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MAY ALL THE CUCKOOS THAT EVER LIVE BE COMPELLED TO TELL ‘THE TIME'â€
[See page 123.]
40
TOMMY TODDLES
BY
ALBERT LEE
WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY
PETER SS. NEWELL
NEW YORK
HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS
1896
Copyright, 1896, by Harprr & Broruers.
All rights reserved.
TO -
B. C. L.
CHAPTER
I.
Il.
III.
IV.
Vv.
VI.
VII.
VIII.
Ix.
X,
XI.
XII.
XU.
XIV.
CONTENTS
Part fT
OUT OF THE ARK
DEPARTURE OF THE ANIMALS
TomMY Makers A NEW ACQUAINTANCE.
No INFORMATION FROM THE LOON
CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR .
AN INTERRUPTED LECTURE .
THE WELSH-RABBIT’S VISIT.
THE GUINEA-PIG SCHOOL.
LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-ToP .
Tue ERRATIC THIMGUMBOB.
UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS
Tue PENGUIN’s House
STORY OF THE FIGHT.
Part 11
IN THE ARK
THROUGH THE HAs oF TIME
A PAIR OF UNFORTUNATE TURTLES .
TOMMY AND THE EX-PIRATE GET INTO THE ARK
PAGE
Il
18
26
35
42
49
57
66
74
83
gti
. 103,
. 113
. 125
vi CONTENTS
CHAPTER PAGE
XVI. THE ANIMALS COME ABOARD . . ee ee ee 132
XVII. A FAR-REACHING ACCIDENT. . . . . 2 1. 1... ee. 40
XVIII. THe Banquet BEGINS. . . . 1... 1 1... eee G8
XIX, Tommy ExcuHances IDEAS WITH THE GOPHER. . . . . . 158
XX. A PORTION OF THE EX-PIRATE’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY . . . . . 162
XXII. A GAME oF BUMPOLUMP. . . ..... soe ee 17S
XXII. THe Lion’s DISPLEASURE . . . . . . 1 1. ew . 183
ILLUSTRATIONS
PAGE
““MAY ALL THE CUCKOOS THAT EVER LIVE BE COMPELLED TO TELL
THE TIME†2. . ww ee ee ee Frontispiece
“WELL, THAT IS THE MOST WONDERFULEST THING I EVER SAW!†. .) 7
THE SHEEP RETURNED, WALKING ON HIS HIND-LEGS . . .. . . . I5
“HE 7S CRAZY,†SAID TOMMY. . . 2... eee
““THIS MUST BE THE EX-PIRATE,†THOUGHT TOMMY... . . . . 27
‘IT LOOKED ABOUT, AND FAR AWAY I SAW A LITTLE SPECK" . . . . 39
THE WELSH-RABBIT LAUGHED UNTIL THE CHEESE OF HIS BACK FAIRLY
BUBBLED . . . 1 we ee AS
THE SPOTTED GUINEA-PIG SAT OUT IN FRONT AND BEAT TIME WITH
HIS FORE-PAWS. 2... eee ee 53
THE DuMmMB- WAITER BROUGHT THE CAKE UP THE HILL ON ROLLER-
SKATES 2.0. ee ee ee ew «63
“WHAT IS THAT AWFUL PERSON DOING?’ ASKED TOMMY ... . . 69
“ HorsrE-RADISH ALWAYS GOES WITH CLAMS, YOU KNOW,†SAID THE
EX-PIRATE 2. 8
EDITORIAL-Room OF THE TIDAL WAVE . . . . 1... « . a 87
THE GARGOYLE TELLS THE STORY OF THE FIGHT... 1... +) . QO3
FATHER TIME WAS VIGOROUSLY WORKING HIS WINGS. . . 2. . . « 16g
‘Why, THAT ARK IS JUST LIKE MINE!†EXCLAIMED TOMMY . . . . II7
viii ILLUSTRATIONS
PAGE
‘““WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP HERE? WHY AREN’T YOU OUTSIDE?†. . 129
HIE THRUST HIS LONG SNOUT IN SUDDENLY . .. . . . . . « « 137
‘“LET’S ORGANIZE, WHAT'S LIFE WITHOUT ORGANIZATION?†.. .) . 145
“THEY WON’T LET HIM PLAY BECAUSE HE’S A CHEETAH†. . . . . I8I
Tue LION CALLED THE ASSEMBLED MULTITUDE TO ORDER . . . . . 157
THE ANIMALS ROARED WITH LAUGHTER AT THE GOPHER’S JOKE. . . 163
‘‘SHE LOOKS TO ME AS THOUGH SHE MIGHT—MIGHT BE A PRIVATEER†. 167
THE GUNNER'S MATE AVERRED IT WAS HIGH TIME TO START THE
GAME. 6. ee ee ee 170
BUT ALL THE SAILORS... LEANED UPON THE STARBOARD RAIL . . . I7I
“My LIFE IS ONE LONG PURSUIT OF THE UNATTAINABLE†. ... . . 177
THE EX-PIRATE JUMPED UPON THE TABLE AND FIRED. . . . . . . 189
A LITTLE boy climbed on my knee:
‘‘Oh, tell me a story,†pleaded he—
‘A tale of animals and boys,
With guns and fights and lots of noise;
Have a pirate and a bear,
And lay the scene ’most anywhere.â€
And so it was this little tale
Of Tommy Toddles on the trail
Of toys that wandered from the fold
Ever happened to be told.
TOMMY TODDLES
PART I
OUT OF THE ARK
TOMMY TODDLES
CHAPTER I
DEPARTURE OF THE ANIMALS
IT was early in the afternoon of a bright autumn day
that Tommy Toddles sat by the window in the big play-
room at the top of the house, looking wistfully out over the
swaying trees toward the distant hills. He was beginning to
feel lonely, for he had been left to himself almost an hour
since luncheon, and everything in the house was so quiet that
it seemed as if every one had gone to sleep. Not even the
memory of two large pieces of plum-pudding was sufficient
to occupy Tommy’s mind for so long as an hour, and the toys
which lay about the floor appeared uninteresting. He had
been playing with the curiously colored wooden animals of
his Noah’s Ark until they no longer offered any attraction, and
then he had climbed up on the window-seat, and had pressed
his little nose against the window-pane for what seemed to
him a very long period of time. How he wished that his
4 TOMMY TODDLES
Uncle Dick were there to take him out for a wild romp across
the fields! How they would climb fences and jump ditches,
and pick up queer-shaped stones and fallen birds’-nests! But
Uncle Dick was not there, and there was no use hoping for
him, because he had gone away, and would not be back
again from the distant city for at least a week. And in the
meanwhile no one else would ever think of taking Tommy
for a tramp in the woods. He could play in the big garden
as much as he wished to, but he must not go beyond the
gate; and as he looked out at the hills and the fields and
caught a glimpse of the blue ocean far off in the distance, he
sighed at the thought of the barrier gate.
“But I suppose there is no use wishing for things,†he
thought, almost out loud.. “ The only thing to do is to wait,
and I do get so tired of waiting. I wish I had asked Uncle
Dick to send me the sheep instead of waiting to bring it with
him. And I do hope it will be a nice, white, woolly sheep,
as big as a real one, and strong enough for me to ride on.â€
This woolly sheep that Tommy was thinking about had
been the subject of a long discussion between him and his
Uncle Dick just before the latter’s departure. Uncle Dick
had promised to bring back from the city anything that
Tommy might ask-for, and the little boy had promptly de-
manded a goat—a live billy goat! He thought it would be
nice to have it on the lawn in front of the big house, and to
hitch it to his express-wagon and drive it about. But, unfort-
unately, when Tommy’s mother heard of this plan, she firmly
objected to his having a live goat. She said she would not al-
DEPARTURE OF THE ANIMALS 5
low any such animal about the house. Tommy then suggested
a sheep—a little woolly sheep, that could have a blue ribbon
around its neck with a bell hanging from it. But his moth-
er objected to the sheep, too, and so, after a long talk with
Uncle Dick, the little boy compromised on a stuffed sheep
which should be very white and very woolly, and should
have some sort of interior mechanism that would make it
bleat.
Consequently, as Tommy gazed out of the window, he kept
picturing to himself what glorious times he would have when
his uncle got back with the woolly sheep; but at the thought
of all these future joys he.grew very drowsy. He turned
from the window and wondered what he could do to pass
away the long afternoon. There stood the Noah's Ark on the
floor just as he had left it, with the animals walking down the
gang-plank, two by two, in the order of their sizes—the giraffes
first and the guinea-pigs last. How often he had arranged
them that way! Sometimes they seemed to walk up the
gang-plank and sometimes they seemed to walk down, but as
amatter of fact they always stood still.
“Tf they could only be alive,†mused Tommy, “and really
walk. If they could go in and out like real animals, and have
pens and houses and eat things.â€
And as he thought of the wonderful outcome of such a pos-
sibility, it suddenly seemed to him that the animals actually
did begin to move. He looked again, and became sure that
they were moving! The long line of wooden animals was
actually wobbling along down the gang-plank! And how
6 TOMMY TODDLES
funny they looked with their stiff wooden legs and their awk-
ward wooden bodies!
Tommy Toddles was so surprised at the behavior of his
toys that he just sat stock-still and stared at them. They
seemed to be paying no attention whatever to him. They
were moving on down the gang-plank and across the floor,
the two giraffes leading the way, and all the other animals fol-
lowing in perfect order, just as he had arranged them. They
progressed slowly toward the open door which led to the
hallway, but every now and then the procession was delayed
by the last guinea-pig, which kept getting its toes caught in
the threads of the carpet. They passed through the door-
way and marched out into the hall, and then actually began
going down the stairs. Tommy got up from the window-
seat and followed them.
“This is very queer,†thought he. “If Uncle Dick could
only see them zew/†And then he started down-stairs in the
wake of the guinea-pigs. “I do hope we won’t meet the
cook,†he continued, mentally, as the procession reached the
first landing; “she is so near-sighted she might not see them,
and she would be sure to step on those in front and break
their legs. Then they would not be able to walk any more.â€
By this time the animals had reached the ground-floor, for
they were moving along quite rapidly, and the head of the
column, led by the giraffes, started straight for the front door.
The toys now appeared to Tommy as if they were very much
larger than usual. It seemed to him as if they had grown
during the trip down the stairs; but in spite of this sudden
ys
‘SWELL, THAT IS THE MOST WONDERFULEST THING I EVER SAW
DEPARTURE OF THE ANIMALS 9
and unnatural growth none of them was anywhere near tall
enough to reach the door-knob, and the little boy wondered
how they were going to get out into the garden, for it was
evidently their intention to go there. He sat down on the
steps to watch.
The procession moved steadily onward, and when the giraffes
reached the door they marched right through it as if there had
not been any door there at all. The other animals did the
same thing. Tommy could see them approach the door and
gradually fade away into it, and then he thought he could
hear them treading on the gravel path outside.
“Well, that is the most wonderfulest thing I ever saw!â€
he gasped, quite regardless of grammar. ‘I have heard of
people seezng through a door, and hearing through a door,
and smelling through a door’—and here Tommy recollect-
ed vividly the odor of pancakes coming through the closed
kitchen door—“ but I never saw anything go through a door
before. These animals must all be like sounds or smells or
sights,†concluded the little boy, for that was the only rational
explanation he could make to himself for their odd behavior.
“ But I wonder where they are going?†and he got up from
his seat on the steps and ran down to the front door. He
did not stop to take his cap or to tell his mother he was going
out, as he usually did, but he opened the front door and stood
or the porch watching the procession, which by this time had
gotten quite a distance down the broad driveway.
The animals passed out through the open gate, and as they
got farther and farther away down the road they seemed to
10 TOMMY TODDLES
grow larger and larger instead of becoming smaller, as, accord-
ing to all optical laws, they should have done. They still
maintained their relative positions in line, with the little
guinea-pigs toddling along in the rear, almost running in their
breathless endeavors to keep up with the others; but by the
time the latter had reached the gate they appeared to be life-
size, and as the little boy glanced over the shrubbery which
screened the garden from the public highway, he could plainly
see the tall heads and long necks of the giraffes moving away
in the distance.
CHAPTER II
TOMMY MAKES A NEW ACQUAINTANCE
WHEN the last of the animals had disappeared, Tommy
Toddles looked about him to see if any other things were go-
ing to happen. He almost expected to see the animals turn
around and come back. But they did not. The tramp, tramp,
tramp of their feet grew less and less distinct, until it gradually
died away entirely, and there was no other sound but the rus-
tling of the wind in the tree-tops.
Tommy reflected for a few moments, and then started for
the gate. He knew he was not allowed to go beyond it, but
he felt as if he ought certainly to go that far to see, if possible,
what became of his animals. Perhaps he might even be for-
given for going farther, if he explained later to his mother ex-
actly what had happened, for surely this must be a sufficient
excuse, as no one ever before had heard of wooden toys com-
ing to life and growing up and deliberately walking away!
And so Tommy went to the gate and looked along the road,
which stretched away for a short distance down the hill and
then disappeared into the woods.
The animals were not in sight. They had had time to reach
the woods, and only a light cloud of dust showed that they
12 TOMMY TODDLES
had passed that way. Tommy looked back at the big house,
but no one was visible, and most of the window-shutters were
closed so as to keep out the sunlight.
“JT know I ought not to,†thought Tommy, “but I'll just
run down the road a little way to see where they went. They
may get lost, and that, of course, would never do.†;
And so saying, he gave one more glance toward the house
behind him and started off. He ran as far as the bend in the
road, and then looked ahead into the woods, but, alas! there
was not the sign of an animal anywhere. The little boy was
very much perplexed. He was entirely at a loss as to what
he should do under the circumstances, and for lack of inspira-
tion he sat down on a big stone by the way-side to think the
matter over. He was still debating whether he should follow
after the animals and wander off into the woods, or whether
he should give them up as lost and return to the play-room,
when he heard a rustling sound in the bushes near by.
He turned around, and there, standing not ten feet away
from him, he saw the prettiest, whitest, woolliest sheep that
his eyes had ever rested upon. The sheep had great blue
eyes, that turned toward the little boy in an inquisitive sort
of a way, and presently it stepped entirely out of the bushes
and nodded in a most friendly manner.
“ Hello, Sheepy!†said Tommy, getting up and holding out
his hand.
“ Hello!†answered the woolly Sheep, as he trotted up and
placed one of his fore-feet in Tommy’s proffered hand.
Now our little boy had been surprised, to say the least of
TOMMY MAKES A NEW ACQUAINTANCE : 13
it, at the conduct of the Noah’s Ark animals; but this sur-
prise was nothing compared to the amazement which almost
overpowered him when the woolly Sheep not only shook him
by the hand, but actually spoke to him.
“You look disturbed,†said the Sheep.
“T am,†stammered the little boy—and that was all he could
say for the moment.
“You should not be disturbed or surprised at anything,â€
continued the woolly Sheep in the most natural way in the
world. “I got over being surprised at things years and years
ago.â€
Nevertheless, Tommy was surprised and very much dis-
turbed in his little mind, and for some minutes he said not a
word, but merely stared at the Sheep. The latter returned
the stare complacently with his large blue eyes, and when at
last the silence began to be embarrassing, he said,
“What are you doing here?â€
“Tam looking for my animals,†replied Tommy, as natu-
rally as he could, for he had not quite gotten used to the situ-
ation yet. ‘Have you seen them pass this way ?â€
“Oh yes,†answered the Sheep; ‘they all went down the
road some time ago. Were those your animals?â€
“Ves, and I am afraid they will get lost.â€
“Why don’t you go after them ?†asked the Sheep.
“JT don’t know where to go,†said Tommy, mournfully.
“Neither do 1; but if you like, I will go with you.â€
The little boy wondered how the Sheep could go to a place
without knowing where that place was, but as long as he had
â€
I4 TOMMY TODDLES
so generously offered to do so Tommy did not exactly like to
suggest this difficulty, and, besides, he thought it would be
more polite to accept. So he said,
“Where shall we go?â€
“T don’t know,†answered the Sheep.
“ Neither do I,†added Tommy.
“Then we must ask.â€
“But whom can we ask?†inquired the little boy, looking
about.
““We can ask any one we meet,†said the Sheep. “If we
start into the woods we will surely meet some one. We
won’t meet any one if we stay here.â€
This struck Tommy as being a sensible view to take of the
situation, and he told the Sheep he would be glad to have him
go along with him to aid in the search.
“Very well,†pursued the latter. “Wait until I get my
things.â€
The Sheep trotted off into the bushes again, and soon re-
turned wearing a jaunty hat on the top of his head and car-
rying a cane which was neatly decorated with a gilded ram’s
horn for a handle. He was now walking on his hind-legs,
too, instead of on all-fours, as he had been when Tommy first
saw him. In this attitude he was almost as tall as the little
boy.
Before they started, Tommy again hesitated somewhat as
to whether he ought to go with the Sheep in search of his
animals, or whether it would not be better to turn back to
the house, but everything had been so queer that afternoon
‘CDPHE SHEEP RETURNED, WALKING ON HIS HIND-LEGSâ€
TOMMY MAKES A NEW ACQUAINTANCE 17
that he thought his mother would accept the queer excuses he
would have to make when he got home.
They followed the road into the woods, and as they went
Tommy looked about him to see if he could recognize any
old landmarks, for he had frequently gone that way with his
Uncle Dick. But for some reason the trees did not appear to
be the same trees that had stood by the way-side only a few
days since, and the road seemed to take twists and turns that
Tommy had never known it to take before. Yet, somehow,
these things did not bother Tommy much at the time. Pres-
ently the Sheep said,
“You have forgotten your hat.â€
“Yes; I was in such a hurry, you know,†answered the lit-
tle boy. “But I don’t think I will catch cold; do you?â€
“Oh no,†continued the Sheep, patronizingly; “if. you do,
just give it to me.†But Tommy didn’t comprehend exactly
what he meant.
“T wonder if my animals can talk, too?†thought he, as
they went along. ‘I hope we will catch up with them soon,
so that I can find out. And how I do wish I could keep this
woolly Sheep instead of having the one Uncle Dick is going
to bring me! I don’t think mamma would object to a live
Sheep like this one—a white, woolly Sheep that wears a little
hat and can talk.â€
CHAPTER III
NO INFORMATION FROM THE LOON
TomMy TODDLES and his companion had advanced but a
short distance into the woods when the little boy thought
he heard some one laughing very loud and heartily, appar-
ently at no great distance from them. He paused a mo-
ment to listen, and when the sounds of laughter were re-
peated he touched the Sheep on the shoulder and they both
stopped.
“ Did you hear that ?’ said Tommy.
“Ves.â€
“Some one is laughing; let us go and ask about the ani-
mals.â€
“ Don’t ask 222,†exclaimed the Sheep, in a tone of deep
scorn; “fe wouldn’t know.â€
“Why, who is it?†asked the little boy.
“That’s the Loon. He’s crazy,†and the Sheep started on
down the road again.
“But he might have seen the animals, even if he is crazy,â€
persisted Tommy. “Let us go and ask him, anyway.â€
The Sheep asserted that this would be an utterly useless
proceeding and an absolute waste of time; but Tommy final-
NO INFORMATION FROM THE LOON 19
ly persuaded him to make the attempt. at least, and so they
turned off from the main road and plunged into a thicket out
of which the sounds of laughter appeared to come. As they
broke their way through the bushes the noise of the Loon’s
laughter grew plainer and plainer. Presently the thick growth
of underbrush opened up into a sort of clearing surrounded
by tall trees, and reaching down on the farther side to the
edge of a lake. Near the shore stood the Loon, and when
Tommy first caught sight of him he thought this was the
most solemn-looking bird he had ever seen. He was stand-
ing beside a tree trunk which looked very much like a butch-
er’s block, and every few minutes he placed some imaginary
or invisible object on the top of the trunk, and then struck
it vigorously with a large hammer which he held. After
every blow the Loon lifted up his head and laughed as if
there had never been anything so funny.
“You see, he’s crazy,†said the Sheep, deprecatingly.
“ What is he doing?†asked Tommy.
“T’m sure I don’t know; he’s just crazy.â€
“Well, you ask him if he has seen the animals,†for by
this time the two had approached quite close to the Loon,
who, however, seemed to be entirely unconscious of their
presence.
“ Ba-ah!†said the Sheep. |
“ Quack !†said the Loon.
“How d’ye do?†said Tommy.
And then the Loon brought his hammer down hard on
the block and laughed as though his sides would split.
20 TOMMY TODDLES
“Have you seen the animals?†asked the Sheep.
“No,†answered the Loon, briefly, and then he pounded
the block again. :
After the laughter had subsided, Tommy spoke. ‘“ Have
not you seen my animals go by here, Mr. Loon ?â€
“Not an animal,†responded the bird. “I have been too
busy.â€
“What are you doing ?’asked Tommy.
“Can’t you see what I’m doing?†snapped the Loon; “I’m
cracking jokes,†and’ he brought the hammer down once
more with a vigorous blow.
“Cracking jokes ?†repeated Tommy, in a tone of surprise.
“ Ves—cracking jokes.â€
‘But where are the jokes?â€
“ The jokes are on the block,†replied the Loon.
“T don’t see any jokes,†and Tommy looked closely at the
beaten top of the tree trunk.
“T did not suppose you could,†retorted the Loon. ‘You
are as stupid as all the rest. No one ever sees my jokes.â€
Whereupon he rapped the block again and fairly shrieked
with merriment.
“ He zs crazy,†said Tommy, turning to the Sheep.
“T told you so,†answered the latter, triumphantly. “Let
us leave him alone with his jokes, and go up to the head of
the lake. They’ll know up there.â€
They did not even say good-bye to the Loon as they made
their way out of the clearing, for the bird was not paying any
attention to them. They turned into a narrow path that led
fie JS CRAZY,’ SAID TOMMYâ€
ot - .
NO INFORMATION FROM THE LOON 23
off in the direction of the lake and then followed along the
shore. It was a very pretty lake, with trees growing down
close to the water, and Tommy wondered that he and his
Uncle Dick had never discovered it before. As they trudged
along, jumping over fallen logs now and then, they could
hear the Loon's laughs growing fainter and fainter in the dis-
tance.
Presently they came to a low point of land that jutted out
into the water,and when they had walked out to the end of
it Tommy noticed a queer-looking building standing in an
open space about a quarter of a mile away at the head of the
lake. It was a two-storied house with a shingled roof, and
any quantity of windows in the sides. The most peculiar
thing, however, was that the side of the house fronting the
_ lake was painted white, and one end of the building was
painted blue, and the other end was painted red. The little
boy, of course, could not see the fourth side, and he wondered
what color that was. He looked at the strange building as
they advanced, and in a few moments said to the Sheep,
“What is that house?â€
“The Poorhouse,†answered the Sheep.
“T never knew of a Poorhouse around here,’ said Tommy,
as he gazed at the queer structure. “Is there any one in it?â€
“Only two poor people,†answered his companion, “ but
they are both very poor.â€
“Who are they?â€
“One is an ex-Pirate, and the other is a Reformed Burg-
lar?â€
2
24 TOMMY TODDLES
“A Pirate and a Burglar!†exclaimed Tommy. “I did not
know there were any more pirates.â€
“There aren’t,’ replied the Sheep, testily. “I said an ex-
Pirate. He was driven out of the business.â€
Tommy was a little abashed by the Sheep’s tone, but after
a brief pause he resumed,
“Ts he a real Pirate?â€
“ He was,†answered the Sheep.
“ And what does he do now?†continued the little boy.
“ He is very poor now.â€
“T thought all pirates got rich,†persisted Tommy.
“They did. Some got rich and some got killed. This
Pirate got rich.â€
“But you just said he was poor,†objected the little boy.
“ He is mow,’ answered the Sheep. “You see, when things
got into such a state that the pirate business was. no longer
profitable, this one sold his ship and all his hidden gold and
retired. Then he started in to write poetry, and now he’s in
the Poorhouse.â€
Tommy could not quite follow this explanation, but he
thought it must be all right, and as they walked along he
tried, although without any very gratifying success, to think
it out. After a while he said,
“ Does the ex-Pirate still write poetry ?â€
“Ves,†answered the Sheep, “but he’s so poor now that it
does not make any difference.â€
“And the Burglar?†asked Tommy.
“Oh, he’s very good now; he has reformed entirely.â€
NO INFORMATION FROM THE LOON 25
“ Does not he steal any more?â€
“No. And, besides, there is nothing to steal at the Poor-
house.â€
“What does he do, then?â€
“ He does not do anything but paint the Poorhouse. Since
his reform he has become a good man and a patriotic citizen,
and so he paints the house red, white, and blue.. He paints
one side every day, so that every fourth day the sides have a
different color.â€
“He must use an awful lot of paint,’ thought Tommy.
But by this time the two had gotten almost up to the house,
and the little boy could see the Reformed Burglar in a pair
of overalls, with a pot of red paint in his hand, painting one
end of the house.
CHAPTER IV
CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR
As the two approached the Reformed Burglar caught
sight. of them, and turned around to see who his visitors
were. Then he stuck his head in through an open window
and shouted,
“Hi there, below! All hands on deck to repel boarders!â€
“Does he think we are coming here to live?’ asked Tom-
my of his companion. .
_“T guess not,†answered the Sheep. “ Why?â€
“He said something about boarders.â€
“Oh, that’s only an idiom of the piratic vocabulary,†re-
plied the Sheep, learnedly—so learnedly, in fact, that Tom-
my was just as much in the dark as he was before he put the
question.
When he looked up at the house again a wild-eyed individ-
ual with long hair and a fierce mustache, holding a knife in
his teeth and a pistol in each hand, burst out of the door and
stood beside the Reformed Burglar.
“This must be the ex-Pirate,†thought Tommy, as he cau-
tiously got behind the Sheep. ‘I wonder if he’ll shoot ?â€
But the ex-Pirate was not that kind of a man at all. When
‘‘CrHIS MUST BE THE EX-PIRATE,’ THOUGHT TOMMYâ€
CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR 29
he saw that there were strangers present he put his pistols
back into his belt, and came up to the visitors with a genial
smile, and shook hands with the Sheep and then with
Tommy.
“Welcome to the Poorhouse,†he said. “There is noth-
ing here, and so you will find nobody any richer than your-
selves.†,
“But we have not come to stay,†murmured Tommy.
“ Nothing comes to stay,†replied the ex-Pirate, with a sigh.
“ Everything that comes, goes.â€
During this conversation the Reformed Burglar, who had
put down his paint-pot, approached the group. Tommy no-
ticed that he had only one eye, and that he wore a blind over
the other. He wanted to ask him what was the matter with
this other eye, but he thought the Reformed Burglar might
feel offended at such a question, so he merely said,
“ How do you do, sir?â€
“To-day I do it in red,†answered the Reformed Burglar,
with a bow.
“ But I did not ask you that,†said Tommy.
“You should have,†said the other; “it is important.â€
“T don’t like red,†interrupted the ex- Pirate. “I prefer
black. I wanted him to paint the house black.â€
“But that would have looked so sad,†remarked the little
boy.
‘No matter; black is the Pirate’s color, and I like it.â€
The ex-Pirate was getting somewhat excited.
“ Black is a beastly color!†shouted the Reformed Burglar.
30 TOMMY TODDLES
“It’s better than red!†retorted the ex-Pirate, hotly, and
then there followed a lively dispute between the two inmates
of the Poorhouse as to the relative merits of red and black
for mural decoration.
‘Well, 2 doing the painting, anyhow,†sniffed the Re-
formed Burglar, finally, and he went back to his pot and
brushes. -
“He's that way,†said the ex-Pirate, turning to Tommy in
an apologetic way. “ But won’t you sit down? We have no
chairs, but there isa bench. I painted the bench. ‘You see,
it’s black.â€
Tommy felt grateful for this invitation, for he was begin-
ning to feel a little tired after his walk. There was a rude
table in front of the bench, and they all sat down and leaned
back against it.
“TI write here sometimes,’
down between his two guests.
Tommy didn’t know exactly what kind of a reply this
statement called for, so he said, “Is that so?â€
“Of course it’s so,†replied the ex-Pirate, facing the little
boy. “If you don’t believe it, ask the Reformed Burglar.â€
“I do believe it,†answered Tommy, somewhat timidly, for
he feared he had offended the ex-Pirate. ‘What I meant to
say was ‘Indeed,’ or something of that sort.â€
“That's all right,†continued the ex-Pirate, cordially. “I
thought perhaps you doubted me. Some people doubt
“pirates, you know, and although I am not a pirate now, I
was once, and my reputation clings to me. If you would
?
said the ex- Pirate, as he sat
CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR 31
like to see how I do it, just to be convinced, I will write some
poetry now.â€
“Oh no, don’t,†said the Sheep, impulsively.
“ But, if you prefer, I will recite some of my own composi-
tions,†continued the ex-Pirate, heedless of the Sheep's protest.
“Tcan recite something I wrote here. Would you like to hear it?â€
“ Certainly,†said Tommy, politely; “is it about pirates?â€
“No; it’s about the Reformed Burglar. Would not you
like to hear about him? I can recite something about pi-
rates afterward, if you would like me to.â€
“Never mind. Let us hear about the Reformed Burglar,â€
said the Sheep, wearily.
The ex-Pirate appeared to be pleased at receiving even this
slight encouragement. He climbed up on to the top of the
black table, and Tommy and the sheep turned around so as
to face him. He bowed very politely and elaborately in all
directions, just as if there had been a large audience present,
and then began. His manner of speaking was very melo-
dramatic, and Tommy suspected once or twice that he saw
the Sheep hiding a smile. But the little boy was very much
interested, because he had wanted all along to know more
about the Burglar, and this piece of poetry told him a good
deal.
THE RIME OF THE REFORMED BURGLAR
“There was a bold, bad burglar
Whose name was ONE-EYED BILL,
He used to burgle shops and banks,
And also tap the till.
32
TOMMY TODDLES
“ Now in the street where WILLIAM lived
There dwelt a little maid;
Her face was very pretty, and
Her name was ADELAIDE.
“ Alas, she was an orphan, for
Her parents both were dead,
And her father’s brother cared for her
Now in her mother’s stead.
“Her uncle was a constable
Upon the town police,
And he used to keep a watchful eye
Upon his pretty niece.
“But ADELAIDE, as maidens will
Nine cases out of ten,
Would sit upon the front-door step,
And smile upon the men.
“It happened thus that ONE-EYED BILL
Came walking down that way,
And seeing pretty ADELAIDE,
He wished her a good-day.
“And ADDIE said : ‘Good-morrow, sir,
How is the world with you?
Would you sit down here beside me
If I should ask you to?’
“So WILLIAM went right up the steps,
And sat upon her left
CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR 33
(For, if you will remember, of
One eye he was bereft).
“He sat there all the afternoon
With pretty ADELAIDE,
And when he went back home again
He loved the gentle maid.
“Said he unto himself: ‘Ha! ha!
True unto my profession,
I'll burgle this young woman’s heart
And make it my possession.’
“But this was his last burglary;
For when he won her heart,
She made him swear that he and his
Profession then should part.
“So ONE-EYED BILL and ADELAIDE
Were married very soon,
And sailed away to foreign lands
To spend their honeymoon.â€
When the ex- Pirate had finished speaking he clambered
down from the top of the table, and bowed again to Tommy
and to the Sheep.
“Did the burglar really get married?†asked the little boy.
“ Certainly,’ answered the ex- Pirate; “he married Ade-
laide.â€
“Well, where is she now? Is not she poor too?â€
“T don’t know,†said the ex-Pirate, with an air of embar-
34 TOMMY TODDLES
rassment, as he glanced stealthily toward One-eyed Bill, who
was still zealously painting the side of the Poorhouse.
