied Puss in
Boots; “but,” he added quickly, seeing the children look
anxious, “it is only for show. He is not allowed to use it, of
course. Seen the Exhibition yet ?”

“We only arrived to-day,” said Molly.. “What is the
Exhibition ?”

‘“‘Y'm told,” said Puss in Boots, “that it is the best thing
the King has ever done. Of course I’ve seen lots of children
shows. But this is the biggest collection of children ever
got together. That’s why it’s called ‘the Screameries.’
Then there are Manners matches, Temper contests, and all
sorts of athletic sports, and a new race called a Silence race.
They say that is splendid.”

‘‘What is a Silence race?” inquired Kate.

“Well, they have it in the grounds, and they put six
children in a ring. You.all stand round and some one calls
out ‘Go.’ Every one standing round may make faces at the

52
The Princesses’ Journey

children and talk to them to tease them—you must not touch
them, of course—and the child that goes longest without
speaking, wins. They have the American Champion there,
a little girl of eight. Her record is three minutes, thirty-five
seconds. Fancy a child being silent for all that time!
Stupendous, isn’t it?”

At this moment the coach stopped again. Puss in Boots
popped his head out of window. ‘Why, I declare we
are at the gate already. I must get down. Now then,
Stanley,” he said, punching the Whittington Cat in the ribs,
“wake up! I always call him Stanley, you know, because
he really did discover Africa.”

The grey cat woke up, and both of them jumped out of the
window and disappeared. The Family Herald had got down
again and was standing at the door of the carriage, which
had stopped at an old gateway between two huge round
towers. Through the gateway you could see the old gables
of houses on each side of a wide street, and away beyond was
a winding road leading up to a high terraced hill, on the
summit of which was an immense glass mansion with a
hundred lofty towers to it. This was the Castle of Indolence,
and they were now at the gates of the city of Sugar-
borough. :

“The Lord Mayor!” shouted the Family Herald, and he
played a few bars of the “Roast Beef of Old England” on
his trumpet. An old goblin with a beard and a bald head, in
a brown robe lined with red and trimmed with fur, and a
gold chain round his neck, approached the carriage. Another.
goblin in a full-bottomed wig and a black gown followed him,
and there were several others in similar dress to the first, but
without gold chains. They all came towards Molly and Kate,

53
Butter-Scotia

who had left- the carriage, and one by one kneeled before
them and kissed their hands. :

“The Recorder will read an address,” said the Mayor, as
though he had learned the words by heart.. The goblin in
the wig came forward and read a long address, to which
nobody listened and which the children did not understand.
He then handed.a gold box to Molly, and the Family Herald
blew a blast on his trumpet.

“Key inside!” the Mayor said to Molly as he shook hands
with her and also with Kate.

“Key of what?” asked Molly.

“ Key of the City,” explained the Mayor; “only for show,
you know, the gates are never locked. It’s made of choco-
late.”

“Oh, is it?” replied Molly, who began to be more inter-
ested.

They got back into the carriage, which moved through
the gateway, down the wide street, and then up the hill
towards the Castle.

The Family Herald had got inside with them. He showed
them how to open the box. There was a large chocolate key
inside. He broke it into three pieces. ‘Dear me! dear
me!” he said, when he had done it, “and there are only two
of you. I beg your pardon.”

‘Perhaps you would like a piece ?” said Kate politely.

“Not at all, not for worlds,” said the Herald, at the same
time taking the biggest piece and putting it into his mouth.

The children laughed and took the other two pieces, for
fear the Herald should eat those too.

“JT shall keep the gold box,” said Molly.

“No, I shall,” said Kate.

54
The Princesses Journey

“T take that,” said Houpla, putting it under his arm.
“The Mayor wants it back for next time, you see. I wish
he would keep better chocolate. I must complain to the
Great Seal about it.” ,

“Who is the Great Seal?” asked Molly. ‘ He seems to
be a very important person.”

“So he is,” said Houpla, “nothing can be done without
the consent of the Great Seal, He is the King’s confidential
adviser. When an Act of Parliament is passed, or a procla-
mation sent out, the King signs it, and then it is taken to the
Great. Seal, who places his left fin upon it, and says, ‘I
deliver this as my act and deed.’ Then it becomes law.
You often see it in history books, ‘Given under our hand
and seal.’ That is what it means.”

“T always thought it meant a seal made of wax, sealing-wax,
you know,” said Molly.

“ Never heard of such a thing,” replied Houpla. “On the
contrary, the Great Seal is a very good fellow. He gets into
a bit of a sealing-wax now and then when his whitings are
not fresh, but as a rule he is quiet enough.”

They had now arrived at the main entrance of the glass
Castle, and a splendid sight greeted their eyes. Hundreds
of soldiers in gay uniforms lined the terraces and slopes on
which the Castle was built. Flags and streamers waved in
the wind. Sparkling fountains seemed to leap up to the
skies at every corner. A carpet of gold stretched from the
door of the carriage to the entrance-hall of the Castle. A
magnificent brass band of 100 performers was playing “I
love little Pussy,” under a handsome bandstand in the
gardens, round which were many well-dressed animals,
listening to the music or strolling about talking to each other-

“55
Butter-Scotia

Puss in Boots was among them, looking more “noble than
ever. He was walking arm-in-arm with a Lion, and each
animal saluted the children with a gracious bow and a smile,
while the children kissed their hands to them in return.

When the footmen had opened the door of the coach, a
little goblin, dressed in a tight-fitting suit of black satin with
knee-breeches, a dress-coat, handsome frilled shirt, and shoes
with silver buckles, trotted down the carpet towards the
‘carriage, holding a birch rod in his right hand.

The Herald stood at the carriage door and blew a blast
on his trumpet. The band stopped. .

“Her Royal Highness Princess Molly of Grumpiland!”
he shouted, as Molly stepped out of the carriage. The
crowd cheered loudly.

“Her Royal Highness the Countess Katherine of Arro-
gance!” shouted the Herald again, as Kate appeared. There
was more cheering.

Birch Rod, the little goblin in black, now approached, and
with a low bow to each of them, said, ‘His Majesty desires
you to be presented.” Then he moved upstairs backwards,
skipping and whistling and hopping and dancing as he went,
but never looking behind him, and every now and again he
dusted the gold carpet in front of him with the birch rod, as
he passed along before the two Princesses.

Molly and Kate could hardly help laughing at the strange
little figure, but they tried to remember they were Princesses,
and catching hold of their dresses behind, as they had seen
Mother do on a muddy day, followed the little man upstairs
through the big hall, down several long corridors thronged
with Butter-Scotchmen and other Court goblins, until they
arrived at the State Drawing-Room itself. This was a-

56
The Princesses Journey

splendid room, ten times as big as their large schoolroom,




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and was decorated with crystal mirrors in golden frames
57
Butter-Scotia.

reaching from the ceiling to the floor, so that it seemed
bigger than it really was. At one end of it, on a high throne
of silver and ivory sparkling with rubies, sat a little old man
with a white beard. He wore a heavy gold lace robe
trimmed with ermine and embroidered with the royal crest—
a small pansy which the fairies call Love-in-Idleness. His
little shrunken legs were covered with yellow silk stockings,
he wore purple shoes buckled with diamonds, and his
feet rested on a cushion of orange velvet. A large golden
crown adorned his head, and he held in his hand a
handsome sceptre. This was Puck I., King of Butter-
Scotia. His dried-up wizen little face looked somewhat
weary, but he seemed to brighten up as the children
entered the room. On his right-hand side sat a huge fat
Seal, fanning himself with one fin and smoking a cigarette.
The steps of the throne were crowded with goblin
courtiers.

Birch Rod stopped dancing, and turned round and bowed
to the King. Then he stepped to one side, waving his rod
towards the children.

‘Houpla now came forward and announced the Princesses ~
by name.

“Ah!” said the King, extending his hand to the children,
who each kissed it; ‘daughters of our well-beloved Cousin,
Pater the Prim. How fares our Cousin ?”

“ Quite well, thank you,” said Molly, who wished Olga was -
here to do the talking.

“ And. his well-beloved consort, Mother the Mindful, how
fares she?”

“ Quite well, thank you; and how are you, Sir?” added
Molly, wishing to be very polite.

58
The Princesses Journey

““What think you, Uncle Seal?” asked the King, turning
to the Seal. ‘“ How are we?”

e,
4 S.

4





















“Much the same—much the same,” replied the Seal

gravely.
59
Butter-Scotia

“Give them your blessing, then,” said the King, “and let
them go and rest after their journey. The blue bedroom,
remember, Number 464, Fifth Floor,” and he gave them a
ticket with the number on.

The two children kneeled down, and the Seal rose slowly.
With great dignity he placed a damp fin on each of their
heads, saying as he did so, with sobs in his voice, “ Bless
you, my children!”

Then the two children left the royal presence, curtseying
and walking backwards, and knocking down several goblins
as they retired. .

When they got outside Molly gave a shout of delight.
“‘Tsn’t it grand, Kate, being real Princesses ?”

“They won’t believe it at school, when we tell them about
it,” said Kate; “they will think it was all make-up;” and
they climbed up the big staircase of the Castle to look for
Number 464.

60
CHAPTER V
THE RED CROSS KNIGHT

A bold knight comes a-riding,
a-riding.
Across the shield,
That he did wield,
Emblazoned red on an azure field,
A bantam chick was striding,
was striding.

A bold knight comes a-riding,
a-riding.
He recks no rede,
In search of bleed,
Or dreadful daring doughty deed
To giants woe betiding,
betiding.

A bold knight comes a-riding,
aeriding.
And should he meet,
Some rascal cheat,
He'll trample him down beneath his feet,
And give the scamp a hiding,
a hiding.
PaTER’S Book of Rhymes.

HEN they left the shore, Sir Olga and his
Squire rode through the wood for a long
time, Tomakin having some difficulty in
keeping his promise to Krab, not to hit

61
Butter-Scotia

Neddy with his stick. At length they came to an open stream,
by the side of which stood a small whitewashed cottage, with
a thatched roof. It had a little garden round it, full of paper
flowers. When you got nearer to it, you could see that the

Bp
Cy
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cottage was not whitewashed after all, but built entirely of
cake sugared over, and here and there patches of the sugar
had broken off, and you could see the currants and raisins in
the cake. The thatch was made of cheese straws, and the
fence round the garden was formed of sticks of sugar-candy ©

62
The Red Cross Knight

driven into the ground. There was a little path of pear-drops
leading up to the door, and over the door was a notice:

Mrs. SLIPPER SLOPPER.
CAKE COTTAGE,
Tea and Shrimps. Hot Water for Picnic Parties.
Hot Pots Made Here.

Before Olga could say anything, Tomakin had slipped off
- Neddy’s back, and was sitting on the pear-drop path, cramming

his pockets and his mouth with them at the same time.

Olga reined in Dapple, and in doing so dropped her shield.
She doubted, if she got off to get it, whether she could mount
again ; so she shouted in a tone of command: “Sancho, my
faithful Squire, replace thy master’s shield.”

“T arn’t Sancho,” said. Tomakin, with his mouth full of

pear-drops, “and I arn’t going to play with you at all.”

“Oh, do! there’s a'good boy.”

“Shan’t,” replied Tomakin decisively, breaking off a bit of
the cottage as he spoke.

“TY shall tell Mother, then, when we get home,” said the
Red Cross Knight.

“Don’t care,” replied Tomakin, for he felt that Mother was
_ a long way off, and he did not intend to go home tili the
cottage was finished, which would be a day or two yet, he
thought.

“Hoity! Toity! what naughty words are these?” said a
shrill voice, and the next moment a little old woman, with a
face the colour of a russet apple, came bustling out of the
cottage door, and picked up Tomakin off the path and gave
him a kiss. She was a pleasant, cheery little woman, in a
clean white cap and apron, and she broke half a candy stick

63
Butter-Scotia

off the fence and gave it to Tomakin, saying at the same time
to Olga: ‘“ How did the Katawampus begin?”

“He won't play at being Sancho,” said Olga, in a voice full
of tears, “and I promised Mother to look after him.”

“Where are you going to?” said the old woman, picking
up the shield.

“Tama Red Cross Knight, you see,” said Olga, “ going
in search of giants, and Tomakin promised Krab to be
Sancho.”

“T didn’t,” shouted Tomakin from the garden.

“You did, you naughty boy, if he let you have ayy
you know you did,” shouted Olga angrily.

_ “Never mind, darling,” said the old lady, soothingly, to
Olga; and then, turning to Tomakin, she continued: “ Will
you stay and have tea with Mother Slipper Slopper, then,
like a good boy, while sister goes and plays at giants.”

“ Are there any more sweeties inside ?” inquired Tomakin,
who was getting tired of pear-drops and candy.

“Ti’s all sweeties, my dear, or cake; there’s nothing else
about here.”

“ All right, then,” said Tomakin.

“J don’t think Mother could mind,” thought Olga, “she
seems such a kind old lady.” Then she added aloud: “ Well,
don’t let him sit on the grass. And he mustn’t have real
ea,” she whispered to Mrs. Slipper Slopper, “just ‘make
believe’ in the milk, you know. And not more than one
shrimp; you must undo it for him yourself, or he will eat
the shell. Will you keep Neddy, too?” she asked.

‘No, not Neddy, I can’t do with him; he’ll follow Dapple
all right. Tl take care of the boy as long as you like; I’m
very fond of children. If you really want to meet a giant,

64.
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ae

















THE MYSTERIOUS MAGPIE MINSTREL
The Red Cross Knight

there is the golf ogre up the road. Brassiface the son of
Bulger, the son of Baffy the Spoon, they call him. The
second turning to the right takes you to his castle.”

Olga was delighted to get rid of Tomakin. She found a
little leather purse hanging to her saddle-bow. It was full of
gold pieces, and she took three out, which she threw to the
old lady, saying as she did so: “ Farewell! my good woman,
I leave my trusty Squire in safe hands.”

The old lady curtseyed two or three times, and Sir Olga
trotted away up the hill, followed by Neddy, who was shaking
his head mournfully. For if Olga had remembered Krab’s
advice, and whispered in Neddy’s left ear, he would have
told her that Mrs. Slipper Slopper was really a horrid witch,
and that her hot-pots were always made of fresh child.

The road up the hill skirted the side of a forest. When
Olga had turned the corner at the top of the hill, she came
suddenly upon a strange sight. A man, with a mask over
the upper half of his face, a hat over his eyes, and a great-
coat with the collar up, sat at the roadside playing a
harmonium. He looked a little like Krab, Olga thought.
There were two handles to the harmonium, which stood on
wheels, and on the front of it, facing the road, hung a paper,
on which was printed :

“THE MYSTERIOUS MAGPIE MINSTREL
FROM LONDON.
A GREAT SUCCESS.”

The Minstrel only seemed to know two chords, and he

struck these one after the other again and again. By his

side was a big mastiff. The dog got up and shook himself
65 E
Butter-Scotia

when he saw Sir Olga, and came to where Dapple was
standing. Attached to his collar was a money-box which he
rattled violently. Olga got out a gold piece, and put it in
the dog’s money-box, and the mastiff went back to his
master. The Minstrel took the gold piece, bit it to see if it
was good, and put it in his pocket. Then he rose and bowed
to Olga, and shouted out, as though there was quite a large
audience, “By request, ‘The Lion and the Merchant.’” Then
he commenced to play the two chords again, chanting in a
thin mournful voice the following song:

THE LION AND THE MERCHANT.

I knew a scraggy merchant man,
Very skinny and lean was he;

And he traded, I think,

In Indian Ink,
And the juice of the wild gum-tree.

There is one big lake of Indian Ink
Called Koolishvat, as I’ve heard say,
And it drives them mad
In Allahabad,
To know it is near Bombay.

The gum-trees cluster near this lake,
By the north south western shore,
You may take it from me
There are fifty-three,
And neither less nor more.

And in this sticky forest wild,
Both bears and lions roam;
They quarrel and play
The livelong day,
As children do at home.
66
The Red Cross Knight

The merchant went to Koolishvat
For gum and Indian Ink;

With a well-filled flask,

A nine-gallon cask,
And a pail that was painted pink.

As he stood by the edge of the dark black lake,
He heard a gruesome growl;

The scrunch of a paw,

The snap of a jaw,
And the hiss of an angry scowl.

*Twas the King of the Forest, a lion immense,
The merchant flung himself down

On his bended knees,

Saying, “If you please,
Will you dine with me in town?”

“T’m skinny and lean, not half a meal,
But if you will come with me,

I know a hotel

Where they do you well,
And the lions are fed at three.

“Yes, every day when the clock strikes three
‘Comes a barrow of fresh red meat;

Both bullock and horse,

As a matter of course,
As much as a lion can eat.

‘For Sunday supper at half-past eight,
You have youngsters pickled in brine,
With haricot beans
And curly greens
And a glass of red port-wine.”

67
Butter-Scotia

‘“ Enough, enough !” the lion cried,
And he licked his chops and smiled,
“ A tiger might eat
Your bones and meat,
But I’m terrible fond of child.”

So the lion arrived with the merchant man
At the close of a summer day,

In a four-wheeled chaise

With a pair of greys,
In the suburbs of Bombay ;

Where they bought the lion a new top-hat
And a pair of brown kid boots,

A collar and tie,

And a glass for his eye,
And the tweediest of suits.

They sailed from there in the ‘“ Saucy Sall,’”
The lion looked quite the swell,

And he was adored

By all on board,
Because he behaved so well.

He sat on the bowsprit and sang them songs,,
Or played on the soft bassoon ;

His manners were nice,

For he ate ground rice
With a fork, instead of a spoon.

The merchant was bound for Manchester,
So they towed the “ Saucy Sall,”
Through Eastham Lock
To Pomona Dock,
On the Manchester Ship Canal.
68 ,
The Red Cross Knight

And when they stepped on to England’s shore,
They were met by our own Lord Mayor,

Who read an address,

Which I must confess,
Was neither here nor there.

And then they hired a four-wheeled cab
To drive them to Belle Vue,

Where, the merchant said,

They would find a bed,
And supper laid for two.

The lion leaned back and fell fast asleep.
Which the merchant was glad to see;
He was soon undressed,
And taking his rest
In a cage, under lock and key.

They put him into a lovely cage
From a lion’s point of view ;

He could roll and roar

On his drawing-room floor,
And they gave him a bedroom too.

And there he lived for many a year,
In that.famous wild beast show :
He was rather wild
When he saw a child,
But he was not inclined to go.

Though when he thought of his former life,
In the forest of Koolishvat,

He could not dispute,

The merchant was cute,
While he was a foolish flat.

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Butter-Scotia

When it was over, Olga clapped her mailed glove against
the shield, Dapple neighed aloud, and Neddy brayed approval.
The Minstrel got up and took his mask off. It was no other
than Krab himself.

““What’s become of Sancho ?” he said. ~

“Well, he wouldn’t play properly, so I left him with Mrs.
Slipper Slopper to have tea,” said Olga.

“What!” cried Krab angrily; “who is a foolish flat
now? Mrs. Slipper Slopper is a witch!”

“Oh, not really!” cried Olga, bursting into tears,.
which poured down her breastplate, and left long streaks
of rust behind them. “Poor little Tomakin! What will
Mother say. I'll go directly and fight her, and fetch him
back.”

“That’s no good,” said Krab. “There’s nothing for it
now but to get the Silver Niblick. A Niblick will get you
out of any difficulty, when you know how to use it. Can
you play golf?”

-“T can play a little,” said Olga sobbing.

“Well, cheer up, then. If you can beat the golf ogre you
will be the champion, and he will have to give up the Silver
Niblick. One blow with the Silver Niblick will kill anything
or anybody.” .

“But she may have eaten poor little Tomakin before:
then,” sobbed Olga.

“Not a bit of it, if you hurry up. Slipper Slopper always
sends word to Mother Chattox when she gets a fresh boy in,
and they have him for supper in a hot-pot. There will be
- the potatoes and the onions to get, and supper is at nine,
usually ; so they won’t put him on before half-past five, or
six. It’s just two now, so, you see, if the ogre is in, we

70
The Red Cross Knight

shall have lots of time; if he is not, you walk over and take
the Niblick, and there is an end of it.”

“Oh, dear! Oh, dear!” cried Olga, who felt very sorry
for what she had done; “but I don’t paly golf really well,
and I’m sure I can’t play in armour.”

“No,” said Krab, “of course you can't. Now, don’t cry.
You see if you had only asked Neddy, it would have been
all right. But we shall win the Niblick, never fear. Brassi-
face does not play very well. He has never driven a ball
more than a mile and a half, though he says he has.”