“Don’t ask so many questions,†whispered the Sheep, se-
verely. “It is very embarrassing sometimes. When in doubt,
always change the subject.â€
Tommy did not like to be talked to in this fashion, espe-
cially by a sheep, although he knew down in the bottom of
his heart that it was a Z¢¢/e inquisitive to ask questions about
the private affairs even of a Reformed Burglar. But it was
evident to him that the ex-Pirate felt slightly disturbed over
the matter, and so he tried to change the subject as the
Sheep had suggested.
CHAPTER V
AN INTERRUPTED LECTURE
TomMy could not think of anything to say, but the ex-
Pirate soon broke the silence himself by remarking,
“« T wrote it.â€
“Oh yes!†exclaimed Tommy, seizing the opportunity to
say something pleasant at last. “The poetry was very nice.
It sounded like some of the funny things Uncle Dick learned
at college. But you said you would recite something about
pirates too.â€
“T will,’ answered the ex-Pirate with alacrity, and he
climbed up on top of the table again. “I'll read you a selec-
tion from my autobiography. I was just writing it as you
came,†and he pulled a large roll of manuscript out of his
inner pocket. “This is Chapter XVII. If you prefer, I will
go and get the preceding sixteen chapters, the introduction,
and the preface, and read them to you too.â€
“Oh no,†interposed the Sheep. ‘“ Chapter XVII. will do.
We have not time to hear any more.â€
“Very well,†replied the ex-Pirate, clearing his throat; “I
will only read Chapter XVII:
36 TOMMY TODDLES
“«The following day the sun rose up as usual from the East,
The sea was calm, the sky was clear, the stormy winds had ceased;
The Black Avenger sped along before a gentle breeze,
And the starboard watch loafed on the deck in true piratic ease—’
What is it?†asked the ex-Pirate, interrupting his lecture and
turning toward Tommy, who looked as if he wanted to ask
a question.
“T was wondering what the Black Avenger was,’ said the
little boy.
“TI supposed so,†replied the poet, reproachfully—‘“ I sup-
posed so. The Slack Avenger was the name of my pirate
ship, and if you had let me read the first sixteen chapters of
the autobiography you would have known all about the ship
by this time. JI think I had better go and get the other
chapters,†and he started to step down from the table.
“Oh no,’ put in the Sheep. ‘We know what the Black
Avenger is now. It’s your ship.â€
“Yes,†said the ex- Pirate, dramatically; “she was a low,
trim craft, with tall, rakish masts—â€
“Just like all pirate ships,†interrupted the Sheep.
“Not a bit of it!’ shouted the ex-Pirate, vehemently.
“ She was woz like any other ship afloat, you mutton-head.â€
“Don’t you call me a mutton-head!†retorted the Sheep,
hotly, rising from his seat on the bench. “You may think
that because—â€
“ But—†began the ex-Pirate.
“because you are up there on that table—â€
AN INTERRUPTED LECTURE 37
“But—†began the ex-Pirate again.
“Oh, don’t tell him to butt!†cried Tommy, who was begin-
ning to fear there might be a fight.
“T didn’t,†said the ex-Pirate, turning to the little boy.
“Well, both of you stop quarrelling,â€â€™ continued Tommy, as-
serting himself. ‘I think it’s very rude of each one of you.â€
The ex-Pirate looked at the little boy as though he did not
quite understand, and the Sheep moved off to the far end of
the bench and began to sulk. Tommy was surprised to see
this, for, until then, he had entertained a very favorable opin-
ion of his new friend. He was surprised to see the Sheep
sulk, because it was something he never did himself, as he had
been told that it was unmanly.
“Perhaps it is not unsheeply,†thought Tommy, who was
willing to make every excuse possible for the Sheep.
“Shall I go on?†said the ex-Pirate to Tommy, as he
glanced at the Sheep,
“Certainly,†replied the little boy; “he is very ill-behaved.
He ought to be ashamed of himself.â€
“T guess he is,†remarked the ex-Pirate; “ he certainly
looks sheepish ;†and although this did not strike Tommy as
being odd at the time, he wondered afterwards how a sheep
could look otherwise.
The little man on the table glanced over his manuscript,
and, having found the place where he left off, read again:
“«T took my breakfast down below, and when I came on deck
I looked about, and far away I saw a little speck
Upon the blue horizon, and I knew it was a—’
38 TOMMY TODDLES
I guess I'll have to stop here,†said the ex-Pirate, suddenly,
putting his papers into his pocket and looking around un-
easily.
“Why, what’s the matter?†asked Tommiy, noticing his ev-
ident nervousness. The Sheep, too, had straightened up and
was looking about.
“ Don’t'you smell anything?†asked the ex-Pirate.
“No; what is it?†inquired Tommy, sniffing and looking
about like the rest of them. But before the ex-Pirate could
answer, the little boy heard a sort of shuffling noise coming
from the direction of the woods, and presently he saw a most
peculiar-looking animal, such as he had never seen or heard
of before, waddle out into the open, grassy space in front of
the Poorhouse. The strange beast seemed to be about the
size of a hippopotamus, yet, he resembled a rabbit. And he
was yellow. As he came nearer his body looked as if it were
made of cheese, and his long ears resembled pieces of toast.
A sort of white vapor floated off the creature’s back, and, as
the breeze wafted it toward the group at the table, Tommy
noticed that it had a fragrant and appetizing odor.
“What is that thing?†he asked, somewhat tremulously.
“ That’s the Welsh-Rabbit,†whispered the Sheep.
“Oh,†said Tommy. “Uncle Dick eats one every night.â€
“?Sh-h-h!†said the ex-Pirate. ‘“ Don’t talk like that. He
might hear you.†.The Sheep was frowning severely, and
Tommy feared that he had said something indiscreet. In a
few moments he was sure he had.
“Never talk of cating things,†said the Sheep. “It isa .
‘““€) LOOKED ABOUT, AND FAR AWAY T SAW A LITTLE SPECK’â€
AN INTERRUPTED LECTURE 4I
tender subject with some people. How would you like to
have a lion come along here now and look at you and ask me
if you were good to eat?â€
This question, with its suggested possibilities, made Tommy
feel uncomfortable, and he moved nearer to the ex-Pirate.
“Are there any lions hereabouts?†he asked.
“There might be,†replied the Sheep; “but they are all
well-bred lions, and they don’t talk about things to eat.â€
This statement reassured the little boy, but it made him
again eager to change the subject of the conversation.
CHAPTER VI
THE WELSH-RABBIT’S VISIT
IT was an easy matter to change the subject this time,
because the Welsh-Rabbit was there to talk about. Tommy
looked at the strange creature and said,
“Ts he poor too?â€
The ex-Pirate laughed out loud. “No,†he replied; “he’s
very rich. He is one of the richest things I know.â€
“Then he does not live here?†continued Tommy, pointing
toward the Poorhouse.
“No, indeed. He has a stock-farm down the road, where
he raises all sorts of queer animals. He comes here occasion-
ally to give us things.â€
“What does he give you?â€
“ He usually gives me a night-mare,†answered the ex-Pirate.
“A night-mare ?â€
“Yes; he raises them on his stock-farm.â€
Tommy was about to ask what sort of an animal a night-
mare was, but the Welsh-Rabbit had come so close to them
by this time that his two companions turned toward the vis-
itor and wished him good-day most cordially.
“ Good-night,†replied the Welsh-Rabbit, bluntly.
THE WELSH-RABBIT’S VISIT 43
“ But it is not night,†said Tommy; whereupon the Sheep
pulled his coat-sleeve abruptly, and whispered :
“Don’t talk like that. The Welsh-Rabbit wants to be po-
lite. He does not often wish one ‘good-night.’ Say some-
thing nice to him now.â€
Tommy couldn't think of anything particularly polite to
say right on the spur of the moment, so he naturally spoke of
what was uppermost in his mind:
“Have you seen my animals, Mr. Welsh-Rabbit ?â€
“No, I have not,’ answered the Welsh-Rabbit. ‘“ Have
you seen mine ?â€
“No; have you lost yours?â€
“No, indeed!†and the Welsh-Rabbit laughed until the
cheese of his back fairly bubbled over with mirth. ‘ Would
you like to see my animals ?â€
“J don’t know,†replied Tommy, for the Sheep was tug-
ging at his coat-sleeve again. ‘‘ What are they like?â€
“JT can show you all kinds,†answered the Welsh-Rabbit,
patronizingly. “There are green monkeys with pink tails,
yellow rats with purple eyes, cerulean dragons with crimson
claws, and blue elephants with five legs and lavender tails.â€
“Oh my!†gasped Tommy; “but I never heard of any such
animals as those. I don’t think I want to see them, but you
are very kind to offer to show them to me.â€
“Don’t mention it,†replied the Welsh-Rabbit, waving his
toast ears lazily; ‘I will show them to you some other day,
whether you want to see them or not.â€
Tommy did not quite understand how this could happen,
3
44 -* TOMMY TODDLES
but he said nothing, because the Sheep was persistently pull-
ing at his coat-sleeve. Both he and the ex-Pirate seemed to
be very much in awe of the Welsh-Rabbit, who appeared to
Tommy like such a mild and good-natured creature.
The Reformed Burglar had now almost finished painting
the side of the Poorhouse, and he came up and joined the
others. :
“How do you like that color?’ he asked of the Welsh-
Rabbit.
“What color ?â€
“ The color of this side of the house.â€
“Tt reminds me of tomato catsup,†said the Welsh-Rabbit,
after having glanced at the red side of the Poorhouse, “and
you know I don’t like tomato catsup.â€
“T think you will agree with me when I say that the house
should have been painted black,†put in the ex-Pirate.
“No, indeed,†said the Welsh-Rabbit; “I disagree with you.â€
“You always do,†retorted the ex-Pirate, with unexpected
asperity.
“Especially at night,†added the Reformed Burglar, and
then it began to look as if something serious were going to
happen. But fortunately the Welsh-Rabbit merely waved
his toast ears a bit, and then waddled off down the road with-
out saying a word of farewell to any of them.
“ He’s that-way,†said the ex-Pirate to Tommy, in the same
apologetic tone he had formerly used with regard to the Re-
formed Burglar. ‘Sometimes he’s right agreeable, and some-
times he’s right disagreeable. He’s mostly disagreeable.â€
‘CPHE WELSH-RABBIT LAUGHED UNTIL THE CHEESE OF HIS BACK FAIRLY BUBBLED â€
THE WELSH-RABBIT’S VISIT 47
Tommy watched the Welsh-Rabbit as he ambled off tow-
ard the shore of the lake, like a huge yellow ball, leaving a
savory odor of cheese behind him. When the queer creature
finally disappeared among the trees, the little boy turned
to the others:
“What peculiar animals he must have!†he said.
“Very peculiar sometimes,†remarked the Reformed Burg-
lar.
“Where does he keep them ?â€
“‘On his farm,†said the ex-Pirate.
“T’d like to see them,†ventured Tommy.
“You will some day.â€
“T never heard of a blue elephant with five legs and a lav-
ender tail,†continued the little boy. “Has he got many of
those ?â€
“No; most of his animals are bugbears. But he has a lot
of night-mares, and he gives them to lots of people.â€
“Would he give me a night-mare ?†asked Tommy.
“T reckon he would,†said the Reformed Burglar, with a
broad smile, for he seemed to be enjoying the little boy’s
questions immensely. “But I don’t think you would like it.â€
“JT don’t think you would either,†added the Sheep.
“Perhaps I wouldn’t,†said Tommy, thoughtfully; “but I
would like to have my own animals. Have you seen them
pass this way, Mr. Pirate ?â€
“No animals have passed this way to-day,†answered the
ex-Pirate; “ but we can go up on the hill and look around, and’
from there perhaps we can see where they are.â€
48 TOMMY TODDLES
'“That’s so!†exclaimed the Sheep; “I never thought of
that. Let’s go up on the hill.â€
“T would like very much to go with you,’
Pirate, meekly.
“All right, come along,†answered Tommy. “And won't
you come too, Mr. Bill?†he added, turning to the Reformed
Burglar.
“No; I can’t. I must paint. But I think I can guess
where your animals went to.â€
“Where?†asked Tommy, eagerly.
“T guess they went to the fight. All the other animals
went. That’s why you don’t see any about here.â€
“But we saw the Loon and the Welsh-Rabbit,†objected
Tommy.
“Qh, they don’t count,†put in the ex-Pirate. “The Loon
is crazy and don’t know what is going on, and the Welsh-
Rabbit never attends fights. He’s too soft.â€
“T did not know the fight was to be to-day,†remarked the
Sheep, in a tone of surprise.
“ Certainly, it’s to be to-day,†asserted the Reformed Burg-
lar. “But it’s probably all over with by this time.â€
“Well, let’s go to the hill anyway,†said the ex-Pirate.
‘From the summit we can see as far as the beach, and we
can easily tell if there are any animals there.â€
So they bade good-bye to the Reformed Burglar, who re-
turned to his pot and brushes, and Tommy, the ex- Pirate,
and the Sheep started off on the road which Jed to the hill.
,
said the ex-
,
CHAPTER VII
THE GUINEA-PIG SCHOOL
TOMMY was most curious to know what this fight was that
his new acquaintances had been talking about, and after they
had walked along in silence for a few moments he asked the
ex-Pirate to tell him about it. The latter expressed some
surprise that Tommy should be so ignorant in this matter,
and asked him if his animals had not told him of it.
“Why, they never tell me anything,†answered: Tommy.
“ They’re wooden.â€
“They wouldn’t?†said the ex-Pirate; but before Tommy
could explain the misunderstanding his companion began tell-
ing him about the fight. It seems that the Penguin lived in
a house near the sea-shore, and was the editor of a newspaper
which he called The Tidal Wave. In it he chronicled the
events of the animal world, and frequently said pretty sharp
things about the beasts, the birds, and the fishes.
“You see, the Penguin is half bird and half fish,†explained
the ex-Pirate, “and as he lives on land he counts as a beast.â€
Well, it seems that this editorial Penguin had made some
sarcastic remarks in his paper about the Sword-Fish, who was
a captain of Sub-Marines; and the Sword-Fish, being a very
“50 TOMMY TODDLES
haughty personage, had taken offence, and had challenged
him to fight a duel. The Penguin, although he was, so to
speak, a man of peace, accepted; and all the beasts and birds
and fishes were invited to witness the contest and to decide
which was the mightier of the two.
“ And I suppose the fight took place to-day,†said the ex-
Pirate, in conclusion.
“Who won?†asked Tommy, eagerly.
“T don’t know; we'll find out when we get to the beach.â€
By this time they were nearing the foot of the hill. The
road ran alongside of a stone-wall that was just about as high
as Tommy’s head, and it seemed to the little boy that he
could hear, now and then, strange sounds, like squeals, com-
ing from the other side of it. He asked the Sheep what the
‘sounds were.
“That’s the Guinea-Pig School in there,†said the latter.
“Tt must be recess,’ remarked the ex-Pirate. “J can hear
them playing.â€
“ Are there Guinea-Pigs on the other side of that wall?â€
inquired Tommy, with much interest.
“ Hundreds of them,†said the ex-Pirate.
“ Can’t we climb up and look at them?â€
“ Of course we can.†And in less time than it takes to tell
about it all three had clambered to the top of the wall, and
were looking down into the Guinea-Pig school-yard.
“Where is the school-house?†asked the little boy, as he
gazed at the hundreds of funny little animals clambering over
one another, playing tag and leap-frog, and every now and
THE GUINEA-PIG SCHOOL 5!
then giving vent to little squeaks of delight. They did not
even notice the three on-lookers sitting on the wall, so busy
were they in having a good time.
“Did you know,†said the ex-Pirate to Tommy, “that
if you pick up a Guinea-Pig by the tail his eyes will fall
out?â€
“Uncle Dick told me so once, but I did not believe
him.â€
“Well, Pll show you,†said the ex-Pirate, jumping down
into the play-ground. He approached a Guinea-Pig who was
not looking, and picked him up by the tail. Sure enough,
his eyes fell out, and rolled around on the ground with a most
terrified expression. Then the ex-Pirate put the little beast
down again, and he groped about until he found his eyes,
and put them back where they belonged. He looked quickly
about to see who had played the trick on him, and, seeing the
ex-Pirate laughing, he stuck out his tongue at him, and ran
away to join a group that was playing blind-man’s-buff.
“ Does not that hurt the Guinea-Pig?†asked Tommy.
“Certainly not,†replied the ex-Pirate; “they like it. It
tickles the eyes to roll about like that. Don’t you see them
playing blind-man’s-buff over there ?â€
“Ves,†assented Tommy.
“Well, Guinea-Pigs don’t carry handkerchiefs, so they have
to do the best they can without them. The way they get
around this is to take the one who is It, hold him up by the
tail, and let his eyes fall out. Then he’s just as blind as if he
had his eyes bandaged with a handkerchief.â€
52 _ TOMMY TODDLES
“And it’s cheaper, too,†added the Sheep, as he fanned
himself with his hat.
Tommy, of course, was much surprised at all the ex-Pirate
had told him, but he said to himself philosophically that so
many things had been surprising that afternoon that there
was no reason why he should waste any emotion on the
Guinea-Pigs.
“ Did you ever hear them sing?†ies the ex-Pirate.
“Can they sing?†asked the little boy, gleefully.
“ They caz sing,†answered the ex-Pirate, “ but they usually
sing only just before vacation.â€
“ And—
“And now it’s just after vacation.â€
“T wish they would sing,†said Tommy, looking up at the
ex-Pirate pleadingly.
“ Perhaps I can persuade them to,†said the latter, good-
naturedly, for he understood that this was what Tommy
wanted him to. do. He walked over towards the group that
was playing blind-man’s-buff. As soon as they saw him ap-
proaching they scurried off in every direction, until they con-
_ sidered themselves out of his reach, and then they sat up on
their haunches and stuck out their tongues, which was very
ill-bred of the Guinea-Pigs, thought Tommy.
“T’m not going to hurt you!†shouted the ex-Pirate.
“ Honest ?â€â€™ squeaked a little spotted Guinea-Pig, as he put
his fore-paws up to his eyes to make sure they were there.
“Really I’m not. I want you to sing.â€
“Tt is not time to sing yet,†said another Guinea-Pig, who
â€
a
“THE SPOTTED GUINEA-PIG SAT OUT IN FRONT AND BEAT TIME WITH HIS FORE-PAWS
THE GUINEA-PIG SCHOOL 55
looked very wise, and winked at his companions as if he had
discovered some ruse on the part of their visitor.
“No matter about that,†urged the ex-Pirate. “Sing your
song, and make believe you are practising for vacation.â€
The suggestion apparently struck the Guinea-Pigs favora-
bly, for at heart they really enjoyed their singing very much.
They all huddled together and held an excited debate, during
which there were no end of squeaks and squeals, and they
finally decided that they would sing—just once, “for prac-
tice.â€
So the ex-Pirate returned and sat down on the top of the
stone-wall next to Tommy and the Sheep, and the Guinea-
Rigs approached in a very dignified way, and arranged them-
selves in a semicircle in front of their audience. The spotted
Guinea-Pig sat out in front, facing the others, and beat time
with his fore-paws, while the others sang in chorus:
“Oh, let us away
To the land of Kathay,
Where the peppermint candy grows;
Where all the streets
Are paved with sweets,
And the lemonade river flows.
“We'll revel in quince,
And slices of mince,
And dine on chocolate-creams ;
And visions of tarts
Shall please our hearts,
And fill our peaceful dreams.
56 TOMMY TODDLES
“Qh, let us away
To fair Kathay—
The summer days are coming.
For now we know
It’s time to go;
The bumblebees are humming.â€
“Of course the bumblebees aren’t humming,†said the
spotted Guinea-Pig, turning around. “This is only a practice
song, you know.â€
The ex-Pirate thanked the little fellows for their cour-
tesy. Thereupon they ran away again, and lifted one of
their number up by the tail and resumed their game of blind-
man’s-buff. ,
“ Where is the land of Kathay?†asked Tommy, as soon as
the Guinea-Pigs had gone.
“Oh, it’s miles and miles away,†said the Sheep, and then
he jumped down from the top of the wall, and told his com-
panions to hurry along, for they had been wasting time in
their journey to the top of the hill.
CHAPTER VIII
LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-TOP
IT was a steep climb to the top of the hill, and when they
reached the summit Tommy was quite out of breath and very
warm. He looked about for some place to rest, but there
was not any. The top of the hill was bare except for a few
stubby alder- bushes and half a dozen white birches, which
trembled in the breeze that was blowing in from the sea.
“This is the place,†said the Sheep, presently.
“T don’t see any other place around here,†retorted the ex-
Pirate, “so I suppose this wzzs¢ be the place.â€
“What place?†asked Tommy.
“Don’t you see?†queried the ex-Pirate.
“Don’t I see what?â€
“Everything. This isthe place where you see everything.â€
And the ex-Pirate waved his hands out toward the horizon.
In fact, it seemed as if what he had said were true. Tom-
my thought he really could have seen everything if his eyes
had only been strong enough. The view appeared to have
no bounds. The hill was not so very high, yet it seemed to
the little boy as if he were up in a balloon, and was looking
down upon the whole world. Not far distant was the sea,
58 TOMMY TODDLES
with the waves breaking on the broad, sandy beach, and the
deep, blue water stretching off immeasurably toward the sky.
In the other direction were hills and valleys and green fields;
and far away were peaceful towns and villages with church-
spires sticking up out of a tangle of roofs and chimneys.
Tommy felt very much impressed, and wondered again how
it was that he and his Uncle Dick had never discovered this
beautiful spot. “ How nice it would be to have a house up
here!†mused the little boy, and then he suddenly bethought
himself of his own house that he had run away from so unex-
pectedly. He looked over in the direction where he thought
the big house ought to be, but he could not locate it any-
where in the landscape, and he did not quite like to ask the
Sheep or the ex-Pirate to show it to him. “It must be an
awful long way off,†he concluded, mentally, “if I can’t see
it from here.†And then he sighed, and wondered how he
was ever going to get back.
“Well, I don’t see them!†exclaimed the Sheep, who had
been standing on top of a bowlder, and peering intently in
the direction of the ocean.
“You don’t see who?†asked Tommy, coming out of his
reverie.
“ The animals.â€
“Perhaps they are behind that knoll yonder,†suggested
the ex-Pirate. ‘The Penguin lives there, and they may be
calling at his house.†|
“They may be,†said the Sheep. “We'll go there.†And
he jumped to the ground.
LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-TOP 59
“ But can’t we rest a little while first ?†pleaded Tommy.
“ Certainly,†said the ex-Pirate. ‘“ That’s an excellent idea.
Let us rest. We might as well have some luncheon, too.
Do you ever eat luncheon?†This to Tommy, who opened
his eyes very wide and stared.
“Do I ever eat luncheon? Indeed Ido. Don’t you?â€
“ Always,†answered the ex-Pirate. “ But, you know, some
do and some don’t; and at the Poorhouse we are sometimes
irregular about our meals. But won't you kindly ring the
bluebells ?â€
Tommy had taken a seat on the grass near one of the
birches, but he had not noticed that there was a beautiful
spray of bluebells growing almost at his elbow. When the
ex- Pirate called his attention to them he leaned over and
touched the flowers, and as he did so they tinkled merrily
and loudly, just like his mother’s tea-bell at home.
“ That’s right,†said the Sheep, quite heedless of Tommy’s
surprised look. “That will bring the Dumb-Waiter. — Indeed,
there he comes now.â€
All three looked down toward the foot of the hill, in the
direction pointed out by the Sheep, and they saw some one
coming rapidly up toward them. As he approached, Tom-
my perceived that the new-+comer was an undersized man
with a bald head and side whiskers. He wore a short black
coat and a long white apron that hung down to his toes, just
like the waiters Tommy had seen in the city restaurants.
“ That’s the Dumb-Waiter,†said the ex-Pirate to the little
boy. ‘ What do you want to eat?â€
60 TOMMY TODDLES
“JT don’t know; what can I have?â€
“ Anything.â€
“T think I’d like something sweet.â€
“You can have a sweet-potato,†said the ex- Pirate; and
then, turning to the Sheep, “‘ What will you have?â€
“Can you spare a grass?†asked the Sheep.
“Do you like asparagus?’ broke in Tommy; but before
the Sheep could answer the ex-Pirate turned on the little boy
sharply and said, “Keep quiet until your next turn comes.
You have ordered once!â€
And so Tommy leaned up against the birch and said noth-
ing more, but just gazed at the Dumb- Waiter, who stood
near by in silence, bowing his head respectfully as each order
that was given to him by the ex-Pirate.
“ Well, what will you have ?â€
“T guess I'll take some Hayberry Long-cake,†replied the
Sheep.
“Very well. Hayberry Long-cake for him,†said the ex-
Pirate, “and you may bring me some soft-boiled egg-plants
and some watermelon on toast.â€
“ And what shall we have to drink?†asked the Sheep.
“ Real pain, I guess,†suggested the ex-Pirate.
“Real pain?†said Tommy. ‘“ What’s that ?â€
“Qh, it’s very good,†explained the ex - Pirate, “and thor-
oughly harmless. You take a bunch of grapes and put them
in a glass, and bruise and hurt them with a spoon until you
get real pain. This yellow, fuzzy, foamy sort of stuff that
comes in big bottles from France is only sham pain.â€
LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-TOP 61
Then, turning to the Dumb-Waiter, the ex-Pirate said:
“ Make it real pain!â€
The Dumb- Waiter bowed again, and began making his
preparations for serving the luncheon. All his dishes and
knives and forks seemed to be at the foot of the hill, and .
he kept running up and down for some time to collect them.
He never seemed to bring up more than one or two things
at a time, and seldom the thing that was wanted. The ex-Pi-
rate kept finding fault with him and scolding him, and at last
he turned to Tommy and said:
“That’s always the way with these Dumb-Waiters. They
never bring up what you want.â€
And at each word of reproof the Dumb-Waiter would ex-
claim, “Oh my, but I do get so tired of running up and down!â€
And then he would disappear down the hill again and bring up
what was wanted.
“JT thought you said he was a dumb waiter?’ remarked
Tommy, after he had heard the servant speak several times.
“He zs a Dumb-Waiter,†replied the Sheep.
“But I thought a dumb waiter meant one who could not
talk,†continued the little boy.
“Oh no,†laughed the Sheep. “ We call him a Dumb-Waiter
because he runs up and down. All Dumb-Waiters run up and
down, you know.†Andas Tommy had never seen any dumb-
waiters that did not run up and down (except when they were
out of order), he was forced to be contented with this pecu-
liar and rather unsatisfactory explanation.
When the Dumb-Waiter had brought up all that was neces-
62 TOMMY TODDLES
sary for the meal, the ex-Pirate got down on his hands and
knees and wanted the servant to set the table on his back.
“What for?†asked the Sheep.
“Why, I want this luncheon to be on me, you know,†ex-
plained the ex-Pirate, genially ; but the Sheep would not agree
to this, and wanted it to be on him. A wrangle ensued, in
which Tommy wisely decided to take no part, and the two
disputants finally compromised on allowing the ex-Pirate to
sit down and hold the dishes on his lap instead of having them
served on his back.
“Tam glad you like sweet things,†he remarked to Tom-
my, as the little boy began to eat his sweet-potato.
“T can’t say that I care much for sweet-potatoes, though,â€
ventured Tommy, who was forcing himself to eat so as not to
be impolite to his host. :
“Oh, no matter,†answered the ex-Pirate, pleasantly; “try
something else.’ (But Tommy noticed that there was noth-
ing else to try.) “All sweet things are sweet, you know,†he
continued; “even things that apparently have no taste. Now
love-letters, for instance, are sweet.â€
“Yes, indeed,†put in the Sheep. ‘The Monkey’s love-
letter must have been sweet. But then he wrote it in
jam.â€
“Did you ever hear about that?†asked the ex-Pirate, turn-
ing to Tommy, and upsetting several dishes into the grass
as he did so. “It is a classic—one of my classics.†And
without waiting for the little boy to answer, he began to
recite:
E UP THE HILL ON
â€
E CAK
HT TH
LER-SKATES
Ol
R
R BROUG
e.
E DUMB- WAIT
H
T
oe
LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-TOP 65
“Said the MONKEY to the TaPiR,
One Sunday afternoon,
‘Won't you let me have some paper,
With some jelly and a spoon?
“««For I want to write a letter
To a pretty PERROQUEET,
And I really think I’d better
Make the message rather sweet.
“It was raspberry jelly,’ commented the Sheep.
“What!†exclaimed Tommy. “Did the Monkey use a
spoon for a pen and raspberry jelly for ink?â€
“ That’s what he did,†said the ex-Pirate. “It was a red-
letter day for the Perroqueet, I tell you!â€
Further conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the
Hayberry Long-cake. This was a new dish to Tommy. It
was a sort of cake, apparently stuffed with hay or straw, and
was fully three yards long. The Dumb-Waiter brought the
cake up the hill on roller-skates. One skate was fastened to
each end of the cake, so that it looked like an eight-wheeled
toy wagon. The Sheep ate several yards of the odd delicacy,
and the ex-Pirate likewise took a number of slices, and when
they had eaten as much as they could, they called the Dumb-
Waiter and made him eat some of it, because, as they ex-
plained afterwards to Tommy, they always feed the waiter.
Then they all three arose and started down the hill toward
the sea-shore.
4
CHAPTER IX
THE ERRATIC THINGUMBOB
THE path to the sea led first down the hill, then across
some fields, and finally through a little stretch of woods.
These were dark and spooky, and as Tommy tramped along
under the trees between the Sheep and the ex-Pirate he
imagined several times that he heard strange noises in the
underbrush. These noises sounded like distant roars and
growls—very faint, indistinct roars and growls, to be sure, but
roars and growls, nevertheless—and the little boy could not
help recalling what the Sheep had said about lions at the
time of the Welsh-Rabbit’s visit to the Poorhouse. He
tried not to display any timidity, but he asked:
“ Are—are there any lions around here?â€
“Oh yes,†answered the Sheep, in the same careless tone
he would have used if Tommy had said “trees†instead of
“lionsâ€; but when he noticed that the little boy looked
frightened, he added, “ They are not dangerous lions, though ;
they are only Dandelions.â€
Whereupon Tommy felt much relieved, and skipped along
merrily until he saw an ordinary mud-turtle. spread a pair of
wings from under his shell and fly up into the air and rest on
THE ERRATIC THINGUMBOB 67
the limb of a maple-tree.. This was too much even for a
little boy who had seen nothing but impossible things all the
afternoon. He stopped right short in the middle of the road
and gazed up at this new wonder.
“Now don’t stand there and stare at that Turtle- Dove,â€
said the ex-Pirate, somewhat impatiently; “we have not time
to stand around and study unnatural history. If we don’t
hurry we won’t reach the Penguin’s till dark.â€
This was a very strong argument with the little boy, so
_he gave one last glance at the Turtle-Dove, and ran along
until he caught up with his two companions. In a few mo-
ments they broke out at the edge of the wood, and found
themselves only a short distance from the sea-shore. The
breakers were making a great noise on the sand, and back of
them the calm blue sea stretched away unspotted by any
smoke or sail. Purely out of habit the ex- Pirate put his
hand up over his eyes and looked around from north to
south the entire length of the sky-line. Then he shook his
head sadly and sighed:
“T’m no good at scanning the horizon any more. This
business of scanning hexameters and pentameters and Alex-
andrines spoils a man utterly for a good, all-around, every-
day, smooth horizon.â€
Tommy did not even try to understand what he was talk-
ing about, but trudged right along in silence beside the
Sheep.
They had not gone very far before they caught sight of
two figures in the distance.
68 TOMMY TODDLES
“T'll bet that’s Thingumbob,†said the Sheep, calling the
ex-Pirate’s attention to them.
“That's just who it is, and I wonder what he is doing ?â€
He certainly was doing something—this figure whom they
called Thingumbob. As they drew nearer to him Tommy
thought he must be making a speech, for he could see that
he was waving his arms and shaking his fists at his compan-
ion, who appeared to.be very much affected by what was
being said. The second figure Tommy soon made out to be
a Seal. He was a rather large Seal, and was sitting on a
rock, while Thingumbob stood on the sand in front of him.
Tommy tried later to describe Thingumbob to his Uncle
Dick, but he found himself unequal to the task. At times
the queer creature resembled everybody Tommy had ever
known, and yet again he looked like nobody in particular.
He was a nondescript sort of being, entirely indescribable.
As they came nearer they could hear him using the most
dreadful kind of language; he was scolding the Seal, and call-
ing him names in a most outrageous manner. He was so en-
grossed in pouring out this vituperation that he did not notice
the approach of Tommy Toddles and his companions. The
Seal was apparently greatly distressed over what Thingumbob
was saying, for he held his fins up to his eyes, and wept bit-
terly. Neither the ex-Pirate nor the Sheep seemed in. the
least affected by the scene.
“ What is that awful person doing ?†asked Tommy, as they
came quite close to him.
“Who? Thingumbob?†said the Sheep. “Oh, that’s all
‘“““WHAT IS THAT AWFUL PERSON DOING? ASKED TOMMYâ€
THE ERRATIC THINGUMBOB 71
right! But I suppose you don’t understand. Look at him
now.†Thingumbob was holding a dipper in front of the
Seal’s face, and was-catching the poor beast’s tears while he
scolded him in the most dreadful manner.
“Thingumbob always does that,†the Sheep went on to
say. “Whenever he meets a Seal he scolds him and black-
guards him until the poor thing begins to cry. Then he
catches the tears in his dipper, because Seals weep sealing-
wax, you know.†Tommy did not know it, but he nodded
his head and looked to the Sheep for more information. ©
“Thingumbob is a great collector of sealing-wax. He has
lots of it at home. All colors, you know. Most of it is red,
though. Young Seals weep red sealing-wax, and it is easier
to make them cry. If you just pinch a young Seal, or say
‘Booh!’ at him, he'll cry. The middle-aged Seals weep
yellow and blue and brown and black sealing-wax. The old
fellows shed golden tears, but it’s pretty hard to make them
cry.â€
“This one is crying in blue,†said Tommy, for they had
now gotten close enough to Thingumbob and the Seal to be
able to see the contents of the dipper. It was almost full of
blue sealing-wax.
“Hello!†said Thingumbob, when he saw the three; and,
turning toward them, he waved his dipper in a friendly sort
of way.
“May I go now?†whimpered the Seal, seizing the oppor-
tunity to escape.
“Yes, you may go,†shouted Thingumbob, fiercely; “and
72 TOMMY TODDLES
don’t you let me catch you at it again!†The Seal hobbled off
the rock toward the surf, shedding blue tears on the sand as he
went (which Thingumbob carefully picked up as he followed
along behind), and.then jumped into the waves and disap-
peared.
“That’s pretty good for ten minutes’ talk, isn’t it?’ remarked
Thingumbob, holding out his dipper for the others to inspect.
“ How did you get it?†asked the ex-Pirate.
“Oh, I scared him half to death. I told him he had been
putting the Sea-Fox up to stealing my Chicken-Lobsters, and
that I’d have him arrested and put up in an Eagle’s nest on
top of a mountain.â€
The Sheep and the ex-Pirate seemed to think what Thing-
umbob said was very funny, for they laughed and asked him
a lot of questions. Tommy, in the meanwhile, was more in-
terested in Thingumbob’s personal appearance than in what
he said. He was certainly the queerest-looking creature the
little boy had ever encountered. He never looked twice
alike. When they had first come up Tommy thought Thing-
umbob had gray side whiskers, but as he looked now he
had no whiskers at all. His pockets were stuffed and fairly
bulging with all sorts of odds and ends, among which Tom-
my could see bits of string, pieces of spangled cloth, an old
clock, a broken saw, atin horn, a match-box, shells, ribbons,
picture cards, and all sorts of trash. The ex-Pirate was evi-
dently as much amused as Tommy at the sight of this odd
collection of useless material sticking out of Thingumbob’s
pockets, for he presently asked:
THE ERRATIC THINGUMBOB 73
“What are you carrying all that stuff around for?â€
“Oh, I always do,†replied Thingumbob.
“But it’s nothing but a lot of trash—a lot of trumpery,â€
said Tommy.
“T know it,†continued Thingumbob, calmly; “but don’t
you know that you can always tellaman by the trumpery
he keeps?†And having thus spoken, he sat down on a rock
and began to brush his hair, using the bottom of his tin dipper
for a mirror. It was avery old brush that he used, and it
was very full of hairs, and as Thingumbob proceeded with
his toilet he frequently paused to look at it. Finally he said
to the Sheep, “I don’t know how it is about wool, but-a hair
on the head is worth two in the brush.â€
“So they say,†replied the Sheep; “but we have not time
to stay here and discuss that. We want to find out about
the fight.â€
“Tt’s all over,†said Thingumbob.
““Who won?â€
“T forget,†he added. “ Either the Sword-Fish or.the Pen-
guin won. I don’t remember which. But here come some
Clams; perhaps they know.â€
Just then, as Thingumbob had said, half a dozen Clams
stepped out of the breakers, and strolled over to where
Tommy and his friends were conversing.
CHAPTER X
UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS
WITH the Clams was a strange creature that looked to be
half horse and half vegetable. It had four hoofs, and all the
rest was leaves.
“What in the world is that with the Clams?†asked the
little boy.
“ That’s the Horse-Radish,†answered the Sheep.
“ Horse-Radish always goes with Clams, you know,†said the
ex-Pirate, condescendingly.
“Of course; I ought to have thought of that,†said Tommy,
« And with Oysters, also.â€
“But the Oysters are away now,†said one of the Clams.
‘They've gone away for the summer. They never stay
about in May, June, July, and August.â€
“ Awfully high-toned mollusks, those Oysters,†sniffed a
Little Neck Clam.
“Yes; just think of having four months’ vacation every
year,†said another. ,
“T was talking with a little Oyster in his bed the other
day,†continued the first Clam, “and he said four months
wasn't half enough.â€
** “}TORSE-RADISH ALWAYS GOES WITH CLAMS, YOU KNOW,’ SAID THE EX-PIRATEâ€
UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS 77
“He must have been a very young one,†ventured the
Horse-Radish.
“That’s the way with those young ones,†commented
Thingumbob. “You give them an Inch-Worm and they
want an Elephant.â€
“T notice the old Oysters are iad enough to get a rest
of four months,†continued the Horse-Radish.
“T suppose they think half a loaf is better than no va-
cation at all.â€
“ How odd of them!’ put in Tommy.
“Odd?†queried the ex-Pirate. “Don’t you like the
Oysters? Or do you prefer the society of the Clams?â€
“Oh, I like Oysters, and I like Clams too.â€
“Clam stew!†shrieked the Little Neck Clam, in great dis-
may.
“Too,†said Tommy, who noticed that the Clams were be-
coming very much alarmed.
“Two?†repeated Thingumbob, with woful lack of tact;
“why, I’ve seen chowders where there was only one Clam.â€
But this line of conversation had become so distasteful to the
Clams that they were rapidly sinking into the sand. Thing-
umbob noticed this, and branched off on another subject. “I
know why the Oysters go away in the summer,†he said;
“it’s because they don’t like the Flies. The Flies go away
in the winter, you know.â€
“So do we,†said the Clam, now somewhat reassured.
“Where do the Flies go to?†asked: Tommy. “I’ve al-
ways wondered where they went in the winter-time.â€
78 TOMMY TODDLES
“That’s what the pink-eyed Gosling asked,†said Thing-
umbob.
“What ?â€
‘“‘ He asked where the Flies went.â€
“ And it’s a classic, too. Another one of my classics,†put
in the ex-Pirate. ‘Would you like to hear it?â€
“Go ahead! Go ahead!†said Thingumbob, pounding on
the rock with his dipper. ‘Go ahead, whether he wants to
hear it or not. We'll hold him.â€
And so the ex-Pirate bowed to all, and began to recite, in
his usual melodramatic manner:
«“«Where do the FLIEes go in winter-time ?’
The pink-eyed GOSLING asked.
‘They go to a balmy, distant clime,
Where the sun is never masked;
To a land where clouds are still unknown,
Where the cold north wind has never blown,
And the seeds of sin are yet unsown,
Where all is true and good.’
««And do the little FLIES remain
All winter in this land,
Or do they find the constant strain
Too great for them to stand?
For, even with the little FLI&Es,
It seems occasion must arise
To weary of the cloudless skies,
Where all is true and good.’
UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS 79
“The GANDER knit his furrowed brow,
And frowned upon his child,
And said, ‘’Tis plain to see that thou
Art yet both young and wild;
But harken to the old who preach,
And listen to the wise who teach,
Or else that land thou’lt never reach
Where all is true and good.’â€
No one had apparently noticed it, but while the ex-Pirate
was reciting the six Clams had sunk into the sand until they
were wholly out of sight, and the Horse-Radish had entirely
withered away. Thingumbob sighed when it was all over,
and began brushing his hair again. He also brushed his
whiskers, for they had grown out anew. Presently he said,
«Since you are speaking poetry, how do you like this:
“Quoth the CoDFISH to the PELICAN:
‘Can you swim as well as I?
If you do not know how well I can,
I'll let you see me try.’â€
“Ts that all?†asked Tommy, after a pause.
“That’s all.â€
“ And what happened ?â€
“Nothing happened. Nothing ever happens,†added Thing-
umbob, rather peevishly. “ For instance: ,
“The ZEBRA and the CROCODILE,’
‘ The Quacca and the GNu,
All started out one afternoon
To see what they could do.
80 . TOMMY TODDLES
“They wandered quite a long way off,
And had such loads of fun,
That when they came back home again
None knew what they had done.
And so, you see, practically, or as far as the outside world
was concerned, nothing happened.â€
The ex-Pirate pulled Tommy away a little to one side and
whispered in his ear: “He’s that way. You see, he’s been
talking too much. Let us leave him alone and go on our way.â€
But Tommy suspected that the real reason why the ex-Pi-
rate wanted to leave was because he was becoming jealous of
Thingumbob. Nevertheless, as the Sheep was also inclined to
proceed, they bade farewell to the queer creature and contin-
ued along the beach. Tommy noticed, as they walked on, that
the beach gradually became. harder and harder to the step,
and that the sand no longer gave way beneath his feet as
softly as well-regulated sand should. He would not have
minded such a thing, probably, if he had not been somewhat
fatigued by his long walk; but he was a tired little boy by
this time, and did not much care to have his progress made
any more difficult. He looked down at the sand to see what
the trouble was, and discovered that there was no longer any |
sand there at all. He was now walking along’ on shingles.
He looked about him, and it seemed as if he and his com-
panions were travelling on the roofs of houses that had been
built so closely together that there was no room for streets
in between them. And the rocks, too, that had been scat-
tered along the shore had in some unaccountable manner dis-
UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS 8
appeared to give place to chimneys, out of some of which thin
clouds of smoke coiled skyward.
“Where are we now?†asked the little boy, when he had
completely taken in the transformation of his surroundings.
‘Where are we ?†echoed the Sheep, as if he did not quite
understand the question.
“Yes; what are we walking on?†‘
“Qh, Isee. Why, this is the shingle beach. There aren’t
_many like this. Isn’t it queer? But we will be off of itina ~
minute,†and, sure enough, a few rods farther on the shingles
melted into sand again, and the rocks ceased to be chimneys,
and the landscape became as perfectly natural as it had been
before.
“There it is!’ shouted the ex-Pirate, just after they had
‘left the shingle beach behind them. ‘“ There’s the Penguin’s
house,†and he directed Tommy’s attention to a queer-look-
ing structure about two hundred yards ahead of them, shel-
tered by a low cliff and well set back from the sea.
“Ts that where the Penguin lives ?â€
“That’s the place. That’s his office, too. Don’t you see
THE TIDAL WAVE written over the door ?â€
Tommy Toddles had made up his mind not to be aston-
ished any more at anything he might see that day, or he doubt-
less would have been much more impressed than he was with
the Penguin’s mansion, and later with the Penguin himself
and with his queer establishment. The house was built of
oyster and clam shells, and had four columns in front of it.
These columns were profusely decorated with lobster claws
82 TOMMY TODDLES
and crabs and starfish, and supported a sort of triangular
pediment, along the base of which was written in shiny peb-
bles the name of the Penguin’s newspaper, and on the apex
of which roosted a large stone Gargoyle—that is, he looked
to be of stone, for he was gray of color and sat perfectly still;
but as the three came nearer, Tommy could plainly see that
the thing had red eyes, and that the red eyes were firmly fixed
on him. The house was fairly large, and had a wide front
door and several windows, through which, even from a dis-
tance, you could see into the interior of the rooms, where the
Penguin appeared to be very busy at his work.
On the steps outside were a crowd of little Crabs that were
all talking at once, and pitching pennies and squabbling with
one another, just like a pack of very badly behaved young
crustaceans that they were.
CHAPTER XI
THE PENGUIN’S HOUSE
THE Sheep stepped up to the house and knocked on the
door with his gold-headed cane, and when the Penguin came
in person to see what was wanted he introduced Tommy and
the ex-Pirate.
“We have come,†began the Sheep, “ to—â€
But the Penguin interrupted him, and said, in a nervous,
jerky manner: “I hope you will excuse me, but I am very
busy just at present. If you will come in and sit down I
shall be through with my work in a short while, and will then
be able to spare you a few moments of my very valuable
time.â€
So saying, he nodded his head to each one of them and
hurried back into his office, where he climbed on a high stool,
leaned over his desk, and began to write assiduously. He
wrote so fast that every few minutes his pens gave out from
sheer friction; but the editor had a Porcupine tied to his
stool, and every time a pen broke he leaned over and pulled
a quill out of the captive at his feet. The only fun the Por-
cupine seemed to get out of life was to roll over and jab the
office Catfish in the ribs every time he got a chance, a pro-
84 TOMMY TODDLES
ceeding which was not only exceedingly distasteful to the
office Catfish, but it likewise greatly annoyed and disturbed
the Penguin. The only other living being in the editorial-
room was the printer’s Devil-Fish, who seemed to be compos-
itor, pressman, proof-reader, and everything else all rolled into
one. He was the busiest creature Tommy had seen since he
bade good-bye to the Reformed Burglar. Occasionally, when
the Crabs made so much of a racket outside that the Penguin
could no longer hear the wheels turning in his head, the
printer’s Devil-Fish would leave his work and spare a minute
to jump up on the window-sill and shout:
“ See here, you newsboys. out there! If you don’t make
less noise I’ll have you all deviled.â€
“What does he mean by that ?†asked Tommy.
“ Haven’t you ever heard of deviled Crabs?†said the ex-
Pirate.
“Ves; but how can the printer’s Devil-Fish devil Crabs ?â€
“You ought to hear him sometimes,†remarked the Sheep.
Then, reflectively, “Those newsboys are a bad lot.â€
“ Are the Crabs the newsboys?†queried the little boy.
“Surely. They have to be. They are the only ones who
can run around as easily on land as under water. They dis-
tribute the extras along the shore, and they also skim along
the bottom of the sea and up the rivers, and sell the papers
to the fishes. I guess the Penguin is getting out an extra
now. That’s why he’s so busy.â€
“We forgot to ask him who won,†put in the ex-Pirate.
“ Well, let’s go out and ask the Gargoyle about it.â€
THE PENGUIN’S HOUSE 85
“Do you think we can get him to come off the roof?â€
“T guess so. He must be in good-humor to-day; the sun
is out.â€
“Ts not he good-humored unless the sun is out?†asked
Tommy.
“No, indeed. The Gargoyle is greatly influenced and af
fected by the weather. On cloudy days he is glum and mo-
rose and disagreeable, and won’t speak to any one; and on
rainy days he becomes very sad and weeps.â€
Whereupon, without warning, the ex-Pirate began:
“Che Gargople roosts fantasticallp
®n the curling caves,
Dis head’s thrust out bombastically ;
All things be perceives.
“His stonp epes stare verp steadilp
At everpthing below,
Anv when it rains they werp readily
Hhed quarts of tears ov so.
“Thus, wrapt in moisture and obscurity,
Dis lonelp watch be keeps,
Any at the thought of grim futuritp
fe weeps,—
De weeps,—
We weeps.â€
’
“T had never noticed that about Gargoyles,’ remarked
Tommy, “but I suppose it must be true.â€
5
86 TOMMY TODDLES
“ Of course it’s true,†exclaimed the ex-Pirate, who was in-
clined to take Tommy’s half-implied doubt as.a personal in-
jury. “If you don’t believe it, ask the Gargoyle.â€
They all three stepped out in front of the house, and the
Sheep, bowing politely to the Gargoyle up above him, asked
him if he would not come off the roof.
“T will, with the greatest of pain,’ replied the Gargoyle,
blinking his red eyes at the Sheep. Then he began to move
along down the edge of the pediment, slowly and awkwardly.
“ He’s got the rheumatism badly,†said the ex-Pirate.
“ What can you expect?†retorted the Sheep. “He stays
out all night. No wonder he has the rheumatism.â€
“ And he is all covered with moss,†remarked Tommy.
“ Oh, that’s nothing,†said the Sheep. ‘‘That’s merely a
sign of his green old age.â€
The Gargoyle slipped carefully down one of the pillars, and
hobbled stiffly over to where Tommy and his friends were
seated in the sand on the opposite side of the house from
where the Crabs were making so much noise, and with a se-
ries of grunts and moans he sat down himself.
‘“Tt’s all right,†he began, “as soon as I get fixed; but it’s
no fun getting fixed.â€
Tommy got near enough to the Gargoyle to feel of him, and
he found that he was as hard and as cold as a stone. The
little boy, of course, had marvelled at hearing the animals
converse, but words from a stone image filled his cup of
amazement to the brim. This brief interval of wonderment
and reflection drew his mind back to the point he had started
EDITORIAL-ROOM OF THE TIDAL WAVE
|
The Baldwin Library
University | |
RMB sie ||
Florida ||
MAY ALL THE CUCKOOS THAT EVER LIVE BE COMPELLED TO TELL ‘THE TIME'â€
[See page 123.]
40
TOMMY TODDLES
BY
ALBERT LEE
WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY
PETER SS. NEWELL
NEW YORK
HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS
1896
Copyright, 1896, by Harprr & Broruers.
All rights reserved.
TO -
B. C. L.
CHAPTER
I.
Il.
III.
IV.
Vv.
VI.
VII.
VIII.
Ix.
X,
XI.
XII.
XU.
XIV.
CONTENTS
Part fT
OUT OF THE ARK
DEPARTURE OF THE ANIMALS
TomMY Makers A NEW ACQUAINTANCE.
No INFORMATION FROM THE LOON
CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR .
AN INTERRUPTED LECTURE .
THE WELSH-RABBIT’S VISIT.
THE GUINEA-PIG SCHOOL.
LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-ToP .
Tue ERRATIC THIMGUMBOB.
UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS
Tue PENGUIN’s House
STORY OF THE FIGHT.
Part 11
IN THE ARK
THROUGH THE HAs oF TIME
A PAIR OF UNFORTUNATE TURTLES .
TOMMY AND THE EX-PIRATE GET INTO THE ARK
PAGE
Il
18
26
35
42
49
57
66
74
83
gti
. 103,
. 113
. 125
vi CONTENTS
CHAPTER PAGE
XVI. THE ANIMALS COME ABOARD . . ee ee ee 132
XVII. A FAR-REACHING ACCIDENT. . . . . 2 1. 1... ee. 40
XVIII. THe Banquet BEGINS. . . . 1... 1 1... eee G8
XIX, Tommy ExcuHances IDEAS WITH THE GOPHER. . . . . . 158
XX. A PORTION OF THE EX-PIRATE’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY . . . . . 162
XXII. A GAME oF BUMPOLUMP. . . ..... soe ee 17S
XXII. THe Lion’s DISPLEASURE . . . . . . 1 1. ew . 183
ILLUSTRATIONS
PAGE
““MAY ALL THE CUCKOOS THAT EVER LIVE BE COMPELLED TO TELL
THE TIME†2. . ww ee ee ee Frontispiece
“WELL, THAT IS THE MOST WONDERFULEST THING I EVER SAW!†. .) 7
THE SHEEP RETURNED, WALKING ON HIS HIND-LEGS . . .. . . . I5
“HE 7S CRAZY,†SAID TOMMY. . . 2... eee
““THIS MUST BE THE EX-PIRATE,†THOUGHT TOMMY... . . . . 27
‘IT LOOKED ABOUT, AND FAR AWAY I SAW A LITTLE SPECK" . . . . 39
THE WELSH-RABBIT LAUGHED UNTIL THE CHEESE OF HIS BACK FAIRLY
BUBBLED . . . 1 we ee AS
THE SPOTTED GUINEA-PIG SAT OUT IN FRONT AND BEAT TIME WITH
HIS FORE-PAWS. 2... eee ee 53
THE DuMmMB- WAITER BROUGHT THE CAKE UP THE HILL ON ROLLER-
SKATES 2.0. ee ee ee ew «63
“WHAT IS THAT AWFUL PERSON DOING?’ ASKED TOMMY ... . . 69
“ HorsrE-RADISH ALWAYS GOES WITH CLAMS, YOU KNOW,†SAID THE
EX-PIRATE 2. 8
EDITORIAL-Room OF THE TIDAL WAVE . . . . 1... « . a 87
THE GARGOYLE TELLS THE STORY OF THE FIGHT... 1... +) . QO3
FATHER TIME WAS VIGOROUSLY WORKING HIS WINGS. . . 2. . . « 16g
‘Why, THAT ARK IS JUST LIKE MINE!†EXCLAIMED TOMMY . . . . II7
viii ILLUSTRATIONS
PAGE
‘““WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP HERE? WHY AREN’T YOU OUTSIDE?†. . 129
HIE THRUST HIS LONG SNOUT IN SUDDENLY . .. . . . . . « « 137
‘“LET’S ORGANIZE, WHAT'S LIFE WITHOUT ORGANIZATION?†.. .) . 145
“THEY WON’T LET HIM PLAY BECAUSE HE’S A CHEETAH†. . . . . I8I
Tue LION CALLED THE ASSEMBLED MULTITUDE TO ORDER . . . . . 157
THE ANIMALS ROARED WITH LAUGHTER AT THE GOPHER’S JOKE. . . 163
‘‘SHE LOOKS TO ME AS THOUGH SHE MIGHT—MIGHT BE A PRIVATEER†. 167
THE GUNNER'S MATE AVERRED IT WAS HIGH TIME TO START THE
GAME. 6. ee ee ee 170
BUT ALL THE SAILORS... LEANED UPON THE STARBOARD RAIL . . . I7I
“My LIFE IS ONE LONG PURSUIT OF THE UNATTAINABLE†. ... . . 177
THE EX-PIRATE JUMPED UPON THE TABLE AND FIRED. . . . . . . 189
A LITTLE boy climbed on my knee:
‘‘Oh, tell me a story,†pleaded he—
‘A tale of animals and boys,
With guns and fights and lots of noise;
Have a pirate and a bear,
And lay the scene ’most anywhere.â€
And so it was this little tale
Of Tommy Toddles on the trail
Of toys that wandered from the fold
Ever happened to be told.
TOMMY TODDLES
PART I
OUT OF THE ARK
TOMMY TODDLES
CHAPTER I
DEPARTURE OF THE ANIMALS
IT was early in the afternoon of a bright autumn day
that Tommy Toddles sat by the window in the big play-
room at the top of the house, looking wistfully out over the
swaying trees toward the distant hills. He was beginning to
feel lonely, for he had been left to himself almost an hour
since luncheon, and everything in the house was so quiet that
it seemed as if every one had gone to sleep. Not even the
memory of two large pieces of plum-pudding was sufficient
to occupy Tommy’s mind for so long as an hour, and the toys
which lay about the floor appeared uninteresting. He had
been playing with the curiously colored wooden animals of
his Noah’s Ark until they no longer offered any attraction, and
then he had climbed up on the window-seat, and had pressed
his little nose against the window-pane for what seemed to
him a very long period of time. How he wished that his
4 TOMMY TODDLES
Uncle Dick were there to take him out for a wild romp across
the fields! How they would climb fences and jump ditches,
and pick up queer-shaped stones and fallen birds’-nests! But
Uncle Dick was not there, and there was no use hoping for
him, because he had gone away, and would not be back
again from the distant city for at least a week. And in the
meanwhile no one else would ever think of taking Tommy
for a tramp in the woods. He could play in the big garden
as much as he wished to, but he must not go beyond the
gate; and as he looked out at the hills and the fields and
caught a glimpse of the blue ocean far off in the distance, he
sighed at the thought of the barrier gate.
“But I suppose there is no use wishing for things,†he
thought, almost out loud.. “ The only thing to do is to wait,
and I do get so tired of waiting. I wish I had asked Uncle
Dick to send me the sheep instead of waiting to bring it with
him. And I do hope it will be a nice, white, woolly sheep,
as big as a real one, and strong enough for me to ride on.â€
This woolly sheep that Tommy was thinking about had
been the subject of a long discussion between him and his
Uncle Dick just before the latter’s departure. Uncle Dick
had promised to bring back from the city anything that
Tommy might ask-for, and the little boy had promptly de-
manded a goat—a live billy goat! He thought it would be
nice to have it on the lawn in front of the big house, and to
hitch it to his express-wagon and drive it about. But, unfort-
unately, when Tommy’s mother heard of this plan, she firmly
objected to his having a live goat. She said she would not al-
DEPARTURE OF THE ANIMALS 5
low any such animal about the house. Tommy then suggested
a sheep—a little woolly sheep, that could have a blue ribbon
around its neck with a bell hanging from it. But his moth-
er objected to the sheep, too, and so, after a long talk with
Uncle Dick, the little boy compromised on a stuffed sheep
which should be very white and very woolly, and should
have some sort of interior mechanism that would make it
bleat.
Consequently, as Tommy gazed out of the window, he kept
picturing to himself what glorious times he would have when
his uncle got back with the woolly sheep; but at the thought
of all these future joys he.grew very drowsy. He turned
from the window and wondered what he could do to pass
away the long afternoon. There stood the Noah's Ark on the
floor just as he had left it, with the animals walking down the
gang-plank, two by two, in the order of their sizes—the giraffes
first and the guinea-pigs last. How often he had arranged
them that way! Sometimes they seemed to walk up the
gang-plank and sometimes they seemed to walk down, but as
amatter of fact they always stood still.
“Tf they could only be alive,†mused Tommy, “and really
walk. If they could go in and out like real animals, and have
pens and houses and eat things.â€
And as he thought of the wonderful outcome of such a pos-
sibility, it suddenly seemed to him that the animals actually
did begin to move. He looked again, and became sure that
they were moving! The long line of wooden animals was
actually wobbling along down the gang-plank! And how
6 TOMMY TODDLES
funny they looked with their stiff wooden legs and their awk-
ward wooden bodies!
Tommy Toddles was so surprised at the behavior of his
toys that he just sat stock-still and stared at them. They
seemed to be paying no attention whatever to him. They
were moving on down the gang-plank and across the floor,
the two giraffes leading the way, and all the other animals fol-
lowing in perfect order, just as he had arranged them. They
progressed slowly toward the open door which led to the
hallway, but every now and then the procession was delayed
by the last guinea-pig, which kept getting its toes caught in
the threads of the carpet. They passed through the door-
way and marched out into the hall, and then actually began
going down the stairs. Tommy got up from the window-
seat and followed them.
“This is very queer,†thought he. “If Uncle Dick could
only see them zew/†And then he started down-stairs in the
wake of the guinea-pigs. “I do hope we won’t meet the
cook,†he continued, mentally, as the procession reached the
first landing; “she is so near-sighted she might not see them,
and she would be sure to step on those in front and break
their legs. Then they would not be able to walk any more.â€
By this time the animals had reached the ground-floor, for
they were moving along quite rapidly, and the head of the
column, led by the giraffes, started straight for the front door.
The toys now appeared to Tommy as if they were very much
larger than usual. It seemed to him as if they had grown
during the trip down the stairs; but in spite of this sudden
ys
‘SWELL, THAT IS THE MOST WONDERFULEST THING I EVER SAW
DEPARTURE OF THE ANIMALS 9
and unnatural growth none of them was anywhere near tall
enough to reach the door-knob, and the little boy wondered
how they were going to get out into the garden, for it was
evidently their intention to go there. He sat down on the
steps to watch.
The procession moved steadily onward, and when the giraffes
reached the door they marched right through it as if there had
not been any door there at all. The other animals did the
same thing. Tommy could see them approach the door and
gradually fade away into it, and then he thought he could
hear them treading on the gravel path outside.
“Well, that is the most wonderfulest thing I ever saw!â€
he gasped, quite regardless of grammar. ‘I have heard of
people seezng through a door, and hearing through a door,
and smelling through a door’—and here Tommy recollect-
ed vividly the odor of pancakes coming through the closed
kitchen door—“ but I never saw anything go through a door
before. These animals must all be like sounds or smells or
sights,†concluded the little boy, for that was the only rational
explanation he could make to himself for their odd behavior.
“ But I wonder where they are going?†and he got up from
his seat on the steps and ran down to the front door. He
did not stop to take his cap or to tell his mother he was going
out, as he usually did, but he opened the front door and stood
or the porch watching the procession, which by this time had
gotten quite a distance down the broad driveway.
The animals passed out through the open gate, and as they
got farther and farther away down the road they seemed to
10 TOMMY TODDLES
grow larger and larger instead of becoming smaller, as, accord-
ing to all optical laws, they should have done. They still
maintained their relative positions in line, with the little
guinea-pigs toddling along in the rear, almost running in their
breathless endeavors to keep up with the others; but by the
time the latter had reached the gate they appeared to be life-
size, and as the little boy glanced over the shrubbery which
screened the garden from the public highway, he could plainly
see the tall heads and long necks of the giraffes moving away
in the distance.
CHAPTER II
TOMMY MAKES A NEW ACQUAINTANCE
WHEN the last of the animals had disappeared, Tommy
Toddles looked about him to see if any other things were go-
ing to happen. He almost expected to see the animals turn
around and come back. But they did not. The tramp, tramp,
tramp of their feet grew less and less distinct, until it gradually
died away entirely, and there was no other sound but the rus-
tling of the wind in the tree-tops.
Tommy reflected for a few moments, and then started for
the gate. He knew he was not allowed to go beyond it, but
he felt as if he ought certainly to go that far to see, if possible,
what became of his animals. Perhaps he might even be for-
given for going farther, if he explained later to his mother ex-
actly what had happened, for surely this must be a sufficient
excuse, as no one ever before had heard of wooden toys com-
ing to life and growing up and deliberately walking away!
And so Tommy went to the gate and looked along the road,
which stretched away for a short distance down the hill and
then disappeared into the woods.
The animals were not in sight. They had had time to reach
the woods, and only a light cloud of dust showed that they
12 TOMMY TODDLES
had passed that way. Tommy looked back at the big house,
but no one was visible, and most of the window-shutters were
closed so as to keep out the sunlight.