So saying, Krab helped Olga to dismount, got her armour
off, and dried her tears. Then he opened the lid at the top
of the harmonium, dived in among the notes, and fetched out
first a scarlet plush coat with gold buttons, then a pair of
black and white check knickerbockers, then a pair of yellow
and green plaid stockings, then some doeskin gaiters, a cap
to match the stockings, and a bundle of golf clubs in a red
leather bag, marked in black letters, “ Sir O. of the F. F.”

Olga got into the clothes as quickly as she could, and
really looked quite pretty in them. Krab bundled the
armour into the harmonium anyhow, shut the lid with a
bang, and then helped Olga to mount Dapple again, swing-
ing the clubs on to Neddy’s back. He whispered something
into the donkey’s left ear, and Neddy nodded gravely.

“He says the giant is sure to be in,” said Krab; “so you
will have to play. The giant will ask you which Caddie you
will have, and you will say ‘the McKrab!’ Remember,
‘McKrab.’

“McKrab!” repeated Olga.

“That’s it. Now, off you go, straight on, and the second
to the right. Neddy knows the way. You will see the

71
Butter-Scotia

Castle in a hundred yards or so. It’s a sand castle on the
top of a.bunker. You can’t miss it.” Then Krab took the
handles of the harmonium, and wheeled it off into the
wood, while Olga, followed by the faithful Neddy, trotted up
the road to look for the Golf ogre.

72
CHAPTER VI

BRASSIFACE THE SON OF BULGER, THE SON
OF BAFFY THE SPOON

She took her Pater’s driving club,
And swung it round, and round, and round,
Then whacked its little head upon
The hard and unrelenting ground.
And Pater said,
When he saw that head,
‘“ For ever I'll rue that day,
When cricket was off
And she took to golf,
Like a regular, real, St. Andrew’s toff
Our Olga tried to play.”

She smote a ball from off the lawn,
Mortal eye ne’er saw it again ;
It passed to the land of the Great Unknown
Through a drawing-room window pane.
And Mother said,
With a shake of her head,
‘“‘ For ever J’ll rue that day,
When cricket was off,
And she took to golf,
Like a regular, real, St. Andrew’s toff
Our Olga tried to play.”
73
Butter-Scotia

They sent her to her little cot,
And put the golf clubs all away,
At half-past three, without her tea,
To finish off that mournful day.
And Olga said,
As she went to bed,
‘For ever I’ll rue that day,
When cricket was off
And I took to. golf,
Like a regular, real, St. Andrew’s toft
And tried that game to play.”
PaTER’s Book of Rhymes.

OW the beginnings of the great game of golf
were these. On the steppes of Russia—I think
it was on the top steppe but one—lived an ogre
named Baffy. Baffy the Spoon, they called him,

because, when he played croquet on the great plain
of Europe, he did not hit his ball fairly through the hoops
but “spooned” it through, which is cheating. ‘Now at last
nobody would play at croquet with Baffy any more, which
served him quite right, and there he sat all alone upon the
top steppe but one, with his head in his hand, crying and
grumbling, because, like. the discontented pig, ‘‘he was not
happy.” ;

At that time there came to him our good friend Krab, who
happened to be travelling in Russia, and asked him what he
was crying about.

And that great big baby Baffy—he was ten feet high—
sobbed, and howled, and said croquet was a stupid game, and
he would not play any more.

“Then,” said Krab, “if you will stop your noise and be
good, I will teach you a new game altogether.”

74
Brassiface the Son of Bulger

Baffy sniffed and looked a bit happier, and said “ What is
it called?”
“Tt is called Golf,” said Krab. ‘But if you learn Golf,

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you must know that you, and your son, and your grandson,

will have to go on playing it for ever and ever, and you will

play it worse and worse, until at last one of you will be
75
Butter-Scotia

beaten by a little child, and then he may go and bury
himself.”

“Ha! ha!” laughed Baffy, “all that I will risk. Show
us your new game and tell us all about it.”

Then straightway Krab produced two sets of golf clubs,
and half a dozen balls—little white gutta-percha balls, the
size of huge marbles—and then and there, upon the steppes
of Russia, they made the first Golf Links the world ever
saw.

Now as there may still be a few children south of the
Tweed who go to a school where they do not teach Golf, I
will tell you as near as I can what Krab told Baffy the
Spoon. :

First of all he showed him the clubs, which were sticks
with various shaped heads to them, some like skate blades
and others like wooden sea-urchins, but all so formed that you
must be a very clever person to hit the ball with them. And
Baffy tried to hit a ball with some of them, but all he did was
to hit his own big. toe and break a club or two; at which
Krab laughed aloud and Baffy looked foolish. Then Krab
stood on a large boulder rock, and Baffy sat on the ground.
beneath him, with his hands clasped round his knees, gazing
up at Krab, who put one hand behind him and waved the
other in the air, while he began to explain to Baffy all about
the game of Golf, just as if he was giving a lecture.

“Golf,” said Krab, “is played at the seaside where there
are plenty of sandhills and stretches of smooth grass between
them. The first thing to do is to find a little boy—without
shoes and stockings on, if possible—to carry your bag of golf
clubs.”

“Why a little boy?” interrupted Baffy.

76
Brassiface the Son of Bulger

“Because sometimes you hit the ball into a furze bush and
lose it. Then you lose your temper too. Then the little boy
goes and looks for them, and if he can’t find them, you can
pitch into the little boy and punch his head. If it were a big
boy, with shoes and stockings on, he might punch yours back
again, and that wouldn’t do.”

“Certainly not,” said Baffy, “go on.”

“The little boy is called a Caddie. The clubs I have
shown to you, and you have tried to use them (Baffy
shuddered). The balls cost one shilling each.”

‘““My word,” said Baffy, “what a price!”

“When you have played half an hour with one of them, it
may be worth twopence-halfpenny—that is if you are a very
good player and do not knock chunks out of it.”

Baffy groaned. His pocket-money was only a shilling a
week.

‘““Two players play together,” continued Krab. “ They go
in search of a lawn with a little hole in it. Whoever finds
the hole and knocks his ball into it in the fewest strokes,
wins. There are eighteen holes altogether. When you
have finished these, whoever has won the most of them has
won the match. Then you go home and tell your friends
what bad luck you have had, and what wonderful strokes you
would have made if it had not been for the wind. If your
friends do not play Golf, they do not listen to you at all, for
they think you are quite mad; but if they play too, they do
not believe you, for they have told just those stories them-
selves, and nobody ever believed them.”

So saying, Krab leaped off the boulder, and he and Baffy
played the first European Championship Game at Golf, a full
account of which is to be found in the second volume of the

77
Butter-Scotia

Book of Krab; and Krab won. And though Baffy played
very badly, still he made up his mind to learn to play better,
and from that day until the day of his death, a thousand
and one years later, he played two or three games of Golf
every day, and improved a little.

Now Bafty the Spoon married the beautiful Mashie,
daughter of Gutti of Perchaland, and they had a little son
called Bulger, who grew up and played Golf better than his
father. He was called Bulger the Bragger, because he made
such wonderful shots when nobody was there to see, and
came home and bragged about them.

And he travelled in Arabia, and Africa, and Spain, where
they say he won the Silver Niblick. There it is certain he
met with Lofta the Proud, daughter: of Ion the Invincible,
with whom he fell deeply in love; and they were married
and had a little giant son with one eye. And when he was
born he looked so impudent, and rolled his one eye so
roguishly, that they called him Brassiface.

Lofta taught him to play Golf when he was only two years
old, but he soon beat his mother, and then he learned to
play better than his father, and beat him.

So old Bulger gave him the Silver Niblick and he went
away, and after many travels settled in Butter-Scotia, where
he had Links of his own. There he played all comers and
beat them, and took their scalps, and was known to the
world as Brassiface the son of Bulger, the son of Baffy
the Spoon.

But to return to Olga and our story. When she came to
the side of the wood, she saw the giant’s castle much as
Krab had described it. It was a sand castle such as children
build on the shore. It had no roof, and the rooms were

78
Brassiface the Son of Bulger

hollowed out of a large stretch of sand. It had a wall round
it, made of sand piled up.and decorated with huge sand
puddings, and there were several gaps for doorways.

Brassiface himself was lying in the centre of the sand
castle fast asleep. He was a hideous-looking ogre, about
ten feet high, and had only one eye in the centre of his
forehead. It was this indeed which made him such a
good player, for having only one eye, he was able to keep it
on his ball, and by so doing he often managed to hit it.
He was dressed in grey knickerbockers, an old stained
dirty red flannel coat, and a peaked cap. By his side was a.
large bag containing his golf clubs. These were some six
feet in length, and several golf balls about the size of cricket
balls were lying in one of the rooms in the sand castle.

As Olga came up to the castle she saw she was close to
the sea-shore. A sandy bay stretched along beneath a series
of lofty sandhills, and between them you could see wide
plains of green close-cut grass. These were the ogre’s Golf
Links.

They stopped at the gate of the giant’s castle, and Neddy
brayed aloud three times in succession. Brassiface woke up
with a start and rubbed his one eye.

“What's up, kiddy ?” he shouted, gazing at Olga.

“T am no kiddy, sirrah?” replied Olga, drawing herself
up to her full height, “but Sir Olga the Fitful, Knight
of the Festive Fowl, here to challenge you to play for the
Silver Niblick.”

The Ogre threw himself back on the sand castle shouting
with laughter, and rolled out of his dining-room into his
drawing-room, destroying the party wall as he did so.

“You play for the Silver Niblick, you!” he cried, while

79
Butter-Scotia

tears of laughter ran out of his single eye. “Can you play .
golf, my dearie ?”

“T play at home sometimes,” said Olga bravely, “and

I’m going to try, anyhow.”
_ “Well said,” replied the Ogre, who seemed a kindly fellow
after all. ‘Why shouldn’t you try? Though, seeing the
links are twenty miles round, I shouldn’t think a little chap
like you would have much chance. Have you got a Caddie,
though ?”

“ No, I haven't,” replied Olga.

“Who will you have?” asked the Ogre politely.

“T don’t see any about,” said Olga.

“There are not any, so you have your choice, and that
is why I asked you.” ,

“Well then,” said Olga, remembering what Krab had said,
“JT will have the McKrab.”

The Ogre turned pale and whistled loud and long. ‘By
Jove,” he muttered, “the kiddy knows something about the
game. The McKrab knows these links better than I do.
They say he taught my grandfather Baffy how to play.
Well!” he continued aloud, “ you must have him I suppose, |
and I must have Neddy. He’s a stupid Caddie is Neddy,
but he is better than none.” So saying, he threw his bag
round Neddy’s neck and standing up called out in a voice of
thunder, “McKrab! McKrab! You're wanted.”

Before the echo had ceased, there was heard over the
sandhills by the shore the sound of bagpipes, and in a’
moment or two the McKrab appeared, bagpipes under his
arm, skreeling away “Auld Lang Syne” and dancing over
the sand as he came. He wore a full Highland costume,
sporran and kilt of the Stuart plaid, and looked as fierce as

80
Brassiface the Son of Bulger

if he had come to fight for the Pretender; but Olga knew it
was dear old Krab himself, and felt sure, now, that somehow

she would win.
As soon as the McKrab arrived, they started off for the

ants ee
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first tee, as the place is called from which they were to drive
the ball. Olga dismounted from Dapple, and gave the
McKrab her bag of clubs to carry. He put the bagpipes
among the clubs and slung the bag over his shoulder.
“Now,” said Brassiface, taking a huge club out of the bag
which Neddy was dragging after him, “the first drive is
81 F
Butter-Scotia

across the bay to the lighthouse. It’s about two miles across,
is it not?”

“Twa mile or mair,” said the McKrab.

The Ogre took one of his large golf balls and placed it on
the tee. Olga could not help thinking it would be very lucky
if he got it as far as the sea. He placed his feet down very
carefully and waggled the club backwards and forwards,
while he fixed his one eye sternly on the ball. The club
went slowly back, high round his head until it nearly touched
his left heel, and he would, I believe, have driven the ball to
the lighthouse, had not Neddy suddenly lifted up his head and
brayed out “ Heeaw! haw! Hee haw! ah! Heeh!”
of his voice, completely putting the Ogre off his shot. Down

at the top

came the club with a terrific smash on the ground, half
missing the ball, which soared into the air and fell about a
hundred yards out to sea, splodge into the water. The Ogre
used such naughty words over this, that I know Mr. Nutt
would not print them, even if I knew how to spell them.
Poor Neddy looked, or pretended to look, ashamed of himself,
and McKrab said warningly to him: “Hoots awa, mon!
silence on the tee! silence on the tee! shocking!”

“T knew how it would be, taking out that duffer Neddy,”
complained the Ogre. ‘‘ Well, it can’t be helped, it’s your.
turn now, little one; peg away.”

Sir Olga thus addressed, took the club that McKrab
handed to her, whispering as she did so, “I can’t do it, you
know.”

“ Give it gyp!” replied McKrab, and Olga, not knowing a
bit what he meant, resolved to do so. The ball was put on
the tee by Krab and she hit it as hard as she was able.
Away it soared, over the first sandhill, straight towards the

82


Arde Ma quequr | G

BAFFY TO PLAY!
Brassiface the Son of Bulger

lighthouse; but it was not hit hard enough, and it would
have fallen into the sea about a mile from the shore, had not
a gull swooped down and caught it. Olga and McKrab
watched him eagerly as he sailed across the waves, until he
came to the lighthouse, when he poised himself in mid-air
over the green and dropped the ball.

“Wonderful!” cried the Ogre, “but what luck you have.
That will be on the green.”

“Dead,” cried McKrab with delight.

“ As mutton,” muttered the Ogre sulkily. |

Olga tried to look as though it was the sort of thing that
generally happened when she played golf.

The Ogre now drove another ball, as he was entitled to do.
This time he sent it right across the bay past the lighthouse
and then grumbled out “Too far! too far! Yards too far!”
Away they all went round the beach after their balls. The
Ogre striding in front, Olga cantering near to him on Dapple,
McKrab and Neddy, with the clubs, bringing up the rear.
When they reached the green, Olga’s ball was close to the
flag which stands in the hole, but Brassiface spent some time
looking for his, and at last found it on the beach beyond the
green. It took him three shots to get on to the green, and
he was playing six more when he made his first putt at the
hole. This was a magnificent straight shot that seemed to
Olga certain to go in, but what was her surprise to see that,
just as it got. up, a little goblin jumped out of the hole and
thrust it aside with all his might.

“No luck,” sighed the Ogre, “none.” He evidently had
not seen the little goblin.

It was now Olga’s turn to putt, and she was laughing so
much at the Ogre’s disappointment that she made a very

83
Butter-Scotia

crooked shot. However, the same little goblin stretched his
arm out of the hole, and just managed to guide her ball in.
As it fell in, the Ogre called out, “ Hole in two! well played,
little chap ; but you must admit that you had some luck with
that seagull.”

“Well, it was a bit fortunate, perhaps,” said Olga.

“Better luck for me at the next hole, I hope,” said
Brassiface. “It’s a short one, only a mile and a half long.”

This time Olga had no seagull to help her, but there
seemed to be goblins all along the course, and they threw
the ball from one to the other until it lighted in the hole.

“ Another record!” shouted the astonished Ogre. “The
second hole in one! Stupendous! It’s worth being beaten
by play. like this. Well, you are a good’un for a little ’un.”

It was evident the Ogre had not seen the goblins. Olga did
not quite like taking advantage of him in this way, especially
as he was so good-natured about it; but she must get the
Silver Niblick, and she consoled herself by thinking that she
had nothing to do with arranging it, though she had an idea
it was all Krab’s work.

Hole after hole Olga won in record scores. Onte when
the giant got ahead and Olga made a bad shot, the Ogre lost
his ball. They all hunted for it except that lazy Neddy, who
was browsing upon thistles by the side of a road. When
they had been five minutes looking for it, McKrab claimed
the hole for Sir Olga, according to the rules of the game, and
the Ogre had to give it up. As they moved off to the next
hole, it was discovered that all the time Neddy had been
standing on. the Ogre’s ball. Olga wanted him to go on
playing the hole, but Brassiface would not. He contented
himself by calling Neddy the “Son of a Sea Cook” and a lot

84
Brassiface the Son of Bulger

of other names; all of which seemed to soothe Brassiface,
and not to annoy Neddy in the least. Several more holes
were won, until at the tenth, Olga having won Io up and
. there being only 8 to play, was declared the Champion of
Fairyland, and entitled to hold the Silver Niblick until some
one challenged and beat her.

They went back to Brassiface’s castle, where Olga was
presented with the Silver Niblick. Then, mounting Dapple
and shaking hands with the Ogre, who wished the “little
un,” as he called her, “ good luck,” she rode away to rescue
poor little Tomakin. Krab marched in front with the bag-
pipes, playing “See the Conquering Hero Comes,” and the
trusty Neddy trotted close behind her.
CHAPTER VII

THE WITCH’S HOT POT

Hot Pot! Hot Pot!
In a brown and lordly dish,
Hot Pot! Hot Pot!
Could my hunger have its wish,
Every day at half-past one,
Steaming hot, not underdone,
I would have you, were I able,
Placed upon my luncheon table,
Ready I to sit and eat
Sliced potatoes, mutton meat,
Onions, one by one.
Parer’s Book of Rhymes.

E must now return to Tomakin, who had
been left with Mother Slipper Slopper at
Cake Cottage. There she lived alone with
her black cat, Smut, and was, to all
appearances, as kind and harmless an old lady as you
could meet in a summer day’s journey. But, in truth,
she was a horrid witch, and had kept Tomakin for
the purpose of having a feast, though, at the same time,
it is only fair to her to tell you that she was not one of
those witches who are unkind to little children before it
is time to cook and eat them. As she said, if you make
a child cry, it spoils the flavour altogether, the tears get
86
The Witch’s Hot Pot

into the gravy and turn him sour, and you have to eat
him with raspberry jelly, which comes expensive. She
liked nice sweet children. © Besides, a miserable cranky
child cannot eat and grow fat; so Mother Slipper Slopper
always made much of the children she caught, and they had
a very good time until the supper hour arrived.

As soon as Olga had disappeared, Mother Slipper Slopper
took Tomakin by the hand, and led him into the cottage,
where she gave him two spoonfuls of Malt Extract and Cod-
liver Oil. Tomakin liked this, for Mother always gave it to
him at home, after breakfast.

“And now, dearie, you must have a rest.”

“J don’t want to,” said Tomakin.

“Well, but if you lie down and have a rest like a good |
little boy, then you shall go and play in the pantry. The
pantry walls are made of sponge-cake bricks, and you shall
see if you can eat your way into the kitchen. . There, now!”

“Well, promise I may go in the pantry when I wake up,”
said Tomakin.

“Promise!” said Mother Slipper Slopper; and Tomakin
having made his bargain, climbed into a big cradle by the
side of the fireplace. Mother Slipper Slopper tucked him in
and sat by his side, rocking him gently until he was fast asleep.

As soon as he was sleeping Mother Slipper Slopper, pass-
~ ing her hand lightly over his face to make sure he was off,
rose from her seat and quietly moved the table away from
the middle of the room. Then she went down on her knees
and drew a chalk circle on the floor with many mysterious
figures around it. The low growl of thunder was heard out-
side, and the room grew darker and darker. Tomakin slept
on peacefully. Smut, however, seemed to know what was

87
Butter-Scotia

going on. He leaped into the centre of the circle and stood
on his hind legs. Each black hair on his body bristled and
quivered. His eyes glowed like hot coals. Mother Slipper
Slopper sprinkled some red and blue fire on the hearth, and,
as it blazed fitfully up the chimney, weird bats unwrapped_
themselves from among the rafters, and solemn owls flew
down from the dark roof of the cottage, whirling and flutter-
ing round the witch’s head. Then she pulled up her skirts,
pointed the toe of her right foot, threw back her head and
gazed at Smut, as she danced a strange measure round the
magic circle. And the witch and her cat sang the following
incantation, which, I believe, witches and their cats always
sing when there is a Hot Pot in prospcct.

THE INCANTATION

MorTuer S. Fine fresh boy of four years old,
Braised, or bread-crumbed, broiled, or cold,
Scolloped, stewed,-or served on toast,
Devilled, curried, fried, or roast.

Smut. Miaow! Miaow! let him bread-crumbed be,
And save a few of the bones for me.
Miaow! Molrow!