“JT know I ought not to,†thought Tommy, “but I'll just
run down the road a little way to see where they went. They
may get lost, and that, of course, would never do.†;
And so saying, he gave one more glance toward the house
behind him and started off. He ran as far as the bend in the
road, and then looked ahead into the woods, but, alas! there
was not the sign of an animal anywhere. The little boy was
very much perplexed. He was entirely at a loss as to what
he should do under the circumstances, and for lack of inspira-
tion he sat down on a big stone by the way-side to think the
matter over. He was still debating whether he should follow
after the animals and wander off into the woods, or whether
he should give them up as lost and return to the play-room,
when he heard a rustling sound in the bushes near by.
He turned around, and there, standing not ten feet away
from him, he saw the prettiest, whitest, woolliest sheep that
his eyes had ever rested upon. The sheep had great blue
eyes, that turned toward the little boy in an inquisitive sort
of a way, and presently it stepped entirely out of the bushes
and nodded in a most friendly manner.
“ Hello, Sheepy!†said Tommy, getting up and holding out
his hand.
“ Hello!†answered the woolly Sheep, as he trotted up and
placed one of his fore-feet in Tommy’s proffered hand.
Now our little boy had been surprised, to say the least of
TOMMY MAKES A NEW ACQUAINTANCE : 13
it, at the conduct of the Noah’s Ark animals; but this sur-
prise was nothing compared to the amazement which almost
overpowered him when the woolly Sheep not only shook him
by the hand, but actually spoke to him.
“You look disturbed,†said the Sheep.
“T am,†stammered the little boy—and that was all he could
say for the moment.
“You should not be disturbed or surprised at anything,â€
continued the woolly Sheep in the most natural way in the
world. “I got over being surprised at things years and years
ago.â€
Nevertheless, Tommy was surprised and very much dis-
turbed in his little mind, and for some minutes he said not a
word, but merely stared at the Sheep. The latter returned
the stare complacently with his large blue eyes, and when at
last the silence began to be embarrassing, he said,
“What are you doing here?â€
“Tam looking for my animals,†replied Tommy, as natu-
rally as he could, for he had not quite gotten used to the situ-
ation yet. ‘Have you seen them pass this way ?â€
“Oh yes,†answered the Sheep; ‘they all went down the
road some time ago. Were those your animals?â€
“Ves, and I am afraid they will get lost.â€
“Why don’t you go after them ?†asked the Sheep.
“JT don’t know where to go,†said Tommy, mournfully.
“Neither do 1; but if you like, I will go with you.â€
The little boy wondered how the Sheep could go to a place
without knowing where that place was, but as long as he had
â€
I4 TOMMY TODDLES
so generously offered to do so Tommy did not exactly like to
suggest this difficulty, and, besides, he thought it would be
more polite to accept. So he said,
“Where shall we go?â€
“T don’t know,†answered the Sheep.
“ Neither do I,†added Tommy.
“Then we must ask.â€
“But whom can we ask?†inquired the little boy, looking
about.
““We can ask any one we meet,†said the Sheep. “If we
start into the woods we will surely meet some one. We
won’t meet any one if we stay here.â€
This struck Tommy as being a sensible view to take of the
situation, and he told the Sheep he would be glad to have him
go along with him to aid in the search.
“Very well,†pursued the latter. “Wait until I get my
things.â€
The Sheep trotted off into the bushes again, and soon re-
turned wearing a jaunty hat on the top of his head and car-
rying a cane which was neatly decorated with a gilded ram’s
horn for a handle. He was now walking on his hind-legs,
too, instead of on all-fours, as he had been when Tommy first
saw him. In this attitude he was almost as tall as the little
boy.
Before they started, Tommy again hesitated somewhat as
to whether he ought to go with the Sheep in search of his
animals, or whether it would not be better to turn back to
the house, but everything had been so queer that afternoon
‘CDPHE SHEEP RETURNED, WALKING ON HIS HIND-LEGSâ€
TOMMY MAKES A NEW ACQUAINTANCE 17
that he thought his mother would accept the queer excuses he
would have to make when he got home.
They followed the road into the woods, and as they went
Tommy looked about him to see if he could recognize any
old landmarks, for he had frequently gone that way with his
Uncle Dick. But for some reason the trees did not appear to
be the same trees that had stood by the way-side only a few
days since, and the road seemed to take twists and turns that
Tommy had never known it to take before. Yet, somehow,
these things did not bother Tommy much at the time. Pres-
ently the Sheep said,
“You have forgotten your hat.â€
“Yes; I was in such a hurry, you know,†answered the lit-
tle boy. “But I don’t think I will catch cold; do you?â€
“Oh no,†continued the Sheep, patronizingly; “if. you do,
just give it to me.†But Tommy didn’t comprehend exactly
what he meant.
“T wonder if my animals can talk, too?†thought he, as
they went along. ‘I hope we will catch up with them soon,
so that I can find out. And how I do wish I could keep this
woolly Sheep instead of having the one Uncle Dick is going
to bring me! I don’t think mamma would object to a live
Sheep like this one—a white, woolly Sheep that wears a little
hat and can talk.â€
CHAPTER III
NO INFORMATION FROM THE LOON
TomMy TODDLES and his companion had advanced but a
short distance into the woods when the little boy thought
he heard some one laughing very loud and heartily, appar-
ently at no great distance from them. He paused a mo-
ment to listen, and when the sounds of laughter were re-
peated he touched the Sheep on the shoulder and they both
stopped.
“ Did you hear that ?’ said Tommy.
“Ves.â€
“Some one is laughing; let us go and ask about the ani-
mals.â€
“ Don’t ask 222,†exclaimed the Sheep, in a tone of deep
scorn; “fe wouldn’t know.â€
“Why, who is it?†asked the little boy.
“That’s the Loon. He’s crazy,†and the Sheep started on
down the road again.
“But he might have seen the animals, even if he is crazy,â€
persisted Tommy. “Let us go and ask him, anyway.â€
The Sheep asserted that this would be an utterly useless
proceeding and an absolute waste of time; but Tommy final-
NO INFORMATION FROM THE LOON 19
ly persuaded him to make the attempt. at least, and so they
turned off from the main road and plunged into a thicket out
of which the sounds of laughter appeared to come. As they
broke their way through the bushes the noise of the Loon’s
laughter grew plainer and plainer. Presently the thick growth
of underbrush opened up into a sort of clearing surrounded
by tall trees, and reaching down on the farther side to the
edge of a lake. Near the shore stood the Loon, and when
Tommy first caught sight of him he thought this was the
most solemn-looking bird he had ever seen. He was stand-
ing beside a tree trunk which looked very much like a butch-
er’s block, and every few minutes he placed some imaginary
or invisible object on the top of the trunk, and then struck
it vigorously with a large hammer which he held. After
every blow the Loon lifted up his head and laughed as if
there had never been anything so funny.
“You see, he’s crazy,†said the Sheep, deprecatingly.
“ What is he doing?†asked Tommy.
“T’m sure I don’t know; he’s just crazy.â€
“Well, you ask him if he has seen the animals,†for by
this time the two had approached quite close to the Loon,
who, however, seemed to be entirely unconscious of their
presence.
“ Ba-ah!†said the Sheep. |
“ Quack !†said the Loon.
“How d’ye do?†said Tommy.
And then the Loon brought his hammer down hard on
the block and laughed as though his sides would split.
20 TOMMY TODDLES
“Have you seen the animals?†asked the Sheep.
“No,†answered the Loon, briefly, and then he pounded
the block again. :
After the laughter had subsided, Tommy spoke. ‘“ Have
not you seen my animals go by here, Mr. Loon ?â€
“Not an animal,†responded the bird. “I have been too
busy.â€
“What are you doing ?’asked Tommy.
“Can’t you see what I’m doing?†snapped the Loon; “I’m
cracking jokes,†and’ he brought the hammer down once
more with a vigorous blow.
“Cracking jokes ?†repeated Tommy, in a tone of surprise.
“ Ves—cracking jokes.â€
‘But where are the jokes?â€
“ The jokes are on the block,†replied the Loon.
“T don’t see any jokes,†and Tommy looked closely at the
beaten top of the tree trunk.
“T did not suppose you could,†retorted the Loon. ‘You
are as stupid as all the rest. No one ever sees my jokes.â€
Whereupon he rapped the block again and fairly shrieked
with merriment.
“ He zs crazy,†said Tommy, turning to the Sheep.
“T told you so,†answered the latter, triumphantly. “Let
us leave him alone with his jokes, and go up to the head of
the lake. They’ll know up there.â€
They did not even say good-bye to the Loon as they made
their way out of the clearing, for the bird was not paying any
attention to them. They turned into a narrow path that led
fie JS CRAZY,’ SAID TOMMYâ€
ot - .
NO INFORMATION FROM THE LOON 23
off in the direction of the lake and then followed along the
shore. It was a very pretty lake, with trees growing down
close to the water, and Tommy wondered that he and his
Uncle Dick had never discovered it before. As they trudged
along, jumping over fallen logs now and then, they could
hear the Loon's laughs growing fainter and fainter in the dis-
tance.
Presently they came to a low point of land that jutted out
into the water,and when they had walked out to the end of
it Tommy noticed a queer-looking building standing in an
open space about a quarter of a mile away at the head of the
lake. It was a two-storied house with a shingled roof, and
any quantity of windows in the sides. The most peculiar
thing, however, was that the side of the house fronting the
_ lake was painted white, and one end of the building was
painted blue, and the other end was painted red. The little
boy, of course, could not see the fourth side, and he wondered
what color that was. He looked at the strange building as
they advanced, and in a few moments said to the Sheep,
“What is that house?â€
“The Poorhouse,†answered the Sheep.
“T never knew of a Poorhouse around here,’ said Tommy,
as he gazed at the queer structure. “Is there any one in it?â€
“Only two poor people,†answered his companion, “ but
they are both very poor.â€
“Who are they?â€
“One is an ex-Pirate, and the other is a Reformed Burg-
lar?â€
2
24 TOMMY TODDLES
“A Pirate and a Burglar!†exclaimed Tommy. “I did not
know there were any more pirates.â€
“There aren’t,’ replied the Sheep, testily. “I said an ex-
Pirate. He was driven out of the business.â€
Tommy was a little abashed by the Sheep’s tone, but after
a brief pause he resumed,
“Ts he a real Pirate?â€
“ He was,†answered the Sheep.
“ And what does he do now?†continued the little boy.
“ He is very poor now.â€
“T thought all pirates got rich,†persisted Tommy.
“They did. Some got rich and some got killed. This
Pirate got rich.â€
“But you just said he was poor,†objected the little boy.
“ He is mow,’ answered the Sheep. “You see, when things
got into such a state that the pirate business was. no longer
profitable, this one sold his ship and all his hidden gold and
retired. Then he started in to write poetry, and now he’s in
the Poorhouse.â€
Tommy could not quite follow this explanation, but he
thought it must be all right, and as they walked along he
tried, although without any very gratifying success, to think
it out. After a while he said,
“ Does the ex-Pirate still write poetry ?â€
“Ves,†answered the Sheep, “but he’s so poor now that it
does not make any difference.â€
“And the Burglar?†asked Tommy.
“Oh, he’s very good now; he has reformed entirely.â€
NO INFORMATION FROM THE LOON 25
“ Does not he steal any more?â€
“No. And, besides, there is nothing to steal at the Poor-
house.â€
“What does he do, then?â€
“ He does not do anything but paint the Poorhouse. Since
his reform he has become a good man and a patriotic citizen,
and so he paints the house red, white, and blue.. He paints
one side every day, so that every fourth day the sides have a
different color.â€
“He must use an awful lot of paint,’ thought Tommy.
But by this time the two had gotten almost up to the house,
and the little boy could see the Reformed Burglar in a pair
of overalls, with a pot of red paint in his hand, painting one
end of the house.
CHAPTER IV
CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR
As the two approached the Reformed Burglar caught
sight. of them, and turned around to see who his visitors
were. Then he stuck his head in through an open window
and shouted,
“Hi there, below! All hands on deck to repel boarders!â€
“Does he think we are coming here to live?’ asked Tom-
my of his companion. .
_“T guess not,†answered the Sheep. “ Why?â€
“He said something about boarders.â€
“Oh, that’s only an idiom of the piratic vocabulary,†re-
plied the Sheep, learnedly—so learnedly, in fact, that Tom-
my was just as much in the dark as he was before he put the
question.
When he looked up at the house again a wild-eyed individ-
ual with long hair and a fierce mustache, holding a knife in
his teeth and a pistol in each hand, burst out of the door and
stood beside the Reformed Burglar.
“This must be the ex-Pirate,†thought Tommy, as he cau-
tiously got behind the Sheep. ‘I wonder if he’ll shoot ?â€
But the ex-Pirate was not that kind of a man at all. When
‘‘CrHIS MUST BE THE EX-PIRATE,’ THOUGHT TOMMYâ€
CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR 29
he saw that there were strangers present he put his pistols
back into his belt, and came up to the visitors with a genial
smile, and shook hands with the Sheep and then with
Tommy.
“Welcome to the Poorhouse,†he said. “There is noth-
ing here, and so you will find nobody any richer than your-
selves.†,
“But we have not come to stay,†murmured Tommy.
“ Nothing comes to stay,†replied the ex-Pirate, with a sigh.
“ Everything that comes, goes.â€
During this conversation the Reformed Burglar, who had
put down his paint-pot, approached the group. Tommy no-
ticed that he had only one eye, and that he wore a blind over
the other. He wanted to ask him what was the matter with
this other eye, but he thought the Reformed Burglar might
feel offended at such a question, so he merely said,
“ How do you do, sir?â€
“To-day I do it in red,†answered the Reformed Burglar,
with a bow.
“ But I did not ask you that,†said Tommy.
“You should have,†said the other; “it is important.â€
“T don’t like red,†interrupted the ex- Pirate. “I prefer
black. I wanted him to paint the house black.â€
“But that would have looked so sad,†remarked the little
boy.
‘No matter; black is the Pirate’s color, and I like it.â€
The ex-Pirate was getting somewhat excited.
“ Black is a beastly color!†shouted the Reformed Burglar.
30 TOMMY TODDLES
“It’s better than red!†retorted the ex-Pirate, hotly, and
then there followed a lively dispute between the two inmates
of the Poorhouse as to the relative merits of red and black
for mural decoration.
‘Well, 2 doing the painting, anyhow,†sniffed the Re-
formed Burglar, finally, and he went back to his pot and
brushes. -
“He's that way,†said the ex-Pirate, turning to Tommy in
an apologetic way. “ But won’t you sit down? We have no
chairs, but there isa bench. I painted the bench. ‘You see,
it’s black.â€
Tommy felt grateful for this invitation, for he was begin-
ning to feel a little tired after his walk. There was a rude
table in front of the bench, and they all sat down and leaned
back against it.
“TI write here sometimes,’
down between his two guests.
Tommy didn’t know exactly what kind of a reply this
statement called for, so he said, “Is that so?â€
“Of course it’s so,†replied the ex-Pirate, facing the little
boy. “If you don’t believe it, ask the Reformed Burglar.â€
“I do believe it,†answered Tommy, somewhat timidly, for
he feared he had offended the ex-Pirate. ‘What I meant to
say was ‘Indeed,’ or something of that sort.â€
“That's all right,†continued the ex-Pirate, cordially. “I
thought perhaps you doubted me. Some people doubt
“pirates, you know, and although I am not a pirate now, I
was once, and my reputation clings to me. If you would
?
said the ex- Pirate, as he sat
CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR 31
like to see how I do it, just to be convinced, I will write some
poetry now.â€
“Oh no, don’t,†said the Sheep, impulsively.
“ But, if you prefer, I will recite some of my own composi-
tions,†continued the ex-Pirate, heedless of the Sheep's protest.
“Tcan recite something I wrote here. Would you like to hear it?â€
“ Certainly,†said Tommy, politely; “is it about pirates?â€
“No; it’s about the Reformed Burglar. Would not you
like to hear about him? I can recite something about pi-
rates afterward, if you would like me to.â€
“Never mind. Let us hear about the Reformed Burglar,â€
said the Sheep, wearily.
The ex-Pirate appeared to be pleased at receiving even this
slight encouragement. He climbed up on to the top of the
black table, and Tommy and the sheep turned around so as
to face him. He bowed very politely and elaborately in all
directions, just as if there had been a large audience present,
and then began. His manner of speaking was very melo-
dramatic, and Tommy suspected once or twice that he saw
the Sheep hiding a smile. But the little boy was very much
interested, because he had wanted all along to know more
about the Burglar, and this piece of poetry told him a good
deal.
THE RIME OF THE REFORMED BURGLAR
“There was a bold, bad burglar
Whose name was ONE-EYED BILL,
He used to burgle shops and banks,
And also tap the till.
32
TOMMY TODDLES
“ Now in the street where WILLIAM lived
There dwelt a little maid;
Her face was very pretty, and
Her name was ADELAIDE.
“ Alas, she was an orphan, for
Her parents both were dead,
And her father’s brother cared for her
Now in her mother’s stead.
“Her uncle was a constable
Upon the town police,
And he used to keep a watchful eye
Upon his pretty niece.
“But ADELAIDE, as maidens will
Nine cases out of ten,
Would sit upon the front-door step,
And smile upon the men.
“It happened thus that ONE-EYED BILL
Came walking down that way,
And seeing pretty ADELAIDE,
He wished her a good-day.
“And ADDIE said : ‘Good-morrow, sir,
How is the world with you?
Would you sit down here beside me
If I should ask you to?’
“So WILLIAM went right up the steps,
And sat upon her left
CONCERNING THE REFORMED BURGLAR 33
(For, if you will remember, of
One eye he was bereft).
“He sat there all the afternoon
With pretty ADELAIDE,
And when he went back home again
He loved the gentle maid.
“Said he unto himself: ‘Ha! ha!
True unto my profession,
I'll burgle this young woman’s heart
And make it my possession.’
“But this was his last burglary;
For when he won her heart,
She made him swear that he and his
Profession then should part.
“So ONE-EYED BILL and ADELAIDE
Were married very soon,
And sailed away to foreign lands
To spend their honeymoon.â€
When the ex- Pirate had finished speaking he clambered
down from the top of the table, and bowed again to Tommy
and to the Sheep.
“Did the burglar really get married?†asked the little boy.
“ Certainly,’ answered the ex- Pirate; “he married Ade-
laide.â€
“Well, where is she now? Is not she poor too?â€
“T don’t know,†said the ex-Pirate, with an air of embar-
34 TOMMY TODDLES
rassment, as he glanced stealthily toward One-eyed Bill, who
was still zealously painting the side of the Poorhouse.
“Don’t ask so many questions,†whispered the Sheep, se-
verely. “It is very embarrassing sometimes. When in doubt,
always change the subject.â€
Tommy did not like to be talked to in this fashion, espe-
cially by a sheep, although he knew down in the bottom of
his heart that it was a Z¢¢/e inquisitive to ask questions about
the private affairs even of a Reformed Burglar. But it was
evident to him that the ex-Pirate felt slightly disturbed over
the matter, and so he tried to change the subject as the
Sheep had suggested.
CHAPTER V
AN INTERRUPTED LECTURE
TomMy could not think of anything to say, but the ex-
Pirate soon broke the silence himself by remarking,
“« T wrote it.â€
“Oh yes!†exclaimed Tommy, seizing the opportunity to
say something pleasant at last. “The poetry was very nice.
It sounded like some of the funny things Uncle Dick learned
at college. But you said you would recite something about
pirates too.â€
“T will,’ answered the ex-Pirate with alacrity, and he
climbed up on top of the table again. “I'll read you a selec-
tion from my autobiography. I was just writing it as you
came,†and he pulled a large roll of manuscript out of his
inner pocket. “This is Chapter XVII. If you prefer, I will
go and get the preceding sixteen chapters, the introduction,
and the preface, and read them to you too.â€
“Oh no,†interposed the Sheep. ‘“ Chapter XVII. will do.
We have not time to hear any more.â€
“Very well,†replied the ex-Pirate, clearing his throat; “I
will only read Chapter XVII:
36 TOMMY TODDLES
“«The following day the sun rose up as usual from the East,
The sea was calm, the sky was clear, the stormy winds had ceased;
The Black Avenger sped along before a gentle breeze,
And the starboard watch loafed on the deck in true piratic ease—’
What is it?†asked the ex-Pirate, interrupting his lecture and
turning toward Tommy, who looked as if he wanted to ask
a question.
“T was wondering what the Black Avenger was,’ said the
little boy.
“TI supposed so,†replied the poet, reproachfully—‘“ I sup-
posed so. The Slack Avenger was the name of my pirate
ship, and if you had let me read the first sixteen chapters of
the autobiography you would have known all about the ship
by this time. JI think I had better go and get the other
chapters,†and he started to step down from the table.
“Oh no,’ put in the Sheep. ‘We know what the Black
Avenger is now. It’s your ship.â€
“Yes,†said the ex- Pirate, dramatically; “she was a low,
trim craft, with tall, rakish masts—â€
“Just like all pirate ships,†interrupted the Sheep.
“Not a bit of it!’ shouted the ex-Pirate, vehemently.
“ She was woz like any other ship afloat, you mutton-head.â€
“Don’t you call me a mutton-head!†retorted the Sheep,
hotly, rising from his seat on the bench. “You may think
that because—â€
“ But—†began the ex-Pirate.
“because you are up there on that table—â€
AN INTERRUPTED LECTURE 37
“But—†began the ex-Pirate again.
“Oh, don’t tell him to butt!†cried Tommy, who was begin-
ning to fear there might be a fight.
“T didn’t,†said the ex-Pirate, turning to the little boy.
“Well, both of you stop quarrelling,â€â€™ continued Tommy, as-
serting himself. ‘I think it’s very rude of each one of you.â€
The ex-Pirate looked at the little boy as though he did not
quite understand, and the Sheep moved off to the far end of
the bench and began to sulk. Tommy was surprised to see
this, for, until then, he had entertained a very favorable opin-
ion of his new friend. He was surprised to see the Sheep
sulk, because it was something he never did himself, as he had
been told that it was unmanly.
“Perhaps it is not unsheeply,†thought Tommy, who was
willing to make every excuse possible for the Sheep.
“Shall I go on?†said the ex-Pirate to Tommy, as he
glanced at the Sheep,
“Certainly,†replied the little boy; “he is very ill-behaved.
He ought to be ashamed of himself.â€
“T guess he is,†remarked the ex-Pirate; “ he certainly
looks sheepish ;†and although this did not strike Tommy as
being odd at the time, he wondered afterwards how a sheep
could look otherwise.
The little man on the table glanced over his manuscript,
and, having found the place where he left off, read again:
“«T took my breakfast down below, and when I came on deck
I looked about, and far away I saw a little speck
Upon the blue horizon, and I knew it was a—’
38 TOMMY TODDLES
I guess I'll have to stop here,†said the ex-Pirate, suddenly,
putting his papers into his pocket and looking around un-
easily.
“Why, what’s the matter?†asked Tommiy, noticing his ev-
ident nervousness. The Sheep, too, had straightened up and
was looking about.
“ Don’t'you smell anything?†asked the ex-Pirate.
“No; what is it?†inquired Tommy, sniffing and looking
about like the rest of them. But before the ex-Pirate could
answer, the little boy heard a sort of shuffling noise coming
from the direction of the woods, and presently he saw a most
peculiar-looking animal, such as he had never seen or heard
of before, waddle out into the open, grassy space in front of
the Poorhouse. The strange beast seemed to be about the
size of a hippopotamus, yet, he resembled a rabbit. And he
was yellow. As he came nearer his body looked as if it were
made of cheese, and his long ears resembled pieces of toast.
A sort of white vapor floated off the creature’s back, and, as
the breeze wafted it toward the group at the table, Tommy
noticed that it had a fragrant and appetizing odor.
“What is that thing?†he asked, somewhat tremulously.
“ That’s the Welsh-Rabbit,†whispered the Sheep.
“Oh,†said Tommy. “Uncle Dick eats one every night.â€
“?Sh-h-h!†said the ex-Pirate. ‘“ Don’t talk like that. He
might hear you.†.The Sheep was frowning severely, and
Tommy feared that he had said something indiscreet. In a
few moments he was sure he had.
“Never talk of cating things,†said the Sheep. “It isa .
‘““€) LOOKED ABOUT, AND FAR AWAY T SAW A LITTLE SPECK’â€
AN INTERRUPTED LECTURE 4I
tender subject with some people. How would you like to
have a lion come along here now and look at you and ask me
if you were good to eat?â€
This question, with its suggested possibilities, made Tommy
feel uncomfortable, and he moved nearer to the ex-Pirate.
“Are there any lions hereabouts?†he asked.
“There might be,†replied the Sheep; “but they are all
well-bred lions, and they don’t talk about things to eat.â€
This statement reassured the little boy, but it made him
again eager to change the subject of the conversation.
CHAPTER VI
THE WELSH-RABBIT’S VISIT
IT was an easy matter to change the subject this time,
because the Welsh-Rabbit was there to talk about. Tommy
looked at the strange creature and said,
“Ts he poor too?â€
The ex-Pirate laughed out loud. “No,†he replied; “he’s
very rich. He is one of the richest things I know.â€
“Then he does not live here?†continued Tommy, pointing
toward the Poorhouse.
“No, indeed. He has a stock-farm down the road, where
he raises all sorts of queer animals. He comes here occasion-
ally to give us things.â€
“What does he give you?â€
“ He usually gives me a night-mare,†answered the ex-Pirate.
“A night-mare ?â€
“Yes; he raises them on his stock-farm.â€
Tommy was about to ask what sort of an animal a night-
mare was, but the Welsh-Rabbit had come so close to them
by this time that his two companions turned toward the vis-
itor and wished him good-day most cordially.
“ Good-night,†replied the Welsh-Rabbit, bluntly.
THE WELSH-RABBIT’S VISIT 43
“ But it is not night,†said Tommy; whereupon the Sheep
pulled his coat-sleeve abruptly, and whispered :
“Don’t talk like that. The Welsh-Rabbit wants to be po-
lite. He does not often wish one ‘good-night.’ Say some-
thing nice to him now.â€
Tommy couldn't think of anything particularly polite to
say right on the spur of the moment, so he naturally spoke of
what was uppermost in his mind:
“Have you seen my animals, Mr. Welsh-Rabbit ?â€
“No, I have not,’ answered the Welsh-Rabbit. ‘“ Have
you seen mine ?â€
“No; have you lost yours?â€
“No, indeed!†and the Welsh-Rabbit laughed until the
cheese of his back fairly bubbled over with mirth. ‘ Would
you like to see my animals ?â€
“J don’t know,†replied Tommy, for the Sheep was tug-
ging at his coat-sleeve again. ‘‘ What are they like?â€
“JT can show you all kinds,†answered the Welsh-Rabbit,
patronizingly. “There are green monkeys with pink tails,
yellow rats with purple eyes, cerulean dragons with crimson
claws, and blue elephants with five legs and lavender tails.â€
“Oh my!†gasped Tommy; “but I never heard of any such
animals as those. I don’t think I want to see them, but you
are very kind to offer to show them to me.â€
“Don’t mention it,†replied the Welsh-Rabbit, waving his
toast ears lazily; ‘I will show them to you some other day,
whether you want to see them or not.â€
Tommy did not quite understand how this could happen,
3
44 -* TOMMY TODDLES
but he said nothing, because the Sheep was persistently pull-
ing at his coat-sleeve. Both he and the ex-Pirate seemed to
be very much in awe of the Welsh-Rabbit, who appeared to
Tommy like such a mild and good-natured creature.
The Reformed Burglar had now almost finished painting
the side of the Poorhouse, and he came up and joined the
others. :
“How do you like that color?’ he asked of the Welsh-
Rabbit.
“What color ?â€
“ The color of this side of the house.â€
“Tt reminds me of tomato catsup,†said the Welsh-Rabbit,
after having glanced at the red side of the Poorhouse, “and
you know I don’t like tomato catsup.â€
“T think you will agree with me when I say that the house
should have been painted black,†put in the ex-Pirate.
“No, indeed,†said the Welsh-Rabbit; “I disagree with you.â€
“You always do,†retorted the ex-Pirate, with unexpected
asperity.
“Especially at night,†added the Reformed Burglar, and
then it began to look as if something serious were going to
happen. But fortunately the Welsh-Rabbit merely waved
his toast ears a bit, and then waddled off down the road with-
out saying a word of farewell to any of them.
“ He’s that-way,†said the ex-Pirate to Tommy, in the same
apologetic tone he had formerly used with regard to the Re-
formed Burglar. ‘Sometimes he’s right agreeable, and some-
times he’s right disagreeable. He’s mostly disagreeable.â€
‘CPHE WELSH-RABBIT LAUGHED UNTIL THE CHEESE OF HIS BACK FAIRLY BUBBLED â€
THE WELSH-RABBIT’S VISIT 47
Tommy watched the Welsh-Rabbit as he ambled off tow-
ard the shore of the lake, like a huge yellow ball, leaving a
savory odor of cheese behind him. When the queer creature
finally disappeared among the trees, the little boy turned
to the others:
“What peculiar animals he must have!†he said.
“Very peculiar sometimes,†remarked the Reformed Burg-
lar.
“Where does he keep them ?â€
“‘On his farm,†said the ex-Pirate.
“T’d like to see them,†ventured Tommy.
“You will some day.â€
“T never heard of a blue elephant with five legs and a lav-
ender tail,†continued the little boy. “Has he got many of
those ?â€
“No; most of his animals are bugbears. But he has a lot
of night-mares, and he gives them to lots of people.â€
“Would he give me a night-mare ?†asked Tommy.
“T reckon he would,†said the Reformed Burglar, with a
broad smile, for he seemed to be enjoying the little boy’s
questions immensely. “But I don’t think you would like it.â€
“JT don’t think you would either,†added the Sheep.
“Perhaps I wouldn’t,†said Tommy, thoughtfully; “but I
would like to have my own animals. Have you seen them
pass this way, Mr. Pirate ?â€
“No animals have passed this way to-day,†answered the
ex-Pirate; “ but we can go up on the hill and look around, and’
from there perhaps we can see where they are.â€
48 TOMMY TODDLES
'“That’s so!†exclaimed the Sheep; “I never thought of
that. Let’s go up on the hill.â€
“T would like very much to go with you,’
Pirate, meekly.
“All right, come along,†answered Tommy. “And won't
you come too, Mr. Bill?†he added, turning to the Reformed
Burglar.
“No; I can’t. I must paint. But I think I can guess
where your animals went to.â€
“Where?†asked Tommy, eagerly.
“T guess they went to the fight. All the other animals
went. That’s why you don’t see any about here.â€
“But we saw the Loon and the Welsh-Rabbit,†objected
Tommy.
“Qh, they don’t count,†put in the ex-Pirate. “The Loon
is crazy and don’t know what is going on, and the Welsh-
Rabbit never attends fights. He’s too soft.â€
“T did not know the fight was to be to-day,†remarked the
Sheep, in a tone of surprise.
“ Certainly, it’s to be to-day,†asserted the Reformed Burg-
lar. “But it’s probably all over with by this time.â€
“Well, let’s go to the hill anyway,†said the ex-Pirate.
‘From the summit we can see as far as the beach, and we
can easily tell if there are any animals there.â€
So they bade good-bye to the Reformed Burglar, who re-
turned to his pot and brushes, and Tommy, the ex- Pirate,
and the Sheep started off on the road which Jed to the hill.
,
said the ex-
,
CHAPTER VII
THE GUINEA-PIG SCHOOL
TOMMY was most curious to know what this fight was that
his new acquaintances had been talking about, and after they
had walked along in silence for a few moments he asked the
ex-Pirate to tell him about it. The latter expressed some
surprise that Tommy should be so ignorant in this matter,
and asked him if his animals had not told him of it.
“Why, they never tell me anything,†answered: Tommy.
“ They’re wooden.â€
“They wouldn’t?†said the ex-Pirate; but before Tommy
could explain the misunderstanding his companion began tell-
ing him about the fight. It seems that the Penguin lived in
a house near the sea-shore, and was the editor of a newspaper
which he called The Tidal Wave. In it he chronicled the
events of the animal world, and frequently said pretty sharp
things about the beasts, the birds, and the fishes.
“You see, the Penguin is half bird and half fish,†explained
the ex-Pirate, “and as he lives on land he counts as a beast.â€
Well, it seems that this editorial Penguin had made some
sarcastic remarks in his paper about the Sword-Fish, who was
a captain of Sub-Marines; and the Sword-Fish, being a very
“50 TOMMY TODDLES
haughty personage, had taken offence, and had challenged
him to fight a duel. The Penguin, although he was, so to
speak, a man of peace, accepted; and all the beasts and birds
and fishes were invited to witness the contest and to decide
which was the mightier of the two.
“ And I suppose the fight took place to-day,†said the ex-
Pirate, in conclusion.
“Who won?†asked Tommy, eagerly.
“T don’t know; we'll find out when we get to the beach.â€
By this time they were nearing the foot of the hill. The
road ran alongside of a stone-wall that was just about as high
as Tommy’s head, and it seemed to the little boy that he
could hear, now and then, strange sounds, like squeals, com-
ing from the other side of it. He asked the Sheep what the
‘sounds were.
“That’s the Guinea-Pig School in there,†said the latter.
“Tt must be recess,’ remarked the ex-Pirate. “J can hear
them playing.â€
“ Are there Guinea-Pigs on the other side of that wall?â€
inquired Tommy, with much interest.
“ Hundreds of them,†said the ex-Pirate.
“ Can’t we climb up and look at them?â€
“ Of course we can.†And in less time than it takes to tell
about it all three had clambered to the top of the wall, and
were looking down into the Guinea-Pig school-yard.
“Where is the school-house?†asked the little boy, as he
gazed at the hundreds of funny little animals clambering over
one another, playing tag and leap-frog, and every now and
THE GUINEA-PIG SCHOOL 5!
then giving vent to little squeaks of delight. They did not
even notice the three on-lookers sitting on the wall, so busy
were they in having a good time.
“Did you know,†said the ex-Pirate to Tommy, “that
if you pick up a Guinea-Pig by the tail his eyes will fall
out?â€
“Uncle Dick told me so once, but I did not believe
him.â€
“Well, Pll show you,†said the ex-Pirate, jumping down
into the play-ground. He approached a Guinea-Pig who was
not looking, and picked him up by the tail. Sure enough,
his eyes fell out, and rolled around on the ground with a most
terrified expression. Then the ex-Pirate put the little beast
down again, and he groped about until he found his eyes,
and put them back where they belonged. He looked quickly
about to see who had played the trick on him, and, seeing the
ex-Pirate laughing, he stuck out his tongue at him, and ran
away to join a group that was playing blind-man’s-buff.
“ Does not that hurt the Guinea-Pig?†asked Tommy.
“Certainly not,†replied the ex-Pirate; “they like it. It
tickles the eyes to roll about like that. Don’t you see them
playing blind-man’s-buff over there ?â€
“Ves,†assented Tommy.
“Well, Guinea-Pigs don’t carry handkerchiefs, so they have
to do the best they can without them. The way they get
around this is to take the one who is It, hold him up by the
tail, and let his eyes fall out. Then he’s just as blind as if he
had his eyes bandaged with a handkerchief.â€
52 _ TOMMY TODDLES
“And it’s cheaper, too,†added the Sheep, as he fanned
himself with his hat.
Tommy, of course, was much surprised at all the ex-Pirate
had told him, but he said to himself philosophically that so
many things had been surprising that afternoon that there
was no reason why he should waste any emotion on the
Guinea-Pigs.
“ Did you ever hear them sing?†ies the ex-Pirate.
“Can they sing?†asked the little boy, gleefully.
“ They caz sing,†answered the ex-Pirate, “ but they usually
sing only just before vacation.â€
“ And—
“And now it’s just after vacation.â€
“T wish they would sing,†said Tommy, looking up at the
ex-Pirate pleadingly.
“ Perhaps I can persuade them to,†said the latter, good-
naturedly, for he understood that this was what Tommy
wanted him to. do. He walked over towards the group that
was playing blind-man’s-buff. As soon as they saw him ap-
proaching they scurried off in every direction, until they con-
_ sidered themselves out of his reach, and then they sat up on
their haunches and stuck out their tongues, which was very
ill-bred of the Guinea-Pigs, thought Tommy.
“T’m not going to hurt you!†shouted the ex-Pirate.
“ Honest ?â€â€™ squeaked a little spotted Guinea-Pig, as he put
his fore-paws up to his eyes to make sure they were there.
“Really I’m not. I want you to sing.â€
“Tt is not time to sing yet,†said another Guinea-Pig, who
â€
a
“THE SPOTTED GUINEA-PIG SAT OUT IN FRONT AND BEAT TIME WITH HIS FORE-PAWS
THE GUINEA-PIG SCHOOL 55
looked very wise, and winked at his companions as if he had
discovered some ruse on the part of their visitor.
“No matter about that,†urged the ex-Pirate. “Sing your
song, and make believe you are practising for vacation.â€
The suggestion apparently struck the Guinea-Pigs favora-
bly, for at heart they really enjoyed their singing very much.
They all huddled together and held an excited debate, during
which there were no end of squeaks and squeals, and they
finally decided that they would sing—just once, “for prac-
tice.â€
So the ex-Pirate returned and sat down on the top of the
stone-wall next to Tommy and the Sheep, and the Guinea-
Rigs approached in a very dignified way, and arranged them-
selves in a semicircle in front of their audience. The spotted
Guinea-Pig sat out in front, facing the others, and beat time
with his fore-paws, while the others sang in chorus:
“Oh, let us away
To the land of Kathay,
Where the peppermint candy grows;
Where all the streets
Are paved with sweets,
And the lemonade river flows.
“We'll revel in quince,
And slices of mince,
And dine on chocolate-creams ;
And visions of tarts
Shall please our hearts,
And fill our peaceful dreams.
56 TOMMY TODDLES
“Qh, let us away
To fair Kathay—
The summer days are coming.
For now we know
It’s time to go;
The bumblebees are humming.â€
“Of course the bumblebees aren’t humming,†said the
spotted Guinea-Pig, turning around. “This is only a practice
song, you know.â€
The ex-Pirate thanked the little fellows for their cour-
tesy. Thereupon they ran away again, and lifted one of
their number up by the tail and resumed their game of blind-
man’s-buff. ,
“ Where is the land of Kathay?†asked Tommy, as soon as
the Guinea-Pigs had gone.
“Oh, it’s miles and miles away,†said the Sheep, and then
he jumped down from the top of the wall, and told his com-
panions to hurry along, for they had been wasting time in
their journey to the top of the hill.
CHAPTER VIII
LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-TOP
IT was a steep climb to the top of the hill, and when they
reached the summit Tommy was quite out of breath and very
warm. He looked about for some place to rest, but there
was not any. The top of the hill was bare except for a few
stubby alder- bushes and half a dozen white birches, which
trembled in the breeze that was blowing in from the sea.
“This is the place,†said the Sheep, presently.
“T don’t see any other place around here,†retorted the ex-
Pirate, “so I suppose this wzzs¢ be the place.â€
“What place?†asked Tommy.
“Don’t you see?†queried the ex-Pirate.
“Don’t I see what?â€
“Everything. This isthe place where you see everything.â€
And the ex-Pirate waved his hands out toward the horizon.
In fact, it seemed as if what he had said were true. Tom-
my thought he really could have seen everything if his eyes
had only been strong enough. The view appeared to have
no bounds. The hill was not so very high, yet it seemed to
the little boy as if he were up in a balloon, and was looking
down upon the whole world. Not far distant was the sea,
58 TOMMY TODDLES
with the waves breaking on the broad, sandy beach, and the
deep, blue water stretching off immeasurably toward the sky.
In the other direction were hills and valleys and green fields;
and far away were peaceful towns and villages with church-
spires sticking up out of a tangle of roofs and chimneys.
Tommy felt very much impressed, and wondered again how
it was that he and his Uncle Dick had never discovered this
beautiful spot. “ How nice it would be to have a house up
here!†mused the little boy, and then he suddenly bethought
himself of his own house that he had run away from so unex-
pectedly. He looked over in the direction where he thought
the big house ought to be, but he could not locate it any-
where in the landscape, and he did not quite like to ask the
Sheep or the ex-Pirate to show it to him. “It must be an
awful long way off,†he concluded, mentally, “if I can’t see
it from here.†And then he sighed, and wondered how he
was ever going to get back.
“Well, I don’t see them!†exclaimed the Sheep, who had
been standing on top of a bowlder, and peering intently in
the direction of the ocean.
“You don’t see who?†asked Tommy, coming out of his
reverie.
“ The animals.â€
“Perhaps they are behind that knoll yonder,†suggested
the ex-Pirate. ‘The Penguin lives there, and they may be
calling at his house.†|
“They may be,†said the Sheep. “We'll go there.†And
he jumped to the ground.
LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-TOP 59
“ But can’t we rest a little while first ?†pleaded Tommy.
“ Certainly,†said the ex-Pirate. ‘“ That’s an excellent idea.
Let us rest. We might as well have some luncheon, too.
Do you ever eat luncheon?†This to Tommy, who opened
his eyes very wide and stared.
“Do I ever eat luncheon? Indeed Ido. Don’t you?â€
“ Always,†answered the ex-Pirate. “ But, you know, some
do and some don’t; and at the Poorhouse we are sometimes
irregular about our meals. But won't you kindly ring the
bluebells ?â€
Tommy had taken a seat on the grass near one of the
birches, but he had not noticed that there was a beautiful
spray of bluebells growing almost at his elbow. When the
ex- Pirate called his attention to them he leaned over and
touched the flowers, and as he did so they tinkled merrily
and loudly, just like his mother’s tea-bell at home.
“ That’s right,†said the Sheep, quite heedless of Tommy’s
surprised look. “That will bring the Dumb-Waiter. — Indeed,
there he comes now.â€
All three looked down toward the foot of the hill, in the
direction pointed out by the Sheep, and they saw some one
coming rapidly up toward them. As he approached, Tom-
my perceived that the new-+comer was an undersized man
with a bald head and side whiskers. He wore a short black
coat and a long white apron that hung down to his toes, just
like the waiters Tommy had seen in the city restaurants.
“ That’s the Dumb-Waiter,†said the ex-Pirate to the little
boy. ‘ What do you want to eat?â€
60 TOMMY TODDLES
“JT don’t know; what can I have?â€
“ Anything.â€
“T think I’d like something sweet.â€
“You can have a sweet-potato,†said the ex- Pirate; and
then, turning to the Sheep, “‘ What will you have?â€
“Can you spare a grass?†asked the Sheep.
“Do you like asparagus?’ broke in Tommy; but before
the Sheep could answer the ex-Pirate turned on the little boy
sharply and said, “Keep quiet until your next turn comes.
You have ordered once!â€
And so Tommy leaned up against the birch and said noth-
ing more, but just gazed at the Dumb- Waiter, who stood
near by in silence, bowing his head respectfully as each order
that was given to him by the ex-Pirate.
“ Well, what will you have ?â€
“T guess I'll take some Hayberry Long-cake,†replied the
Sheep.
“Very well. Hayberry Long-cake for him,†said the ex-
Pirate, “and you may bring me some soft-boiled egg-plants
and some watermelon on toast.â€
“ And what shall we have to drink?†asked the Sheep.
“ Real pain, I guess,†suggested the ex-Pirate.
“Real pain?†said Tommy. ‘“ What’s that ?â€
“Qh, it’s very good,†explained the ex - Pirate, “and thor-
oughly harmless. You take a bunch of grapes and put them
in a glass, and bruise and hurt them with a spoon until you
get real pain. This yellow, fuzzy, foamy sort of stuff that
comes in big bottles from France is only sham pain.â€
LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-TOP 61
Then, turning to the Dumb-Waiter, the ex-Pirate said:
“ Make it real pain!â€
The Dumb- Waiter bowed again, and began making his
preparations for serving the luncheon. All his dishes and
knives and forks seemed to be at the foot of the hill, and .
he kept running up and down for some time to collect them.
He never seemed to bring up more than one or two things
at a time, and seldom the thing that was wanted. The ex-Pi-
rate kept finding fault with him and scolding him, and at last
he turned to Tommy and said:
“That’s always the way with these Dumb-Waiters. They
never bring up what you want.â€
And at each word of reproof the Dumb-Waiter would ex-
claim, “Oh my, but I do get so tired of running up and down!â€
And then he would disappear down the hill again and bring up
what was wanted.
“JT thought you said he was a dumb waiter?’ remarked
Tommy, after he had heard the servant speak several times.
“He zs a Dumb-Waiter,†replied the Sheep.
“But I thought a dumb waiter meant one who could not
talk,†continued the little boy.
“Oh no,†laughed the Sheep. “ We call him a Dumb-Waiter
because he runs up and down. All Dumb-Waiters run up and
down, you know.†Andas Tommy had never seen any dumb-
waiters that did not run up and down (except when they were
out of order), he was forced to be contented with this pecu-
liar and rather unsatisfactory explanation.
When the Dumb-Waiter had brought up all that was neces-
62 TOMMY TODDLES
sary for the meal, the ex-Pirate got down on his hands and
knees and wanted the servant to set the table on his back.
“What for?†asked the Sheep.
“Why, I want this luncheon to be on me, you know,†ex-
plained the ex-Pirate, genially ; but the Sheep would not agree
to this, and wanted it to be on him. A wrangle ensued, in
which Tommy wisely decided to take no part, and the two
disputants finally compromised on allowing the ex-Pirate to
sit down and hold the dishes on his lap instead of having them
served on his back.
“Tam glad you like sweet things,†he remarked to Tom-
my, as the little boy began to eat his sweet-potato.
“T can’t say that I care much for sweet-potatoes, though,â€
ventured Tommy, who was forcing himself to eat so as not to
be impolite to his host. :
“Oh, no matter,†answered the ex-Pirate, pleasantly; “try
something else.’ (But Tommy noticed that there was noth-
ing else to try.) “All sweet things are sweet, you know,†he
continued; “even things that apparently have no taste. Now
love-letters, for instance, are sweet.â€
“Yes, indeed,†put in the Sheep. ‘The Monkey’s love-
letter must have been sweet. But then he wrote it in
jam.â€
“Did you ever hear about that?†asked the ex-Pirate, turn-
ing to Tommy, and upsetting several dishes into the grass
as he did so. “It is a classic—one of my classics.†And
without waiting for the little boy to answer, he began to
recite:
E UP THE HILL ON
â€
E CAK
HT TH
LER-SKATES
Ol
R
R BROUG
e.
E DUMB- WAIT
H
T
oe
LUNCHEON ON THE HILL-TOP 65
“Said the MONKEY to the TaPiR,
One Sunday afternoon,
‘Won't you let me have some paper,
With some jelly and a spoon?
“««For I want to write a letter
To a pretty PERROQUEET,
And I really think I’d better
Make the message rather sweet.
“It was raspberry jelly,’ commented the Sheep.
“What!†exclaimed Tommy. “Did the Monkey use a
spoon for a pen and raspberry jelly for ink?â€
“ That’s what he did,†said the ex-Pirate. “It was a red-
letter day for the Perroqueet, I tell you!â€
Further conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the
Hayberry Long-cake. This was a new dish to Tommy. It
was a sort of cake, apparently stuffed with hay or straw, and
was fully three yards long. The Dumb-Waiter brought the
cake up the hill on roller-skates. One skate was fastened to
each end of the cake, so that it looked like an eight-wheeled
toy wagon. The Sheep ate several yards of the odd delicacy,
and the ex-Pirate likewise took a number of slices, and when
they had eaten as much as they could, they called the Dumb-
Waiter and made him eat some of it, because, as they ex-
plained afterwards to Tommy, they always feed the waiter.
Then they all three arose and started down the hill toward
the sea-shore.
4
CHAPTER IX
THE ERRATIC THINGUMBOB
THE path to the sea led first down the hill, then across
some fields, and finally through a little stretch of woods.
These were dark and spooky, and as Tommy tramped along
under the trees between the Sheep and the ex-Pirate he
imagined several times that he heard strange noises in the
underbrush. These noises sounded like distant roars and
growls—very faint, indistinct roars and growls, to be sure, but
roars and growls, nevertheless—and the little boy could not
help recalling what the Sheep had said about lions at the
time of the Welsh-Rabbit’s visit to the Poorhouse. He
tried not to display any timidity, but he asked:
“ Are—are there any lions around here?â€
“Oh yes,†answered the Sheep, in the same careless tone
he would have used if Tommy had said “trees†instead of
“lionsâ€; but when he noticed that the little boy looked
frightened, he added, “ They are not dangerous lions, though ;
they are only Dandelions.â€
Whereupon Tommy felt much relieved, and skipped along
merrily until he saw an ordinary mud-turtle. spread a pair of
wings from under his shell and fly up into the air and rest on
THE ERRATIC THINGUMBOB 67
the limb of a maple-tree.. This was too much even for a
little boy who had seen nothing but impossible things all the
afternoon. He stopped right short in the middle of the road
and gazed up at this new wonder.
“Now don’t stand there and stare at that Turtle- Dove,â€
said the ex-Pirate, somewhat impatiently; “we have not time
to stand around and study unnatural history. If we don’t
hurry we won’t reach the Penguin’s till dark.â€
This was a very strong argument with the little boy, so
_he gave one last glance at the Turtle-Dove, and ran along
until he caught up with his two companions. In a few mo-
ments they broke out at the edge of the wood, and found
themselves only a short distance from the sea-shore. The
breakers were making a great noise on the sand, and back of
them the calm blue sea stretched away unspotted by any
smoke or sail. Purely out of habit the ex- Pirate put his
hand up over his eyes and looked around from north to
south the entire length of the sky-line. Then he shook his
head sadly and sighed:
“T’m no good at scanning the horizon any more. This
business of scanning hexameters and pentameters and Alex-
andrines spoils a man utterly for a good, all-around, every-
day, smooth horizon.â€
Tommy did not even try to understand what he was talk-
ing about, but trudged right along in silence beside the
Sheep.
They had not gone very far before they caught sight of
two figures in the distance.
68 TOMMY TODDLES
“T'll bet that’s Thingumbob,†said the Sheep, calling the
ex-Pirate’s attention to them.
“That's just who it is, and I wonder what he is doing ?â€
He certainly was doing something—this figure whom they
called Thingumbob. As they drew nearer to him Tommy
thought he must be making a speech, for he could see that
he was waving his arms and shaking his fists at his compan-
ion, who appeared to.be very much affected by what was
being said. The second figure Tommy soon made out to be
a Seal. He was a rather large Seal, and was sitting on a
rock, while Thingumbob stood on the sand in front of him.
Tommy tried later to describe Thingumbob to his Uncle
Dick, but he found himself unequal to the task. At times
the queer creature resembled everybody Tommy had ever
known, and yet again he looked like nobody in particular.
He was a nondescript sort of being, entirely indescribable.
As they came nearer they could hear him using the most
dreadful kind of language; he was scolding the Seal, and call-
ing him names in a most outrageous manner. He was so en-
grossed in pouring out this vituperation that he did not notice
the approach of Tommy Toddles and his companions. The
Seal was apparently greatly distressed over what Thingumbob
was saying, for he held his fins up to his eyes, and wept bit-
terly. Neither the ex-Pirate nor the Sheep seemed in. the
least affected by the scene.
“ What is that awful person doing ?†asked Tommy, as they
came quite close to him.
“Who? Thingumbob?†said the Sheep. “Oh, that’s all
‘“““WHAT IS THAT AWFUL PERSON DOING? ASKED TOMMYâ€
THE ERRATIC THINGUMBOB 71
right! But I suppose you don’t understand. Look at him
now.†Thingumbob was holding a dipper in front of the
Seal’s face, and was-catching the poor beast’s tears while he
scolded him in the most dreadful manner.
“Thingumbob always does that,†the Sheep went on to
say. “Whenever he meets a Seal he scolds him and black-
guards him until the poor thing begins to cry. Then he
catches the tears in his dipper, because Seals weep sealing-
wax, you know.†Tommy did not know it, but he nodded
his head and looked to the Sheep for more information. ©
“Thingumbob is a great collector of sealing-wax. He has
lots of it at home. All colors, you know. Most of it is red,
though. Young Seals weep red sealing-wax, and it is easier
to make them cry. If you just pinch a young Seal, or say
‘Booh!’ at him, he'll cry. The middle-aged Seals weep
yellow and blue and brown and black sealing-wax. The old
fellows shed golden tears, but it’s pretty hard to make them
cry.â€
“This one is crying in blue,†said Tommy, for they had
now gotten close enough to Thingumbob and the Seal to be
able to see the contents of the dipper. It was almost full of
blue sealing-wax.
“Hello!†said Thingumbob, when he saw the three; and,
turning toward them, he waved his dipper in a friendly sort
of way.
“May I go now?†whimpered the Seal, seizing the oppor-
tunity to escape.
“Yes, you may go,†shouted Thingumbob, fiercely; “and
72 TOMMY TODDLES
don’t you let me catch you at it again!†The Seal hobbled off
the rock toward the surf, shedding blue tears on the sand as he
went (which Thingumbob carefully picked up as he followed
along behind), and.then jumped into the waves and disap-
peared.
“That’s pretty good for ten minutes’ talk, isn’t it?’ remarked
Thingumbob, holding out his dipper for the others to inspect.
“ How did you get it?†asked the ex-Pirate.
“Oh, I scared him half to death. I told him he had been
putting the Sea-Fox up to stealing my Chicken-Lobsters, and
that I’d have him arrested and put up in an Eagle’s nest on
top of a mountain.â€
The Sheep and the ex-Pirate seemed to think what Thing-
umbob said was very funny, for they laughed and asked him
a lot of questions. Tommy, in the meanwhile, was more in-
terested in Thingumbob’s personal appearance than in what
he said. He was certainly the queerest-looking creature the
little boy had ever encountered. He never looked twice
alike. When they had first come up Tommy thought Thing-
umbob had gray side whiskers, but as he looked now he
had no whiskers at all. His pockets were stuffed and fairly
bulging with all sorts of odds and ends, among which Tom-
my could see bits of string, pieces of spangled cloth, an old
clock, a broken saw, atin horn, a match-box, shells, ribbons,
picture cards, and all sorts of trash. The ex-Pirate was evi-
dently as much amused as Tommy at the sight of this odd
collection of useless material sticking out of Thingumbob’s
pockets, for he presently asked:
THE ERRATIC THINGUMBOB 73
“What are you carrying all that stuff around for?â€
“Oh, I always do,†replied Thingumbob.
“But it’s nothing but a lot of trash—a lot of trumpery,â€
said Tommy.
“T know it,†continued Thingumbob, calmly; “but don’t
you know that you can always tellaman by the trumpery
he keeps?†And having thus spoken, he sat down on a rock
and began to brush his hair, using the bottom of his tin dipper
for a mirror. It was avery old brush that he used, and it
was very full of hairs, and as Thingumbob proceeded with
his toilet he frequently paused to look at it. Finally he said
to the Sheep, “I don’t know how it is about wool, but-a hair
on the head is worth two in the brush.â€
“So they say,†replied the Sheep; “but we have not time
to stay here and discuss that. We want to find out about
the fight.â€
“Tt’s all over,†said Thingumbob.
““Who won?â€
“T forget,†he added. “ Either the Sword-Fish or.the Pen-
guin won. I don’t remember which. But here come some
Clams; perhaps they know.â€
Just then, as Thingumbob had said, half a dozen Clams
stepped out of the breakers, and strolled over to where
Tommy and his friends were conversing.
CHAPTER X
UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS
WITH the Clams was a strange creature that looked to be
half horse and half vegetable. It had four hoofs, and all the
rest was leaves.
“What in the world is that with the Clams?†asked the
little boy.
“ That’s the Horse-Radish,†answered the Sheep.
“ Horse-Radish always goes with Clams, you know,†said the
ex-Pirate, condescendingly.
“Of course; I ought to have thought of that,†said Tommy,
« And with Oysters, also.â€
“But the Oysters are away now,†said one of the Clams.
‘They've gone away for the summer. They never stay
about in May, June, July, and August.â€
“ Awfully high-toned mollusks, those Oysters,†sniffed a
Little Neck Clam.
“Yes; just think of having four months’ vacation every
year,†said another. ,
“T was talking with a little Oyster in his bed the other
day,†continued the first Clam, “and he said four months
wasn't half enough.â€
** “}TORSE-RADISH ALWAYS GOES WITH CLAMS, YOU KNOW,’ SAID THE EX-PIRATEâ€
UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS 77
“He must have been a very young one,†ventured the
Horse-Radish.
“That’s the way with those young ones,†commented
Thingumbob. “You give them an Inch-Worm and they
want an Elephant.â€
“T notice the old Oysters are iad enough to get a rest
of four months,†continued the Horse-Radish.
“T suppose they think half a loaf is better than no va-
cation at all.â€
“ How odd of them!’ put in Tommy.
“Odd?†queried the ex-Pirate. “Don’t you like the
Oysters? Or do you prefer the society of the Clams?â€
“Oh, I like Oysters, and I like Clams too.â€
“Clam stew!†shrieked the Little Neck Clam, in great dis-
may.
“Too,†said Tommy, who noticed that the Clams were be-
coming very much alarmed.
“Two?†repeated Thingumbob, with woful lack of tact;
“why, I’ve seen chowders where there was only one Clam.â€
But this line of conversation had become so distasteful to the
Clams that they were rapidly sinking into the sand. Thing-
umbob noticed this, and branched off on another subject. “I
know why the Oysters go away in the summer,†he said;
“it’s because they don’t like the Flies. The Flies go away
in the winter, you know.â€
“So do we,†said the Clam, now somewhat reassured.
“Where do the Flies go to?†asked: Tommy. “I’ve al-
ways wondered where they went in the winter-time.â€
78 TOMMY TODDLES
“That’s what the pink-eyed Gosling asked,†said Thing-
umbob.
“What ?â€
‘“‘ He asked where the Flies went.â€
“ And it’s a classic, too. Another one of my classics,†put
in the ex-Pirate. ‘Would you like to hear it?â€
“Go ahead! Go ahead!†said Thingumbob, pounding on
the rock with his dipper. ‘Go ahead, whether he wants to
hear it or not. We'll hold him.â€
And so the ex-Pirate bowed to all, and began to recite, in
his usual melodramatic manner:
«“«Where do the FLIEes go in winter-time ?’
The pink-eyed GOSLING asked.
‘They go to a balmy, distant clime,
Where the sun is never masked;
To a land where clouds are still unknown,
Where the cold north wind has never blown,
And the seeds of sin are yet unsown,
Where all is true and good.’
««And do the little FLIES remain
All winter in this land,
Or do they find the constant strain
Too great for them to stand?
For, even with the little FLI&Es,
It seems occasion must arise
To weary of the cloudless skies,
Where all is true and good.’
UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS 79
“The GANDER knit his furrowed brow,
And frowned upon his child,
And said, ‘’Tis plain to see that thou
Art yet both young and wild;
But harken to the old who preach,
And listen to the wise who teach,
Or else that land thou’lt never reach
Where all is true and good.’â€
No one had apparently noticed it, but while the ex-Pirate
was reciting the six Clams had sunk into the sand until they
were wholly out of sight, and the Horse-Radish had entirely
withered away. Thingumbob sighed when it was all over,
and began brushing his hair again. He also brushed his
whiskers, for they had grown out anew. Presently he said,
«Since you are speaking poetry, how do you like this:
“Quoth the CoDFISH to the PELICAN:
‘Can you swim as well as I?
If you do not know how well I can,
I'll let you see me try.’â€
“Ts that all?†asked Tommy, after a pause.
“That’s all.â€
“ And what happened ?â€
“Nothing happened. Nothing ever happens,†added Thing-
umbob, rather peevishly. “ For instance: ,
“The ZEBRA and the CROCODILE,’
‘ The Quacca and the GNu,
All started out one afternoon
To see what they could do.
80 . TOMMY TODDLES
“They wandered quite a long way off,
And had such loads of fun,
That when they came back home again
None knew what they had done.
And so, you see, practically, or as far as the outside world
was concerned, nothing happened.â€
The ex-Pirate pulled Tommy away a little to one side and
whispered in his ear: “He’s that way. You see, he’s been
talking too much. Let us leave him alone and go on our way.â€
But Tommy suspected that the real reason why the ex-Pi-
rate wanted to leave was because he was becoming jealous of
Thingumbob. Nevertheless, as the Sheep was also inclined to
proceed, they bade farewell to the queer creature and contin-
ued along the beach. Tommy noticed, as they walked on, that
the beach gradually became. harder and harder to the step,
and that the sand no longer gave way beneath his feet as
softly as well-regulated sand should. He would not have
minded such a thing, probably, if he had not been somewhat
fatigued by his long walk; but he was a tired little boy by
this time, and did not much care to have his progress made
any more difficult. He looked down at the sand to see what
the trouble was, and discovered that there was no longer any |
sand there at all. He was now walking along’ on shingles.
He looked about him, and it seemed as if he and his com-
panions were travelling on the roofs of houses that had been
built so closely together that there was no room for streets
in between them. And the rocks, too, that had been scat-
tered along the shore had in some unaccountable manner dis-
UNPLEASANT FOR THE CLAMS 8
appeared to give place to chimneys, out of some of which thin
clouds of smoke coiled skyward.
“Where are we now?†asked the little boy, when he had
completely taken in the transformation of his surroundings.
‘Where are we ?†echoed the Sheep, as if he did not quite
understand the question.
“Yes; what are we walking on?†‘
“Qh, Isee. Why, this is the shingle beach. There aren’t
_many like this. Isn’t it queer? But we will be off of itina ~
minute,†and, sure enough, a few rods farther on the shingles
melted into sand again, and the rocks ceased to be chimneys,
and the landscape became as perfectly natural as it had been
before.
“There it is!’ shouted the ex-Pirate, just after they had
‘left the shingle beach behind them. ‘“ There’s the Penguin’s
house,†and he directed Tommy’s attention to a queer-look-
ing structure about two hundred yards ahead of them, shel-
tered by a low cliff and well set back from the sea.
“Ts that where the Penguin lives ?â€
“That’s the place. That’s his office, too. Don’t you see
THE TIDAL WAVE written over the door ?â€
Tommy Toddles had made up his mind not to be aston-
ished any more at anything he might see that day, or he doubt-
less would have been much more impressed than he was with
the Penguin’s mansion, and later with the Penguin himself
and with his queer establishment. The house was built of
oyster and clam shells, and had four columns in front of it.
These columns were profusely decorated with lobster claws
82 TOMMY TODDLES
and crabs and starfish, and supported a sort of triangular
pediment, along the base of which was written in shiny peb-
bles the name of the Penguin’s newspaper, and on the apex
of which roosted a large stone Gargoyle—that is, he looked
to be of stone, for he was gray of color and sat perfectly still;
but as the three came nearer, Tommy could plainly see that
the thing had red eyes, and that the red eyes were firmly fixed
on him. The house was fairly large, and had a wide front
door and several windows, through which, even from a dis-
tance, you could see into the interior of the rooms, where the
Penguin appeared to be very busy at his work.