MoTHER S. Serve with pumpkins, pears, or thyme
(Anything to make a rhyme),
Garlic, beetroot, and sea-kale,
Or parsley, should the others fail,
Sprinkle in their proper place,
Nutmeg, ginger, cloves, and mace,

Smut. Miaow! Miaow! ’tis a waste of spice,
To flavour a lad so sweet and nice.
Miaow! Molrow!
88
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THE WITCH’S INCANTATION
The Witch’s Hot Pot

Motuer S. Tenderly each portion iake,

Sirloin, saddle, ribs, or steak ;
Enclose the whole in batter paste,
And pepper add to each one’s taste.

Better dish

Than any fish,

_ Bigger treat

Than other meat,
Is the fine fat flesh of a four-year old,”
Braised, or bread-crumbed, broiled, or cold.

Smut. Miaow! Miaow! ’tis a wicked sin,
To eat up poor little Tomakin.
Miaow! Molrow!

As the last sound of the ‘Molrow!” died away, the
thunder-cloud seemed to pass off, the room became light again,
the bats and owls retired to their haunts, Smut walked to the
hearth-rug and began washing himself, and Mother Slipper
Slopper sat down at the table. Having ruled herself some
big double lines—for she was no scholar—she wrote this
invitation in a large round hand, on a big white card:

CAKE COTTAGE.

Mother Slipper Slopper requests the pleasure
of Mother Chattox’s company to Supper, to-night
at 8.0. Cooking to begin at Six. Come early.

Broomsticks at Midnight.

Then she called Smut, and giving him the envelope
containing the invitation, told him to make haste and carry
it down the road to Mother Chattox.

“Well,” she said, as she saw him off, “I can’t abide that
Mother Chattox, she’s so interfering and meddlesome, and
thinks she knows such a sight about cooking; but then,

89
Butter-Scotia

poor thing, living off the main road as she does, she never
gets a fresh child more than twice a year, so one must be
neighbourly and ask her in to share a treat like this ;” and
as she said this, she cast hungry looks at the big cradle in
which Tomakin was sleeping.

Smut returned in about half an hour, with a reply to say
that Mother Chattox accepted with pleasure, and Mother
Slipper Slopper set to work, with Smut’s assistance, to get
out the best linen tablecloth, and the old blue china dinner
service that her mother had given her. “For,” she said,
“it would be a shame to serve up a nice little man like
that on anything but the best.” Then she went into the
garden and dug up some big potatoes, cut a large cauliflower,
and pulled up three large onions. When she’ came in she
said it was time to dress, and told Smut to come and tell her
if Tomakin woke up. Smut miaowed again, and said in his
piteous voice:

Those who would feast on children fear,
The Silver Niblick is drawing near.
Miaow! Molrow!

At which Mother Slipper Slopper got very angry and

dusted poor Smut round the house with her broom, which
made him say “Miaow! Molrow!” more piteously than
before. This woke up Tomakin, so Mother Slipper Slopper
took him into the pantry, gave him a mug of cocoa and
cream, and left him hard at work on the sponge-cake wall
while she went up to dress. Smut came in to see him
there soon afterwards, and walked round him purring and
rubbing his head against him. Tomakin gave him the
cocoa-mug to lick out, which Smut gratefully attended to

go
The Witch’s Hot Pot

for a few minutes, and then, turning to Tomakin, said ina
mournful voice :

Foolish boys, who feast on cake,
The daintiest of Hot Pots make.
Miaow! Molrow!

“Bother!” said Tomakin, who did not catch what was
said, but guessed it had something to do with over-eating,
a subject he never cared to discuss. “ Have a brick?” he
said, offering Smut a sponge-cake he had just dislodged from
the wall.

“No, thank you,” replied Smut sighing. “ There’s Mother
Chattox at the door, I must go and open it for her,” and he
left Tomakin to his own devices.

Mother Chattox, it appears, had travelled through the air
on a broomstick, and she was just getting off as Smut got
to the door to meet her. She was a really ugly old witch,
with little squeezed-up eyes, a hooked nose, a beard, and a
hump, and was dressed in a ragged short petticoat, an old
red shawl, and a tall pyramid hat. A one-eyed lean black
cat was seated on her shoulder. He hissed and spat
at Smut when he saw him. Smut did the same at him.
They always greeted each other in that way.

“ How’s the old lady?” asked Mother Chattox.

“ Dressing!”

“Ho, ho!” said the witch, “she’s a nice young woman to
be dressing; eighty if she’s a day.”

“ Seventy-five,” suggested Smut.

“Eighty, I tell you,” shouted Mother Chattox, and she
shot at him with her broomstick ; but Smut was out at the
door between her legs, and the lean cat after him. You

gI
Butter-Scotia

could hear them spitting and swearing and fighting in the



garden. They always fought when they got a chance. They
92
The Witch’s Hot Pot

- liked it. Then when they had had their fight, they made
friends and waited until after supper for the bones; for
though Smut was a kind cat, he liked bones, and, as he very
wisely said, ‘‘When it gets as far as bones, I might as well
pick them as any one else.”

Mother Slipper Slopper now came down, dressed in black
silk brocade with old lace trimming, and a lace cap. It was
a very handsome dress, but you did not see it at its best,
because it was all pinned up, and she had on a big white
apron, ready for the cooking.

Mother Chattox snorted with envy when she saw her,
and Mother Slipper Slopper looked at Mother Chattox’s
ragged petticoat with a sneer, and then the two old
women kissed each other, as though they were really
pleased to meet.

“What's for supper, my love ?”

“Boy, my dear,” replied Mother Slipper Slopper; ‘such
a pretty little boy, just enough for two.”

“Fat?” grunted Mother Chattox.

“Not exactly fat, you know ; they’ve put him into knicker-
bockers too soon, and let him run about all day, instead of
keeping him in the mail-cart ; but he has had half the garden
fence, a good corner of the outside wall, two spoonfuls of
malt and cod-liver oil, and he’s at work in the pantry now,
so he should be nice eating.”

“ How are you going to cook him ?” said Mother Chattox.

“Well, my dear,” said Slipper Slopper, as though the idea
was a new one, “what do you think of a Hot Pot with onions
and a cauliflower ?”

“We had it last time,” said Mother Chattox, “and I got
all the potatoes, and you got all the meat.” :

93
Butter-Scotia

“My love!” said Mother Slipper Slopper, “as if I could
do such a thing.”

“You did it, anyhow,” snorted Mother Chattox.

“]T didn’t, you nasty, ugly.old thing,” said Mother Slipper
Slopper, crying; “and I'll never ask you to my parties ever
again.”

“Come, don’t let us quarrel. Get the Cookery Book out,”
said Mother Chattox, who saw she had gone too far.

Mother Slipper Slopper got down Children and How to
Cook Them, by Mother Demdike, and the two old witches sat
down by the fire and turned over the pages together.

However, they could find nothing that seemed more suit-
able than Hot Pot, and after a lot of talk it was decided that
Hot Pot it should be.

“ And now,” said Mother Chattox, “let us go and look at
the boy.” .

They went into the pantry, and there was Tomakin, sitting
on the table, working away at the walls with a toasting-fork,
which he held in one hand, and grasping a half-eaten sponge-
cake brick in the other.

He looked up at the witches as they came up. “ Where's
Smut ?” he.asked.

“Outside, my dearie, fighting,” replied Mother Slipper
Slopper.

“T thought I heard him,” said Tomakin laughing. “He
is just like our Smut used to be at home. Always in mis-
chief.”

“Had you a cat called Smut, then?” asked Mother
‘Chattox.

“Of course!” replied Tomakin. “ He was our cat, and I
wrote a poem about him all by my own self.”

94
The Witch’s Hot Pot

“All by yourself?” said Mother Slipper Sloppez, in
astonishment.

“ All by my own self, with Pater,” replied Tomakin gravely.
“J will tell it you.”

Then he dropped the toasting-fork, and stood on the table
with his hands behind him, while the two witches leaned
against the wall, listening to Tomakin as he repeated his
poem.

OUR CAT.

Oh, I wish that you had seen him,
Our little pussy cat,

He came so skinny, scrag, and lean,
And went away so fat.

They said he stole the food and things,
Perhaps he did so, but,

He really couldn’t help it,

Couldn’t Smut.

He walked upon the dresser shelf,
And knocked down Mother’s jugs.

Broke half a dozen dinner plates,
And Kate’s and Molly’s mugs.

I guess he thought he heard a mouse.
He did not catch it, but,

He really couldn’t help it,

Couldn’t Smut.

At night he went upon the spree,
And danced upon the tiles,
His caterwaul re-echoing round,
For miles, and miles, and miles.
Poor Pater said it woke him up,
No doubt it did so, but,
He really couldn’t help it,
Couldnt Smut.

95
Butter-Scotia.

He tore up half the leather chairs.

They bought a set to match,
And just to show he noticed it,

He marked them with a scratch.
Then Pater he was raging mad ;

It was annoying, but,
He really couldn’t help it,

Couldn’t Smut.

So of fellowship and feelings too,
We made a sacrifice,
And gave him to a farmer man,
To catch his rats and mice.
We wept to lose our pussy cat,
And he was sorry, but,
We really couldn’t help it,
Could we, Smut ?

When Tomakin had finished, Mother Slipper Slopper gave
him a kiss and a sponge-cake, and the witches went back
into the room to set the table. This took some time, and
as soon as it was over they got ready for the cooking.

The fire was stirred up, the big Hot Pot dish was fetched
out, the potatoes sliced and put in, and the onions spread
between.

“ Now for the boy,” said Mother Chattox, sharpening a big
knife on the hearthstone.

“Tl go and get him,” said Mother Slipper Slopper, and
she went into the pantry, returning with Tomakin, who looked
very fat and rather sleepy.

“T want another sponge-cake,” he cried.

“No more eating for you, my boy,” said Mother Slipper
Slopper sharply ; ‘‘a nice bill there will be from the landlord,
for repairs to the property, after your meals. It’s our time
to do a bit of eating now.”

96
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The Witch’s Hot Pot

Tomakin looked round in wonderment. Snickaree! snick!
snack! snick! went Chattox’s knife on the hearthstone. She
took it up and felt the edge with her thumb, looking nearly
as grim/and wicked as Shylock does in the play. Mother
Slipper Slopper was chasing Tomakin round the table. He
was trying to dodge back into the pantry, but he could not
run very fast, he was so full of sponge-cake. Mother Chattox
~ put down the knife to help to catch him and in a moment he
would have been in their hands, when there was a loud bray
outside; a quick succession of lusty knocks at the door, and
Tomakin heard Olga’s voice crying:

“Open! you wretches, open to the Silver Niblick ! 1”

“The Silver Niblick !” shouted Chattox and Slipper Slopper
in wild despair.

They forgot all about Tomakin and the Hot Pot in their
fright and each witch seized her broomstick. The cats in
wild terror fled up the cake chimney. Loud and angry were
the blows at the door. Stupendous were the shouts and
threats of Sir Olga. A violent thunderstorm burst over the
cottage. The walls crumbled and fell to pieces with a terrific
crash. Then the witches leaped with a hideous shriek on to.
their broomsticks and whirled away into the dark clouds,
cursing and swearing and vowing vengeance against Sir
Olga.

Darting nimbly over the ruins of the cottage, Sir Olga in
full armour, the Silver Niblick shining in her hand, seized
Tomakin in her arms, crying with joy: ‘Saved, saved, my
trusty Sancho, by your own valiant master, through the might
of the Silver Niblick!”

“Tarn’t Sancho! get out Olga!” shouted Tomakin, strug-
gling to free himself.- ‘TI want another sponge-cake.”

97 G
Butter-Scotia

And then the moon, as if it had been trained in a theatre,
came out from behind the clouds and turned its rays upon
Sir Olga’s beautiful armour, as she stood amidst the ruins of
the cottage, in the favourite position of Ajax when he is
defying the lightning. Mysterious music played “Rule
Britannia,” softly at first, and then more loudly. Even
Tomakin, amazed and delighted at the enchanting scene,
thought no-more of sponge-cakes, when he saw the goblins
stealing out from their midnight haunts to gaze at the
beautiful sight. So pleased was he that he could not keep
from clapping his hands, and shouting with delight. Then
all the goblins followed his example, applauding loud and long
as people do at the end of a play, and shouting “Bravo! Sir
Olga. Bravissimo!” And Sir Olga bowed graciously right
and left, in answer to:the deafening applause, until at length
the moon grew tired and went behind a cloud, and the curtain
of night closed in upon the scene.

98
CHAPTER VIII

AT THE COURT OF KING PUCK

Oh, I have four children, three girls and one boy.

The laddie can whistle, the girlies can sing,

And when they are jolly the life we enjoy,

Is better than that at the Court of the King.

But when they are snarly, or when they are cross,

Or the dread Katawampus is having its fling,

I pack them all up, as a matter of course,

And consign them with care to the Court of the King.
PaTER’s Book of Rhymes.

HE two princesses found that No. 464 was a

beautiful suite of rooms ; a bedroom and a sitting-

room, with high panels of cedar wood and

hangings of blue satin. Four goblins were
told off to wait upon them, special attendants of the King,
named Peas-blossom, Moth, Cobweb, and Mustard-Seed.
They were very obliging. After their long drive the children
were glad to have tea and get to bed, but the next morning
they weré up early, and ordered Cobweb to bring them
breakfast, consisting of no porridge, strong tea and cream,
boiled eggs, light-coloured toast, and lots of strawberry jam.
While they were enjoying these good things, which were
served by the goblins on silver plates, a knock at the
door was heard. Mustard-Seed came in and announced

99
Butter-Scotia

Puss~-in-Boots and a friend of his. They desired to know
if their Royal Highnesses would come round “ The Scream-
eries ” with them, before the King’s Levée took place.

“You are expected to be at the Levée, you know,”
said Mustard-Seed, “ but you will have ime to see some-
thing of the Exhibition, if you go at once.’

The children were delighted. Puss-in-Boots entered, hold-
ing his cap in his right hand, and followed by a large wolf.

“My dear friend, Prowler,”
a profound bow to Molly and Kate, as he introduced the
Wolf, “a relative of Little Red Riding Hood.”

“Not exactly a relative, Puss,” murmured the Wolf,

said Puss-in-Boots, making

who looked rather ashamed of himself.

“Well, you ate her grandmother, didn’t you?” said Puss,
rather impatiently ; “if that doesn’t make you one of the
family, I don’t know what does.”

The children were rather frightened.

“Tt’s all right,” continued Puss-in-Boots, in a whisper
to the children. ‘“ They’ve taken his teeth out, and the
King inquires into the matter this afternoon. He'll pro-
bably be made into cat’s-meat this evening, and thinking
you would like to meet him, I took the liberty of bringing
him round.”

On hearing this, the children felt rather sorry for the
Wolf, and shook hands with him.

“Will you come to the Exhibition with us?” asked
Puss-in-Boots.

“That will be lovely,” said both the children at once.
“Where is Stanley?” added Kate.

“Fast asleep. Said he had seen the Exhibition twice,
and wouldn't go again, so I brought the Wolf. Now,

1o0o :
At the Court of King Puck

you, Cobweb,” continued Puss-in-Boots, who seemed to
order every one about just as he pleased, “fetch Houpla,
and four tickets for a Royal Party. We shan’t pay to
go in.”

Cobweb trotted off, and Puss-in-Boots sat down to
empty the cream jug, while the children got their things
on.

It would take a whole book to tell of the wonderful
things they saw at “The Screameries,” which contained
at least ten thousand children of all natures, and was seven
thousand acres in extent; so I have thought best to copy
out an account of their visit, which was published in the.
Dahlia News of the next day.

VISIT OF THE PRINCESSES TO THE ROYAL
EXHIBITION.

A ROYAL DAY AT THE SCREAMERIES,
(By our Special Correspondent.)

Yesterday H.R.H. the Princess Molly of Grumpiland, and her
sister, H.R.H. the Countess of Arrogance, visited the Royal
Exhibition. Preceded by the Family Herald and the fife and drum
band of the 103rd Royal Butter-Scotch Fussy-liers and two battalions
of mounted monkeys, they left the palace at 10.30 a.m., H.R.H. of
Grumpiland leaning on the arm of Sir Puss de Boots, and her younger
sister accompanied by Baron Prowler. :

On arriving at the West gate of the Exhibition they were met by
Birch Rod, who at once proceeded to show them some of the
beauties of this wonderful show. They spent some time in the
Museum, examining carefully Exhibit No. 180, Contents of Human
Boy’s Pocket (British). These, as our readers are aware, consist of
fifty-eight different articles. They include toffee, biscuits, nails,
string, chalks, old pen-nibs, stones, etc. (for official list see catalogue).

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This Exhibit was lent by an Irish Terrier, named Laddie, who once
kept a British boy of his own. The learned Professor of Kidiology
has expressed an opinion that though these things might be eaten
by one Boy and found afterwards in the stomach, no pocket could
hold them; and the Great Seal has made a grant of £50 for the
further investigation of this important subject.” They spent a few
moments in the Chamber of Horrors, where the broken toys-and
torn books are exhibted. This large and handsome collection,
illustrating the wild and wicked nature of earth children, has
astonished many respectable goblins, but their Royal Highnesses,
who, we understand, have on several occasions visited the earth,
say there is no doubt that some earth children do treat their toys
and books in this disgraceful manner.

Her Royal Highness Princess Molly, on behalf of her royal father,
Pater the Prim, was pleased to receive a bottle of Katawampus
water (Exhibit No, 1001) for experimental use in the Royal Nursery
at Grumpiland. It is said that this liquid, which is made of distilled
tears flavoured with sea water, is a perfect cure for either Kata-
wampus or tantrums. One tablespoonful, not swallowed, but
merely held in the mouth, prevents a child attacked by either
disease from saying ‘‘ Shan’t,” ‘Won’t,” “ Pig,” or any other
naughty word. The cure continues as long as the water is held in
the ‘mouth and not swallowed, and under these conditions has never
yet been known to fail.

Their Royal Highnesses lunched at the Palace with the King and
the Great Seal, and were present in the afternoon at the Levée.

The Levée was a very magnificent affair. It took place
in the- great room where they had been presented to the
King. The room was crowded with goblins, wearing Court
suits covered with gold lace, powdered periwigs, and silver
swords and shoe-buckles. Lots of animals were present,
and many persons well known in Fairyland Society.

Molly sat on the left hand of King Puck, who was on his
ivory throne. On his right hand was the Great Seal, and

102 :
At the Coun of King Puck

Kate sat next to the Seal. Birch Rod stood on one side of
the throne, and the Herald on the other.

Suddenly Houpla blew a loud blast upon his trumpet.

“Oyez! Oyez! Petitions and complaints for the King!”
he shouted.

There was a good deal of movement in the crowd, and a
little girl came forward, dressed in a red cloak and hood.
She was crying, and the children recognised her at once as
little Red Riding Hood. She made a curtsey to the King,
and told her well-known story, with many sobs and tears,
asking him to punish the Wolf.

“T know it’s all true,” said woly, “because I’ve read it in
a book.”

“What sort of book?” asked the King.

“ A story-book with pictures in—coloured pictures.”

“Tt should be true if it has coloured pictures,” said the
King.

“ Nonsense!” inpeeeuited the Great Seal; “if it’s in a
story-book it’s most likely a story. Call the Wolf.”

A murmur of approval ran round the room at the wisdom
of the Great Seal.

The Wolf came up hanging his head. He aveoped upon
one knee before the King.

“Where’s the grandmother ?” asked the ices angrily.

“Gone,” said the Wolf mournfully.

“Eaten ?” asked the King.

The Wolf sobbed piteously: “She was very tough.”

“You shouldn’t have done it, though,” said the Great Seal.

“And I had a horrible pain after her,” continued the
Wolf, making a wry face and placing his fore-paws below
his chest.

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» “It's a case of cat’s-meat, I suppose, Uncle Seal,” whis-
pered the King.





exes

‘No, no,” replied the Great Seal; “he has had a pain ;

that is punishment enough. We must consider the matter.”

Then he said to Red Riding Hood and the Wolf: “Further
104.
At the Court of King Puck

consideration! Further consideration!” and waved them
away with his fin.

“What will happen?” asked Molly of Birch Rod.

“Oh, nothing. It comes up every year. The Seal is
considering it. You see as long-as he is considering it
nothing can happen.”

“ But when he’s finished considering it ?”

“Hush!” said Birch Rod, putting his finger to his fe :
“here are the Bears.”