On the steps outside were a crowd of little Crabs that were
all talking at once, and pitching pennies and squabbling with
one another, just like a pack of very badly behaved young
crustaceans that they were.
CHAPTER XI
THE PENGUIN’S HOUSE
THE Sheep stepped up to the house and knocked on the
door with his gold-headed cane, and when the Penguin came
in person to see what was wanted he introduced Tommy and
the ex-Pirate.
“We have come,†began the Sheep, “ to—â€
But the Penguin interrupted him, and said, in a nervous,
jerky manner: “I hope you will excuse me, but I am very
busy just at present. If you will come in and sit down I
shall be through with my work in a short while, and will then
be able to spare you a few moments of my very valuable
time.â€
So saying, he nodded his head to each one of them and
hurried back into his office, where he climbed on a high stool,
leaned over his desk, and began to write assiduously. He
wrote so fast that every few minutes his pens gave out from
sheer friction; but the editor had a Porcupine tied to his
stool, and every time a pen broke he leaned over and pulled
a quill out of the captive at his feet. The only fun the Por-
cupine seemed to get out of life was to roll over and jab the
office Catfish in the ribs every time he got a chance, a pro-
84 TOMMY TODDLES
ceeding which was not only exceedingly distasteful to the
office Catfish, but it likewise greatly annoyed and disturbed
the Penguin. The only other living being in the editorial-
room was the printer’s Devil-Fish, who seemed to be compos-
itor, pressman, proof-reader, and everything else all rolled into
one. He was the busiest creature Tommy had seen since he
bade good-bye to the Reformed Burglar. Occasionally, when
the Crabs made so much of a racket outside that the Penguin
could no longer hear the wheels turning in his head, the
printer’s Devil-Fish would leave his work and spare a minute
to jump up on the window-sill and shout:
“ See here, you newsboys. out there! If you don’t make
less noise I’ll have you all deviled.â€
“What does he mean by that ?†asked Tommy.
“ Haven’t you ever heard of deviled Crabs?†said the ex-
Pirate.
“Ves; but how can the printer’s Devil-Fish devil Crabs ?â€
“You ought to hear him sometimes,†remarked the Sheep.
Then, reflectively, “Those newsboys are a bad lot.â€
“ Are the Crabs the newsboys?†queried the little boy.
“Surely. They have to be. They are the only ones who
can run around as easily on land as under water. They dis-
tribute the extras along the shore, and they also skim along
the bottom of the sea and up the rivers, and sell the papers
to the fishes. I guess the Penguin is getting out an extra
now. That’s why he’s so busy.â€
“We forgot to ask him who won,†put in the ex-Pirate.
“ Well, let’s go out and ask the Gargoyle about it.â€
THE PENGUIN’S HOUSE 85
“Do you think we can get him to come off the roof?â€
“T guess so. He must be in good-humor to-day; the sun
is out.â€
“Ts not he good-humored unless the sun is out?†asked
Tommy.
“No, indeed. The Gargoyle is greatly influenced and af
fected by the weather. On cloudy days he is glum and mo-
rose and disagreeable, and won’t speak to any one; and on
rainy days he becomes very sad and weeps.â€
Whereupon, without warning, the ex-Pirate began:
“Che Gargople roosts fantasticallp
®n the curling caves,
Dis head’s thrust out bombastically ;
All things be perceives.
“His stonp epes stare verp steadilp
At everpthing below,
Anv when it rains they werp readily
Hhed quarts of tears ov so.
“Thus, wrapt in moisture and obscurity,
Dis lonelp watch be keeps,
Any at the thought of grim futuritp
fe weeps,—
De weeps,—
We weeps.â€
’
“T had never noticed that about Gargoyles,’ remarked
Tommy, “but I suppose it must be true.â€
5
86 TOMMY TODDLES
“ Of course it’s true,†exclaimed the ex-Pirate, who was in-
clined to take Tommy’s half-implied doubt as.a personal in-
jury. “If you don’t believe it, ask the Gargoyle.â€
They all three stepped out in front of the house, and the
Sheep, bowing politely to the Gargoyle up above him, asked
him if he would not come off the roof.
“T will, with the greatest of pain,’ replied the Gargoyle,
blinking his red eyes at the Sheep. Then he began to move
along down the edge of the pediment, slowly and awkwardly.
“ He’s got the rheumatism badly,†said the ex-Pirate.
“ What can you expect?†retorted the Sheep. “He stays
out all night. No wonder he has the rheumatism.â€
“ And he is all covered with moss,†remarked Tommy.
“ Oh, that’s nothing,†said the Sheep. ‘‘That’s merely a
sign of his green old age.â€
The Gargoyle slipped carefully down one of the pillars, and
hobbled stiffly over to where Tommy and his friends were
seated in the sand on the opposite side of the house from
where the Crabs were making so much noise, and with a se-
ries of grunts and moans he sat down himself.
‘“Tt’s all right,†he began, “as soon as I get fixed; but it’s
no fun getting fixed.â€
Tommy got near enough to the Gargoyle to feel of him, and
he found that he was as hard and as cold as a stone. The
little boy, of course, had marvelled at hearing the animals
converse, but words from a stone image filled his cup of
amazement to the brim. This brief interval of wonderment
and reflection drew his mind back to the point he had started
EDITORIAL-ROOM OF THE TIDAL WAVE
THE PENGUIN’S HOUSE 89
from (viz., his stray animals), and he bethought him, with a
twinge of conscience, that for some time past he had neglected
to make the diligent inquiries he should have made along the
route. So he hastened to speak to the Gargoyle before the ex-
Pirate had time to put his question about the result of the duel.
“Have you seen any animals to-day, Mr. Gargoyle?â€
“ Crowds of animals; I never saw so many in all my exist-
ence, and I have been carved a long while.â€
“Did you see my animals?â€
“ What are they like?â€
This was a poser for Tommy, because he felt that he really
did not know what his toys were like, since they had taken it
upon themselves to grow up and become animated and walk
away. So he answered, non-committally:
“Oh, just like animals,†which conveyed but little informa-
tion to the Gargoyle. Then, in the brief pause that followed, -
the ex-Pirate jumped into the conversation with his questions:
“The animals were here to see the duel, I suppose.â€
“Exactly.â€
“ And who won?â€
“Who won?†exclaimed the Gargoyle, in amazement.
“The Penguin, of course. He is getting out an extra, now,
with an account of the fight in it. It is to be illustrated with
pictures of himself and of the Sword-Fish, and the Sword-
Fish’s father and mother and his two little daughters, and the
rocks near which he was born, and the school-books he used
when he was a little Sword-Fish, and all sorts of things that
have nothing to do with the matter at hand.â€
go TOMMY TODDLES
“Tndeed,†said the Sheep.
“Certainly,†continued the Gargoyle, “and I suggested the
head-line for the main story myself.â€
“What is it?â€
“Tt is brief and to the point. It sums up the whole situa-
tion in one sentence, thus:
“THE PENGUIN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD-FISH.â€
“That’s pretty good,†said the ex-Pirate; “but, you know,
we have not heard anything at all about the duel yet. And
you must have had a splendid view of it from the house-top.
Won’t you tell us something about it?â€
“Certainly,†answered the Gargoyle, good-naturedly. “But
afterward you must buy a 7zdal Wave extra, and read about
it for yourselves.â€
They agreed to do this, and the Gargoyle then began to
relate the incidents of the fight.
CHAPTER XII
STORY OF THE FIGHT
THE Gargoyle shifted about in the sand until he got his
stone legs comfortably fixed, and blinked his red eyes at
his auditors, especially at Tommy, who sat beside him with
his legs crossed, like a tailor, and his face resting on his
hands, his elbows on his knees. The little boy was all at-
tention.
“Tt was the largest congregation of animals I ever wit-
nessed,†began the stone image. “There were more here to-
day than I ever saw at a Jabbergather.â€
“What is a Jabbergather?†interrupted Tommy.
“Tell him what a Jabbergather is,†said the Gargoyle, turn-
ing to the Sheep.
“A Jabbergather,†explained the latter, somewhat ungram-
matically, “is when the animals gather together and jabber
about things that have happened.â€
“Oh, a sort of five-o’clock tea,†said Tommy.
“No,†replied the Gargoyle; “because a-Jabbergather is
always held at night, and they don’t drink tea. They eat
mushrooms.â€
“ How indigestible,†thought Tommy.
92 : TOMMY TODDLES
“And you must not interrupt any more,†said the Sheep,
severely...
“Well,†continued he Gargoyle, without heeding the
Sheep’s remonstrance to the little boy, “there were about
twice as many animals as come to a Jabbergather, and the
fishes all ee on the eWay ess many rows of them, reaching far
out to sea.’
“ Like seats ina heatie put in Tommy.
“Shut up!’ growled the Sheep, and Tommy subsided
again.
“Of course the Penguin and che Sword-Fish were ready to
fight, and the Horned Owl, who was to be referee, was on
hand. But just before the duel began there was a great rum-
pus on the third wave from the front, which created. such a
commotion that we had to send a Monkey and a Porpoise
out there to see what the trouble was.â€
“ How did you happen to send a Monkey ?†asked Tommy,
much to the Sheep’s evident displeasure.
. “Wesent him on Porpoise,†answered the Gargoyle. ‘They
came back and told us that the Sole and the Flounder were
sitting on the same wave and had gotten into a row.â€
“The same old dispute, I suppose,†remarked the Sheep.
“The same one they had at the last Jabbergather,†assent-
ed the Gargoyle.
“And what did they dispute about?†asked Tommy, who
was very anxious to know all about what was going on.
“May J tell him?†urged the ex-Pirate. ‘I’ve made a
classic out of it.â€
e
ee
ee
THE GARGOYLE TELLS THE STORY OF THE FIGHT
STORY OF THE FIGHT 95
“Certainly, go ahead,†said the Gargoyle, who did not ap-
pear to be at all annoyed by these continual interruptions.
“Said the SOLE to the FLOUNDER,
“You shameless old rounder,
I’d have you to understand clearly
That your constant assumption
Of my rightful function
Shall be punished—and punished severely.’
“But the FLOUNDER, he laughed
And gurgled and chaffed,
' And said without any apology,
‘If MEN are such MOLES
They take FLOUNDERS for SOLES
I’m sure I can’t teach ichthyology.’â€
“ Uncle Dick told me once that you could not tell a Flounder
from a Sole,†ventured Tommy. But the Sheep frowned se-
verely at this, and said: “ Now, nobody must interrupt any
more;†and the Gargoyle then proceeded with his narrative.
“ After the Sole and the Flounder had been separated, the
Horned Owl called Time, who came in out of the past and sat
down on his hour-glass at the side of the ring. The duel then
began. The Sword-Fish fought with his sword, and the Pen-
guin fought with a long pen that looked like a spear. I tell
you it was exciting! They jabbed and struck each other, and
ran around on the sand, and fell down and got up again, and
all the animals kept shrieking and shouting, and the seals
kept yelling, ‘’rah! ’rah! ’rah? It was immense! Time must
96 TOMMY TODDLES
have gotten scared, for he flew. The duel kept on, neverthe-
less, and pretty soon the Sword-Fish began to show signs of
weariness. The Penguin kept jabbing him with his pen, and
thrusting at him until he finally knocked him down, and the
Sword-Fish cried for mercy. The Horned Owl called Time
again, but Time had flown so fast that he was away up in the
clouds. So the Horned Owl looked at him and said Time
was up, and then the fight was all over, and the Penguin had
proved himself to be mightier than the Sword-Fish.â€
The Gargoyle had scarcely finished his story when there
was a great hubbub in the direction of the house, and hun-
dreds of little Crabs came surging around the corner shouting
at the tops of their voices:
“Extra! Extray/ Extree/ All about de big fight!â€
They scampered off in all directions along the beach, and
some of them rushed into the breakers and disappeared under
the sea. They all had little bundles of papers under their
arms, and were hastening away to dispose of their wares.
“The extra is out,†said the Gargoyle. ‘You can get one
now and read a detailed account of the great battle for your-
selves.â€
“ How curious!†mused Tommy. “I never thought before
to look to see if little crabs were carrying anything when I
have seen them running along the beach.â€
When all the Crabs had disappeared the Printer’s Devil-Fish
came out and sat on the front stoop of the house, and pres-
ently the Penguin himself sauntered over to the group sitting
in the sand and stood beside them.
STORY OF THE FIGHT . 97
“Now,†he said to the Sheep, “I am at your disposal.â€
“TI don’t suppose it’s of any use for me to ask you if you
have seen my animals?†said Tommy, before the Sheep could
answer.
“Not of the slightest use,†replied the Penguin, haughtily.
“Editors never see anything,†and to emphasize this state-
ment he took a pair of blue spectacles, which he had been
holding in one hand, and put them on. “ We look at every-
thing through colored glasses.â€
“More’s the pity,†said the Sheep. “But if you have not
actually seen the animals, can’t you tell us what direction
they took when they went away ?â€
“Certainly,†said the Penguin. “They started that way.â€
“Yes, that way,†repeated the Gargoyle; “off over the
dunes and in toward the hills and the forest.â€
“ Then we must go that way too,†said Tommy, getting up
from the sand, feeling very much rested ; and his companions
did likewise, and they all bade farewell to the stone image
and to the Penguin. As they passed over the dunes they
looked back and saw the Gargoyle laboriously climbing back
to his perch on the house-top.
“ He’s that way,’ murmured the ex-Pirate, sighing deeply.
The three walked for some time in silence over sand-hills
and through underbrush, and pretty soon they took a road
that led through broad and sunny fields.
Away off, as far as they could see, Tommy noticed a cloud
of dust, and what looked to him like a moving crowd of some
sort.
98 TOMMY TODDLES
“ Those must be my animals!†he exclaimed.
The ex-Pirate climbed up on a fence, and put his hand up
over his eyes, and stared as hard as he could at the things the
little boy had pointed out to him.
“They are animals,†he said, finally. “I can see them
plainly. There are two of each kind, and they are walking in
pairs.â€
“ Those are mine, surely !†cried the little boy, now greatly
excited. ‘Let's run and catch up with them.â€
“ Yes, let’s run,†chimed both the Sheep and the ex-Pirate;
and the three immediately started off at break-neck speed
down the road in the direction of the dust cloud. Tommy
felt as though he had never run so fast in his life. The fence
posts and bushes fairly whizzed past him. His companions
kept pretty well abreast of him at first, but they gradually
fell behind, and after a while, when Tommy looked back over
his shoulder, they appeared only like specks far back on the
yellow highway. The little boy tried to slow up in order to
wait for them, but his legs had got to going so fast that he
could not stop himself. He was travelling along the road at
a terrific rate, and all the time he was rapidly approaching
the procession of animals that now seemed to be fully life-
size. The lions and tigers and leopards looked very fierce,
and yet Tommy felt as if he could not stop himself from run-
ning right into them, and he began to get very much fright-
ened. Pretty soon he was almost on top of the guinea-pigs,
and in his terror he stumbled head over heels, and shouted:
“Oh! oh! oh!â€
STORY OF THE FIGHT 99
Then he opened his eyes and found himself lying on his
back on his own window-seat in the play-room, and his
mother was leaning over him in the twilight.
“Come, little man, wake up,†she said, as she pushed his
hair back from over his little warm face and eyes. “You
have been sleeping here like a little pig all the afternoon.â€
“Have I?†said Tommy, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
“ And, oh, Mamma, I’ve had such a funny dream,†he added.
Then he looked at his Noah’s Ark on the floor, and saw his
wooden animals standing two and two, just as he had placed
them there hours ago. “I have been dreaming about them,
Mamma,†he continued, pointing to his toys. “I thought
they had run away and I went after them, and I had such
a long journey, and saw all sorts of things—Burglars, Pirates,
and a nice woolly Sheep, and a Penguin, a Loon, a Welsh-
Rabbit, a Gargoyle, and the queerest creature in the world,
called Thingumbob.â€
“I’m afraid that two pieces of plum- pudding are too
much for my little boy,†said his mother, with a smile. “ But
come down to supper now, and there you may tell us all
about your wonderful dream.â€
So he washed his face and hands and went down with
his mother to the dining-room, and after supper he told them
all about these really very wonderful adventures.
TOMMY TODDLES
PART II
IN THE ARK
CHAPTER XIII
THROUGH THE HALLS OF TIME
IT took a long time for Tommy Toddles to recover from
the exquisite sensation of surprise and wonder which clung to
him after his strange adventures with the Sheep and the ex-
Pirate. He used to talk to his Uncle Dick continually of what
he had seen and done during that famous afternoon, and
many and many a time the two went out into the woods
together and searched through the bushes and the trees for
the haunt of the Loon, and for the lake by the side of which
had stood the Poorhouse. But they never found anything ;
and Tommy was consequently forced to sit at home and con-
tent himself with recollections and reminiscences—‘ which
are decidedly unsatisfactory substitutes,†thought he.
So it frequently happened that the little boy sat all alone
in the big room at the top of ‘the house, and went over and
over again in his mind those peculiar incidents in which so
many strange creatures had figured, and in which so many
odd things had been said and done. But one rainy day he
seemed to be more affected by his reminiscences than he
had ever been before, and so he settled back on the window-
seat, and gave himself up entirely to thoughts of the ex-
104 TOMMY TODDLES
Pirate, the Sheep, the Reformed Burglar, and of all the
quaint creatures of his acquaintance. He was smiling quietly
to himself at some of the funny things Thingumbob had said
on the beach, when all of a sudden he thought he heard
somebody knocking on the door. Nobody ever knocked
before coming into Tommy’s play-room, and so the little boy
looked up in a curious way, wondering who it could be, and
wishing that no one would come in to disturb his reverie.
The door was ajar, and he could see that there was some
person standing out in the hall. Presently there was another
knock. Tommy straightened up on the window-seat, and
called out,
“Come in!â€
The door swung slowly inward, and who should be stand-
ing there looking straight at Tommy but his old friend the
ex-Pirate! It was the same old ex-Pirate of days and days
ago, with his fierce mustaches and long hair, and his big
pistols sticking out of his sash. He looked at Tommy for
a moment, just as if he wanted to make sure that he was
calling on the right little boy, and then a pleasant smile
spread all over his face, and he walked rapidly across the
room. Tommy jumped from the window-seat and hastened
to meet him.
“Why, I’m awfully glad to see you!†he exclaimed. “How
do you do, Mr. ex-Pirate? And how did you get up here?â€
The ex-Pirate laughed, and shook hands with Tommy, and
then he said: “Oh, I just came. Things come and go, you
know; and I just came. Wasn’t it nice?â€
THROUGH THE HALLS OF TIME Tos
“ Awfully nice,†said Tommy, enthusiastically. “I’ve been
thinking a lot about you. I was beginning to think you were
not real.â€
‘ Oh yes, I’m real,†asserted the ex-Pirate. “ Just as real
as you are.â€
“Perhaps /’# not real,†suggested Tommy; and then, be-
coming alarmed at the thought, he felt in his pockets, and
pulled at his hair to see if he were all there. Reassured on
that point, he added, ‘ Where is the Sheep ?â€
“YT guess he’s running yet,†answered the ex-Pirate, laugh-
ing. “Poor fellow; I left him ’way behind. But I never
saw anybody run like you in all my life. You ran faster
than Time, and Time runs pretty fast now, I tell you! He
can go pretty near as fast as Money—and you know how fast
Money goes.â€
Tommy did not know how fast money went, because he
had never seen very much of it, but he thought that, from
the nature of his past business, the ex-Pirate must have
had wide experience in those matters. So he said, “I sup-
pose so.â€
“That's right,†continued the ex-Pirate. “That’s perfectly
right. But I ran as fast as I could, and I’ve only just ar-
rived.â€
“You must be tired,†remarked the little boy.
“Not at all. I never get tired. I’m ready to keep right
on, if you want to.â€
“Keep right on?†queried Tommy.
“Yes,â€
6
‘106 TOMMY ‘TODDLES
“On what ?â€
“ Why, looking for the animals,†replied the ex-Pirate.
“ But I found them,†said Tommy.
“You did ?†exclaimed the ex-Pirate, in surprise.
“Certainly. They were right here.â€
“ Where ?â€
“ Right in this room.â€
“ Well, where are they now?â€
Tommy Toddles would have given his word, fifteen min-
utes before the ex-Pirate asked him this question, that his
Noah’s Ark with the animals in it was.on the floor near the
table; but when he went to look for it to show it to his
friend he could not find it anywhere.
“It’s gone,†he said, finally, after several minutes of vain
searching under tables and sofas. ‘It’s gone, and all the ani-
mals too.â€
“ They’ve gone ?†repeated the ex-Pirate.
“Yes,†said Tommy, dejectedly, “ they’ve gone away again.
Not only the animals, but the Ark.â€
“The Ark!†exclaimed the ex-Pirate.
“ Certainly,†said Tommy. “ My animals belonged in the
Ark. There were two of each.â€
“Tn Noah’s Ark ?†said the ex-Pirate,
“Ves; did you never see one?â€
“Why, what nonsense!†laughed the ex-Pirate. ‘“ That.
was hundreds and hundreds of years ago.â€
“T know it was,†said Tommy, with dignity. “But my
animals were imitations.â€
THROUGH THE HALLS OF TIME Io7
The ex-Pirate was gazing absent-mindedly out of the win-
dow over toward the ocean. “Your animals had invita.
tions?†he said presently, recovering himself. “ Of course.
They all did. The Ark was no promiscuous affair. There
was admission by card only. All those that had invitations
got in; the others got drowned.â€
Tommy saw that the ex-Pirate did not quite understand
what he had said to him, so he thought it would be wiser to
branch out on some other topic; but before he could do so
his visitor remarked,
“They had lots of fun in the Ark,†and he chuckled to
himself.
“ How do you know?†asked the little boy.
“The Sheep told me. He was one of the Few Hundred.
I should like to have been on board too.â€
“So should I,†assented Tommy, eagerly, « especially if
they were all as nice as the animals we met the other day.â€
“It would have been fun to take that trip,†continued the
ex-Pirate, musingly. “I don’t know but that we can, even
now, fix it to go on board.â€
“On board the Ark?†cried Tommy.
“Exactly. We would have to go a long way back through
the Ages; but perhaps we can fix that up with old Father
Time. He might take us back and let us go aboard.â€
Tommy stared vacantly at his peculiar companion, and
wondered silently if he had gone mad. Pretty soon the ex-
Pirate said,
“ Let’s go.â€
108 + TOMMY TODDLES
“Where?†|
“ On board the Ark.â€
“ How shall we do it?†asked Tommy, who felt that it
could do no harm to humor his caller.
“ We will find Father Time, and see if he wile go backward
for us. Where is the clock ?â€
“In the hall down-stairs,†answered the little boy.
The two went out into the corridor and down the stairs to
where the old Dutch clock stood under the staircase, ticking
loudly through the silent house. It was much taller than
either Tommy or the ex-Pirate, and as they approached the
little boy was amazed to see the clock’s face brighten up and
smile, and wave its hands in greeting to the ex-Pirate. The
latter returned the courteous salute, and knocked on the door
below. The door immediately opened, and old Father Time,
with his scythe and his hour-glass, stepped out into the hall-
way, and nodded cheerfully to the ex-Pirate.
“ How do you do?†said he.
“ Sixty seconds to the minute, as usual,†answered Father
Time, genially. ‘“ What can I do for you?â€
“Can you go back a little?†asked the ex-Pirate, inquir-
ingly.
“ What for?†asked Father Time.
And then the ex-Pirate started in to explain what he
wanted. His argument was most involved, and Tommy
Toddles could not follow it at all; but the ex-Pirate kept on
talking as fast and as impressively as he could, and occasion-
ally he pulled out his pistols and shook them vigorously in
‘CPATHER TIME WAS VIGOROUSLY WORKING HIS WINGSâ€
: ,
Se i a ;
z 7 . : fi
- ‘ »
THROUGH THE HALLS OF TIME III
the air over his head. Father Time listened attentively,
and shook his head negatively for a long time, but finally
he appeared to yield to the ex-Pirate’s persuasive argu-
ments, and when he spoke he said he would do what was
wanted. ;
“Will you go?†said the ex-Pirate, turning quickly to
Tommy. The little boy hesitated a moment, because he did
not know exactly where the ex-Pirate wanted him to go, or
how long he would be gone if he went; he hesitated, but it
was only for a moment, because he soon noticed that Father
Time was growing impatient, and the ex-Pirate looked slightly
displeased at the delay. |
“Oh yes, I'll go,†he said, impulsively.
He had hardly spoken these words when Father Time slung
his scythe and his hour-glass over his shoulders, grabbed the
ex-Pirate with one hand and seized Tommy with the other.
Then the old Dutch clock began buzzing and whizzing, as if
all the wheels were revolving as fast as they could turn; and
they must have been, for when Tommy glanced at the face
of the clock to see what the hour was the hands were racing
around so fast that he could hardly see them—and they were
turning in the opposite direction from the way clock hands
usually travel. There was no time to notice this slight pecu-
liarity, however, for the little boy felt himself rudely jerked
off his feet, held firmly by the tight grasp of Father Time,
and before he could exclaim, or object, or expostulate, he saw
himself flying through space at what seemed to be the rate
of many hundreds of miles a minute. Father Time was vig-
I12 TOMMY TODDLES
orously working his wings, and was speeding backward, his
long gray beard flowing in the wind between Tommy and the
ex-Pirate, who were sticking out straight behind, and neither
had breath enough left to be able to say anything.
CHAPTER XIV
A PAIR OF UNFORTUNATE TURTLES
-AS soon as Tommy recovered his self-possession—or as
much of it as he could under these trying circumstances—he
opened his eyes and looked about him. He could not see
much, for they were apparently racing down a dark, narrow
corridor, “like a telegram in a pneumatic tube,†he thought.
But his eyes gradually grew accustomed to the darkness, and
he could see that there were pictures on the walls—battle
pictures, and scenes representing all sorts of historical events.
He caught a glimpse of Washington crossing the Delaware,
and of the battle of Bunker Hill; he saw the taking of the
Bastille, and the great London fire. Soon he saw the Span-
ish Armada and the Crusades, and, later, the burning of
Rome, Julius Cesar crossing the Rubicon, the siege of Car-
thage, the building of the Parthenon, the destruction of Troy,
the fall of Babylon, and afterward many other things that he
could not recognize. They all seemed to whiz past him in a
sort of confused blur. He screwed up courage enough final-
ly to call out to the ex-Pirate:
“Wh-wh-wh-at is th-this pl-pla-ce, and how I-long are we
g-going to go Llike th-this ?â€
Ii4 TOMMY TODDLES |
‘“Th-th-these are the halls of Time!†the ex-Pirate shouted
in reply. ‘“ We are going back through them as far as the
Deluge!â€
This explanation was not very satisfactory to Tommy, and
although up to the present moment he had not had a chance
to think of getting scared, he now began to feel slightly
alarmed at what had happened. He was about to question
the ex-Pirate again, when suddenly there was a great burst of
light, and they seemed to shoot out of the tunnel they had
been travelling through. Tommy felt the grasp of Father
Time’s hand loosen, and the next thing he knew he was roll-
ing head over heels on top of a big hay-stack in the middle
of a broad, sunny field. He pulled himself together as soon
as he could, and found the ex-Pirate sitting in the hay
beside him with a somewhat bewildered ‘expression on his
face.
“T don’t think I like that sort of thing very much,†re-
marked Tommy.
“T can’t quite say that I do either,†said the ex-Pirate,
feeling to see if his pistols were still in his sash.
“Where is Father Time?†continued the little boy.
“JT don’t know. Perhaps he is going ahead again now
at his regular rate of sixty seconds to the minute.â€
Tommy scratched his head meditatively and looked about
him. The field in which the hay-stack stood was surrounded
by hills and forests, and here and there could be seen various
kinds of animals travelling in pairs.. Over the crests of the
trees, directly in front of them, the little boy espied some-
A PAIR OF UNFORTUNATE TURTLES II5
thing that looked like the roof of an immense barn. He
called the ex-Pirate’s attention to it.
“That must be the Ark,†said the latter, rising. ‘Let’s
go and find out.†: .
They clambered down the hay-stack into the field, and start-
ed off in the direction of the woods. There was not any path
for them to follow, and occasionally they had to wade through
tall grass that reached almost up to their waists. In one of
these clumps of herbage they heard voices.
“Oh dear! oh dear!†said one voice, “I am sure we shall
be late. We are always late. Oh dear! oh dear! I wonder
what time it is!â€
Tommy and the ex-Pirate stopped and looked about them;
but they could not see any one, and were about to proceed
on their way, when they heard the same plaint again. They
parted the tall grasses and searched in the direction whence the
sounds appeared to come, until they found two Turtles plod-
ding along as fast as they could over the rough ground. It
was the larger of the two Turtles that was wailing over the
probability of their being late in arriving wherever they were
going.
“What's the matter?†asked the ex-Pirate.
The Turtles paused and looked up.
“The matter?†exclaimed the larger. Turtle. “Look at.
this,†and he pulled a newspaper clipping out from under his
shell. “I am sure we shall be late.â€
The ex-Pirate took the piece of paper and looked at it. It
was an advertisement :
116 TOMMY TODDLES
DELUGE LINE
THE ARK....... fone Captain Noah
Will sail at NOON precisely.
“T am sure we shall miss the boat,†continued the Turtle,
nervously. ‘What time is it, please?â€
Tommy and the ex-Pirate looked at each other. Neither
one had a watch.
“T can’t tell you what time it is,†answered the little boy.
“I’m not big enough to have a watch; and the last time I
saw the clock it was going so fast I could not tell what time
it was.â€
“Well,†said the Turtle, “you are more polite than the
Cuckoos, anyway. But I am sure we shall be late.â€
“T guess not,†said the ex-Pirate, reassuringly. “ Don’t
get nervous about it. There is always-a delay. The Ark
won’t sail on time. And besides, they will have to wait for
the mails.â€
“Oh no,†persisted the Turtle. “They won’t have to wait
for the males, because we are going aboard in pairs.â€
“Can’t we carry the poor things?†suggested Tommy. “It
would be too bad if they got left.â€
The Turtle looked up at the little boy with an expression
of overwhelming gratitude. This was all that was needed to
persuade the ex-Pirate, and so he and Tommy leaned over
and each picked up a Turtle and tucked it under his arm.
‘**wHy, THAT ARK IS JUST LIKE
MINE!’ EXCLAIMED TOMMYâ€
A PAIR OF UNFORTUNATE TURTLES IIg
“This reminds me of a conversation I overheard once,â€
said the ex-Pirate, as they started off again. “I made a clas-
sic out of it; and as the Sheep is not here to object now, I
will recite it to you:
“«Tt is much to be regretted,’
Said the TURTLE to the SNAIL,
That as rapid-transit creatures
We so signally must fail.
“«But yet we should be thankful
That Nature still allows us
To carry on our weary backs
The wherewithal to house us.’â€
“Correct!†blurted out the Turtle from under the ex-
Pirate’s arm. “Is there any danger of these pistols going
off ?â€
“No,†replied the ex-Pirate; ‘they are loaded.â€
“That's all right, then,†he said, with a sigh of relief; “I
was afraid they were not loaded.â€
Tommy and the ex-Pirate, with the Turtles under their
arms, picked their way slowly through. the trees toward the
Ark. They proceeded in silence for some moments, until the
little boy, who had apparently been thinking very seriously
about something, asked:
‘‘What did the Turtle mean by saying we are more polite
than the Cuckoos?â€
“Haven't you ever heard about what the old Turtle did
120 TOMMY TODDLES
to the Cuckoos with Agathea’s wish-box?†returned the ex-
Pirate.