The Big Bear, the Middle-sized Bear, and the Little aes
came rolling up to make their complaint. As they could not
agree whether the name of the little girl who had disturbed
them was Golden-Hair or Silver-Locks, the Great Seal very
soon waved them away with his fin, crying out: “ Further
consideration! Further consideration !”

The next petitioners were Henny-Penny, Cocky-Locky,
Ducky-Daddles, Goosey-Poosey, and Turkey-Lurkey. Foxy-
Woxy was not with them. The King turned rather pale at
the sight of them, and the Great Seal looked uncom-
fortable.

“Drat Foxy-Woxy!” said the King to the Great Seal.
“They will be wanting their reward now they've got here.”

“Well,” replied the Seal to the King, “you should not
have offered a reward. I did the best I could. Foxy-Woxy
was to have met them on the way and eaten them. He must
have missed them.”

Cocky-Locky now spoke up for all of them as follows:
“Oh, Great King! We, Henny-Penny, Cocky-Locky, Ducky-
Daddles, Goosey-Poosey, and Turkey-Lurkey, from Poultria,
in the Land of Roost, have journeyed hither to tell you, oh,
Great King, that the sky is falling, and to claim from you the .

10§
Butter-Scotia

reward of ten thousand bushels of wheat offered to those
who brought that news to the King.”

“Did you meet Foxy-Woxy ?” asked the King.

“Oh, great King!” replied Cocky-Locky, “we came by
the North Road, and Foxy-Woxy has his dwelling in the
South.”

“Then,” said the Great Seal Eien “you have come
the wrong way. The way to the palace is by the South, the
way home is by the North. Return, and come by the right
road, and you shall surely have your reward. Meanwhile
your petition shall be considered.”

Cocky-Locky was going to say something more, but the
Seal waved his fin, saying gravely: “ Further consideration !
Further consideration !”

While they moved away clucking and cackling, a crowd of
flies came uptheroom. Each one had lost a wing or a leg at
least. A little girl came with them, carrying a bowl, out of
which she was eating curds and whey. A great big Spider
crawled up the other side of the room, and the little girl
began: “ Please, Mr. King, this nasty old Spider came and
sat down beside me, and frightened me away.”

“You must have been sitting on a tuffet,” said the
Seal.

“When I sit on tuffets,” remabnea the King, “I get lum-
bago, and that is far worse than spiders. You keep off
tuffets, and the spiders will keep off you. What do the
flies want ?”

All the flies spoke at once. It was the old story. The
spider had a parlour, and the buzzing, curious flies could not
keep out of it, and lost their wings and legs.

“ Now, old man,” said the Great Seal to the Spider, what

"106
At the Court of King Puck

have you to say why you should not be put under the beetle-
crusher ?”

The Spider unfolded himself slowly, and said: “I saved
the life of King Bruce of Scotland.”

“Dear me! dear me!” said King Puck, “ did you really ?
How was that ?”

“It's all right,” said Molly; “it is in our poetry book at
: school.”

_ “Bnd the history book, a said Kate.

--“]T remember, of course,” cried the King. “ King Bruce
was a Butter-Scotchman himself. The Spider is par-
doned!” -

At this moment a isd bray was heard outside, and through
the large window at the end of the room was seen Sir Olga,
in full armour, mounted on Dapple; and, riding after her,
Tomakin:on Neddy. The Herald strode.down the .room,
and presently returned, blowing blast after blast upon his
trumpet, and then shouting at the top of his voice:

“Sir Olga the Fitful, Knight of the Festive Fowl, and
Sancho, his trusty Squire, are here to present to King Puck I.
the Silver Niblick, won in open Tournament from the Golf
Ogre, Brassiface, the son of Bulger, the son of Baffy the
Spoon.”

“Ha!” cried the King, starting up, ‘’tis well;” and
the Courtier goblins, seeing the King was pleased, cheered
loudly.

Sir Olga now marched up the room, followed by Sancho
carrying the Silver Niblick. They moved slowly round the
room three times, and then, turning to the King, presented
him with the Niblick.

The King whispered a few words to the Great Seal, who

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Butter-Scotia

rose slowly, and then, amidst’a hushed silence, spoke as
follows :

“Sir Knight, you have done a worthy service, and the_
King allows you to wear and use the Silver Niblick for ever.
To your Squire, Sancho, he grants a yearly allowance of five
thousand chocolate drops.”

There was great cheering.

“Oh! ooh! oooh!” cried the two princesses; “ think of
that! Five thousand chocolates! My word!”

“Yl give you all some,” said Tomakin, looking round at
the goblins ; at which there was more cheering.

Then the dinner-bell rang, and the Herald shouting out,
“Banquet to Sir Olga in the Tapestry Chamber!” a pro-
cession was formed at once, and moved away to dinner.
Sir Olga marched in front, between the King and the Great
Seal, and the two princesses, with Sancho between them,
followed after. They were all delighted to be together
again, and still more delighted about the chocolates, for
when Tomakin was kind, as he generally was, there was
always a share of his good things for his sisters.

As soon.as they had finished the soup and were beginning
the fish, cod and oyster sauce—the King and the Great Seal
picked out all the oysters before the sauce got down to Olga
—the King called for the Royal Minstrel. The Family
Herald cried: ‘Silence for the Royal Minstrel!” but no
Royal Minstrel appeared. The King looked vexed, and so
did the Great Seal.

‘When he does come he must be hurled from the battle-
ments,” said the Great Seal, helping himself to a whole dish
of whitebait.

“ After he has sung a song, though,” said the King.

108
At the Court of King Puck

“Of course,” replied the Seal, with his mouth full; ‘he
shall sing us a song first.”

While they were speaking an old man, with a long white
beard, came pushing his way up the crowded room, followed
by a very small boy, staggering under a very large harp.

“Late!” shouted the’King angrily, “what do you mean
by it?”

“The way was long, the wind was cold,” began the poor
old Minstrel, in a quivering voice.

“It.always.is, every time we have a banquet,” interrupted
the Great.Seal, “and I suppose you are infirm and old,
eh?”

“True, oh Great Seal. And we should have been in time,
but for the Orphan Boy. The harp is much too heavy for
him to carry.”

“Then you should have carried it yourself, or sent it up
by tramcar,” replied the Great Seal; ‘‘you deserve to be
hanged, drawn, and quartered.”

“You can’t do that,” interrupted the King anxiously.
“He is the last of all the Bards. He must be hurled over
the battlements.” .

The old man looked quite pleased. ;

“ The battlements are only two feet high,” whispered the
King to Sir Olga, “ and they put a soft mattress underneath
to catch him.” /

“The Orphan Boy will be sent to Slapland,” remarked
the Great Seal gravely. At this the poor little lad wept
bitterly, for he knew too well what it meant; but the old
Minstrel only laughed and said: “ Quite right, and perhaps
next time he will hurry up a bit.” Molly and Kate felt very
sorry for the little chap, and, while ‘the song was going on,

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Butter-Scotia

they hid him under the table, and gave him two oranges and
a jam tart, which soon stopped his tears.

“Have you ever heard ‘The Blue Toad’? asked the
King of Molly and Kate.

“ Never,” said both the children at once.

“ Give us that, then,” said the King.

“Tt’s not an unpremeditated lay, | hope?” said the Great
Seal. “TI can’t stand those things, you know.”

“ Certainly not,” replied the Bard. “‘‘The Blue Toad’ is
published in the ‘ Terra-Cotta Tales for Tittlebats.’ It was
found on an Assyrian tabloid. Itis a kind of Saga, a sort
of solar myth;.in other words, a comic song without a
chorus.”

So saying, he struck a few wild chords upon the harp, and,
throwing back his head, burst into the following song, which
he sang to a wild and fitful tune. an

THE BLUE TOAD

Oh, this is the Tale of a Toad,

Who never went out when it snowed,
For instead of warm clothes,
From his snout to his toes,

He was painted all over with woad.

With a jewel, fixed firm in his head,

Blazing brilliantly, sparkling, red,

He was slimy and cold,

' And one thousand years old,
And for centuries had not been fed.
Like a prisoner, safe in the dock,
He sat, fastened up in a rock,

And thought with a sigh,
Of the sweet by-and-by,
IIo
At the Court of King Puck

When some one should open the lock ;
And feast him on grasshopper mince,
Or change him perhaps to a prince ;

If some beautiful Miss,

Would but give him a kiss,
Oh! a kiss that would make him a prince.
But the years sped away,
Night by night, day by day,
And the Toad he sat on, in self-satisfied thought,
Like an elderly Judge in a Chancery Court.
And there he might have remained for years,
Sobbing sighs and shedding tears,

For nobody knowed,

There was such a toad,
Until he was found, as hereafter appears.

“End of the First Part,” shouted the King, pouring out a
whole stone bottle of ginger-beer, which he handed to the
Minstrel after he had put a lump of ice into it.

The Minstrel drank it off and then began to play.a few
bars of “The Bailiff’s Daughter of Islington,” to which tune
he sang the Second Part of “The Blue Toad.”

II

There was a sage, a wise old man,
Could split both stones and hairs,
- And round the rugged rocks he ran
To look for fossil bears.

He hammered round with mighty knocks,
Like men who mend the road,
And cleared away the sandstone rocks,
Until he found the toad.
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Butter-Scotia

Now when he saw that Grand Old Toad,
And looked him through and through,

The man of science said “ I’m blowed!
The fellow’s painted blue.”



He took him kindly in his hand
From off his rocky slab,

Then placed him gently on the sand,
And whistled for a cab.

He took him where his wondering eyes
Saw melons under glass, _

And taught him how to feast on flies,
And catch them as they pass.

This sage he had one little child,
_ Her eyes were blue as heaven,
The melons rustled when she smiled ;—
Yet she was only seven.
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At the Court of King Puck

She came and gazed at Mr. Toad,
Then shook her yellow curls ;—
The melons wondered how they growed

Such pretty little girls.

She patted him upon the head,
He smirked and smiled at this,
“Tl try and love you, but,” she said,
‘Don’t ask me for a kiss.”

So there he sits from day to day
Engaged in catching flies,
’ His bright blue skin is growing grey,
His voice is cracked with sighs ;

And though he left his rocky home,
Full many a twelve month since,
No maiden’s kiss has ever come
To change him to a prince.

When the song was over there was great applause. The
King threw a gold chain round the neck of the Minstrel.
- The Seal stated that the Orphan Boy, who was now asleep
under the table, should be pardoned, and they all rose and
went back into the. big room. There they danced polkas,
and played Hunt the Slipper, and Blind Man’s Buff, until
half-past ten at night, which was the Great Seal’s bedtime. —
CHAPTER IX
THE DRAGON -

There was a day before the world began,
I think the fifth day of the Great Creation,
All was preparing for the coming Man,
Who had not yet received an invitation ;
New fowls and fishes sang a wild Te Deum,
And he who raised his voice to lead the chorus,
Sleeps his last sleep in Manchester’s Muséum,
Ichthyosaurus !

Maybe when Perseus lived in classic years,
And poor Andromeda without a rag on,
Watered the sad salt waves with sadder tears,
That you were cast to play the leading dragon.
On this black clay you drew your latest breath,
Clay that I’m glad to think was soft and porous,
Say, was it Perseus smote you unto death ?
Ichthyosaurus !

Here in your tomb of odlite or lias,

We will surround you with weird tales of wonder ;
Make legends free from scientific bias,

With curdling circumstance of blood and thunder.
A learned placard to your tail is sticking,

Wherewith some grave professor seeks to bore us,
But we will picture you alive and kicking,

Ichthyosaurus !
PaTER’s Book of Rhymes.

114
The Dragon

HE next morning Tomakin' awoke early, and,
- finding his sisters too sleepy to get up and play
with him, managed to dress himself with the
assistance of Cobweb and Moth, who were
dusting out the sitting-room. Then he rambled out into
the gardens in front of the Palace, and on one of the
lawns found Neddy saddled and bridled, evidently waiting
for a ride. _He climbed on to a big flower-pot and so on to
Neddy’s back, then gathering up the reins he cried “ Gee-
up!” leaving Neddy to take him where he would. The
good donkey trotted gently along the lawns, through the big
vegetable garden at the back of the Palace, where he
stopped to eat an apple or two off the trees, and Tomakin
followed his example. Then he ambled along out of the
gates into a large wood, the path through which went
winding in and out among the trees, but always up-
hill.

Soon they heard the chattering and gibbering of a number
of magpies, jackdaws, and parrots, and turning a corner came
upon a huge oak-tree, on one branch of which was an old
raven, while on the other branches were perched different
rows of dicky-birds. It was a Bird School, and the old
raven was the Schoolmistress.

When they came up to the tree the Raven cawed out:
“Silence! the Inspector is coming,” and then flew down to
meet Tomakin.

“Will you inspect the school?” said the Raven, as
Neddy stopped opposite the tree.

Tomakin, not understanding what it was all about, nodded
gravely.

“Tt is not in as good’a condition as it should be, but the

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last teacher was an uncertificated Ostrich. Shall we do
poetry ?”

Tomakin nodded again.



The Raven flapped away on to a top branch and croaked
out: “First Class of Magpies, Poetry from the Lion’s Book
of Rhymes.”

A small magpie, with a merry twinkle in his eye, hopped

116
The Dragon

forward, and, putting his wings behind his back, began the
following piece:

THE QUARRELSOME ANIMALS

‘ Shut up! Shut up!”

Said the Terrier pup ;

“JT shan’t! I shan’t!”

Said the little red ant.

** Well, I don’t care,”

Said the fluffy brown hare;

“ And I won’t play,”

Said Old Dog Tray.

‘For shame! for shame!

Get agate with your game,”

Said the Polar Bear, _

From his old armchair ;
‘When animals quarrel and make such a noise,
What a sad example for girls and boys.”

Lion’s Book of Rhymes.

“Hal ha!” laughed Tomakin. ‘What a silly piece of
poetry. I can tell you a better piece than that,” and he told
them “The House that Jack Built,” which Pater had taught
him in bed in the mornings, but he made a few mistakes.

“ Beautiful! Beautiful!” said the certificated Raven, “ but
it’s quite different from my edition. I never heard before
that it was the maiden all forlorn who tossed the dog with
a crumpled horn.” Tomakin looked annoyed at this but
said nothing.

“How do you like our school, Sir?” continued the
Raven.

“Tt’s a jolly school,” said Tomakin. “Do you ever have
a half-term holiday ?”

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The certificated Raven frowned and replied, “Never!
We have never had a half-term yet.”

“Have you got any little brothers at home to play
with ?” asked Tomakin of the young magpie who had said
the poetry.

“Just one, such a nice little chap.”

“Then you must have a half-term holiday. Better have
it to-day,” he said to the Raven.

The Raven croaked out, “School dismissed! Bother
those Inspectors!” and stalked away sullenly into the
wood.

The magpies, daws, and parrots wheeled round and round
Tomakin’s head, gibbering and chattering, “Three cheers
for Tomakin,” and then flew off out of sight, and he and
Neddy were left quite alone.

“That was a very funny school,” said Tomakin to
himself; “Il tell the children about it when I get home.”
He always spoke of his three elder sisters as “the children.”

Neddy walked slowly along through the wood until they
came out at the top of a big mountain, with huge boulders
and crags, made of peppermint and almond rock. Tomakin
broke off some bits to try, and, finding them very good,
filled his pockets.

This was the Melancholy Mountain, and on its very summit,
in an armchair made of big blocks of the peppermint, sat a
huge Dragon. He had long sharp claws, wide steely wings,
and a winding tail curled round his peppermint chair; fire shot
out of his mouth, and his eyes shone and flashed like the
Fleetwood Lighthouse on a dark winter’s night. By his side
stood an old white Elephant in a black top-hat. Tomakin
was rather frightened at the look of them, but curiosity soon

118
The Dragon

got the better of his fear. He slipped off Neddy and stole
“nearer to see what was going on.
_ . The Dragon was leaning his head on his hand and groaning
heavily.

“Tt’s too bad, old fellow,” he said to the Elephant. ‘The
King is sending me two princesses this year, and you know
how the last one disagreed with me. What a thing it is to
have a liver.”

The Elephant put his trunk on the Dragon’s forehead and
then curled it round one of the Dragon’s fore-legs as though
he were feeling his pulse. ‘“Feverish,” he said. “Scales look
very yellow too. It’s a bad sign; he'll have a shocking
attack of gout if he eats two princesses to-day. What size
are they?” he asked, turning to Tomakin. “They are your
sisters, are they not?”

“What's up, then?” said Tomakin, staring at the Dragon.

“Why, once a year the King sends the Dragon a present
of a brace of princesses, and he must eat them, you know.
The King generally sends visitors if there are any staying in
the house. They say it’s to be Princess Molly and Countess
Kate to-day. What size are they?”

“Oh, they’re ever so big,” said Tomakin, drawing himself
up to his full height. ‘“ They’re bigger than I am, and I'ma
big boy now; Mother says so.”

The Dragon groaned miserably.

“ Show us your tongue, old man,” said the Elephant.

The Dragon put out a long forked tongue, it was as white
as chalk. As he did so, the fire shot out of his mouth again.
The Elephant shook his head gravely.

“He’s got hiccups,” suggested Tomakin, “give him some
brown sugar and pinch his nose.”

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Butter-Scotia

“Not hiccups,” said the Elephant gravely. “It’s inflamma-
tion of the sawdust. He’s stuffed with sawdust, and if he
eats anything but bran-pie it stops the circulation of the
sawdust and then his liver curls up.” Tomakin did not
understand a word of it, but the Elephant looked very
serious, so Tomakin shook his head and tried to look
serious too.

“What have you been eating, old man?” asked the
Elephant, patting the Dragon’s back gently with his trunk.

“Rump-steak,” sighed the Dragon.

“We must knock that off,” said the Elephant, “and try
something milder, say a boiled chicken. Rump-steaks are
terribly fiery things.”

‘Princesses are awfully tough, though,” said the poor
Dragon, “a boiled chicken wouldn’t have been any practice,
unless I’d eaten the bones. My word! my word! I’ve such
a pain,” and he pressed his fore-paws on his stomach and
rolled about in the big chair, groaning like mad.

“Give him some Gregory powder,” suggested. Tomakin,
who was rather enjoying himself, and thought the Dragon
deserved to have plenty of nasty medicine if he was going to
eat Molly and Kate.

“Oh, not that! please not that!” cried the poor Dragon.

“No, no, certainly not,” said the Elephant kindly. “Hop

Bitters; it will quench the fire and give you an appetite for
the princesses.”

Well, you never saw such a fuss as there was to get down
those Hop Bitters. Tomakin, who always took medicine like
a good little boy, was quite ashamed that a great big grown-
up Dragon should make such a fuss about nothing. Instead
of gulping it down he tried sipping it, then he cried because

120
The Dragon

it was bitter, then he wanted jam after it, then he wanted to
eat the jam first, and promised to take the medicine like a good

ek
Rete
iene

3

eta &,

:
54



Dragon directly afterwards. The Elephant was silly enough

to let him have the jam first, and then, just as you might

expect, he would not take the medicine after all. At last the
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Butter-Scotia

Elephant lost patience with him and got him round the neck
with his trunk and held him firm and tight, though kick and
struggle he did like a good one. But Tomakin was too many
for him, and, climbing onto the Elephant’s head, caught hold
of the Dragon’s nose firmly with one hand and forced down
the Hop Bitters with the other. Then the Elephant let him
go and he rolled on the ground spluttering and crying, and
beating the rocks with his tail, and calling Tomakin and the
Elephant all sorts of naughty names.

“Well, I can’t stay any longer,” said the Elephant to
Tomakin, as they stood gazing at the naughty Dragon.
“ Good-bye, young man. If you can get him to take any more
Hop Bitters all the better;” and the Elephant sauntered
down the hill into the wood. The Dragon now fell fast
asleep and snored peacefully, and Tomakin having found a
hamper at the back of the rock chair, marked “ Dragon’s
Breakfast,” opened it and began to feast on the contents,
which consisted of hard-boiled eggs, watercresses, buttered
toast, cocoa, and cream.

“No porridge,” said Tomakin, chuckling to himself, “or I
should have had to eat that first.”

As he was feasting, the sound of music struck his ear.
The Dragon shook his head and groaned in his sleep. . “ It’s
the princesses,’ he murmured. Then you could hear the
solemn sound of muffled drums and the shrieking of wry-
necked fifes, playing mournful tunes such as “Who killed
Cock Robin?” and “Old Roger is dead,” and at last the
procession came in sight.

First two companies of the spotted panther police of
Sugarborough. Then the Lord Mayor and Corporation
dressed in black. Then a battalion of the 42nd Blue Skye

122
The Dragon

Highlanders with fife and drum band. Then the Great Seal
in a bath-chair drawn by a well-matched pair of brown
bears ; then Houpla ; and, lastly, a big ebony coach drawn by
four black horses, whose trappings were purple and silver.
This contained the King and Molly and Kate.

The coach stopped on the top of the hill. The King got
out and helped the two princesses to alight. They were
dressed in black and weeping bitterly, and seemed to
be tied together by heavy chains. The King was weeping
too, so were the Lord Mayor and all the Corporation, so
were the soldiers, and even the Great Seal sniffed a bit, and
blew his nose three times in two minutes.

Houpla blew a blast on his trumpet, which echoed back |
from the dreary rocks around them. Then he called out
aloud: “H.R.H. Princess Molly of Grumpiland, H.R.H.
Princess Katherine of Arrogance: a brace of Princesses
from King Puck I, for the big Dragon.” The soldiers
chained up the poor little weeping princesses to a big rock
near the Dragon, who groaned in his sleep. The King wept
again, more piteously than ever, and every one followed the
royal example.

The Great Seal rolled out of his bath-chair, and, placing a
fin on the head of each princess, said with sobs in his voice,
“Bless you, my children. Be as good as youcan. Don't
disagree with him if you can help it.”

Then he got back into his bath-chair, the King stepped
into the coach, and they rolled away down the hill, followed
by all the rest, while Molly and Kate and Tomakin were left
alone on the top of the hill with the sleeping Dragon.

As soon as they had gone away Tomakin tried to undo
the chains, but it was no use; they were too heavy for him.

123
Butter-Scotia

So he gave each of his sisters some of the Dragon’s buttered
toast, and they ate that and waited to see what the monster
would do. :

At last he awoke and stretched himself and yawned. He
looked round and saw the two princesses. The Hop Bitters
and the nap had done him good. He looked fierce and
hungry. He glared at the little girls, and marched round
and round the rock, coming nearer and nearer to them every
circuit he made, stamping his claws upon the ground and
grinding his teeth as he chanted the following horrible lines :

Chump! chump! chump!
Chew ! chew! chew!
And you may be alive,
At ninety-five,
Hale and hearty too.
Mother she gives twenty bites,
_ Where Tomakin gives two;
If all the world did just the same,
What would the Doctors do ?

Tomakin threw stones at him and tried to frighten him
away with both hands, saying “‘Shoosh!” to him; but it
seemed to have no effect, and as the Dragon uttered the last
words of his chant, he gathered himself together like a huge
tiger cat to make a final spring upon his victims.

At this very moment Neddy, who was browsing lower
down the mountain-side, gave a loud bray. The clatter of
hoofs was heard, and quicker than I can write, Sir Olga,
shouting defiance to the Dragon and waving the Silver
Niblick in the air, came over the rocks at a hand gallop and
reined up Dapple right in front of the angry Dragon.

Then began such a fight as never took place in any history

124
The Dragon

or romance that I have ever read. Fiercely the monstrous,
‘horrible Dragon circled round Sir Olga, as she threw her-
self from Dapple and stood before him, Silver Niblick in hand.
Fire shot out of his mouth as he whirled about her, half
flying, half prancing, waiting for a moment when she was off
her guard. Two deadly stings quivered in the points of his
. huge tail; in length it was at least one rod, pole, or perch,
and it glistened like an angry snake as it rushed through the
grass. Forgetful of Krab’s warning, Sir Olga drew her
sword and made a rapid downward stroke to cut it off.
The sword struck fire out of the brazen scales of the tail,
but crumpled up in the Knight’s hand, as if it had been a
toasting-fork. ‘Made in Germany!” sneered the Dragon,
as he whipped his tail away out of further danger and
swooped down upon Sir Olga with outspread claws. The
children shrieked in terror. Sir Olga, however, slipped
nimbly aside, just in time to allow the Dragon to trip
himself up with his own tail, and he turned a double
somersault over some neighbouring rocks. The children
shouted with joy, and Sir Olga, quick to seize her advan-
tage, threw away the broken sword and battered the
‘Dragon about his head and body with doughty blows from
the Silver Niblick. The children yelled out, “Go it, Olgy!”
“in wild delight. The Dragon screamed and groaned like a
cracked fog-horn. But he was not yet beaten, and soon —
picked himself up, spread his wide waving wings and hurtled
above Sir Olga in the dusty air. It was hard to see what
was going on, but he seemed to be trying to sting her with
his tail, while she protected herself with her shield by
moving it smartly from side to side. “Come down and
fight fair!”? shouted the children. The Dragon snorted and
125
Butter-Scotia

rushed around in the air, making grabs at Sir Olga, who for
forty-nine minutes fifteen seconds was defending herself
cleverly with her shield. As she was moving from right to
left, her eye fixed on the attacking monster, one of her
electro-plated shoes caught in a stone and she stumbled and
fell, dropping her shield and the Silver Niblick on to the
ground. Down swooped the Dragon and caught hold of Sir
Olga with both claws to shake the life out of her. The two
princesses hid their faces on each other’s shoulders and
screamed aloud. Not so Tomakin, who with a skill and
courage worthy of Hector, Miltiades, Robert Bruce, the
Black Prince, the Duke of Wellington, or Jack the Giant
Killer, seized the Silver Niblick in both his little hands, and
showered blows on the Dragon’s back, until the monster had
to release Sir Olga and turn in attack upon her valiant
Squire. In a second Sir Olga. was on her feet again, had
leapt in between the Dragon and Tomakin, and seizing the
Niblick from his hands, was thundering mighty blows on the
brazen skull of the unfortunate monster. Vainly he sought
to clutch at her with his steely claws and iron teeth. His
sawdust poured out in heaps upon the rocks from his many
wounds. He grew weaker and weaker, and the fire now
shot but fitfully from out of his jaws. His head drooped,
and his arms and legs hung limp from his body. His
strength was fast waning from loss of sawdust, but he
gathered himself together for a final spring. With the
weight of a hundred elephants and the fierceness of fifty
tigers, he threw himself upon Sir Olga, snarling horribly ;
but she met him with one stupendous blow from the Silver
Niblick, which cracked the skull of the unhappy beast, and
. went right through the bone to the place where his brains
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THE FIGHT WITH THE DRAGON
The Dragon

ought to have been, and as he had none, he rolled over on

his back with a groan, stone dead.

To release Molly and Kate was the work of a moment,
and, hand-in-hand, Dapple, Neddy, and all the children
danced merrily round the body of the prostrate Dragon,
overjoyed at Sir Olga’s bravery and amazed at the power of

the Silver Niblick.

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ETT


CHAPTER X

THE ELECTION

Oh, some are for the Red, and some are for the Blue,
And others for the Orange or the Green ;
And some will shout with me, while others shout with you,
But we'll all shout, “God Save the Queen!”
Rule Britannia! Britannia rule the Waves !
Butter-Scotchmen never shall be slaves,
Never, Never, shall be slaves!
Pater’s Book of Rhymes.

HE next morning the Sugarborough Dahha News
had a long article about the Dragon. It came
out with a deep black edge all round and start-
ling headlines. The article read as follows:

DEATH OF THE BIG DRAGON!
A FIGHT WITH SIR OLGA!
THE SILVER NIBLICK VICTORIOUS!
ELECTION NEWS!

“Every one will join in lamenting the sudden death of our genial
fellow-townsman, the Dragon, who was slain by that valiant warrior
Sir Olga the Fitful, Knight of the Festive Fowl.

The Dragon had for many years suffered from biliousness, brought
about, it is believed, by a too strict and careful attention to his
duties, and the inferior quality of the princesses supplied from the

128
The Election

Court Larder. Sir Elephant White, M.D., who was in attendance
during the last years of the Dragon’s life, speaks very strongly about
the serious danger of eating large quantities of raw princesses, and
says that he has a plan for peptonising princesses, and preserving
them in tins, which, if adopted at the Court, would be greatly to the
advantage of whoever succeeds our late friend in his important
office. As our readers know, the election for the valuable and im-
_ portant office of Dragon must by law take place to-day, and two
candidates, the Honourable Crafty Crocodile and Obadiah Ostrich,
Esq., are already in the field. It is expected to be a close contest
and to turn chiefly upon the Repeal of the Corn Laws. No respect-
able newspaper would, at a moment like this, say a word that might
be unfair to either candidate. We, therefore, content ourselves by
- calling on the free and independent voters of Sugarborough to vote
early, and vote often, for either one or both of the Candidates.”

The children had returned directly to the Castle; Olga
and’ Kate on Dapple, and Molly and Tomakin on Neddy.
Olga had feared that the King might be angry at having his
Dragon killed, so she whispered in Neddy’s ear to ask whether
they should return to the Castle, and Neddy had nodded
violently. As they passed through Sugarborough, it was clear
that the people were in a state of wild excitement. Every-
where posters of a Special Edition of the Dahlia News
announced in large letters : “DEATH OF THE DRAGON!”

The streets were full of Butter-Scotchmen, talking about
the sad news, and already bill-posters were going round the
city posting up bills, some printed in red and others in blue.
The red bills ran: “VOTE FOR CROCODILE! CROCO-
DILE AND NO CORNS! DOWN WITH OSTRICH-
ISM!” The blue ones ran: “VOTE FOR OSTRICH!
OSTRICH AND ORDER! WHO WILL MAKE THE
BEST DRAGON? OLD FRIEND OSTRICH, OF

_ 129 I
Butter-Scotia

COURSE!” There were many other bills of a like
character, some saying nasty things about the rival candi-
dates, which the bill-posters sought to paste over by bills of
another colour. Olga noticed a red bill which ran like
this :

The Ostrich at talking can show a brave front,

He knows how to bawl and to blether,

But should he be Dragon, you'd see him turn tail,
And show all the world the white feather.

The children laughed at this. “That’s one for the Ostrich,
anyhow,” said Molly. “I shall wear red for the Croco-
dile.”

“So shall I,” said Kate.

“We must see what it is all about first,” said Olga, who
felt quite proud of having brought about all this excitement.

When they got to the Palace, Birch Rod was fidgeting
about on the steps.

“ Here you are, at last,” he cried. ‘The Great Seal has

* been asking for you the last two hours. They want you

at the Cabinet Council. If you don’t look sharp they will
have finished the pudding.”

“What pudding?” asked Kate.

“ Cabinet pudding, of course; always Cabinet pudding on
Cabinet days. Now, hurry up!” and he trotted before them
alonga wide corridor, until they came toa door marked “Cabinet
Council.” They all went in, and found themselves in a large
bare room, with a big round table in the middle of it. Seated’
round the table were the King, the Great Seal, the Family
Herald, and several animals the children had not seen before.
The remains of a large Cabinet pudding were on a big dish in
the middle of the table, and there were four vacant seats

130
The Election

near the King, which the children took. Birch Rod tied on
their feeders. , :

“Flot plates,” said the King.

Birch Rod brought some hot plates and helped the children
to pudding ; it was delicious.

“ Sauce,” shouted the King.

Birch Rod poured two spoonfuls of rich, sweet almond
sauce on each plate and then left the room.



















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, “Now,” said the Seal, “while you

| eat the pudding we must get to busi-

“ ness. You were nearly too late for
pudding altogether.”

“Tntroduce the members of the
Government,” said the King. ‘It’s a splendid Council,” he
whispered proudly to Olga; ‘no guinea-pigs on it.”

Houpla got on the table and introduced the animals one
by one. The Red Herring in a cocked hat was the Com-
mander-in-Chief of the Army, the Marquis of Yarmouth. The
Old Barnacle in horned ‘spectacles was Admiral Stickfast,
K.C.B., First Lord of the Admiralty.

131
Butter-Scotia

“He is a very rude old-chap at times,” said the King to
Olga in a low tone, “so we have a Civil Lord as well, but he
. is away on his holidays just now.”

“The President of the Board of Trade!” shouted Houpla,
pointing to a Blue Jay in a frock-coat. The children bowed
to the bird, who stuck his eye-glass up and nodded perkily
back again.

“He writes all the Blue Books, you know,” murmured the
King, “with a jay pen.”

The Foreign Office Frog and the Treasury Tortoise sat
side by side next to the Jay, and behind them was a sleepy-
looking bird, introduced by Houpla as Sir Peppery Puffin,
the Home Secretary Bird. These formed the Cabinet, and
the introductions being finished, and Olga and the other
children having eaten their pudding, the King rang a little
bell and said, “ Uncle Seal, open the proceedings.”

The Great Seal rose, and, placing two fins on the table,
began with great dignity and amid a hushed silence to speak
as follows: ‘This Council has met to-day for two purposes;
to regret the death of our old friend and colleague of
several hundred years standing, the big Dragon (sniffs and
sobs from all the animals), and to pass the usual order for
an election to the office. No doubt the contest will turn
on the Corn Laws. For many years, as you know, gentle-
men, but it may not be known to our friends: here (the Seal
turned and waved his fin politely towards the children
who were gaping at him with open mouths) the Govern-
ment have raised money on a Corn Tax—that is to say, a
tax raised and levied on the corns of the inhabitants. It
has been a very fruitful tax, and all good citizens have,
up to this time, grown corns and paid for them without

122
The Election

complaint. Our good friend Obadiah Ostrich is the Champion
of the Corns and the Constitution. He would preserve our
ancient corns. Ina word, he is a good Cornservative.”

(Groans from all the children.)

“Fis puns are as bad as Pater’s,” shouted Olga.

“Flush! hush!” said the Marquis of Yarmouth ; “don’t
interrupt the Great Seal.”

“But of late,” continued the Seal, ‘‘another and a very
popular party has grown up in the country—a party, who,
having no corns of their own and therefore paying no taxes,
seek to rouse up the bitterest feelings by treading upon the
corns of others. They are represented in this election by
Sir Crafty Crocodile. The King with his usual royal
wisdom (His Majesty blushed) suggested that Sir Crafty
should be beheaded before the election. But in view of
the popular excitement that it would cause, I would propose,
in order to put a stopper on him, that, if he is elected
to-morrow, he be at once married to one of our dear Prin-
cesses here.” (Great cheering by all the members of the
Council.)

“JT shan’t marry a nasty old crocodile,” said Molly.

“Nor shall I,” said Kate.

“Silence! silence!” said the old Barnacle, “ you will just
do what -you are told.”

“Shall I sign the election order?” said the King; and
as no one objected, he took a pen and wrote “Puck R.” at
the bottom of the paper. .

The Seal put his fin on it solemnly and said: “This is
law,” in a grave voice.

_ Then all the Council yawned and went off to bed, except
Sir Peppery Puffin and the Treasury Tortoise, who were left
‘ 133
Butter-Scotia

fighting as to whose business it was to take the election
order down to the Lord Mayor.

The next morning Mustard-Seed woke the children up
early and said, if they wanted to see the fun of the election,
the Lord Mayor had invited them to use the balcony of the
drawing-room window at the Mansion House, from which
they could see all that was going on. They hurried up, got
their breakfast quickly, and walked down from the Palace
to the Mansion House. Already the streets were full of
goblins and animals, dressed in election colours, and you
could not see a brick wall anywhere for posters both red
and blue. :

When they got settled on the balcony, Mustard-Seed
explained to them that each candidate would come on to the
wooden platform in the middle of the square and make a
speech. The crowd now became very thick and began fight-
ing, and singing, and shouting, all over the square. In some
places the Butter-Scotchmen had got so jammed together
that they could not get apart again, and the panther police
took them away in lumps ona lurry.

“They won’t be able to vote now,” said Olga, pointing to
a lurry-load of them leaving the square.

“Why, bless you,” said Mustard-Seed, “ you don’t suppose
that sort of Butter-Scotchman has a vote. Why not one of
these common fellows in the crowd has a vote. There are
only ten voters in Sugarborough, and three of those are on

a holiday.”

“Then why do the crowd get so SecGieay asked Molly,
“if they cannot vote ?”

“ Because it’s election day,” replied Mustard- Seed. “You
must get excited on election day. Holloa! here they come!”

134
The Election

A great cheer arose from the crowd, mingled with groans.
It-was the Crocodile coming down the street. He was in
a light open carriage drawn by a pair of greys with red
favours. He wore a light grey coat and a scarlet tie. He
was standing up in the carriage with his top-hat in his
hand, bowing and smiling to all around him. As he reached
the square some of the crowd took the horses out of his
carriage and dragged it across to the wooden platform.

The Crocodile mounted the platform amid loud cries of
“Crocodile for ever! Three cheers for Sir Crafty!” The
Lord Mayor came out on the Mansion House steps with
Houpla, who rang a bell, blew a blast on his trumpet, and
shouted, ‘‘ The King commands silence for Sir Crafty Croco-
dile!”

There was silence all over the wide square, and the Croco-
dile began as follows:

“ Men of Sugarborough, this is a grave crisis in the history
of Butter-Scotia. Your Dragon, your dear old dyspeptic
Dragon (sobs and cries of ‘Good old Dragon !’) is dead, and
if you value your ancient institutions and care for your homes
and children, you will elect me to his place. My enemies
say that Iam penniless. That is true. 1 admit it. (Loud
cheering.) You, too, are penniless. It is a bond of union
between us. (Tremendous cheering.) It is said by my foes
that I am seeking the noble office of Dragon for the sake of
its salary of ten thousand ducats a year. But I tell
you all,” he continued, raising his voice and placing a
paw upon his breast, “that if I myself, at this moment,
were worth twénty thousand ducats, aye, or a hundred
thousand ducats a year, I should still be a candidate for this
office.” (Loud and continued cheering.)

135
Butter-Scotia

“That is very noble of him, isn’t it?” said Molly.

“Capital hit that,” said Mustard-Seed, chuckling.
“Capital. Quite true, too, I daresay.”

The Crocodile now promised all the crowd that if he
was elected, there should be free jam, new silver paper for
every one at the King’s expense, and a new cardboard
house, well furnished and rent-free, for everybody. Then
he wound up his speech in this way: “I do not wish to
say anything against my opponent, but I ask you why you
should elect a bird without teeth to this ancient office ?
He will tell you about his digestion, but don’t you be hum-
bugged. What you want in a representative is jaw !—yes,
gentlemen, jaw! (he opened his jaws to their widest extent),
and if any one thinks that he can Deak: me at that, bring
him here and I’ll eat him.”

So saying, he stepped off the platform and bolted for the
Mansion House amidst a storm of yelling and cheering.
Some tried to shake hands with him, others to pat him on
the back, others hurled rotten eggs, dead cats, and cabbages
at him; all yelled and cheered and hooted at the same time,
and the Crocodile fought his way to the Mansion House,
where he arrived panting and bruised, without hat, and with
half his coat torn off. .

He came up and sat by the children on the ieiecae:

“Capital meeting, wasn’t it?” he said. “TI shall get in
easily by a hundred majority.”

“JT thought there were only seven voters at home just
now,” said Olga.

“What do numbers matter?” said the Crocodile loftily.
“A majority is a majority, and I’m going to win.”

““Holloa!” cried Tomakin. “‘ Here’s the Ostrich !”

136
The Election

The Ostrich strutted into the Market-square with his wife
on his arm, dressed in sky-blue silk and holding a parasol of
the same colour. Close behind came an Emu
and a Cassowary. The Ostrich and his
friends “wore knickerbockers and Norfolk
jackets; they had huge blue ties on, and










were smoking cigarettes,

“Good idea, those knickerbockers,” grum-
bled the Crocodile, “they hide the tail
feathers.” ©. Sas

The Ostrich mounted the platform
and said he would not trouble
them with a speech,
but Mrs. Ostrich
would sing them a
song. There was
great cheering at
this, for Mrs. Os-
trich was very
popular.

“Bah!” said the Croco-
dile. ‘He is no speaker,
and that is what he always
does.”

The children thought it a
good idea, but said nothing.

Mrs. Ostrich now stood near the
front of the platform, on each side
of her the Emu and the Cassowary, one with castanets
and the other with a trombone, which he played with
his right leg very cleverly. After a few bars of music,

137
Butter-Scotia

she began to sing in a shrill voice that reached every corner

of the Square the following ballad :



YOU ASK ME WHY

Just now it is election time,

The streets with politics are humming,
The future will be all sublime,

There really is a good time coming,
When jam and junkets shall be free,
With mugs of cream for you and me;

You ask me why,
And my reply,
is
Ask Another !
’ Ask Another !
Ask Another !
Do!
138
The Election

At the end of this, Mr. and Mrs. Ostrich danced round the
platform, while the great crowd took up the chorus and
shouted, “ Ask Another!” till you could hear it all over the |
Square.