“T never did,†said Tommy. “Can’t you tell me now as
we go along?â€
“Well, it was a long time ago, of course,†began the ex-
Pirate, complaisantly ; “almost long enough ago for me to
begin by saying, ‘Once upon a time...’ But I won’t say
that if you don’t like it.
“The old Turtle lived down by the swamp, and had a very
easy time of it, and withal was a very good old Turtle. One
day he got a message from his brother, who lived near the
pond over the hill, saying that two little new Turtlets had
just arrived, and asking him to come over to the christening
the next day. So the Turtle got up bright and early that
morning, and polished his shell until it shone in the sunlight
like burnished gold, and then he started off along the road
toward the pond. He had not gone very far when he came
to a beautiful wild-rose bush in full bloom, and underneath it
sat Agathea, the pretty little forest fairy.
““Good-morning, Mr. Turtle,’ said Agathea.
“*Good-morning, pretty one,’ answered the Turtle, very
politely. ‘You look as sweet as the dawn of a May morning.’
““And where are you going so early in the day ? asked
the Fairy, blushing with pleasure at the Turtle’s compli-
ment.
“<“T'm going over the hill and down to the pond, where
my brother has two little Turtlets that are to be christened
to-day.’
A PAIR OF UNFORTUNATE TURTLES 121
“«Two little Turtlets ! exclaimed Agathea. ‘And will you
take them a present from me?’
“«With the greatest pleasure,’ said the Turtle, for he knew
that a present from the forest fairy could not but be welcome
to his nephews.
“ Agathea- picked up a little box from the moss under the
rose-bush, and handed it to the Turtle. .
“<«In this box,’ she said, ‘is a wish. You may have it.
Think of what you would most like to happen, and say the
words out loud when you open the box. Then your wish .
will come true. Be very careful about keeping the box closed
until you get to the christening, for if you should wish for
something on the way and open the box, then that wish would
be granted. You must wish in the presence of the ones the
wish is to affect. So be careful, and wish in the presence of
the Turtlets.’
“ Saying this, Agathea gave the box to the Turtle, and bade
him good luck on his journey. He thanked her effusively,
and continued on his way. He plodded along up the hill,
which was a good deal longer and a good deal steeper than
he had expected to find it, and after a while, as the sun kept
getting higher and higher in the heavens, he began to fear he
would be late at the christening. So he hurried on as fast as
he could, and soon he found himself passing through a wood
where there were any number of Cuckoos. They all appeared
to be very busy building nests for the little Cuckoos, and they
did not pay much attention to old Uncle Turtle, who was
crawling along as hard as he could with his wish-box in one
122 TOMMY TODDLES
hand. Pretty soon he stopped and spoke to one of the
Cuckoos.
“ ¢Good-morning, Mr. Cuckoo,’ he said. ‘Can you tell me
what time it is?â€
“But the Cuckoo was so busy that he did not pay any at-
tention to the Turtle’s request, and presently flew away. The
Turtle went on a little farther and met another.
“«« Please, Mr. Cuckoo,’ he began, ‘can you tell me what
time it is? I am going to the christening of the little Tur-
tlets, and I am afraid I shall be late.’
“ «TJ guess you will,’ answered the Cuckoo; and he went on
building his nest, but he wouldn’t tell the Turtle what time
it was. The latter was getting very angry by this time, be-
cause he had never been treated so impolitely before by the
Cuckoos or by any one else, but he went on a little farther,
and every time he met a Cuckoo he asked what time it was.
Some of them paid no attention to him, others said they did
not know the hour, and others again told him they had no
time to stop and fuss with Turtles. So the Turtle kept getting
angrier and angrier, and by the time he had reached the top
of the hill he was the angriest old Turtle you ever saw. There
he met two more Cuckoos, and he spoke to these as a last
effort.
“«Please, Mr. and Mrs. Cuckoo, what time of day is it? I
am going to the christening of the little Turtlets, and—’
“Bother the Turtlets,’ said one of the Cuckoos, sharply.
“ «We don’t know what time it is,’ added the other.
“These replies made the Turtle so angry that he did not
A PAIR OF UNFORTUNATE TURTLES 123
know what to do. He looked down at his box, and on seeing
it, he remembered that by opening it he could have any wish
he wanted. So for the moment he forgot all about the Tur-
tlets, and he said to himself, ‘I'll just wish something about
these Cuckoos that will make them sorry they did not tell me
what time it was.’
“Then he crawled up on a stone, and prepared to open the
box, saying out loud as he did so:
“«* May all the Cuckoos that ever live be compelled to tell
the time of day. Every hour shall they call the time out
loud, so that all within hearing may know.’
“And as he said this, the Turtle opened the box and let
the Wish escape. All at once every Cuckoo in. the woods
began to tell him what time it was, and from what they said
he knew it was almost too late for the christening. But he
hurried on, and when he came to the pond he told the Tur-
tlets all about what had happened to him, and although they
were not much pleased at the use he had made of Agathea’s
gift (for little Turtles have no appreciation of time), yet they
were so glad to see their uncle that they did not cry.
“ And so,†concluded the ex-Pirate, “on account of the
Turtle’s wish, every Cuckoo has to call out the time of day
every hour in the twenty-four.â€
“But there aren’t any Cuckoos here,†blurted out the
Turtle who had first spoken, “and I am sure we shall be
late.â€
As they advanced they could hear sounds as of a vast con-
gregation of creatures, and at last, when they came to the
124 TOMMY TODDLES
edge of the woods, they looked out upon a broad plain, in
the centre of which rested the huge house-boat that Noah
had constructed. Around it were gathered hundreds and
hundreds of animals, and in the air above were flying count-
less birds.
“Why, that Ark is just like mine!†exclaimed Tommy,
“only a million times larger.’ The ex-Pirate looked at him
in a half-surprised way, but made no reply.
“T guess you can drop us here,†said Tommy’s Turtle;
“and we are ever so much obliged.†As soon as the two
creatures had been put down upon the ground again they
scampered off'in the direction of the Ark as fast as their legs
“would carry them.
“ Now what shall we do?†said Tommy.
“I guess we had better hold a council of war. When
you don’t know what to do, always hold a council of war,â€
answered the ex-Pirate, and the two sat down in the shade
of a big oak to consult.
CHAPTER XV
TOMMY AND THE EX-PIRATE GET INTO THE ARK
Tommy often wondered afterward why it was that he did
not feel frightened when he found himself so close to this
great congress of wild animals. But at the time he did not
feel in the least alarmed, and he and the ex-Pirate sat
quietly together under the oak planning as to what they
had better do. Perhaps Tommy felt no fear because all
the animals seemed to be on such good terms with one
another, and so gave evidence that they would not harm any
one else. The little boy noticed the Lion and the Lamb
lying down together; the Fox was playing tag with the
Geese (“ Fox and Geese, I suppose,†thought Tommy); the
Red Wolf was strolling about, arm in arm with a bearded
Goat and his Kids; and half a dozen Mice were having
all sorts of fun with an old Tomcat who wanted to sleep.
“T guess the only thing for us to do,’ remarked the ex-
Pirate at last, ‘is to just walk over and go aboard. There’s
no use sitting here any longer. We have not any umbrellas,
and it is liable to begin to rain at any moment. Let's try
our luck.â€
“Perhaps it would be best for us to walk around to the
7 oo
126 TOMMY TODDLES
other side,†suggested Tommy. ‘There doesn’t seem to be.
so many animals there.â€
His companion approved of this, and they started off to-
gether, making a circuit which soon brought them to the other
side of the huge house-boat. There were scarcely any beasts
in sight, and so they boldly approached the great craft which
towered high up above their heads. When they had come
quite close, the ex-Pirate’s keen eye caught sight of a small
port-hole near the stern, and after calling Tommy’s attention
to it they decided to try to get in that way. The port-hole
was very narrow, and it was with the greatest difficulty that
the two managed to squeeze through. But they succeeded,
nevertheless, and found themselves in a sort of dark chamber
where there was a ladder that led to the upper regions of the
Ark.
“We're all right now,†said the ex-Pirate. “Do you think
this will be too much for you?â€
“ What?†asked Tommy, who did not quite understand.
“The ladder.â€
“Not a bit. Why?â€
“Tt’s more than you.â€
“ How do you mean?†asked the little boy, now somewhat
puzzled.
“You are a lad, aren't you?†said the ex-Pirate.
“Ves,â€
“Well, this is a ladder.â€
There was not anything that Tommy could very well an-
swer to any such statement; but then he had long since
- TOMMY AND THE EX-PIRATE GET INTO THE ARK 127
given up any idea of following the peculiar arguments and
reasonings of the ex-Pirate. Yet, in order to show him that,
even if the ladder was more than he, he was certainly equal
to climbing it, he seized the rungs and clambered up. It
ended at a trap-door which, when lifted, opened into a very
large room that appeared to occupy the entire length of the
Ark.
“Aha!†exclaimed the ex-Pirate. “This is where they
have the boxing-matches.â€
“Will they have any?†asked Tommy, eagerly, and his eyes
opened very wide.
“T don’t know,†returned the ex-Pirate, “but this is the
spar-deck.â€
“ How did you get here?†suddenly asked a familiar voice
from behind them, which so startled Tommy that he almost
stepped into the open trap. When he looked around he saw,
to his great joy, that it was the Sheep.
“Oh, we just came,†answered the ex-Pirate, quickly.
“ Things come and things go, you know.â€
“Yes, I’ve heard that before,†interrupted the Sheep.
“ But if Noah catches you, he’ll put you ashore.â€
“ But we don’t want to go ashore,†said Tommy, who at
seeing his old friend the Sheep had entirely recovered from
his momentary alarm.
“Well, I’m very busy now,†continued the latter, “and the
animals will be coming in pretty soon. If you want to see
them, you had better go up to the other end of the Ark
and sit on a rafter over the entrance. But don’t let the
128 TOMMY TODDLES
Bull see you. He’s ina mighty bad humor. Good-bye,†and
the Sheep trotted off and disappeared almost as suddenly as
he had come. ; ;
“Guess we'd better.do that,†said the ex-Pirate, medita-
tively. ‘We don’t want. to get put out.†So they walked
to the other end of the big room, being very careful to make
as little noise as possible, and when they came to the large
arched entrance with the heavy bolted’ doors the ex-Pirate
helped Tommy climb up a post, and the two slid out ona
rafter, from which they could obtain a first-rate view of any-
thing that might happen. Just below where they sat, and
directly opposite them, was a window with a small counter in
front of it and the words “ Ticket Office†painted over it.
Below the counter, nearer the floor, was another window, only
smaller— for the little animals, I suppose,†thought Tommy.
When their eyes had become accustomed to the semi-
obscurity of their surroundings they found that they were
not the only occupants of balcony seats. A few feet away
from them sat a Gopher. He wore a pink sun-bonnet, and
looked somewhat timidly at the intruders. As soon as the
ex-Pirate saw him, he said:
“What are you doing up here? Why aren’t you out-
side?†.
“Lost my ticket,†answered the Gopher, timorously.
“Lost your ticket ?†repeated the ex-Pirate. '
“Ves, sir,†continued the little animal, meekly. “Not
exactly lost it. I put it in my mouth, and forgot, and swal-
lowed it. I’ve got it inside.â€
Zen
ee
** “WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP HERE? WHY AREN’T YOU OUTSIDE?â€
TOMMY AND THE EX-PIRATE GET INTO THE ARK 131
“Oh,†said the ex-Pirate. “Well, you'll get it back as
soon as we start.â€
“Please, may I stay?†asked the Gopher.
“Why, certainly,†replied the ex-Pirate, affably, waving his
hand in a grandiose way, just as if he had been the proprietor
of the Ark; whereupon the Gopher looked much pleased and
relieved, and settled down somion aly again at his end of
the rafter.
Just then the shutter of the ticket-window was thrown up
with a loud bang that made Tommy jump, and the Bull stuck
his head out and peered up and down the large room. He
was a very fierce-looking Bull, and he wore on his head a cap
with the word “ Purser†embroidered on it. in gold letters.
“ All aboard !’’ he bellowed, in a voice that fairly made the
timbers tremble, and scared the Gopher half out of his wits.
And then some one from the outside opened the heavy doors
and the animals began coming in.
CHAPTER XVI
THE ANIMALS COME ABOARD
THE animals poured into the Ark like the tide through a
sluice. They pushed and shoved and crowded, and many
tried to get to the Purser’s window ahead of their turns.
The big ones-brushed the little ones aside with a total disre-
gard of gentleness or consideration. But the Bull soon put
a stop to this sort of thing. He stuck his head out of the
window and said all sorts of horrible things, and vowed he
would have the doors closed if the beasts did not preserve
better order. Things went along better after that.
The larger animals came in first: Lions, Tigers, Elephants,
Hippopotami, Rhinoceroses, Camels, Giraffes, Dromedaries,
Buffaloes, Polar Bears, Grizzly Bears, and every other kind of
Bear. Tommy thought he had never seen so many different
animals in all his life. It beat a circus all hollow, and it re-
minded him of the college song his uncle Dick used to sing
about :
“The animals came in two by two,
Hurrah! Hurrah!
The animals came in two by two,
Hurrah! Hurrah!
THE ANIMALS COME ABOARD 133
The animals came in two by two,
The Elephant and the Kangaroo,.
And they all got into the Ark before it began to rain!â€
After the large animals followed a long procession of deer
—Elks, Antelopes, Gazelles, Chamois, Moose, and Caribou.
Behind these came dogs of every kind—big dogs, little dogs,
thin dogs, fat dogs, gay dogs, sad dogs, shaggy dogs, sleek
dogs, and all-colored. dogs; Greyhounds, Mastiffs, Pugs,
St. Bernards, Fox Terriers, Setters, Pointers, Poodles, Great
Danes, Skyes, Black-and-Tans, and Collies. Toward the end
of the procession came a long-bodied brown. dog with big
ears and long, straight legs. Tommy had never seen that
kind before.
“What is he?†he said, pointing downward.
The ex-Pirate shook his head, but the Gopher answered,
“ That’s a Dachshund.â€
“ A Dachshund ?†repeated Tommy; “I guess not. Dachs-
hunds are not built like that. Look at his long legs.â€
. “Well, that zs a Dachshund,†insisted the Gopher; and
then he pulled his sun-bonnet over his head and closed his eyes
for a nap.
The French Poodle was the only one that had any trouble
with the Bull, because the Bull could not speak French, and
refused to understand what the Poodle said. Tommy plainly
heard the dog muttering to himself as he left the window:
“Espéce de John Bull! Il est toujours comme ¢a!â€
But the little boy could not understand what the Poodle
134 TOMMY TODDLES
meant any more than the Bull could, because he had not
gotten along any farther in his French exercise-book than
“Have you seen the good General’s red slippers under the
green table of the wine-merchant’s beautiful mother-in-law ?â€
And he did not recognize any of these words in the Poodle’s
plaint.
The Bull had been losing his temper pretty rapidly ever
since the doors opened, and he seemed to be waiting fora
chance to do or say something ugly. Pretty soon a couple
of harmless and sleepy-looking Oxen came plodding up the
gang-plank and strolled through the doorway.
“Look here!†the Bull shouted at them, “you've got to
leave your chewing-gum outside! No gum chewing allowed
on the Ark?!â€
One of the Oxen protested, but the Bull asserted that if
the Ox made any trouble he would come outside and settle
the matter himself; and so both Oxen regretfully stuck their
chewing-gum under the gang-plank and passed in. A little
while later a Lizard came along and handed in his ticket
through the small window near the floor. The Bull looked
at it and frowned, and then stuck his head out over the
counter and glared at the little Lizard, who actually turned
green with fright.
“What do you mean by presenting this ticket?†asked .
the Bull, savagely. ,
“Please, sir, ] want to come into the Ark,†replied the
Lizard, meekly.
“Well, you can’t get in on this ticket—see ?â€
THE ANIMALS COME ABOARD 135
“Please, sir, it’s the only one I have,†continued the Liz-
ard, trembling.
“Well, look here, young fellow,†snorted the Bull, getting
angrier as he spoke; “this ticket is your shape, but it is not
your size. You bought it from a speculator outside!â€
“Oh no, sir!†exclaimed the Lizard.
‘I don’t care what you say. This is the Crocodile’s ticket,
and it ain’t your size, and you can’t get in on it!â€
“Please, sir, I did not know,†mildly protested the Lizard.
“J can’t read, sir.â€
“Well, don’t you know that the pauper, the insane, and
the illiterate are not allowed on this Ark?†roared the Bull,
apparently deriving much pleasure from the fact that he
was scaring the Lizard half to death. The little fellow did
not in the least understand the meaning of these big words,
but he was so frightened by the Bull’s ferocious manner that
he turned away and scurried frantically down the gang-plank,
and hid under a big stone in the sand.
“How awfully mean for the Bull to talk like that to such
a little animal !†whispered Tommy to the ex-Pirate.
“That’s what he always does. Never takes a fellow his
size,†answered the ex-Pirate. “He bullies the little ones;
that’s why he’s called a Bull.â€
‘Presently a Crocodile came stamping up the gang-plank.
He had a business-like expression in his eye, and a cold, sar-
castic smile displayed his glistening rows of sharp teeth. He
stepped right up to the ticket-window, and thrust his long snout
in so suddenly that he almost knocked the Bull off his stool.
136 TOMMY TODDLES
“What do you mean by sending me a miniature ticket like
this P?†he shouted, fiercely.
The Bull stuttered, “I beg your pardon, sir; but won’t
you allow me to look at the ticket ?â€
The Crocodile passed the paper in.
“ Oh, it’s all a mistake,†began the Bull, apologetically. “I
assure you it is all a mistake—â€
“T should say it was,†interrupted the Crocodile, who ap-
peared to be in an exceedingly unpleasant frame of mind.
“Do you think for a moment that I am going to take any
such accommodations as that? Do you think I can sleep in
any berth that was built fora Lizard ?â€
“Tt’s a mistake,†repeated the Bull, affably. ‘“ Your quar-
ters are on the main-deck, starboard side, No. 417,†and he
passed out the ticket he had taken away from the Lizard.
The Crocodile did not appear satisfied. He stuck his nose
through the window again and shouted:
“Well, I want satisfaction! I want satisfaction, and I’m
going to have it—’
But the crowd of animals in line behind the Crocodile, tired
of waiting, gave a push that sent the latter past the window
and out.into the main hall, still mumbling something about
“satisfaction.†The Bull looked out of his office, much re-
lieved, and shouted down the line,
“ Somebody tell that Lizard he can come in!â€
It did not take so long as Tommy thought it would for all
the animals to get on board. When the last one had passed
in, preparations were made to haul up the gang-plank, for the
‘CUE THRUST HIS LONG SNOUT IN SUDDENLYâ€
.
es uth see eS
THE ANIMALS COME ABOARD 139
wind had freshened, the skies had darkened, and the general
appearance of the heavens betokened the approaching storm.
Just as the big plank was about to be taken aboard, faint
voices were heard from the ground outside:
“Wait a moment! wait a moment!†they cried. “ Wait
for us; we’re almost there!â€
It was the Turtles. By so close a margin did they get into
the Ark. The Bull scolded them as they passed, and then
slammed down the window, and the Gopher, on the rafter
next to Tommy, heaved a sigh of relief.
Soon afterward it began to rain. The big drops fell noisily
upon the shingled roof of the Ark, and pattered on the win-
dow-panes.
“ What is that noise ?†asked a little Armadillo.
“ That’s the rain, dear,†replied its parent.
‘Oh no,†said the little one; “the Reindeer are sleeping
down-stairs.â€
And then there was a great jolt, and the Ark floated off on
the flood.
CHAPTER XVII
A FAR-REACHING ACCIDENT
Tommy and the ex-Pirate and the Gopher remained quietly
perched on the rafter for some minutes after the big Ark had
begun to move; but when they found that none of the ani-
mals noticed them, since all seemed so busy attending to
their own affairs, they slid along the beam until they could
look out into the main room and see what was going on—
that is, Tommy and the ex-Pirate slid along, but the Gopher
remained where he was, apparently sound asleep.
“What do you suppose they will do next ?†asked the little
boy.
“Fight or eat, I guess,†answered the ex-Pirate. “ All ani-
mals fight or eat.â€
“T don’t think I should like to see them fight,†continued
Tommy. And then he added, “ Don’t you think it is getting
dark in here?â€
“Very much so,†said the ex-Pirate, looking about. “I
suppose they will light up pretty soon. It’s always dark on
a rainy day, you know.â€
“What kind of lights do you suppose they will have ?â€
“ Ark-lights, of course,†said the ex-Pirate. “What other,
’
A FAR-REACHING ACCIDENT 141
kind would you expect on a boat of this kind? Did you
suppose the two Tapirs would be bright enough? If you
had ever had any dealings with a Tapir you would know
what a stupid beast he is. Don’t you remember my classic
about him:
«Said the MONKEY to the TAPIR,
One Sunday afternoon,
‘Won’t you let me have some paper,’ etc., etc... .
The Tapir sold writing-paper, you see. But he was too stupid
to get along in the business. That’s why it is called a sta-
tionery business.â€
Tommy was about to answer—he hardly knew what—when
a bump and a squeal interrupted the conversation. The
sleeping Gopher had fallen off the rafter. This accident
might have caused a good deal of trouble if a great hubbub
had not started at the other end of the room at the same
moment. There were squeals and howls and yelps, as if some
one was being killed. In the rush and confusion the Gopher
mixed with the crowd, and Tommy could only occasionally
catch a glimpse of his pink sun-bonnet bobbing up now and
then in the swarm that was struggling in the distance.
‘“‘T wonder what has happened ?†said the little boy, leaning
as far forward as he dared.
“First fight, I guess,†muttered the ex-Pirate. ‘“ But
I think we had better stay up here and wait till it’s all
over.â€
“T guess we had,†assented Tommy. But they did not
142 TOMMY TODDLES
have to wait very long, for the Gopher soon came scurrying
back and climbed quickly up beside them.
“Goodness! Goodness me!†he cried.
“ What's the matter?’ asked the ex-Pirate, eagerly.
“ The Dachshund was playing tag with a Chinese Pug, and
he fell through the trap-door.â€
“Oh, my!†exclaimed Tommy. —
“You ought to see him,†pursued the Gopher. “ He fell
all the way down to the hold, and his legs are jammed away
up into his body and twisted all out of shape. They’re
only about three inches long now, and even the Elephant
could not pull them out straight. He is disfigured for all
time.â€
“Can’t any one help him ?†asked the ex-Pirate.
“ He won't let any one. The Duck, who was educated in
divers practices, offered his services as doctor, but the Dachs-
hund would not have him. Said he was a quack.†There
was a brief silence; then the Gopher added: “ They are try-
ing to find out who opened the trap-door, and so I ran away.
I came in that way; but I’m sure I shut the trap after me.â€
“We came in that way too,†said the ex-Pirate.
“Yes, and I came up first,†put in Tommy. “You were
last up. Did you shut the door?â€
“T guess I did not,†admitted the ex-Pirate. ‘“ But it was
the Sheep’s fault ; he put it out of my mind.â€
By this time the excitement had abated, and the animals
were scattered in groups again. The Dachshund went wad-
dling about the floor on his short, crooked legs, to the great
A FAR-REACHING ACCIDENT 143
amusement of the Storks and Cranes, who still had long,
straight legs, and Tommy said,
“ Well, I never knew before how it happened that those
dogs had such funny legs.†But the Gopher said nothing,
and still trembled for fear some one would find out he had
come in through the trap.
The wind was blowing fiercely outside, and as it howled
around the corners and under the eaves of the Ark it sounded
notes like those of an AZolian harp.
“Music, isn’t it?’ remarked Tommy. “It sounds like a
fiddle.â€
The ex-Pirate almost jumped off the rafter.
“ Fiddle!’ he exclaimed. ‘Who said fiddle? Is there a
fiddle on board? If there is, I’m going to jump!â€
“J did not say there was a fiddle on board,†remonstrated
Tommy, “I said it sounded like a fiddle.â€
“Oh!â€
“ What are you so afraid of a fiddler for?â€
“Tf I tell you, you will easily understand,†answered the
ex-Pirate, with a deep sigh.
“Well, tell us. Is it interesting?â€
“Ves, and I can give it to you in rhyme. Will you have it
in four verses or in six?†-
“T guess four will do,†answered the little boy, and he
leaned over and pulled the Gopher up closer. “Come and
hear the poetry,†he said.
The ex-Pirate turned toward his audience on the rafter,
and recited:
?
144 TOMMY TODDLES
“There once was a fiddler whose name was MCPHEE,
And he fiddled, he fiddled, he fiddled, did he.
He fiddled so. loud and he fiddled so long
That the neighbors all thought there must be something wrong
With this fearful old fellow, this fiddler MCPHEE,
For he fiddled, he fiddled, he fiddled, did he.
“So one day the neighbors all went up to see
What the cause of this unceasing fiddling could be.
They appointed committees to go in and speak
_In behalf of them all to this fiddling freak,
Who had fiddled all day and all night for a week;
But their efforts all failed with this frightful MCPHEE,
Who fiddled for fun, he fiddled, did he.
“The first man to face the fiddler MCPHEE
’ Was a fat little fellow, who said, ‘Sir,’ said he,
‘You fiddle all night and you fiddle all day,
You fiddle and fiddle your whole time away;
Won't you tell us the reason why all this should be?’
But the fiddler still fiddled, he fiddled, did he.
“But finally, while fiddling, he said, ‘Sir,’ said he,
“You will greatly oblige me by letting me be;
All your fussing and fretting and fuming,’ said he,
‘Is nothing at all—it’s fiddlededee!’
So he kept on a fiddling, this fellow MCPHEE,
And he fiddled, and fiddled, and fiddled, did he.
And I was one of the neighbors,†added the ex-Pirate.
“ And did not Mr. McPhee stop?†asked Tommy.
&
‘LET'S ORGANIZE,
WHAT’S LIFE WITHOUT
ORGANIZATION ?’ â€
A FAR-REACHING ACCIDENT 147
“No. We all had to move. He had a ninety-nine years’
lease.â€
“T don’t blame you,†said the Gopher.
The ex-Pirate was about to propose reciting four more
verses when there occurred another commotion, and the Hip-
popotamus stood up on his awkward hind-legs and shouted:
“Let’s organize! We ought to organize! What is life
without organization? I move we elect a presidentщۉ۪
But before he could express his views any further the
Lion stepped up to him and buffeted him with his paw, and
growled:
“Sit down! If there is any organizing to be done, / will
do it. I want you to understand that I am the King of
Beasts, and we won’t have any Presidents this trip.â€
Whereupon the poor old Hippopotamus rubbed his sore
jowls, and waddled slowly off to another part of the room.
Then the Lion got up on a big chair, with the Lioness at his
side, and made a speech. Tommy and the ex-Pirate could
not hear what’ he said, because they were so far away; but
the animals all seemed very attentive and much pleased, for
they continually nodded their heads, and at the close of the
oration the Goplier, who in some manner had managed to
catch every word, waved his sun-bonnet in the air and cried:
“ fTooray! We're going to eat!â€
“T told you-so,†whispered the ex-Pirate; and then he sug-
gested to Tommy that they go down to the floor and mingle
with the animals, and try to find the Sheep, so as to have a
chance at the meal, if that were possible.
8
CHAPTER XVII
THE BANQUET BEGINS
NONE of the animals paid the slightest attention to Tommy
and the ex-Pirate when they came down from their uncom-
fortable perch on the rafter and strolled about the big room.
The Gopher, probably emboldened by his neighbors’ action,
descended, too, and mingled with the other beasts. But, for
some reason, he managed to remain within sight of Tommy
and the ex-Pirate, so that if anything had happened to him
he could have run to them for protection or assistance. Oc-
casionally he would join them and converse for a few mo-
ments, and then he would wander off again by himself.
“T guess they take us fora pair of animals,†observed Tom-
my, as he glanced about at the peaceful beasts. “Some new
kind,†he added.
“That must be it,†said the ex-Pirate, absent - mindedly ;
“but I wish we could find the Sheep.â€
“In this crowd?†exclaimed the Gopher, who came up at
that moment. ‘Why, that’s like looking for a beetle in a
smoke-stack.â€
The three walked along for some time in silence, and they
saw all sorts of queer things as they went. In a retired cor-
THE BANQUET BEGINS 149
ner the Hippopotamus was shaving himself with a razor-
backed Hog, much to the displeasure of the Hog, who kept
up a perpetual snorting and grunting. Near by an old moth-
er Pig was putting her little Pigs’ tails up in curl- papers for
the night. Farther along the Armadillo, the Turtles, the
Hedgehog, and the Porcupine, squatted on the floor together,
were playing dominoes. A Leopard-like creature sat near by,
watching the game, looking very much disappointed and
mournful.
“They won't let him play,†volunteered the Gopher, “ be-
cause he’s a Cheetah.â€
All this time there was much bustle and preparation going
on in the middle of the hall. The Monkey tribe, of which
there must have been a hundred, were bringing up tables and
stools and benches from down below somewhere, and were
stretching these out the entire length of the big room. They
made a banqueting-board much longer than Tommy had ever
seen before, and then they laid plates and mugs along the
edges, enough to accommodate all. The Monkeys made first-
rate waiters, and the big Gorillas bossed them around, and
kept them working “just like real waiters in a restaurant,â€
thought Tommy.
“There’s the Sheep!†shouted the ex-Pirate, suddenly, and
he pointed out their old friend sitting on a bench about a
third of the way down from the head of the long table. They
hastened toward him, followed by the Gopher, who was doubt-
less afraid of being crowded out, for the animals were taking
seats rapidly.
150 TOMMY TODDLES
The Sheep was overjoyed when the ex-Pirate sat down be-
side him, and he moved up closer to his neighbor on the other
side so as to make toom for Tommy and the Gopher. The
little boy sat on the bench with the ex-Pirate on his left and
the Gopher on a high stool at his right. The Lion and Lion-
ess occupied the head of the table, some distance away, and
the Bull sat at the foot.
“T have been looking all over for you,†began the Sheep,
“but you were so well concealed I could not find you. Where
did you pick up that Gopher?â€
“‘Oh, he’s all right,†answered the ex-Pirate. “ He’s got his
ticket inside.â€
The Gopher almost fell off his stool. He whispered to
Tommy, “Tell him not to talk about my ticket.â€
But before Tommy could deliver the message the Monkeys
began bringing the soup in on trays, and placed a plateful in
front of each one at table. The Gopher seized his plate and
lifted it greedily to his face and swallowed all at one gulp.
Then he threw the plate under the table, and began snapping
his fingers loudly, just as if he had not been served at all.
“You must not do that,†remonstrated Tommy.
“Oh yes, I must,†said the Gopher. And then he held up
both hands and snapped all his fingers.
“What dreadful table manners the Gopher has,†said the
little boy to the ex-Pirate. ‘Did you see what he did?â€
“Ves,†answered the latter. “It was very reprehensible.
Worse than anything I ever saw. Worse than the Bishop of
Shinnikoree.â€
‘THEY WON'T LET HIM PLAY BECAUSE HE’S A CHEETATT’â€
THE BANQUET BEGINS 153
“The Arch-Bishop,†put in the Sheep.
“ Arch-Bishop nothing,†retorted the ex-Pirate. “He was
only a Bishop.â€
“ But he is an Arch-Bishop zow,†persisted the Sheep.