“Rubbish!” muttered the Crocodile angrily.

“Hush!” said Molly and Kate, “she is going to sing
another verse.

Mrs. Ostrich began again :

You ask me why I dance and sing,
While every one is wildly shrieking,
Or sit quite silent, listening
To hours of dull and dreary speaking ;
Why rotten eggs, quite stale and old,
Are almost worth their weight in gold;
You ask me why;
And my reply,
is
Ask Another !
Ask Another !
Ask Another !
Do!

You ask me why I dress in red,
Or stick to blue as ’twere my duty,
Although I’ve often heard it said,
That either colour spoils my beauty ;
You ask me why I give my vote,
To him who best can turn his coat :
You ask me why;
And my reply,
is
Ask Another !
~ Ask Another!
Ask Another !
, Do!

139


Butter-Scotia

There was a bigger chorus than ever at the end of the
last verse, and the Ostrich thought to get across to the
Mansion House while the crowd were singing ; but they were
too sharp for him and, if anything, he caught it hotter than
the Crocodile. They hustled him, tore his clothes, and
pulled his feathers off, tarred him with big. tar brushes, and
tried to duck him-in the City horse-trough. How he got
away into the Mansion House was a wonder, but at last he
did, and a very wretched draggle-tailed sight he pre-
sented.

For the next half-hour the crowd sang comic songs.

Then Houpla went on to the steps and blew a blast on his
trumpet, and shouted, “ Dickery Dickery Dock,” at the top
of his voice. The City Clock struck one, and a mouse ran
down on to the pavement, and then up the stairs into the
Mansion House, to tell the Mayor it was time to count the
votes.

Every one went down into the large hall. Ten ballot boxes
were brought in from the outside districts. “One for each
voter,” explained Mustard-Seed. Sir Crafty Crocodile and ~
Obadiah Ostrich were introduced to each other by the Lord
Mayor, and bowed stiffly.

“Time to open the boxes,” said the Lord Mayor.

“ Certainly,” said both the candidates.

The children were wildly excited, and so was every one
who was allowed to be in the room.

The first box was opened, and the Lord Mayor shook his
head. “No papers here,” he said. He opened another:
the same result. Another, and then another, until they were
. all opened. ‘Just as I expected,” he said. “ Nobody has

voted.” /
140
The Election

The Crocodile began to cry, and the Ostrich looked very
unhappy. .

“There must be another election next Saturday,” said the
Mayor. “1 will go and announce the result,” and with the
Crocodile leaning on one arm, and the Ostrich on the other,
the Lord Mayor stepped on to the balcony, and Houpla
having called for order, the crowd were silent to hear the
result.

The Lord Mayor read out from a paper :

No. of Votes
Sir Crafty Crocodile . . oO
Obadiah Ostrich, Esq. . 3 oO
Majority . ; : ; oO

Result, no change.

“There will be another election next Saturday,” shouted
the Mayor.

“Hurrah!” cried the mob. “Three cheers for Sir
Crafty! Three cheers for Obadiah! Three cheers for Mrs.
Ostrich! ‘{hree cheers for the Lord Mayor! Three cheers
for everybody!” Then the goblins and animals cleared off
in twos and threes ; but they did not get home till late that
night, and they all had headaches in the morning.

14]
CHAPTER XI
THE TRIAL OF TOMAKIN

He sat upon a throne of state,
A horse-hair wig upon his head,
Looking so wise, and good, and great,
And fat and fitly fed.
*Twas never ‘this’ when he said “ that”
Though what he uttered might be fudge,
For he was Fudex, judicis,
—The Third Declension—Judge.

And did he jest, there rose a smile
That quickly ripened to a roar,
Though he who laughed believed the while,
He’d heard that joke before.
The wily suitor knoweth this,
That laughter he must not begrudge
To genial fudex, judicis,
—The Third Declension—Judge,

But when he took his walks abroad,

No more the keen attentive eye,
And upward, listening car adored ;

They passed him rudely by.
“ Perhaps they know not who it is,”

He stopped his neighbour with a nudge,
“Young man, I’m Fudex, judicis,

—The Third Declension—Judge.”

142
,

‘The Trial of Tomakin

‘What if you be?” the young man said,
‘Your throne it is that makes you great,
The horse-hair wig upon your head,
Your ermine robes of state;
Here in the street, poor Juvenis
May raise his head and proudly trudge
Alongside Fudex, judicis,
—The Third Declension—Judge.”’
PATER’s Book of Rhymes.

“HE children were awakened early the next morn-
ing by loud knocks at the door. Moth, Cobweb,
Mustard-Seed, and Peas-Blossom came running in,
pale with terror. .

‘What's the matter ?” cried all the children.

“Matter enough,” replied Moth. ‘It is Birch Rod, with
Houpla and half a dozen policemen, come with a warrant to
arrest Tomakin for being a trespasser.” _

“But he’s my Squire Sancho, you know,” said Olga, sitting
up in bed.

“T arn’t Sancho,” said Tomakin, from his cot on the other
side of the room.

The knocking grew louder. “Open in the King’s name,
and obey the warrant of the Great Seal!” shouted the Herald
from outside, and he blew a blast on his trumpet.

“Let us hide Tomakin behind the curtain,” said Olga,
“and we will pretend to be asleep.”

Tomakin was put behind the curtain and warned not to
move; his sisters jumped into bed and pretended to be asleep,
and Moth opened the door. The Herald and Birch Rod
entered the room, followed by six Panther policemen. They
strolled round and round the room, looking in and under the

143
Butter-Scotia

beds, behind the cupboards, up the chimney—everywhere,
indeed, but in the right place. Yet if they had been sharp,
they would have seen the curtain moving, and heard little ©
screams of suppressed laughter coming from behind it; but
somehow or other they always passed by the curtain and did
not look behind it.

‘Give it up,” said Houpla wearily, after about two minutes’
search. “ He is not here.”

“ Arn’t I, though,” said Tomakin; and he popped his head
round the curtain, shaking with laughter.

“ Arrest him in the King’s name,” shouted the Herald.

The Panthers surrounded Tomakin, purring loudly, for he
began to stroke them under the chin, and nothing pleases a
policeman better than that.

“Tt is not fair,” said Olga, waking up. ‘“ Houpla said,
‘Give it up,’ or else he wouldn’t have come out.”

“It's horrid cheating!” said Molly and Kate.

“Ym very sorry,” said the Herald, “ but we knew he was
there. Didn’t we, Birchy, old man?”

Birch Rod nodded.

“You didn’t a bit,” cried Molly indignantly.

“You are horrid stories. I'll tell the King about you,”
said Kate.

“Well, he has to go to prison, anyhow,” said Birch Rod.

The little girls all wept.

“You need not cry,” said Birch Rod soothingly. “ Prison’s
awfully nice. They have a race game there, and German
billiards, and lots of dominoes, and cards and bricks.”

“Don’t they give them nasty food?” asked Molly, who
was always very particular on that score.

“Rather not,” said the Herald; “better food inside the

144
The Trial of Tomakin

prison than out. He’s charged with trespassing; so they
will put him on Ai diet. Edinburgh rock and ginger-beer
for dinner, lemonade and jam tarts for supper.”

“But when will they let him out ?” asked Kate.

“The Trial is fixed for this afternoon,” replied Birch Rod.
“He must be prosecuted, because he’s a trespasser. You
saw that on the board when you landed, did you not?”

When the little girls heard that prison was so nice, they
wanted to go too; but as Birch Rod said that would not be
allowed, they dressed Tomakin in his best clothes, gave
him two clean handkerchiefs and a sixpence to spend in
prison, and kissed him, and sent him off with the Pan-
thers. Tomakin was by no means sorry to go, for he
thought he would have grand fun playing with the kind
Panthers.

“Can we go to the Trial?” asked Olga of Mustard-Seed,
as they were getting their breakfast.

“Of course you can,” he replied.

“Who is the Judge?” asked Molly.

“The Great Seal,” said Mustard-Seed.

“Tomakin ought to have a barrister in a wig and gown to
defend him,” said Olga thoughtfully.

“ Quite so,” said Mustard-Seed. “You had better go and
see the lawyers this morning about that.”

“Who are the lawyers?” asked Olga; “and where do
they live ?”

“ All the lawyers in Sugarborough,” replied Mustard-Seed,
“live in Rabbit-Warren Square. There are several good
firms. There’s Flint and Steel, Up-Boys and Attem, Dodder
and Footler, and Fox and Ferret. Fox and Ferret really
know most about trespassing; they are always at it. Moth

145 K
Butter-Scotia

will take you round, he knows them all; he used to be Fox’s
confidential clerk.” .

“We will go to Fox and Ferret, ud said Olga, “ directly
after breakfast.”

The two little girls dressed themselves in green silk calling
frocks: and Olga put on a black velvet suit and lace collar;
then, taking the Silver Niblick and her bag of gold, and
accompanied by her two sisters and Moth, they i made
their way to Rabbit-Warren Square.

It was an old-fashioned Square, surrounded by very
tumble-down houses, with a few dirty old dead trees and a
plot of dirty grass enclosed by broken iron railings in the
centre. On one of the doors the words, “ Fox and Ferret,
Solicitors,” were painted in large white letters.

Moth opened the door without knocking, and Sir Olga and
the two Princesses followed him in. A Ferret was sitting
in an empty bare room, on a high stool, at a tall long-legged
desk in the window, writing away like one o’clock. There
was a door behind him marked, “ Private. Mr. Fox.”

“Can we see Mr. Fox?” asked Moth.

“What is it? He is very busy just now,” said the Ferret
without looking up.

“Trespasser’s case; trial this afternoon,” said Moth. ‘This
is Sir Olga and his sisters, the Princesses, relations of the
Prisoner.”

“Tt isn’t the King against Sancho, alias Tomakin, is it ?”
cried the Ferret, squeaking with excitement.

“That's it,” said Moth.

The Ferret whistled. ‘My word!” he cried, “I should
think you cowld see Mr. Fox. Come along.”

‘So saying he opened the private door, and they went in to

146
The Trial of Tomakin

a much more comfortable room, with a nice armchair in it, a
Turkey carpet and a cosy fire. So far from being very busy,
Mr. Fox was curled up on the hearthrug before the fire fast
asleep ; but he woke up when they came in, shook hands
with the party, and sat down at his desk to hear all about the
case.

Moth told him what it was about while the Fox listened
attentively, with his head on one side, and his eye on Sir
Olga’s money-bag.

“Tt’s a very difficult case,” said the Fox slowly. ‘And
the first question is, can you pay our fees ?”

“ How much do you want?” asked Olga.

“Tt could be done,” said the Fox thoughtfully, “I don’t
say in first-rate style, but we could do a defence in a case
like this for a hundred ducats.” The Ferret nodded.

“How much could you do it for in first-rate style ?” asked
Olga.

“Why,” replied the Fox slowly, “say two hundred ducats.”

Sir Olga emptied her purse on the table, and Mr. Fox
counted out the coins.. There were exactly two hundred
ducats. The Ferret wrote out a receipt and the Fox put the
gold away in the safe.

“The next thing,” said the Fox, seating himself at the
table, “is, shall we have a barrister in a wig and gown to
defend him ?”

“Of course we shall,” said Olga; “that’s what we have
come for.”

“Two ducats more,” said the Fox, and the Ferret again
nodded approval. “ You can’t get a real good barrister with
a wig and gown under two ducats,” he explained, “one for
the wig and one for the gown.”

147
Butter-Scotia

Sir Olga felt in her purse, there were just two ducats left.
She put them on the table, the Ferret wrote out another
receipt, and the Fox put them into his pocket.

“We'll have the Giraffe,” said the Fox. “He's a rare old
. hand at Trespass cases,
and dirt cheap at two
ducats. You see he has
the longest neck of any
animal at the Bar, so he
can get the ear of the
Court when the other
fellows cannot.”

“What does he’ do-
with the ear of the
Court,” asked Kate,
“when he gets it?”

“ He used to bite it if
Mm they would not listen to
him, but they are very
civil to him now, I can
tell you,” replied. the
Fox.

! “We had better get

\ the brief ready,” said

ie the Ferret, looking at
his watch. “ The trial
is this afternoon.”






ze :

ras Z
ieee

7



Sree
Keene

KALE

oo



“So it is,” said the Fox.

The Ferret now got large sheets of thick blue paper and
spread them on the desk before him. He took a big quill
pen and wrote away at the rate of 10,000 words an hour,

148
The Trial of Tomakin

to the Fox’s dictation. The Fox asked Olga, and Molly,
and Kate all about Tomakin: where he was born, where
he was vaccinated, how old he was on his first birthday,
what toys he had, how many chocolates he had eaten, in
fact, every particular you could imagine; and all this was
put down in the brief, with a lot of wise remarks of the
Fox’s own as well.

At last it was all written out and folded up into a big
bundle, and the Ferret, who looked very tired, marked it
outside in this way:

SUGARBOROUGH WINTER ASSIZES
REX vw. SANCHO alas TOMAKIN

Fox and Ferret, Rabbit-Warren Square,
Defendant's Solicitors.

“Tt's terribly long,” said Kate.

“That’s why it’s called a brief,” said Mr. Fox smiling.

“Will the Giraffe read it all?” asked Olga.

“Not he,” said the Fox. “TI shall,go and tell him all
about it, and his clerk will mark the brief with a blue pencil
to make believe his master has read it.”

“That isn’t fair,” said Molly.

“Tt’'s the way it’s done, anyhow,” said the Fox.

“By the way, what about witnesses to character? Can
you go into the witness-box, to say he’s the best little boy
in the world? Somebody must do that.”

“Of course he is,” they all cried.

“ Never hit you with a stick, or tore your books, or spoiled
your painting, or anything of that sort, eh?” asked the Fox
anxiously. ,

£49
Butter-Scotia

“Well, of course,” said Kate, “when he’s been in a temper
now and then.” =

“Won't do, won’t do. Certain to come out in cross-exam-
ination and ruin the case.” >

“The fact is,” said Olga, “we ought to have Mother as a
witness to character. She always says he’s the best boy in
the world,”

“Good idea; give me her address,” said the Fox, “and I'll
see about it.”

Olga gave the Fox the address, which he took down in
a pocket-book. Then he and the Ferret tied the brief up
with lots of pink tape, and the Ferret put it across his
shoulder and. staggered off with it to Mr. Giraffe’s
Chambers.

“Tl must be off to see him now,” said the Fox. “ You can
either wait here or go across to the Court. The trial will be
on in half an hour.”

They decided to go across to the Court, and telling the
Fox to be sure and do his best for Tomakin, they followed
Moth through the streets to the Assize Court.

The Court was an old-fashioned room with a high wooden
platform for. the Judge to sit upon. Over his head was a
large canopy and purple hangings, stamped with the little
Pansy, the King’s crest, in old gold. By the side of the
Judge’s seat was a big armchair for the King, and there
were three other chairs for Olga, Molly, and Kate.

Down below sat the barristers. There was Mr. Giraffe in
a wig and gown, looking very noble, lolling back in his seat.
In front of him was the big brief, sticking out of a red bag,
which was marked with a big white G. In front of that again
sat the Fox and the Ferret, looking very sharp and talking

150
The Trial of Tomakin

to each other a great deal. A Badger and a Fox Terrier,
each in a wig and gown, sat by the side of the Giraffe.

“Those are the Attorney-General and Solicitor-General,
who appear. to prosecute,” said Moth. ‘ By-the-by, I
ought to introduce you to the Clerk of the Court.” He
popped his head over the Benchand whistled. A large Owl,
in a wig and gown, with a quill pen in his beak, flew on to
the Bench, and bowed gravely to each of the children as they
were introduced by Moth.

“Excuse me,’ said the Owl, “I must get the Jury
together.”

The Panther police, who were strutting about the Court,
now went among the crowd of animals at the back, and
caught hold of any Kangaroo they could find, and hustled
him into the Jury-box. There was a good deal of fighting
and noise over this, as the Kangaroos did not want to come;
but they got a dozen of them together at last, and then more
time was wasted collecting the Kangaroos’ hats and umbrellas,
and arranging them so that they did not sit on each other’s
tails. :

“Why do they only have Kangaroos on the Jury?” asked
Molly.

“Oh, they are much the best, they jump so well,” replied
Moth.

“Why does a Juryman want to jump?” asked Olga. .

“Oh, if the case lasts too long they jump to a conclusion,”
replied Moth; “that is why nobody sits underneath the
Jury-box, for fear he should get squashed.”

At this moment the sound of a trumpet was heard playing
“Down by the Old Swanee River.” The King and the
Great Seal came into Court, followed by the Family Herald,

ISI
Butter-Scotia

Birch Rod, and a large number of Courtiers. Every one in
Court rose. The Great Seal; who was dressed in a scarlet
robe, trimmed with rabbit-skin, and wore a full-bottomed
wig, bowed to the barristers, and then to the Kangaroos, and
then to. the crowd, with a special little bow to the Owl, and
took his seat on the Bench.

There was some difficulty arranging the Kangaroos’ tails
again, and then the Owl shouted: “To whit! To whit! To
whoo! Put up the prisoner.”

Tomakin was now fetched up from below the Court, by
two Monkeys, into a square pen with railings round it, called
the Dock. He was weeping bitterly.

When Olga saw this she was very indignant, and went up
to the Great Seal with the Silver Niblick in her hand, and
said: “Look here; I don’t mind playing at Judges and all
that, but you must not make Tomakin cry. I'll tell Mother
if you tease him.”

The Judge trembled. “ Hush, hush,” he said, “1’ll inquire
into it. Mr. Giraffe, what is your client crying about ?”

The Giraffe spoke to the Fox, who sent the Ferret round
to see. The Ferret put his head through the railings and
whispered to Tomakin, who sobbed out: “ They’ve taken all
my marbles away, and I want to play marbles with the
Monkeys.”

“My Lord,” said the Giraffe, ‘‘I submit the prisoner can
play marbles if he wishes to.”

“What? In the Dock?” said the Great Seal.

““T object, my Lord,” said the Badger.

Then the Badger and the Giraffe both began to talk at
once about the right of a prisoner to play marbles -in the
Dock.

152
The Trial of Tomakin

The children could not understand it very well, but it
seemed to amount to this: that the Giraffe said it was in
. Magna Charta, and the Badger said it was not.

“Why don’t they fetch Magna Charta and see?” asked
Kate. ,

“That's the difficulty,” said Moth. “The Great Seal lent
. it to the Cook to read on Sundays, and it got left in the
kitchen and used for jam-pot covers.”

“What sort of marbles are they?” asked the Seal.

‘Glass ones,” shouted Tomakin ; “big beauties.”

The Seal turned to the index of a large book called
Mugwump on the Law of Marbles. “All IJ find here,” he
said, “is ‘Glass—see Marbles.’ And then I look up ‘Marbles,’
and I find, ‘Marbles—see Glass.’ So that I think,” he con-
tinued with a slow chuckle, “the author of this book must
have been short-sighted, for he could not see Marbles without
a Glass.”

At this every one roared, and stamped, and shouted with
laughter, and. the Judge looked very pleased, and waited till
‘it was quite over; then he said it was very improper, and if
it occurred again he would have the Court cleared.

“Tt's a difficult point about the marbles,” he continued ;
“and I think the fair thing to do is to toss up.”

To this the Giraffe and the Badger agreed. The Badger
spun a coin, and the Giraffe called “ Heads!” Heads it was;
and so Tomakin had his marbles given to him, and settled
. down on the floor of the Dock to a friendly game with
the Monkeys, and troubled himself no further with the
Trial.

The Owl now read out the charge against Sancho, alas
Tomakin, and that took a very long time, because it was put

153
Butter-Scotia

in such a long-winded way ; and the Owl made it worse by
saying, “To whit! To whit!” in between each word.

When he got to the end of it the Judge said: “What is -
the prisoner charged with?”

“ Trespassing, if your Lordship pleases,” said the Badger.

“T can’t be pleased about it, because you ought not to
trespass,” replied the Judge. “Call your witnesses.”

The first witness was Mother Slipper Slopper, who, in
reply to the Fox Terrier, said she had found Tomakin wan-
dering about near her cottage, and that he had eaten half of
it, and said he was not Sancho but Tomakin.

The children were delighted to see the Giraffe tackle
Mother Slipper Slopper in cross-examination.

The Kangaroos laughed at her, and the Badger and the
Fox Terrier whispered together and looked annoyed.

“ And now, one more question, Madam,” said the Giraffe,
as he was finishing; and he put his head close to the wit-
ness’s face, looking very fierce. ‘Are you a witch?”
There was a great sensation in Court at this.

“What?” asked Mother Slipper Slopper, in surprise.

“Don’t say ‘what’ to me,” said the Giraffe angrily. “I
said ‘ witch.’”

“ And I said ‘ what,’” replied Mother Slipper Slopper.

“Witch,” shouted the Giraffe.

“What ?” screamed Mother Slipper Slopper.

“Witch.”

“What.”

“Dear me! dear me!” said the Judge, “not so fast, if
you please. I can’t get it on to my notes: ‘ witch >; (what’;
‘witch’; ‘what.’ Really, Mr. Giraffe, ought it not to be
who instead of which ?”

154
The Trial of Tomakin

At this there were shouts and yells of laughter, and the

Giraffe sat down and took a pinch of snuff, saying: “Too




















Sg TETEGS Ha TAS
eet
H anal



Bat eth





bad to spoil my cross-examination like that ;” and Mother

Slipper Slopper left the witness-box.

The next witness was the Raven, and when she had told

her story the Giraffe cross-examined her as follows :—

155
Butter-Scotia

“Are you a Certificated Bird School Mistress ?”

“T am.”

“Can you decline chocolate ?” asked the Giraffe, holding
up a big stick of chocolate in his right paw.

“Of course I can,” replied the Raven. “ Nominative,
Chocolate ; Vocative 2

“Never mind,” continued the Giraffe. “If you are going
to decline chocolate, 1 shan’t offer you this piece ;” and he
ate it himself.

At this there was loud laughter. The Giraffe sat down
and looked triumphantly at the Jury, while the Raven hopped
out of the witness-box, with all her feathers drooping, and
appeared to be quite ashamed of herself.

The Badger made a little bow, saying: ‘‘That’s my case,
my Lord.”



The Giraffe at once sprung to his feet.. ‘That won’t do,”
he said. ‘“ They have not called the dog as a witness.”

“What dog?” asked the Judge.

“Tt says on the Board: ‘Trespassers will be prosecuted.
Beware of the dog.’ They can’t prove their case without
the dog.”

Then arose a long argument whether or not they should
call the dog; and at last the Judge decided he should be
whistled for three times, and if he did not come, the trial
should go on. The Owl whistled for him.

“Of course he won’t come,” said Moth to the children;
“there is no dog at all, and they all know that.’.

The dog did not come. Neddy now went into the
box. :

“Is Tomakin the best boy in the world?” Neddy
nodded vigorously.

156
The Trial of Tomakin

“Does Mother think so, too?” Neddy nodded again,
more vigorously than before.

“Stop, stop,” cried the Badger. ‘That is not fair;
Neddy must not tell us what Mother thinks. If you
want to have that, you must call Mother.” ;

“Really, Mr. Attorney,” said the Judge, “is that ne-
cessary ? My experience at the Bar was, that if a Mother
went into the witness-box to give evidence, you could
never get her out again.”

“Tf I call Mother,” said the Giraffe sternly, ‘this
trial lasts till midnight.”

“Very well, then,” said the Badger, “let it pass.”

Every one looked happy again.

The Badger tried to. cross-examine Neddy, but all he
would say was ‘‘Hee haw, hee haw!” and the Judge said
that was French, and he could not understand it, and the
Badger must get an interpreter if he wanted him to take
it down on the notes. So there ended the evidence.

The Badger and the Giraffe now rose to address the
Jury, both at once, as seemed to be the custom. The
children were delighted to see that the Giraffe got close
up to the Jury, with his long neck, and stood between
the Jury-box and the Badger, so that the Kangaroos could
not hear a word the Badger was saying.

They had hardly, however, got further than telling the
Jury that they were twelve of the best educated, sleekest,
and most intelligent Kangaroos that had ever sat in that
Jury-box, when there was a sudden movement among all the

twelve, and with one accord they leaped out of the Jury-box
on to the floor, shouting “ Guilty!” as loud as they could.

“Knew they would jump to a conclusion as soon as the

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speaking began,” said the Great Seal. ‘‘ The sentence of the
Court is that the prisoner be eaten by the Lion and the Tiger
in the great arena.”

. “ Which is to eat him ?” asked the Giraffe.

“The one that catches him first, I suppose,” replied the

_ Great Seal. “ That ends the trial.”

- “Of course the prisoner may go out on bail till the Lion

and Tiger want him?” said the Giraffe.

“Not a bit of it,” said the Owl. “ Our office is full of

bails. We'll let him go out for a cricket-bat or a set of
stumps, but no bails.”

The Fox, grumbling all the while, produced a cricket-bat
and handed it to the Owl. Tomakin having finished his
marbles, climbed over the railings of the Dock and joined his
sisters. King Puck, who had fallen fast asleep, was roused
up by Houpla playing ‘‘The March of the Men of Harlech”
in his ear. Then the royal party formed a procession and
marched through the town to the nearest pastry-cook’s, where
they were joined by the Badger, the Fox Terrier, the Giraffe,
the Fox, the Ferret, and all the Kangaroos; and though the
little girls were very troubled about Tomakin’s coming fate,
they enjoyed their tarts and cream as if nothing was going
to happen, and Tomakin did likewise.

158
CHAPTER XII

HOME AGAIN

It may be a hut with the thatch on,

In a garden, where roses grow,
Or built of bad bricks, with a patch on

Of stucco, and twelve in a row;
It may be a palace of crystal,

With a splendid, sparkling dome,
But what does it matter, whatever it is,

It is Home.

It may be an inn on the high-road,
With the “Green Man” creaking above,
Or a sheltered farm down a by-road,
Where Darby and Joan make love ;
Or even a cave, or a wigwam,
In the wilds where travellers roam,
Well, what does it matter, whatever it is,
It is Home.

It may be a den in an alley,

Where the air is stifling dark,
Or the great house down in the valley,

In the midst of a royal park ;
Or a sun-gilt, whitewashed cottage,

Within reach of the spray and the foam,
Well, what does it matter, whatever it is,

It is Home.
PaTER’s Book of Rhymes.
Butter-Scotia

S soon as they had had enough jam tart and
cream, the Great Seal said it was time to move
up to the big circus.

“Tt is all very well,” he said, “enjoying our-
selves here ; but that is greedy when the poor Lion and Tiger
have got no lunch and are waiting for Tomakin.”

The little girls looked anxious but said nothing. As there
seemed no help for it, but to do as they were told, Olga took
Tomakin with one hand, and grasping the Silver Niblick
firmly in the other, they all joined the procession which
formed again in the road.

Then they all marched down the main street, out at the gate
of the City, where Molly and Kate had entered a few days
ago, and at last they came to a huge circus or amphitheatre.
They entered through a small door in the side of the high
wall, and made their way through several passages to
the Royal Box. This was on the. ground-floor. As the
King and the Great Seal entered, every one rose and
cheered loudly, and while they were settling down again, the
' children had time to admire the wonderful sight before
them. a

The circus was ten times as large as any they had ever
been in, and was built of blocks of white marble placed in
huge steps one above another. The floor was strewn
several inches deep with sawdust. The building was open
to the sky, and canvas awnings were stretched in places
above the seats, to keep off the heat of the sun. “ Butter-
Scotchmen cannot stand too much sun,” explained Moth ;
and it was to be noticed that the Butter-Scotchmen crowded
under the awnings, while the different animals, of whom
there were many thousands, stretched themselves about on

160
Home Again

the white marble steps in the sun. The children had never
seen sO many animals and goblins in one place before.

Opposite the Royal Box was a brass band playing “ Rule
Britannia,” with all its strength. Hard by was a cage with
a Lion and a Tiger in it.

‘“Those are kept to eat trespassers,” whispered Moth to
Olga, ‘who said nothing in reply, but stuck firmly to the
Silver Niblick.

“Buy a programme, Uncle Seal,” said the King, as a small
goblin came round calling out “Programmes, Book of Words,
Oranges and Ices!”

“No pennies,” grumbled the Seal. “The Treasury Tor-
toise ought to be here with the Royal Purse by this time,
but he’s always late.”

“He won’t be here at all to-day,” said Birch Rod; ‘he’s
running off the final heat of the 100 yards handicap with
the Hare, up at the Athletic Grounds.”

The King frowned.

Olga looked in her money-bag and found she had one
gold piece left, so with this she bought a programme anda
book of the words for the King, and four ices for herself,
Molly, Kate, and Tomakin.

“You might have bought me-an ice,” said the Great
Seal, fanning himself with his fan. ‘It’s terribly hot.”

‘“T had no more money,” said Olga.

“You need not have bought a book of the words. There
never are any words at a circus,” grumbled the Seal.

“Never mind,” said the King, “it’s time to begin,” and
he read out from the programme: ‘ No. 1.—Daring Act on
the Barebacked Steed. Sir Olga on the Fiery Dapple.”

Olga looked startled at this. “I don’t think I can ride on
a barebacked steed,” she said. ,

161 L
Butter-Scotia

_ “You will have to try,” said the Seal; ‘it’s in the pro-
gramme. I thought you knew how to act?”
“Of course I can act,” said Olga proudly,








“but not in‘ a circus. I can act real plays,
_Comedies and Tragedies.”

“ Perhaps this will be a Tragedy if you tumble
off, or else a Comedy. Anyhow, you will have
to try.”

‘‘I’m going to be an actress when I grow up,”
said Kate, ‘‘and I can turn head over heels
already.”

“Right,” said the King, smiling
approval; “that is beginning in the
proper way.”

Houpla now blew a blast
on his trumpet and an-
nounced Olga’s perform-

Sa ca
cS






ance.
The ring filled with goblin

Ra





Re a,

SSS

ao
BRS

clowns, who asked each other
silly riddles, knocked each



Prt seas SRN

other down, and picked each
other up again. A ring-
master, dressed in evening
dress, entered the arena and cracked a
long whip.

“Why, it is Krab!” shouted all the
children.

“Yes,” said the King, “ Herr Krab, he is the Director of
the Royal Circus.”

‘“* And do the Lion and Tiger belong to him ?”

162
Home Again

“Of course they do,” said the King; “they are highly
trained and can play cricket.”

“I believe I have met them before,” said Olga.

“That is impossible,” said the King, “ they never perform
out of Butter-Scotia; it says so on the programme.”

The children now felt much happier about Tomakin, and
he himself was enjoying the clowns and their antics
amazingly.
~ Dapple now came bounding into the arena, through a side
door, and cantered round and round the ring. He was
covered with golden bells, which tinkled pleasantly as he went
round, and when he came to the Royal Box he stopped in
. front of Olga.

“Now, Sir Olga,” said the King.

“Shall I hold the Niblick for you?” asked the Great Seal
politely.
“No, thank you,” replied Olga, jumping up from her seat.
Then, taking Herr Krabb’s hand, she leaped on to Dapple’s
back, and waving the Silver Niblick in one hand, and her
long plumed velvet hat in the other, she shouted out, “‘Hoicks!”
and away they went, cantering round the ring, keeping time
to the strains of the ‘‘ Blue Danube.”

“Tt just shows,” as Olga remarked in telling me all about
it, “that you never know what you can do till you try.”
Her performance was a great success. She leaped through
wreaths of flowers, crashed into paper hoops, and bounded
across silk streamers held by the clowns, and never once
did she fail or stumble. Loud was the applause when her
turn finished, and she slipped down on to Dapple’s back,
patting his neck as he trotted back to the Royal Box.

“That was grand,” said the King, and he gave her a

153
Butter-Scotia

chocolate cream out of the Royal sweety-box, with the Royal
Arms stamped on the back of it.

“What is the next thing?” asked Molly.

“Dance and Song by the Sisters Primrose, Serio Comics
from the Theatre Royal Nursery,” replied the King, reading
from the programme.

“Who are the Sisters Primrose ?” asked Kate.

“Why, you and the Princess of Grumpiland, of course,”
said the Great Seal.

‘Why are we called the Sisters Primrose, though?” asked
Molly. as

‘“‘ Because you are daughters of Pater the Prim, I expect,”
replied the Seal. ‘“ Anyhow, you have to dance and sing,
and that is what you are called in the prograrnme, so you
had better be off about it.”

“What shall we sing, Kate?” said Molly.

“Something with a chorus,” interposed the King, “and
then we will all sing it. Choruses sound splendid here.”

“We can't dance in all that sawdust, you know,” said
Molly.

“Quite right,” said the King. ‘Here Krab, old fellow,
get a carpet out, you will want one for the tumbling later
on.”

Herr Krab now ordered the clowns to pull out a carpet
into the middle of the arena, and this they did. Molly and
Kate were surprised to see that it was the very tapestry
Art square that they had in their nursery. They recognised
several patches of spilled cocoa on it, and the place where
Tomakin had nearly set it on fire.

Herr Krab now came up to the Royal Box and taking the
Princesses, one in each hand, led them on to the carpet amid

164
Home Again

loud applause. Then the band struck up a merry tune and
away they went, snapping their fingers and dancing a wild
reel round the carpet. After a few bars of music they joined



hands, and, stopping their dance, faced the Royal Box and
burst out in the following song:

We are two pretty little girls, and oh, it is a treat,
To take us to the Circus or the Zoo;

Our behaviour is so perfect, and our manners are so sweet,
When you take us to the Circus or the Zoo;

165
Butter-Scotia

But if Tomakin is taken, and we are left behind,
We howl, and kick, and scream, and say our Mother is unkind,
Or else we sit and sulk all day, to show we do not mind,

That we are not at the Circus or the Zoo.

This ended the verse, and in singing the chorus the two
little girls danced round and beckoned to the Royal Box,
as though to invite the King to join them. This was the
chorus:

So come along, my hearty,
To the Circus or the Zoo,
Will you join a merry party
To the Circus or the Zoo?
Our cab is at the door,
We aren’t waiting any more,
Are you coming, to the Circus or the Zoo?

“Chorus again!” shouted the King, as the enthusiastic
applause died away, and the Royal Monarch leaped into the
- ring followed by the Great Seal, the Herald, Birch Rod, Olga
and Tomakin ; and they all danced round, singing the chorus
half a dozen times, while the whole mass of animals and
goblins throughout the circus joined in. Never did a song
go like that at any theatre that I have ever been to.

When it was all over, they went back to the Royal Box
and the King gave them each a chocolate cream with the
Royal Arms stamped on the bottom of it.

The Family Herald now blew a blast on his trumpet and
called out: ““Comic Act. Tomakin the Great, on Neddy the
learned Donkey.”

Neddy trotted into the ring, with a broad flat saddle on his
back.

“That will be quite safe,” said the little girls to each other,

166
Home Again

for they were not quite sure how Mother would approve of
Tomakin performing at a circus.

Herr Krab came up, and Tomakin was soon on Neddy’s
back. He capered about on the flat saddle, turned head over
heels, pretended to tumble off, first in front and then behind,
just as he had seen a clown do at a circus at home. Then
he whispered in Neddy’s left ear, and said any one of the
audience could come and try to ride Neddy. A little
Butter-Scotchman came running up, and then there was fine
fun. At first Neddy would not let him come near at all;
then he chased the little man screaming round the ring,
snapping his jaws at him as though to bite him. Then he
stopped and let him get on his back, and as soon as he was
on, began to kick and buck, until he was thrown on to the
sawdust, head over heels, amidst shouts of laughter.

“That was a capital Act,” said the King, and Tomakin had
a chocolate cream with the Royal Arms on it when it was all
over, and he came back to the Royal Box.

“Now for the tumbling,” said the King; ‘and then the
Lion eats Tomakin.”

“Vl kill him with the Silver Niblick if he tries,” said
Olga.

“Hush,” said the Great Seal; ‘don’t talk like that.
Trespassers must be prosecuted, and when they are found
guilty they are eaten by the Lion; that’s the law.”

“Well, we are all trespassers if it comes to that,” said Olga,
‘just as much as Tomakin.”

“Then you will all have to be eaten,” said the Great Seal.
“T'll see about it at once. Run round and tell the Lion there
will be three more to dinner,” he continued to Birch Rod.

Birch Rod hastily left the Royal Box.

167
Butter-Scotia

“Herr Krab and the Krab family will now give their
wonderful performance of tumbling,” shouted the Herald,
having blown a blast on the trumpet.

““Who are the Krab family ?” asked Olga.

“You are,” said the King.

It appeared that this was so, for Krab came to the Royal .
Box, and all the children jumping up to meet him, he led
them into the middle of the arena on to the carpet, amidst
great applause.

He now showed them where to sit, one at each corner of
the carpet.

‘Sit quite still there,” he said, as he placed them, “and
do not move whatever happens.”

Then Krab sat down in the very centre of the carpet, and
shouted out: ‘Oh, Great King, is it your intention to feed
the Lion and the Tiger with these children ?” :

“Tt's on the programme,” said the King, looking at it.
“We cannot disappoint the audience.”

“Then you will have no tumbling,” said Krab, laughing,
“unless you and the old Seal do it yourselves.”

Then he stood in the very centre of the carpet, and waving
. his arms slowly round his head, shouted out: “Presto!
Abracadabra!” six times quickly.

At this signal a most marvellous thing happened. The
carpet never moved at all; but the sawdust floor of the
circus, the whole building, and the people in it, began to
sink. So slowly at first that the children hardly perceived
it, but gradually quicker and quicker, until they were soon
above the level of the roof of the Royal Box.

‘Stop them!” shouted the King angrily.

“Turn out the Lion and Tiger,” roared the Great Seal.

168
Home Again

The clowns jumped on each others’ shoulders and tried to
grasp the corners of the carpet. The Lion and Tiger bounded
into the arena, and leaped up at them, but they were now
hanging in the air nearly as high as the top row of circus
seats. The great crowd of animals and goblins yelled and
groaned like mad things, but now the whole circus had sunk
beneath them, and seemed to be slipping down faster and
faster, as their carpet stopped steadily poised in mid-air.

“This is wonderful!” said all the children, who could look
over the edge of the carpet and watch the country passing -
away from them.

“There is Sugarborough,” cried Olga; “it looks about the
size of a toy cardboard village.”

As she spoke, Molly leaned over the carpet to get a view,
and touching the Niblick as she did so, it fell into the sky.

“Oh, Molly, look what you have done!” cried Olga, grabbing
at it, and she would have fallen over had it not been for
Krab, who caught her by the arm.

“Never mind,” he said, “you could not have taken it with
you, it would have melted on earth.”

They watched the Niblick, which seemed to be hanging
in the sky below them, and not: to fall towards Butter-
Scotia.

“Will it always stop in the sky like that ?” asked Molly.

‘Oh, it will go round and round the sun on tour,” replied
Krab; ‘‘of course, if it’s successful, it will become a star.
They all do that nowadays.”

By this time the children could hardly see Butter-Scotia,
and the Niblick was far below them. Now and then a big
star came towards them, but not so that they could see it

really well.
169 M
Butter-Scotia

One by one they fell asleep, tired out with all their hard
work in the circus. /

Then Krab whistled softly, and from the far ends of the
sky came the twelve swans who had drawn their barge, and
catching hold of the carpet in their beaks, flew swiftly away,
with Krab and the sleeping children, towards the earth, down
across the wide Atlantic, and over the Irish Mountains and
Snaefell, until they sighted the rising sun beyond Helvellyn
and the peaks of Skiddaw.

Then Krab woke the children, and placing them upon the
four strongest swans, who were bridled with velvet reins,
kissed them and said “Good-bye.” And the children thanked
Krab for their good time, and for saving them from the Lion
and Tiger.

“Gee-up!” cried Tomakin, as he felt himself seated on
the soft back of the swan. And swoop went the swans
sailing down through the fresh wind and morning clouds,
until they landed their riders on the Fleetwood sands.

“That was a splendid trip,” said Pater, as the children
told him all about it at breakfast-time. ‘‘Cheap, too. There
were no trips like that when I was a little boy.”

“Nor when I was a little girl,” said Mother, “and you
ought to be very good children after having such a lovely
treat.”

And they were good children.

Printed by BALLANTYNE, Hanson & Co.
London & Edinburgh
KATAWAMPUS,; Its Treatment and
Cure. By His Honour Judge E. A. Parry. Illustrated
by ArcutE Macerecor. Second Edition. Cloth, 3s. 6d.