“ He’s dead now,†retorted the ex-Pirate.
“Yes; and they carved him in stone, and put him up over
the entrance of the Cathedral, and so he is an Arch-Bishop,
isn’t he?â€
“Well, I suppose so. Anyhow, he was mighty queer at table.â€
“ Vou never told me about the Bishop before,†said Tommy.
“T know it,†answered the ex-Pirate. “But if I had the
third volume of my collected poems here, I could read to you
about him. He was dreadful. Worse than the Gopher.â€
“Can’t you remember about him ?†pleaded the little boy.
“Part, I guess. Let me see;†and the ex-Pirate reflected in
silence fora moment. Then he began:
“There once was a BISHOP
Who tossed every dish up
The moment he sat down to table;
At juggling with plates
Full of apples and dates
He was really exceedingly able.
“He would stand on his head
When he buttered his bread,
And his neighbors he gayly would banter,
While he gave a wild whoop
At the sight of pea soup
Which was served in a cut-glass decanter.
154 TOMMY TODDLES
“With fish-balls and prunes,
And fresh macaroons,
The BisHop was likewise quite clever ;
To pile them up high,
And swallow them dry,
Was his constant, consistent endeavor.
“He could drink salad oil
By the pint, and not spoil
The perfect success of digestion ;
And having well dined,
And copiously wined,
He could turn a handspring without question.â€
“Goodness!†commented Tommy. “Where did you say
he bishoped ?â€
“ At Shinnikoree,â€â€™ answered the ex-Pirate.
“J did not hear that last verse,†broke in the Gopher, swal-
lowing his sixth plate of soup. ‘“Can’t you recite it again?â€
“No, I cannot,†replied the ex-Pirate, severely. ‘If you
don’t look out I'll write a piece about you.â€
This seemed to frighten the Gopher, for he snapped his
fingers again and took another plate of soup.
CHAPTER XIX
TOMMY EXCHANGES IDEAS WITH THE GOPHER
It seemed to Tommy as if the Gopher would never get
enough. The little boy had never before witnessed such vo-
racity. By actual count he had seen seventeen plates of soup
vanish into his neighbor’s system, and yet there was no ap-
parent ill effect. The Gopher threw each empty dish under
the table, so that the pile of crockery was now so high in
front of his chair that he could rest his feet on it.
“Really,†said Tommy, at last, “I never saw such a greedy
thing as you in all my life.†:
“T can’t help it,†answered the Gopher, complacently ;
“the eating question isa most important one, and I’m afraid
they’ll all get up and say dinner is over before I’ve had half
enough.â€
“Tt seems to me that you have had more than enough.
And, besides, I have an aunt who says one should always
arise from the table hungry.â€
“Never you mind that Ant,†said the Gopher. ‘“ Ants
don’t count. They are so little they can’t hold anything,
anyhow. As for getting up from the table hungry, that is
something I cannot understand. I always sit down hungry ;
156 TOMMY TODDLES
and it would never do to be hungry at both ends of the meal,
now would it?†.
On reflection Tommy did not think it would, and as he had
been more than half inclined at the outset toward the Go-
pher’s view of the case, they soon agreed on this point. Then
the little animal said,
“ Thtsnawflyfnnyunsnt ?â€
“T can’t understand you when you talk with your mouth
full,†replied Tommy.
The Gopher made a great effort, and swallowed so hard
that his eyes fairly bulged. Then he said,
“That’s an awfully funny one, isn’t it?â€
“What one?â€
“The one next.to you.â€
“ Him?†said Tommy, pointing at the ex-Pirate.
“Um,†continued the Gopher, nodding his head, for his
mouth was full again. ‘“ Ain’t he?â€
“ He is a very nice gentleman,†remarked Tommy, for lack
of anything more definite to say.
“ What kind is he?†asked the Gopher.
“He’s an ex-Pirate.â€
“ A Pie Rat? Goodness, how he has changed !â€
“Oh yes, he has changed,†continued Tommy. “He is
very good now. He has entirely reformed.â€
“TJ should say he had. His form is entirely different. I
knew a Pie Rat once, but he was not at all like this one. He
does not look like a Pie Rat at all.â€
“Oh yes he does!â€: exclaimed Tommy, eagerly, anions
‘“THE LION CALLED THE ASSEMBLED MULTITUDE TO ORDERâ€
TOMMY EXCHANGES IDEAS WITH THE GOPHER 159
he realized as soon as he had spoken that he had never seen
any real, active pirate. But he added, “ He is all fixed up
just like a real pirate.â€
“Well, he isn’t,†said the Gopher, dictatorially. “The Pie
Rat I knew looked like any other rat, but he only ate pie.
Does this one eat pie?â€
“Did you say rat?†asked Tommy.
“T said Pie Rat,†answered the Gopher.
“Well, you don’t want to let him hear you say rat. You
must say ex-Pirate; that means that he is not a pirate any
more.â€
“That’s just what I said,†persisted the Gopher. “I said
he did not look like a Pie Rat, and so he is not a Pie Rat,
and that’s all there is to it.’ Then he threw up his hands
and shouted, “Oh my! look at that!â€
Tommy glanced up toward the head of the table, and saw
that the Lion was helping himself to fully half of what had
been placed before him.
“What a lot he takes!†remarked the little boy, in surprise.
“‘ Always,†said the Gopher. “ But it’s the Lion’s share, and
I suppose he is entitled to it. I wish I were a Lion.â€
“T don’t,†said Tommy, hastily, for he felt that he much
preferred a small animal like the Gopher for a neighbor toa
possible Lion.
“Well, I don’t really believe I would like to be a Lion,
after all,†the Gopher went on to say. “If I could make
myself all over again, I should be part Elephant, part Camel,
and part Giraffe.â€
160 TOMMY TODDLES
“What a funny-looking creature you would be!â€
“Oh, I would not mind that. I don’t care much about
appearances. . Eating is what interests me.â€
“J should think so,†commented Tommy.
“ And then think of the advantages of such a combination,â€
pursued the Gopher. “If I were part Elephant I should be
as big as any animal; and if I were part Camel I should have
four stomachs; and then I should want a Giraffe’s neck. Just
think of how long things taste good in a Giraffe’s throat.
Why, it’s two yards long! And mine is only about half an
inch. How many times better does a piece of pie taste to a
Giraffe than it does to me?â€
“T don’t know,†answered Tommy Toddles, very promptly.
“Well, I've figured it all out many a time,’ added the
Gopher, ‘and I can tell you. A throat two yards long is
twice thirty-six inches long, isn’t it ?â€
“Ves.â€
“‘That’s seventy-two inches. And if my throat is only half
an inch long, the Giraffe’s throat is one hundred and forty-
four times as long as mine, and so the pie tastes one hundred
and forty-four times as good.â€
Tommy marvelled at the Gopher’s proficiency in arith-
metic, but his mind soon reverted to the question at hand,
and he began to wonder how much better pie would taste if
his own neck was one hundred and forty-four inches long.
He was going to ask his neighbor for further information on
the subject, but when he turned around toward the Gopher
he saw that the little animal had in some way gotten posses-
TOMMY EXCHANGES IDEAS WITH THE GOPHER 161
sion of the soup-tureen, and had thrust his head into it, and
was almost drowning because he could not get it out. And
then, just as the ex-Pirate and Tommy had rescued the Gopher
from a soupy grave, the Lion arose at the head of the table,
and pounded loudly on the board and called the assembled
multitude to order.
When silence had spread over the room, the King of Beasts
announced that the Goat had eaten the passenger list and
other important notices off the bulletin board, and that it was
thus impossible for him, as toast-master, to know who was
present and who was not, and so he could not call on any one
by name to make a speech. He added, however, that any
one who desired to make a speech might do so, or, instead of
a speech, any animal could sing a song or tell a story. Hav-
ing made this announcement, the Lion sat down again; and
all the animals glared frowningly upon the Goat, who stroked
his whiskers nervously and looked embarrassed, either because.
of these rebuking glances or possibly because of the antedilu-
vian ink on the passenger list.
“T feel awfully sorry for that Goat,’ whispered the Gopher
to Tommy.
“Why don’t you get up and make a speech then, and dis-
tract the general attention ?â€
““T don’t know any speech,†answered the Gopher; “but I
know a joke.â€
“Tell the joke,†urged Tommy; and so the Gopher stood
up in his chair, and took off his pink sun-bonnet, and ae he
wanted to tell his joke.
CHAPTER XX
A PORTION OF THE EX-PIRATE’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY
THE Lion bowed in a dignified manner to the Gopher, and
rapped on the table again to bring the Parrots to order, and
then the Gopher said, very slowly and deliberately :
“When is a door not a door ?â€
The animals stared at. one another, and whispered, and
gazed up and down the table as if they thought they might
possibly derive inspiration from the dishes. Tommy and the
ex-Pirate said not a word. Presently the Gopher repeated:
“When is a door not a door?â€
But no one could guess, and after a, few moments more of
anxious and strained silence the Gopher said:
‘“‘T suppose I shall have to tell you. A door is not a door
when it is ajar.â€
The animals fairly roared and shrieked with laughter. They
bellowed and howled and pounded on the table, and the
Gopher became so much affected with appreciation of his
own wit that he fell over backward, and almost stunned a
young Grampus who was trying to get his nose above the
table to see what it was all about. Tommy had never real-
ized before what the expression “ to roar with laughter †really
‘““THE ANIMALS ROARED WITH LAUGHTER AT THE GOPHER’S JOKEâ€
~
; 7
. . . .
: -
. ‘
A PORTION OF THE EX-PIRATE’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY 165
signified, and he concluded he never wanted to experience such
a realization again. The noise was so great that he had to
put his fingers to his ears. When the merriment had partially
subsided, the little boy leaned over to the ex-Pirate and said:
“T have heard that joke before; haven’t you?â€
“Indeed I have,†answered the ex-Pirate, “ many a time.â€
“Tt’s an awfully old one, isn’t it?â€
“J always suspected it was first gotten off in the Ark,†said
the ex-Pirate, shaking his head knowingly; “but I did not
know the Gopher was responsible for it.â€
By this time the animals had recovered themselves, and
some were shouting to the Gopher for more jokes. He got
up and protested that he did not know any more; and then,
suddenly pointing to the ex-Pirate, he exclaimed:
“He's a funny one. He can recite things!â€
Thereupon the animals all gazed at the ex-Pirate, and the
Lion said, ‘“ Recite things!â€
The ex-Pirate never needed much urging to do this sort of
thing, and so when Tommy whispered to him to read the sev-
enteenth chapter of his autobiography which he knew his
friend had in his pocket, and of which the little boy had only
heard the first few lines, the ex-Pirate arose, and, bowing in
his usual way to all his hearers, he pulled his manuscript from
his coat and began to read:
“*The following day the sun rose up as usual from the East,
The sea was calm, the sky was clear, the stormy winds had ceased ;
The Black Avenger sped along before a gentle breeze,
And the starboard watch loafed on the deck in true piratic ease.
166 TOMMY TODDLES
I took my breakfast down below, and when I came on deck
I looked about, and far away I saw a little speck
Upon the blue horizon, and I knew it was a sail,
For, in matters of this nature, my eyesight could not fail.
I called my swarthy Bo’s’N, and I said to him, said I:
“If we don’t overtake that ship, I’ll know the reason why;
If we don’t overtake her ere the sun shines overhead
I’ll cut the whiskers off the crew before I go to bed!â€
The Bo’s’N nodded cheerfully and swore a fearful oath,
(He called upon the Sun and Moon, and scandalized them both,
And then he hitched his trousers up and piped his whistle shrill,
And made the loafing pirates heave the halyards with a will.
The Black Avenger sped along and ploughed the boiling sea,
The rigging creaked, the sails stood out, the foam flew fast and
free. :
The pirates gathered on the deck and buckled on their swords, .
Rolled up their sleeves, and combed their beards, and spoke pi-
ratic words.
But suddenly the Bo’s’N came a-rushing up to me,
His face was pale, his nose was red, he spoke: “Good sir,†said
he,
“Yon vessel is from SWITZERLAND, and, verily, I fear
We'll find she is not what she seems, as soon as we get near;
She looks to me as though she might—might be a privateer!â€
(But when he found she wasn't one, he shed a private tear.)
Said I: “Load up the cannons, boys, with ten- pound cannon-
balls ;
I care not what yon ship may be, into my hands she falls!
We'll take her, and we'll take her guns, her captain, and her crew,
Her cook, her cabin steward, and her precious cargo, too!’
So the GUNNER and the GUNNER’sS MATE they lifted up the hatch,
And they called upon the pirates who formed the starboard watch
‘SHE LOOKS TO ME AS THOUGH SHE MIGHT—MIGHT BE A PRIVATEER’ â€
: : -
; ; = a
eae . ,
sed ‘
A PORTION OF THE EX-PIRATE’'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY 169
To help them lift the cannon-balls from out the magazine
Where all the cannon-balls were kept, wrapped up in bombazine.
But presently the GUNNER’S MaTE came rushing to the rail,
His hair was standing up on end, his face was very pale,
He cried: “ Oh, CAPTAIN, woe is me, no cannon-balls are left;
Of shot and shell of every kind the magazine's bereft!
There’s not a piece of shrapnel, no canister or grape,
There’s not enough of buckshot to kill a good-sized ape!â€
The Bo’s’N, who stood near at hand, gazed sadly at us both,
And then he pulled his pistols out and swore a mighty oath:
“How shall we take yon SWITZER ship,†he said, “ without a shell ?â€
“We've got to fight,†I answered him. “Won't cheese do just
as well?â€
For, two days previously, you know, we met a brigantine
From AMSTERDAM for ZULULAND, by name the Bandolzne,
And in her hold she carried a fine cargo, if you please,
Consisting of a hundred thousand dozen EDAm cheese.
We took a hundred dozen and stowed them on the poop
Between the after cannon and the CaPTaIn’s chicken-coop.
(The crew had used the cheeses and some bottles from the galley
The day before to improvise a sort of bowling-alley.)
Said I: “We'll take these Epam cheese and put them in the
guns,
And shoot them at the SWITZER ship until she sinks or runs;
For surely such proceedings will be worse than shot or shell,
Just think of being A4z¢ with cheese—say nothing of the smell!â€
The pirates laughed and vowed my scheme would give them lots
of fun;
And soon a big, red, round, Dutch cheese was rammed in every
gun.
It was not long before the Black Avenger came abreast
And hailed the ship from SWITZERLAND with true piratic zest;
170 TOMMY TODDLES
But not a SWITZER said a word, nor made they any sign,
But all the sailors on the ship were ranged along in line,
And leaned upon the starboard rail, with sunken, pallid cheeks,
As though they had not tasted food for six or seven weeks.
The swarthy Bo’s’N hailed again, and as no answer came
The GUNNER’S MATE averred it was high time to start the game.
I spoke the word, and seven guns all loaded up with cheese
We fired at the SwITZER ship as nicely as you please;
And then a second volley went, and soon again a third,
And when the smoke had cleared away we saw what had occurred.
Each cheese had hit the SWITZER ship and flattened on her decks,
The SWITZER men were wading in the cheese up to their necks.
THE SAILORS... LEANED UPON THE STARBOARD RAILâ€
A PORTION OF THE EX-PIRATE’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY 173
We waited then to see what sort of fighting they would make,
And. wondered how much cheese these SWITZER sailor-men could
take.
But as we waited silence came all o’er the SWITZER craft,
And not a seaman seemed to move, or forward or abaft.
I called the Bo’s’N to the bridge, and “ Take the gig,†said I;
“Go board yon ship, where ail is still, and learn the reason why.â€
The Bo’s’N quick got in the gig with sixteen of the crew,
He took along a cannon and an EDAM cheese or two,
And half an hour he was gone, then slowly rowed he back;
He said to me: “Good CapTaln,†he sobbed, “alas, alack!
Upon that floating vessel there’s no one left to fight;
There’s not a living creature, not a living thing in sight.
No man remains to give reply to any kind of question:
The SWITZERS ate up all the cheese—and died of indigestion.†’â€
There was another great demonstration of approval as soon
as the ex-Pirate had concluded, but Tommy paid little atten-
tion to the noise this time, because he had become somewhat
accustomed to it.
“You see,†said the ex-Pirate, apologetically, “I could not
very well read anything like that —all about cheese —in the
presence of the Welsh-Rabbit ; could I?â€
“ Of course not,†agreed Tommy ; “ but is it true that—â€
“T say,†interrupted the Gopher, leaning in front of Tom-
my and addressing himself to the ex-Pirate; “I know an-
other joke now. I know what the Bo’s’n said to the Gun-
ners Mate when he told him to shoot at the ship.â€
“Well, what did he tell him?†asked the ex-Pirate, incau-
tiously.
g
174 TOMMY TODDLES
“Cheese it!†shouted the Gopher, who was immediately
seized with such a violent fit of laughter that he fell under the
table, and almost buried himself under the pile of broken soup-
plates.
CHAPTER XXI
A GAME OF BUMPOLUMP
THE ex-Pirate very good-naturedly put his head under the
table and pulled the Gopher out from the pile of débris and
broken crockery. The little beast did not appear to have
suffered any injury beyond tearing a gash in his pink sun-
bonnet, and as soon as he had resumed his place at the table
he looked about him and smiled just as if nothing had hap-
pened.
“You don’t seem to mind your fall a bit,†remarked the
_ Sheep, somewhat surprised.
“Oh, I don’t mind it at all,†answered the Gopher, com-
placently.
“T thought you would be dreadfully cut up,†put in the
ex-Pirate.
“So did I, at first,†continued the Gopher; “but only my
sun-bonnet got cut, and that was badly cut in the beginning
anyway, so that this extra slash does not make any particular
difference. And what do you suppose I saw under the table?â€
“ Feet,†said the ex-Pirate, at a venture.
“That’s pretty good for a first guess,’ retorted the Go-
pher; “but I saw something else.â€
176 TOMMY TODDLES
“What did you see?†quickly asked Tommy, who was
beginning to feel that he had been out of the conversation
quite long enough.
“T saw It,†answered the Gopher.
“You don’t say so!†exclaimed the Sheep.
“Indeed I did. Do you want to play a game?â€
“Certainly. I’m getting awfully tired of sitting here,
Let’s play a game.â€
“1 wish you would explain,†broke in Tommy. ‘“ You are
talking about all sorts of things, and I can’t understand a
word. What is this all about? What is it the Gopher saw
under the. table ?â€
“Why, he saw It,†answered the ex-Pirate.
“Well, what is that ?†asked Tommy.
“Don’t. you know what’ It is?†exclaimed the ex-Pirate,
his eyes opening very wide with surprise.
“No, I don’t,†replied the little boy, bluntly, ‘and I wish
you would. explain.â€
“ Goodness!†gasped the Gopher. ‘Where did you come
from? Did not you ever play any games?â€
“ Certainly,†said the little boy; ‘but what has that to do
with it?â€
“You could not very well play any games without It,†in-
sisted the Gopher. :
“Tt,†declared the ex-Pirate very slowly and impressively,
“is the one that runs after you when you are playing tag,
and the one that hides his face and shuts his eyes when you
play hide-and-go-seek.â€
““*MY LIFE IS ONE LONG PURSUIT OF 1E UNATTAINABLE’ â€
A GAME OF BUMPOLUMP 179
“Qh, D’ve played those games lots of times,†said Tommy.
“Then you must have seen It,†put in the Sheep.
“ Never,†said Tommy.
“ Flow did you play, then?†asked the ex-Pirate.
“One of us was It, of course,†explained Tommy; “and
when he caught another, the other was It.â€
“How funny,†said the Gopher. “Why, with us It is
always It. That’s the fun of the game.â€
“ Of course it is,’ added the ex-Pirate. “I don’t see how
you could play without It. We had an It on board the Black
Avenger, and we used to play tag for exercise when we were
becalmed. But one day, in a storm, It was washed over-
board, and we had to go without playing games all the rest
of the voyage.â€
“ How stupid of you!†remarked Tommy. ‘Why did not
you take turns being It?â€
“Never thought of such a thing,†admitted the ex-Pirate,
frankly. “You will explain to us how it is done, some time,
won’t you?â€
“Why, of course,’
simple.â€
“Ts it simpler than dominoes ?†inquired the Gopher. “TI
never could understand dominoes. You see, there’s no It in
that, and that makes it so complicated.â€
“Yes, the lack of an It complicates games very much,â€
said the ex-Pirate. “But let us play an easy game now. Go
down and butt him out from under the table,†he added,
turning to the Sheep.
’
,
replied Tommy. “I’m sure it’s very
180 TOMMY TODDLES
The latter obligingly jumped to the floor and disappeared
under the table. A few moments later Tommy heard a
thump, followed by a whizzing sound, and then a queer-look-
ing something sped out from under the table and slid along
the floor as though it had been shot out of a catapult.
“That’s It,’ said the Gopher, unconcernedly. And then
they all got up and walked over to where a new sort of a queer
creature, such as Tommy had never seen before, was getting
itself together after its encounter with the Sheep’s head.
Tommy took in the peculiar features of the new-comer as
carefully and completely as he had taken in the other unusual
events of the day.
It was an undersized being that walked on two legs, and
corresponded somewhat to the little boy’s idea of what a
dwarf ought to be, except that Tommy had always thought
of dwarfs as being round and fat, whereas this creature was
exceedingly thin, almost bony, “ by reason of his constantly
playing games,†explained the ex-Pirate. Its head went up
almost to a point, on top of which grew a little tuft of hair,
which Tommy at first took to be a small fur cap; and the
utter lack of expression in his pallid face betokened that It
had no understanding whatever beyond his own sphere of
utility.
“ Perhaps that’s why he is willing to be It all the time,â€
thought Tommy. ‘I’m sure he does not look as if he knew
enough to object.â€
By this time the Sheep had rejoined the group and was
ready to play.
A GAME OF BUMPOLUMP 181
“T don’t want to play any game of chance,†said the ex-
Pirate when the Gopher asked what it should be.
“No; we won’t have any game of chance,â€
Sheep.
“T don’t see how you could,†ventured Tommy, “if It is
inthe game. It strikes me that if It is always It, there is no
chance for him.â€
“ Of course not,†answered the ex-Pirate; “there’s no chance
for him ever. But we don’t consider him. We take all the
agreed the
chances.â€
Tommy did not understand, but this was nothing new to
him, and he consented to play anything that would please the
rest.
They decided to have a game of Bumpolump. It took the
ex-Pirate fully fifteen minutes to explain to the little boy how
Bumpolump was played, and even then Tommy never got a
clear idea of it, and was unable to give his Uncle Dick the
slightest explanation of how it was done, except that It had
an inordinate amount of running about to do, while the others
seemed to get all the fun. And at the end everybody got a
prize except It.
“T should not think you would like this,†said Tommy to
It, sympathetically.
“T don’t,†answered It. “I’ve gotten quite beyond that.
My life is one long pursuit of the unattainable. How does it
feel to succeed ?â€
Tommy, not knowing just what to say under the circum-
stances, hesitated; but before he could reply It continued:
182 TOMMY. TODDLES
“You see, I always apparently succeed in all I do—just as
in Bumpolump—but I never enjoy the fruits of success. The
others always get the prizes, and I have to start all over again.
Some day—â€
But just then an Ibex came along, and saying “ Excuse
me†to Tommy, he butted It up to the other end of the.
room, where a lot of little Ibexes and Zebus immediately be-
gan to hop about, apparently playing some game with It, who
was laboring with his utmost energy.
CHAPTER XXII
THE LION’S DISPLEASURE
TOMMY stared for some minutes at the antics of the Ibexes,
and then turned to the ex-Pirate.
“ How very odd!†he remarked.
“Very,†assented the other. “ Aren’t you beginning to feel
sert of queer?â€
“JT don’t notice any motion at all,†replied Tommy.
“T don’t mean ¢hat,†said the ex-Pirate, looking re-
proachfully at the little boy. ‘ But, personally, I am_be-
ginning to become affected by all these animals. I al-
most feel as though I could become a second Abou-Ben-
Din.†:
‘“A second Abou-Ben-Din ?â€
“Yes,†continued the ex-Pirate, scarcely noticing the inter-
ruption. “ But I hardly think it would pay. I doubt if there
are any other craft hereabouts.â€
“What are you mumbling about, anyway?†asked Tom-
my.
“JT was not mumbling at all. I was thinking of Abou-Ben-
Din. Zhere was a pirate for you!â€
“JT never heard of Abou-Ben-Din,†said Tommy. “I’ve
184 TOMMY TODDLES
read about Captain Kidd and the Dey of Algiers, and lots of
others—but that’s all.â€
“Well, if you had allowed me to read the first sixteen
chapters of my autobiography,’ exclaimed the ex- Pirate,
becoming somewhat excited, as he always did when the
subject of his autobiography came up, “you would have
known all about Abou-Ben-Din by this time. He was a
Hindoo.â€
“ But can’t you tell me about him now, just as well?†plead-
ed the little boy, anxious to get another pirate story.
“T might,†answered the ex-Pirate, meditatively—‘I might.
It is a favorite story of mine, but I don’t think this is very
good company to tell it in.â€
“Why is not it?â€
But before the ex-Pirate could answer, the Lion arose and
roared so fiercely that the rafters shook, and many of the
birds fell from their perches.
“What does this mean?†he growled. ‘What does all
this skylarking signify ?â€
“T’m not doing anything,†put in the Skylark.
“Shut up,†continued the Lion, even more fiercely. “This
banquet has not been adjourned yet. Why are so many of
you standing and running about? Everybody sit down! I
want you to understand that this is a continuous performance
—booked for forty days and forty nights—and if some one
does not perform pretty soon, ll take a hand in the enter-
tainment myself!â€
Everybody knew what that meant. There was only one
THE LION’S DISPLEASURE 185
kind of entertainment that the Lion knew anything about,
and that was eating. He was very good at that, and he cast
his eyes about on the smaller animals gathered at the board.
But the warning was sufficient; there was a grand rush for
seats again, and a general inclination to be entertaining was
displayed by all. Tommy and his companions got their old
places, but the Gopher was so frightened that he retained his
seat with difficulty, and he trembled so that he was unable
to keep his sun-bonnet on straight.
In the meantime the Lion was scowling and waiting for
some one to volunteer. No one appeared inclined to do so.
His eyes finally fell on the shaking Gopher, and he said,
grimly,
“Don’t you know another joke ?â€
The poor little animal almost fainted with fright, and for
lack of a better inspiration he pointed at the ex-Pirate and
gasped,
“ He knows dots of things!â€
And so the King of Beasts, who was rapidly losing patience,
glared at the ex-Pirate and roared,
“Do something !â€
The ex-Pirate hesitated; but Tommy, who was not feel-
ing at all comfortable, whispered :
‘Give them Abou-Ben-Din!â€
“ That’s a pretty risky thing to do,†answered his neighbor;
“but I guess I shall have to. I can’t think of anything else.â€
And so he arose in his customary way and bowed to all.
The smaller animals appeared very much relieved, and looked
186 TOMMY ‘LODDLES
gratefully toward him who had so gallantly come to the
rescue at this critical juncture of the feast.
When the murmurs of approval had ceased the ex-Pirate
announced that he would recite another selection from his
autobiography entitled,
THE BALLAD OF ABOU-BEN-DIN
“Oh, there’s many a tale that I like to tell,
And many a yarn to spin,
But there's none I love one-half so well
As the story of ABOU-BEN-DIN.
“For ABOU-BEN-DIN was a terrible man,
A blood-thirsty wretch through and through;
A pirate on quite an original plan,
And he captained a terrible crew.
“Not a man did he have on his swift-sailing craft,
But a hundred and ten wild beasts,
That snarled on the deck while AxBov stood aft,
And steered them toward movable feasts.
“For all day the brutes, with eyes opened wide,
Would eagerly watch for a sail,
And as soon as their vessel was brought alongside
They would swarm like rats o’er the rail.
THE LION’S DISPLEASURE 187
“Then after the lions and tigers had dined,
Old ABovu would visit the ship,
To collect all the booty and goods he could find
Then drive his beasts back with a whip.
“Thus it soon came to pass that the sailors were few
Who would sail in the India seas,
Where ABou-BEN-DIN and his man-eating crew
Were eager and ready to seize.
“But 7 was no coward, and none of my crew
Had ever been known to show fear;
So I said, ‘We will capture this nautical Zoo ;
Toward ABOU-BEN-DIn let us steer!’
“The men all agreed, and we started that day
With cheering and waving of caps;
And down in the hold I had hidden away
A hundred and fifty steel traps.
“These were brought up on deck as soon as we spied
Old Asou-BEN-D1n and his ship,
And were set and all covered with sawdust to hide
The teeth that were ready to grip.
“Then the men went below and closed down the hatch,
While I clambered up on the mast,
Where, safe from the lions, twas easy to watch
What happened from first to the last.
188 TOMMY TODDLES
“Well, the pirate approached. He came alongside,
And the beasts all scrambled aboard ;
And IJ never have heard such cries as they cried,
Or such terrible roars as they roared.
“Each lion was caught, and he couldn’t get free,
Each trap held an animal fast;
And the way that they struggled was fearful to see—
And J saw it all from the mast.
“But ABOU-BEN-DIN merely gazed in dismay,
And when he knew what had occurred,
He plunged in the sea, and sank straightaway,
Without ever speaking a word.
“ Aye, there’s many a tale that I ltke to tell,
And many a yarn to spin,
But there's none I love one-half so well
As the story of ABOU-BEN-DIN!â€
There was a dead silence when the ex-Pirate finished his
recital, and Tommy noticed that the Lions and Tigers were
shifting about restlessly in their chairs. He turned quickly.
to the Gopher, and said, in low tones,
“They don’t seem to like it.â€
“T’m afraid it was a trifle personal,†answered the Gopher.
“Perhaps we had better retire,†suggested the ex-Pirate,
prudently.
“Where can we go?†asked Tommy.
“Vou can go to the Dogs,†said the Gopher.
“Vou must not talk like that,†observed Tommy, sharply.
SPH EX-PIRATE JUMPED UPON THE TABLE AND FIRED â€
THE LION’S DISPLEASURE 19]
He had heard his Uncle Dick use that expression before, and
it shocked him a little.
“Why not?†exclaimed the Gopher. “The Dogs are all
right, even if they are down below. They might be of some
assistance to us if the Lions get ugly.â€
“Oh!†exclaimed the little boy; but before he could say
any more the Lion coughed very fiercely, and spoke to the
ex-Pirate.
“«“ How many Lions and Tigers did you say there were on
board of that ship?â€
“ About a hundred and ten, I reckon,†answered the ex-
Pirate.
“One hundred and ten,†repeated the Lion, slowly. “And
you gathered them all in?â€
“We did. Every single one.†The ex-Pirate’s reckless-
ness staggered Tommy and the Gopher. Then the Lion
growled: :
“That being the case, I think I shall have to gather you
in.†. And he arose, followed by the Tigers, and began to ap-
proach the ex-Pirate and the little boy. The Gopher became
so alarmed that he dropped under the table and was never
seen again. Tommy was so scared that he could not move.
‘But the ex-Pirate jumped upon the table, and, drawing both
his pistols from his belt, aimed them at the approaching
beasts and fired.
The flash, the bang, and the smoke caused Tommy to close
his eyes tightly for a second, and he felt as though his heart
had leaped into his throat.
192 TOMMY TODDLES
When he opened them again he was sitting on the window-
seat in his own room, and his mother was standing in the -
doorway.
“You must not leave the door and the windows open at
the same time, Tommy,†she was saying. ‘That causes a
draught and makes the door slam. Get ready for supper; it
is nearly tea-time.â€
THE END
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