PRESS NOTICES

“Father Christmas will not carry in his Yule-tide wallet a
pleasanter addition to the children’s bookshelves.” .
Manchester Courier.

“The author of ‘Katawampus’ writes pleasant prose and

pleasanter verse, and he is most fortunate in his illustrator.”
: The Globe.

**Combines many strange fancies into an absorbing tale.”
Black and White.

“One of the very best books of the season.” —The World.
‘A remarkable story excellently illustrated.”-—Liverpool Post.

“A book which has pleasant fancies and a vein of gentle irony.”
Daily News.

“Tt is a pretty story with a moral and odd lines of poetry and
humorous bits that will amuse children,’’—Spectator.

“ The humour of the thing is delicious.’— Woman.

“ A story which will be enshrined in a thousand childish memories.”
Truth,

“A very delightful and original book.’ —Review of Reviews.

“The general topsy-turvydom of the adventures in goblin-land

makes very good reading. The book is one of rare drollery, and
the verses and pictures are capital of their kind.”—Saturday Review.
Led

‘We strongly advise both parents and children to read the book.”
Guardian.

‘A book which will delight not only children but grown-up people -
as well.” —Lancet,

‘An amusing little book written in a style which reminds us of
Lewis Carroll’s. It is full of comical quips and cranks, and carries
us easily and pleasantly along to the end,”—A theneum.,



“A truly delightful little book... . Healthy, amusing to
children of all ages, and extremely skilful is this little story. It
ranks high in the class of these rare works, and unless we are
mistaken it will live long. It is choke-full of the most laudable
moral, and yet there is not a namby-pamby line in it from start to
finish. One word we would say for the illustrator—namely, that his
drawings are nearly worthy of the text, and that is high praise indeed.”
. Pall Mall Gazette.

‘A tale full of jinks and merriment. We are personally willing to -
guarantee that his tale will be as popular in twelve months’ time as
it is certain to be this Christmas.”—Daily Chronicle.

“ The tale is fanciful and merry.”—The Star.

“ The brightest, wittiest, and most logical fairy-tale we have read
for a long time.” — Westminster Gazette.

“The story is divertingly funny.” —Literary World.

“Tts fun is of the sort that children. revel in and ‘grown-ups’
also relish, so spontaneous and irresistible is it.”
Manchester Guardian.

“A delightful extravaganza of the ‘Wonderland’ type, but by no
means a slavish imitation.” —Glasgow Herald. «

“Since ‘Alice in Wonderland’ there has not been a book more
calculated to become a favourite in the nursery.”—Baby.
MR. DAVID NUTT’S LIST OF
GIFT-BOOKS FOR CHILDREN OF ALL
AGES, for the most part fully illustrated by leading
artists in black and white, sumptuously printed on
specially made paper, bound in attractive and original
covers, and ‘sold at the lowest price consistent with
equitable remuneration to’ authors and artists, and
beauty and durability of get up..



CONTENTS.

AIRY TALES OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE.
WORKS BY HIS HONOUR JUDGE E. A. PARRY.
WORKS BY MRS. RADFORD.

WORKS ILLUSTRATED BY MISS WINIFRED SMITH.
WORKS BY OSCAR WILDE, MRS. LEIGHTON, ETC.

All works in the present list may be had post free from the
Publisher at the annexed prices, and are kept on sale by the leading
booksellers of the United Kingdom.

I
“The Ideal Gift-Books of the Season.”



- FAIRY TALES OF THE.
BRITISH EMPIRE.
Collected and Edited by JOSEPH JACOBS.

Illustrated by JU. D. BATTEN.

ing since 1890, have won immediate and widespread

acceptance. ‘The choice of- matter, the simplicity and
suitable character of the language of the text, the beauty, humour,
and charm of Mr. Batren’s illustrations, and the large and
legible type, have commended the series alike to children and to
lovers of art 3 whilst the prefaces and elaborate notes, parallels,
and references added by the Editor, have made them indispens-
able to the increasingly large portion of the public interested in
the history and archzeology of popular fiction.

M R. JACOBS’ FAIRY TALES, which have been appear-

“Fairy Tales of the British Empire” are to be had in two
forms, at 35. 6d. and at 6s. a volume.

In so far as Tales and. Illustrations are concerned, the 35. 6d.
Edition will be the same as the original 6s.one. But the Editor’s
Prefaces, Notes, Parallels, and References are omitted.

_ A full list of the Series, a specimen of Mr. Batren’s beautiful
Illustrations, and a very small selection from the numberless kindly
notices which the Press has bestowed upon the Series, will be
found on the following pages.
| ‘Fairy Tales of the British Empire.

English Fairy Tales. Complete Edition, xvi., 255 pages, 9
full-page Plates, and numerous Illustrations in the text.

- Designed Cloth Cover, Uncut or Gilt Edges. 6s.
The same. Children’s Edition, vili., 227 pages, 7 full-page
Plates, and numerous Illustrations in text. Cloth, Cut. 3s. 6d.

More English Fairy Tales. Compiete Edition, xvi., 243 pages,
8 full-page, and numerous Illustrations in text. Designed
Cloth Cover, Uncut or Gilt Edges. 6s.

The same. Children’s Edition, viii, 214 pages, 7 full-
page Plates, and numerous Illustrations in text. Cloth, Cut.
38. 6d.

Celtic Fairy Tales. Complete Edition, xvi. 274 pages, 8 full-
page Plates, numerous Illustrations in text. Designed Cloth
Cover, Uncut or Gilt Edges. 6s.
The same. Children’s Edition, vili., 236 pages, 7 full-page
‘Plates and numerous Illustrations in text. Cloth, Cut. 3s. 6d.

More Celtic Fairy Tales. Complete Edition, xvi., 234 pages, 8
full-page Plates, numerous Illustrations in text. Designed
Cloth Cover, Uncut or Gilt Edges. 6s.

The same. Children’s Edition, viii., 217 pages, 7 full-page
Plates, and numerous Illustrations in text. Cloth, Cut.
38. 6d. :

Indian Fairy Tales. Complete Edition, xvi., 255 pages, 9 full-
page Plates, and numerous Illustrations in text. Designed
Cloth Cover, Uncut or Gilt Edges. 6s.

No Children’s Edition of the ‘Indian Fairy Tales”
will be issued for the present.

NV.B.—A. few copies of the Japanese Vellum Issues, printed in
large 8vo, with double state of the plates, are still to be had of
Indian, More Celtic, and More English Fairy Tales. Prices may
be learnt on application to the:Publisher. The special issues of
English and. Celtic Fairy Tales, entirely out of print, command a
heavy premium.












SS
OA

i> es

RG eé Yh) pees
RSS Ws SSS
Se

= SS

——



Specimen of Mr. Batten’s full-page Illustrations to “‘ Fairy Tales
of the British Empire.”
4
Some Press Wotices

OF

JACOBS’ AND BATTEN’S FAIRY TALES.

English Fairy Tales.

Daily Graphic.—"' As a collection of fairy tales to delight children of all
ages, ranks second to none.” Globe,—''A delight alike to the young people
and their elders.” England.—‘‘ A most delightful volume of fairy tales.”’
Daily News.—'' A more desirable child’s book . . . . has not been seen for
many aday." Atheneum.— From first to last, almost without exception,’
these stories are delightful.” E. S. Harttanp.—''The most delightful
book of fairy tales, taking form and contents together, ever presented to
children."’ Miss THackeray.—"' This delightful book.” Review of Reviews.
—‘ Nothing could be more fascinating.”’ :

Celtic Fairy Tales.

Scotsman.—'' One of the best books of stories ever put together. Free-
man’s Journal An admirable selection.” exquisite illustrations by John D. Batten, and learned notes.” Daily
Telegraph.— A stock of delightful little narratives." Daily Chronicle.—** A

’ charming volume skilfully illustrated.” Pall Mall Budget.—‘‘A perfectly
lovely book. .And oh! the wonderful pictures inside.” “Liverpool Daily
Post.—'' The best fairy book of the present season.”” Oban Times.—‘' Many
a mother will bless Mr. Jacobs, and many a door will be open to him from
Land’s End to John o’ Groat’s.”’

More English Fairy Tales.

Atheneum.—" Will become more popular with children than its prede-
cessor."’ Notes and Queries. —'' Delightful and in every respect worthy of
its predecessor." Glasgow Hevald.—‘ A more delightful collection of fairy
tales could: hardly be wished for.” . Glasgow Evening News.—‘' The new
volume of ‘English. Fairy Tales’ is worthy of the one that went béfore,
and this is really saying a great deal.”

More Celtic Fairy Tales.

Daily Chronicle—"'A bright exemplar of almost all a fairy-tale book
should be.” Saturday Review.—'' Delightful for reading and profitable for
comparison.” Notes and Queries —‘‘ A delightful companion into a land of
enchantment.” Irish Daily Independent. —'' Full of bold and beautiful illus-
trations.” North British Daily Mail.— The stories are admirable, and
nothing could be better in their way than the designs.” News of the World.
—‘ Mr. Batten has a real genius for depicting fairy folk.” f

Indian Fairy Tales.

Dublin Daily Express —" Unique and charming anthology.”’ Daily News.
—' Good for the schoolroom and the study.” Stav.—-'‘ Illustrated with a
charming freshness of fancy.”’ Gloucester Journal.—“ A book which is some-
thing more than a valuable addition to folk-lore; a book for the student as
well as for the child.” Scotsman,—‘t Likely to prove a perfect ‘success.”’
Literary World.—" Admirably grouped, and very enjoyable.”

5
WORKS BY HIS- HONOUR
JUDGE EDWARD ABBOTT PARRY.

-Illustrated-by ARCHIE MACGREGOR.

r | “HE issue of Katawampus: its Treatment and Cure, in the
Christmas Season of 1895, revealed a writer for children
who, in originality, spontaneity, and fulness of humour,

as well as in sympathy with and knowledge of childhood, may be

compared, and not to his disadvantage, with Lewis Carroll. And,
as is the case with’ “Alice in Wonderland,” an illustrator was
found whose sympathy with his author and capacity for rendering
his conceptions have won immediate and widespread recognition.

Jupce Parry’s second volume, Butter-Scotia, will, it is con-

fidently anticipated, rival its predecessor in popularity. -A speci-

men of the illustrations will be found below, anda small selection
from the press notices overleaf.

KATAWAMPUS : its Treatment and Cure. Second Edition:

96 pages, Cloth. 3s. 6d. :
BUTTER-SCOTIA, or, a Cheap Trip to Fairy Land. 180 pages.
Map of Butter-Scotia, many full-page Plates and Illustrations
in the Text. Bound in specially designed Cloth Cover. 6s:



“Got HIM THIS TIME’ |
6 ;
KATAWAMPUS: Its TREATMENT AND CURE..
- By His Honour Judge E, A, PARRY,
Lllustrated by ARCHIE MA CGREGOR,

Second Edition, Cloth, 3s. 6d.

Press Wotices,

~ “One of the very best books of the season.”— Zhe World.

“ A very delightful and original book. ”__ Review of Reviews.

“The general’ topsy-turveydom. of the adventures in goblin-
land makes very good reading. The book is one of rare drollery,
and the verses and pictures are capital of their kind.”

Saturday Review. :

“We strongly advise both parents and children to read the
book.” — Guardian. :

“ A book which will delight not. only children but grown-up
people as well.”—Laxcet. ,

“A truly delightful little book..... Healthy, amusing to
children of all ages, and extremely skilful is this little story. It
ranks high in the class of these rare works, and unless we are
mistaken it will live long. Itis choke full of the most laudable
moral, and yet there is not a namby-pamby line in it from start to
finish. One word we would say for the illustrator—namely, that
his drawings are nearly worthy of the text, and that is high praise
indeed.”Pall Mall Gazette.

“ A tale full of jinks and merriment. We are personally willing
to guarantee that his tale will be as popular in twelve ‘months’
time as it is certain to be this Christmas.” —Dazly Chronicle.

“The brightest, wittiest, and most logical fairy- tale’ we have
read for a long time.” —— Westminster Gazette.

“‘Tts fun is of the sort that children revel in and ‘ grown-ups ,
also relish, so spontaneous and irresistible is it.”

Manchester Guardian. .

“A delightful extravaganza of the ‘Wonderland’type, but by
no means a slavish imitation.” —G/lasgow Hflerald. _

“Since ‘ Alice in Wonderland ’ there has not been.a book more
calculated to become a favourite in the nursery.”—Bady,
THE BOOK OF WONDER VOYAGES.
Edited with Introduction and Notes by JOSEPH JACOBS.
Illustrated by J. D. BATTEN.

Square demy 8vo, sumptuously printed in large clear type on
specially manufactured paper, at the Ballantyne Press. With
Photogravure frontispiece, and many full-page illustrations
and designs in the text. Specially designed cloth cover, 6s.

Contents. —The Argonauts—The Voyage of Maelduin—The ~
Journeyings of Hasan of Bassorah to the Islands of Wak-Wak—
How Thorkill went to the Under World and Eric the Far-
Travelled to Paradise.

This the latest of the volumes in which Mr. Jacobs and Mr.
Batten have collaborated with such admirable results, will be
welcomed as heartily as its predecessors by the children of the
English-speaking world. A specimen of Mr. Batten’s illustration
zs appended.




WORKS ILLUSTRATED BY MISS WINIFRED
SMITH, Silver and Gold Medallist, South Kensington,
Winner of the Princess of Wales’ Prize, ete. ete.

CHILDREN’S SINGING GAMES, with the Tunes
to which they are Sung. Collected and Edited by AticE
Berta Gomme. Pictured in Black and White by WINIFRED
SmitH. Two Series, each 3s. 6d.

Charming albums in small oblong
4to, printed on antique paper and
bound in specially designed cloth
cover, and serving equally for the nur-
sery, the schoolroom, and the drawing-
room. Mrs. Gomme, the first living
authority on English games, has care-
fully chosen the finest and most inter-
esting of the old traditional singing
games, has provided accurate text and
music, has given precise directions for
playing, and added notes pointing out
the historical interests of these survivals
of old world practices. The humour,
spirit, and grace of Miss Winifred
Smith’s drawings may be sufficiently
gauged from the annexed specimens and
from the following press notices.

Some Press Motices of “ Children’s
Singing Games.”

Baby. A delightful gift for little boys
and girls. . . . Cannot fail to become quickly
popular.”’ :

Fournal of Education.—' Most charmingly
illustrated.” :

Saturday Review.—''A truly fascinating
book. .. . It is hopeless to make a choice
which is best. The traditional rhymes and
music, so quaintly and prettily illustrated,
with moreover so much humour and go in
all the designs, are charming.”

- j Scotsman.— The pictures must please any-
body who can appreciate delicate humour.”
Ka) Bookman,—'' The designs are witty, pretty,

NES: and effective.’
Sylvia's Fournal— The illustrations are
charming.”

9

OOR-JENNY-JO


Press Motices of “Children’s Singing Games.”

Sketch.—" A picture book and a very charming one.”
= Birmingham: Daily. Post The illustrations. are remarkable. for their
quaintness of invention, for their appreciation of the humour of children,
and for vigorous drawing.”

Glasgow Herald.—* Winifred Smith has such a fine sense of humour that
-we suspect she must be a Scotchwoman.”

_ Manchester Guavdian.— The illustrations in old woodcut eae are
excellent.” -°~

Westminster Gazette—* The quaintest of illustrations.”

Lady's Pictorial.—'' A more delightful and useful addition to ceetaraese
‘of the nursery it would be impossible to find.”’

Speakev,—"' Should be in every nursery and school library.”
New York Tribune A quaintly and artistically decked out publica-
tion.” .

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-NURSERY SONGS AND RHYMES OF ENGLAND.

.,. Pictured in Black and White by WINIFRED SmiTH. Small
‘4to. . Printed on hand-made paper. In specially designed
cloth cover, 3s. 6d. , :

10
Some Press Motices.

Literary World.—' Delightfully illustrated.”’

Athengum.—' Very cleverly drawn and humorous designs.”

Manchester Guardian.— All the designs are very apt and suited to the
comprehension of a child.”

Scotsman.— The designs are full of grace and fun, and give the book an
artistic value not common in nursery literature.”

Globe.—'* The drawings are distinctly amusing and sure to delight
children.”’

Stay.—' Really a beautiful book. . . . Winifred Smith has revelled into
old rhymes, and young and old alike will in their turn revel in the results
of her artistic revelry.”

Pall Mall Gazette.—‘‘No book of nursery rhymes has charmed us so
much.”

Magazine of Avt.—‘' Quite a good book of its kind.”’

Woman.— Miss Smith’s drawings are now celebrated and are indeed
very beautiful, decorative, and full of naive humour.”

WORKS BY MRS. ERNEST RADFORD.
SONGS FOR SOMEBODY. Verses by DOLLIE

Raprorp. Pictures by GERTRUDE BRADLEY. Square
crown 8vo. Six plates printed in colour by Epmunp
Evans, and 36 designs in monochrome. Coloured cover
by Louts Davis. 3s. 6d.

GOOD NIGHT. Verses by DOLLIE RADFORD.
Designs by Louis Davis. Forty pages entirely designed by

the artist and pulled on the finest and the thickest cartridge
paper. Boards and canvas back with label, 2s. 6d.

Some Press Motices.

Daily Chronicle.—' As far as we know no one else sings quite like Mrs.
Radford ; hers is a bird’s note—thin, high, with a sweet thrill init, and the
thrill is a home thrill, a nest thrill.”

Commonwealth.—‘ We have read with pure enjoyment Mrs. Radford’s
slight but charming cycle of rhymes.”

Stay.—'' A tender spirit of motherhood inspires Mrs. Radford’s simple
little songs.”’

Review of Reviews.—‘‘ Very charming poems for children not unworthy
even to be mentioned in the same breath with Stevenson’s ‘ Child’s Garden
of Verses.’ ””

Atheneum,—''‘ Good Night’ is one of the daintiest little books we have
seen for years. The verses are graceful and pretty, and the illustrations
excellent. It will please both young and old.”

Literary World.—"' Charming little songs of childhood.”

New Age.—'' Mrs. Radford is closely in touch with a child’s mind, and
her ideal child is a nice, soft, loving little creature whom we all want to
caress in our arms.”

Artist.—'' Since Blake died never has a book been produced which can
so truly be described as a labour of love to the artist as ‘Good Night.’”’

II
Some Press Wotices—( Continued).

Manchester Guavdian.—" Louis Davis's illustrations are full of tender
feeling and truth.” . ;

Speakev.—"' Louis Davis’s designs are charming.”

Scotsman.—'' The poems are set in pictorial designs of a tenderness and
truth of feeling that fit them well.”

Birmingham Daily Gazette.—"' ‘Good Night’ is one of those quaint, old-
world productions that are a delight to handle,”

Ecclesiastical Gazette.—*‘ Songs for Somebody’ is full of delightfully
artistic designs and coloured pictures printed in the best style of Mr.
Edmund Evans.” ‘

MEDIAEVAL LEGENDS. Being a Gift-Book to
the Children of England, of Five Old-World Tales from
France and Germany. Demy 8vo. Designed cloth cover,
3s. 6d, :

Contents.—The Mysterious History of Melusina—The Story of
fEsop—The Rhyme of the Seven Swabians—The Sweet and

Touching Tale of Fleur and Blanchefleur—The Wanderings of
Duke Ernest. — ,

Some Press otices.

Saturday Review,—‘' A capital selection of famous legends.”

Times.—' There can be no question as to the value of this gift.”

Morning Post.—' Full of romantic incident, of perilous adventure by land
and sea,”?

Guardian,—'' This delightful volume. . . . In all respects admirable.”

World— An elegant and tasteful volume.”

THE HAPPY PRINCE, and other Tales. “By OSCAR

WILDE. 116 pages, small 4to. Beautifully printed in old-
faced type, on cream-laid paper, with wide margins. Bound
in Japanese vellum cover, printed in red and black. With
three full-page Plates. by WaLTER Crane, and eleven
Vignettes by Jacoms Hoop. Second Edition. 3s. 6d.

Some Press Motices,

Christian Leadey.—' Beautiful exceedingly; charmingly devised—exqui-
sitely told.”

Universal Review.—'' Heartily recommended.”

Atheneum.—'' Mr. Wilde possesses the gift of writing fairy tales in a rare
“degree.”

Dublin Evening Mail.—" A beautiful book in every sense.”

Glasgow Hevald,—'' It is difficult to speak too highly of these tales.”

12